If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

Whenever we get together for an episode of Agents In Action, I often ask myself “what is it I should share this time?”  I have been devouring several books these past few weeks, and one of them jumped out as the obvious answer for this conversation.  I realized, without one’s ability to do this effectively...especially someone in sales...it can be a long uphill climb that leads to endless frustration.  It’s a great book by Mark Victor Hansen & Jack Canfield called “The Aladdin Factor” The book focuses on a skill that arguably, is the absolute foundation for the results we have, not only in business, life itself.  It’s all about learning how to be “masters of the lamp” as the authors call it...having the ability to...simply put...yet easier said than done...just ask.

As I was reading the book, it hit me between the eyes how this simple idea is so important to be aware of in our lives.  As you know, my focus is always searching for ways to chunk it down to the simplest ways I can help the agents I work with get to that next level.  I trust discussing this will help you gain a new perspective and allow you to make the adjustments in your approach to have more success.  When you think about it...we are asking for one thing or another at one time or another - all the time!  Step back and take notice...how much of our day involves some form of “asking”.  Sometimes, (I would even suggest most of the time) we have a hard time asking in general.  If we do, often it’s not for exactly what we really want to see happen.  Why?  The obvious - fear of judgment, rejection and embarrassment to name a few.  We lack confidence, worry about what someone’s response will be to us fully expressing ourselves.  When we really focus our attention on this, we quickly realize how often this takes place on a daily basis.  What impact is it having on your life and business?  Your family and loved ones? The causes you are behind?  It’s almost as if we’re living in self-imposed prison with bars we can’t necessarily see, and worse, don’t even feel the limitations after we’ve become accustomed to living inside these parameters we’ve set for ourselves.

I'd bet this is the underlying fuel that feeds many agents resistance the essential activity of lead generation. At its core, prospecting/lead generation is “asking”  If you are uncomfortable asking, concerned about all the stories rolling around in your mind, if you’re vulnerable to allowing yourself to become emotional and attached to the outcome...then yes...any kind of “asking” will cause you to pause or avoid what you perceive to be pain...remember, we will do more to avoid pain than gain pleasure.  If this is you, how can you create new associations to lead gen or prospecting?  It’s what we focus on that expands.  Once again, let’s really go back and get connected with our purpose, our passion, and work to reverse these self-defeating habits.

One thing I have always fallen back on is how passionate I have been to have a BIG vision for how I desire my life to be.  Maybe I am lucky or just too foolish to know otherwise...I have always been a HUGE dreamer and allowed myself to buy into the concept of having dreams and that they can come true if you’re willing to take action and do what’s necessary to achieve them.  I just believe it’s possible.  Generally speaking...there’s two groups of people...those that believe all things are possible...and the other that doubts and dwells on why nothing will probably work out anyway.  Something else that has helped me keep healthy mindset is this well-known verse about “Ask and you shall receive” and the other that's so powerful is...ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Here’s what’s interesting and yet likely overlooked,  even if you don't ask… you still receive.  The difference here is when we don’t “ask” it doesn’t mean we avoid the situation or conflict entirely, we automatically eliminate any possibilities, and we receive nothing...that’s still something.  After years of behaving this way,  we become resolute and no longer recognize this is abnormal… it becomes the norm and as a result...unfortunately,  the majority of people are living quiet lives of despair.

In real estate, we are always involved in asking for something to bring our deals together or create new ones. Let's bring our attention to how much of our daily existence is heavily involved in asking.  Again, why it’s so important to become comfortable with this or you’re going to have stressed all the time. We

Ask for the signed listing or buyer representation agreement.

Ask for a prospect's contact information, phone and email address.

Ask your buyer if they are interested in writing an offer.

Ask to meet at a time that works best for your schedule.

Ask for a price reduction.

Ask your clients to work with terms that may not be optimal for them.

Ask a seller to pay 6% listing fee.

Asking for a different sales price, aka negotiating.

Asking the photographer to meet on Tuesday instead of Wednesday.

Ask the lender to get loan documents in one day early.

Ask the title company or escrow officer to meet a client at a certain time or location.

Ask another agent for a favor your client needs during the transaction.

Ask your broker for a different compensation package.

Ask the inspector to speak with your clients about a finding in the report.

Ask your transaction coordinator to handle a situation differently the next time.

That’s just business...imagine everything that takes place in our personal time.

It’s ongoing and never ending...we have to really learn how to ask for what we want without struggling, and all the anxiety that comes into play or we’re going to avoid it.

Let’s look at some ways you can begin to be “masters of the lamp” as you mentioned the authors teach in the book.

Sure,  Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen give these seven characteristics that people that are “masters of the lamp” posses.  (Go ahead and give yourself a rating 1-10)

1. They know what they want.

2. They believe they are worth receiving it.

3. They believe they can get it.

4. They are passionate about it.

5. They take action in the face of fear.

6. They learn from their experiences.

7. They are persistent.

What are a few actions steps you’d suggest someone can take to become more comfortable with this whole process of just learning how to be “ok” with asking?

1. Raise your awareness - Get a copy of the book, study it and make it a lifestyle.  They share stories in the book...it’s amazing what can come from just learning how to effectively ask in your life.  What’s neat is it’s not just your life that improves, you can have a positive impact on your community.

2. Step forward, not around - You know the feeling...that awkwardness in your stomach or the little voice that says “stop...donot go there...you remember what happened last time.” Now, step forward directly into the face of fear and ask.

3. Be clear - If you’re going to ask, it may as well be for exactly what you want.  There’s no point it is going that far to still come up short of what it is you really wanted to see take place.  Mean what you say and say what you mean. Don’t leave it to assumption - you know that never turns out well.

4. Detach from the outcome - Ask and let go.  What happens, happens.  We’ve all heard it many times before...focus on what you can control - the asking.  From there, it’s all going to work out as it’s supposed to anyway.  Just ask - that in itself is going to free you up from harboring all the “I wish I would've” in your life.

5. Practice - Work on making what's uncomfortable, comfortable. Everything worthwhile will require some kind of change, adjustment or tweaking.  That’s a part of the process.  Figure out what works, what didn’t and keep moving forward.  Be sure to keep in mind it’s a process, so, don’t have unrealistic expectations.  Asking doesn’t mean you will get everything you want.  It means you will position yourself to get more of what you do want vs. settling for the self-defeating rejection we’re looking to avoid.

You know, we all have those sayings we take with us as kids into our adult years...one I remember and practice to this day is one I learned as a young kid...that was…” you may aswell ask because if you don’t...the answer is no anyway”  So, if I don’t ask...I said no to myself by not asking, and if I do, there’s a chance I may get a yes.  If you find you do this, stop saying no to yourself and assuming what the outcome will be.  Put it out there!  In the coming days, let’s make a point of being more aware of times we may avoid asking for what we wish to bring into our reality and begin living life more freely.