105: Taking Responsibility For Your Life, with Kristy Arnett

Welcome to this of The Sex, Money and Food podcast! Do you see a connection between emotional IQ and playing poker professionally? There is a link and our guest has found it. Kristy Arnett is an emotional intelligence (EQ) coach and a professional poker player.

 

Today she joins us to talk about that link, how she utilizes her ability to read others and their ability to read her and how she coaches people on taking calculated risks in their lives to achieve the dreams they desire most. Listen in for that and more on episode 105 of Sex, Money and Food.

 

More About This Show

Kristy Arnett got into poker back in 2003, about the same time so many others did either playing at home or playing online. She’s always been competitive so when the guys on her college soccer team started playing she joined them, which is also how she met her husband.

 

In her senior year of college they moved to Vegas and she began reporting on soccer and then playing professionally. Today she plays professionally while also being an EQ coach, a writer and a podcaster.  

 

On this episode she discloses her ninja trick: she knows while she's reading other poker players they are reading her! Her talent is a combination of reading people, being aware of how people perceive her along playing for more than a decade and working hard at the game. She also remains a student and is always learning and staying ahead of the curve.

 

One of the biggest lessons she learned wasn’t at the poker table however, it was in her marriage. When they met he was 22, and she was 19. They’ve now been together for 12 years, and have grown up together. They’ve also changed a lot in that time.

 

But there came a moment when it wasn’t working, for either of them. She says we all have moments in our lives when we get feedback and she got feedback that her husband wasn't happy in their marriage. She admits she was blind to a lot of things and ignored a lot of things.

When she found out he had had an affair she knew it was a chance for her to look around at what she had created, and assess what she really wanted out of her life and her marriage. She had to figure out how to be the person she wanted and needed to be to crawl out of that devastating situation.

 

The first thing that moved her healing along was when she asked herself how can I take responsibility here? While that may seem counterintuitive and perhaps even controversial, it was the question that opened up an opportunity for both of them to heal.

 

She knew she could blame him for all of it and take all the victimhood and the attention that goes along with it, but she knew the way to freedom in any situation is to ask how can I take responsibility for what has happened, even if it’s just a little bit of responsibility?

 

When she did that it started her road to healing and freedom; she could see clearly how she had contributed.

 

For a long time he suffered from depression and she was so removed from vulnerability or softness that she didn't know how to be there for him. She grew up with a “tiger mom” who didn't give hugs and didn't talk about feelings.

 

So when her husband repeatedly told her he felt like she never listened to him she would be defensive and push him away and make him feel wrong.

 

As soon as she understood her part and took responsibility, they were able to have an open dialogue and talk about their future together. Doing so allowed them both to forgive themselves and each other, to start the healing process.

 

Today she's grateful for taking responsibility in that experience because it's helped them to change the course of their marriage and their lives together. It brought everything up in a way so that they had nothing to lose. They were able to get everything out in the open. Their relationship is in an even better place now and she's a better person for having been through that.

On this episode she explains why there is so much possibility and opportunity in any devastating moment, why we must always remember our partner is choosing us and we are choosing them, even in a marriage.

 

We lighten up the discussion by also talking about playing professional poker and how it's like the stock market; Kristy explains how she knows what she's earning and the work she does to prepare for playing. And she describes the audio guide meant to be a tool to use when you're stuck, and how you can get it for free. Watch, listen and learn on today’s Sex, Money and Food episode with Kristy Arnett!

 

Tweetable: “In any devastating moment there is possibility.” - Kristy Arnett

Kristy Answers The Questions

 

Q: Rank the following in order: Sex, Money, Food?

A: I knew you’d ask that and I knew it’d be an in-the-moment answer. It’s sex, food then money. The reason sex is on the table right now is my husband and I are trying to make a baby, and it’s that time if you know what I mean!

 

Q: There is nothing better in life than…

A: Love! Everything that is worth having, everything that is worth working for is an extension of ourselves looking to be loved and looking to love people.

 

Q: What does  “reading people” smell like to you?

A: Oh! That’s a really great question because there’s something so succulent about being able to read someone and to know what they are saying without them saying it. I guess if you’re asking for an actual smell one of the most succulent smells is a sizzling steak.

Episode Resources

• Kristy Arnett’s website
• Kristy Arnett on Twitter
• My episode on WTF Am I Doing With My Life?
• WTF Am I Doing With My Life? podcast
• Kristy’s audio guide gift for you
• DoTerra’s Emotional Aromatherapy Kit
• Connect with me on Instagram
• Sign up for my Five Day Self-love Challenge
• Follow me on Twitter
• Subscribe to the Sex Money and Food Podcast on iTunes