N: Nipples, Nuclear Threats, New Year's Resolutions…
Alphabetizing Your Life
Harry Styles has four nipples (a.k.a. nollywobbles), you’ve been saying Nevada wrong your entire life and your mattress could be key to surviving doomsday.
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M: Monkey Jesus, Miracle Berries, Munchausen Syndrome…
Alphabetizing Your Life
Non-consenting taste bud violation is a real thing, destroying a historical masterpiece could score you lucrative merchandising rights, and 41% of Americans — Joshua included — believe humans and dinosaurs “definitely or probably” coexisted on Earth.
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L: Last Meals, Lower Case Letters, Lysol…
Alphabetizing Your Life
Your grandmother used to pump poison into her lady bits, left-handed people are oft vilified (and we’re no exception) and you should probably be washing your legs more than you think… maybe.
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K: Killer Bees, KFC, Kitty Litter…
Alphabetizing Your Life
Koalas will throw your ass out of a tree if you reject their advances, China’s taking all of our chicken and killer bees really dislike evening wear and nice jewelry.
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J: Jaywalking, Jalapeños, Judge Judy...
Alphabetizing Your Life
Replace your morning OJ with a handful of jalapeños, get your affairs in order because there’s a high probability you’ll shit the bed on January 1st and all hail Judge Judy, mistress of justice and money.
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I: International Space Station, Ice Pick Lobotomy, Immaculate Conception...
Alphabetizing Your Life
Our early astronauts dealt with a lot of crap — literally, a majority of Iceland doesn’t not believe in mystical elves living in their rocks and boulders and if you were crazy in 1950 someone might shove an ice pick into your eye socket.
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H: Honeybees, Hamsters, Helium…
Alphabetizing Your Life
Your family hamster in inbred, it literally rains fish in Honduras and honeybees are into puke-play.
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G: Galileo, Gummy Bears, GPS...
Alphabetizing Your Life
Galileo’s fingers were stolen from his 100-year-old corpse, giraffes aren’t gay, they’re just curious, and hating gingers is a millenniums-old tradition.
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F: Flat Earth, Flatulence, Flamingos...
Alphabetizing Your Life
Flatulence and acoustics go hand-in-hand, there was a society who'd throw their dead loved ones into trees and the FDA may be trying to kill us all.
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E: Exoplanets, Eyelash Parasites, Enemas…
Alphabetizing Your Life
Most Europeans were once cannibals, licking your elbow doesn’t make you special and your eyelashes are being assaulted by millions of mites.
info_outlineKoalas will throw your ass out of a tree if you reject their advances, China’s taking all of our chicken and killer bees really dislike evening wear and nice jewelry.
Scott and Joshua also kvetch about kitty litter, KFC, kosher, knock on wood, kiwis and words that start with “kn.”