Episode 313: Helen's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today's guest, Catherine, says that in many ways, she grieved for her daughter, Helen, not once but twice. The grieving began after she suffered complications during delivery, which led to seizures that began shortly after birth and multiple medical complications. Catherine grieved for the life she had hoped and dreamed of for Helen. Then, fourteen years later, Catherine's grief started fresh when Helen died unexpectedly in her sleep. Although Catherine says that she grieved Helen twice, Helen's 14 years were not years full of sadness and grief. They were joy-filled years. Catherine loved...
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Episode 312: Jeannine's Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Belief expansion. As they navigate life, all adults develop a core set of beliefs. When tragedy strikes, sometimes these core beliefs can be shaken. Some grieving people lose their sense of spirituality, while others gain a deeper, stronger faith after experiencing trauma. Dave was trained as a therapist, but nothing in his training prepared him for his 18-year-old daughter, Jeannine's cancer diagnosis and death. He grew up in the Christian church with some Christian traditions, but Dave's core values and beliefs were grounded in science. Dave realized in the months and years after Jeannine's...
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Episode 311: Denver's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Near the end of today's interview, my guest, Miranda, said one of the most beautiful sentences that I have ever heard from a bereaved mom, especially one who is only 9 months into her grief journey. Miranda said, "Denver's death is going to be my reason, not my excuse - my reason to get up, my reason to do, my reason to survive, and my reason to love." Denver was a happy, healthy toddler who had just celebrated his first birthday when he died from accidental suffocation while he slept. His birthday theme just weeks before had been 'One Happy Dude,’ so Miranda and her family used the...
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Episode 310: Juniper's Mom & Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When today's guests, Andy and Kristen, lost their almost 2-year-old daughter due to complications after a seizure 2 years ago, their lives completely changed. There was life before Juniper died, and there was life after Juniper died. Before Juniper died, they had two young girls in daycare. Days after Juniper died, their older daughter, Macie, started public school, and Juniper was gone. There was no longer a need for a daycare. They were suddenly navigating a world where they were bereaved parents. It was as if they were suddenly living in an alternative universe. Years before Juniper's...
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Episode 309: Michael & Logan's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
I have often said that different people grieve differently. Today's guest, Lori, adds a new twist to that statement. She lost two of her four sons almost 30 years apart from each other, and she is grieving so much differently now than she did the first time around, showing that the same person can grieve similar losses differently as well. The stories of Michael and Logan's deaths are far different. Michael died at age 2 of an aggressive type of cancer called neuroblastoma. He died after 9 months of treatment in his mother's arms at the hospital, which she says gave her time to say goodbye,...
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Episode 308: Finding Respite
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Livestreams with Gwen are back! This week's livestream topic was to be about the fact that we are living in two worlds - longing to live in the past while dealing with our messy lives in the present. I talk about my struggles of missing Andy while trying to be the happy mother-of-the-groom at Valeriano's recent wedding. This conversation quickly morphed into another topic. Respite. First, is it OK to take a break from your grief? And second - where do I find respite when I need a break from my grief? My answers - First - YES! And Second - walks outside in the sunshine, riding in our boat,...
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Episode 307: Johnny, Reggie, and Miah's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Since becoming a bereaved parent, several phrases have irritated me. One of the most bothersome things people say to me is, 'You are so strong. I could never do what you do.' I feel like that suggests they don't think they need to help me—that I can handle everything on my own without assistance. When I first heard about today's guest, Cristi, and the '' method she developed, I wasn't sure if I would like it. However, because Cristi lost not just one, but three children, I thought I should give it a try. After our conversation, all my doubts melted away. When Cristi talks about being...
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Episode 306: Lueza'a Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today's guest, Jody, worked as an actor on Broadway for a year, but nothing had ever prepared her for the role she was required to play after the birth of her firstborn daughter, Lueza. After a completely unremarkable pregnancy, Jody suffered severe complications during childbirth, resulting in significant brain injuries for Baby Lueza. After suffering from horrible seizures as a young infant, they were able to stabilize little Lueza. Once they did so, she began to show a smile that would light up a room. Still, Lueza had significant delays. She could not sit, eat, or talk independently. At...
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Episode 305: Heston's Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When today's guest, Andy, lost his 18-year-old son, Heston, to suicide, he had a lot of time to reflect on life and finding one's purpose. Early in Andy's grief journey, he saw a visual that truly resonated with him. The image was of a framed picture that was completely black. The blackness represented the grief that, early on in one's grief journey, was all-encompassing. The darkness of the grief covered every part of the bereaved person's life. Then, there was a second image of a black rectangle the same size as the first. However, the picture frame was now several times larger, so that the...
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Episode 304: Stu's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today's guest, Jackie, says that her guiding purpose is based on a quote that she has written down and keeps close by. David Viscott wrote, "The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The work of life is to develop it. And the meaning of life is to give your gift away." Jackie says that is exactly how her son, Stu, lived his life and how she works to live her own. Initially, after her amazingly talented, loving son, Stu, died by suicide, she lost herself. Stu had been living his dream life in New York City. He had his own apartment and worked at a job he loved as a barber, cutting...
info_outlineWeddings. Graduations. Births. Empty Nesting. Divorce. No one would ever say that going through a big transition like this is easy. When reviewing my curriculum for my Starlight Virtual Support group this week, I learned that when people go through any rite of passage during life, their bodies require 20-25 minutes of rest three times a day, or they can get sick. Let's take a second and really think about that - we should rest 20-25 minutes three times a day when facing big life changes.
I'm trying to look back to whether I have ever truly put aside time like that when going through big life transitions. I don't think I have. I am quite sure I am not alone in this. We are encouraged to power through and keep going until we fall into bed exhausted at night's end. Now, let's go a step further. When we are grieving and going through additional big transitions in life, is it surprising that we are completely exhausted?
This conversation with Gwen serves as a wake-up call to me, and hopefully, it will do the same for all of you. I am certain that over the past almost 300 episodes of this podcast, I have said countless times how important it is to give yourself grace while you are grieving. Today, I am going to tell you to give yourself double grace when you are going through changes in life.
Are you going through a graduation or planning for children to move off to college? Get help from others. You are more tired than your friends. They likely aren't thinking about the child whose graduation party they will never get to have, or living with the fear that when this child moves off to college, they might never see them again. Give yourself grace. Are you planning a wedding or expecting a new baby in the family? This is awesome and wonderful, but it is still exhausting, and the grief will likely bubble up when you least expect it, while looking at the empty chair in the church or in the eyes of that newborn. Give yourself grace. Are you going through the challenge of divorce? It may bring relief for a new beginning, but you may feel grief as you remember family times together. Give yourself grace.