Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.
info_outline
Episode 292: Keenan's Mom
04/17/2025
Episode 292: Keenan's Mom
I am quite sure I have never spoken with a parent whose child had their own Wikipedia page, but Erin's son, , does. Certainly, when Keenan was born, Erin did not ever imagine that someday, he would become an internet celebrity. From an early age, Erin worried about Keenan and his growth and development. When Keenan was 12 months old, Erin mentioned her concerns to Keenan's pediatrician. Keenan was diagnosed with Mucopolysaccharidosis Type VI. The disease was not curable, but was treatable. He underwent a bone marrow transplant to slow the progression. Erin was told that his life expectancy was between 40 and 60 years, and they should expect medical complications throughout life. Despite these challenges, Keenan wanted to be a regular kid, and Erin worked hard to make him feel that way. When Keenan wanted to play sports, Erin signed him up, although he could never hope to keep up with other kids. Nothing stood in his way. As Keenan started high school, he began playing around with the desktop computer he got for his birthday. He released a hilarious of himself lip-syncing to Katy Perry's song, "Teenage Dream." People loved it, and soon it was played on The Jimmy Kimmel Show. His life changed forever. Keenan was off to do events to entertain people. Celebrities visited their home to be in , but with this newfound fame, many had negative, hurtful comments. Just as Keenan did not let his disease hold him back, he didn't let those hateful comments hold him back either. Eventually, he graduated from college and was able to produce his own music videos. Complications after heart surgery ended Keenan's life in 2022 at the age of 27, far earlier than expected. While the world mourned a Youtuber, Erin mourned her amazing son. As Erin shared his story, I just kept thinking about how he spread joy in his short life. That should inspire all of us, shouldn't it? Despite the grief and pain, we too can spread joy and inspire others. While we may not end up with a Wikipedia page, it will be enough to help spread some happiness or relieve a little pain in those around us.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/36204965
info_outline
Episode 291: Lydia's Mommy
04/10/2025
Episode 291: Lydia's Mommy
When today's guest, Danielle, went into her 21-month-old daughter Lydia's room to wake her from a nap on Christmas Day 2022, she noted how peaceful Lydia looked. She began to gently rub her back to rouse her gradually, but Lydia did not move. Danielle started to jostle her a bit more and soon realized that something was very wrong. Lydia was not waking up. Danielle screamed for her husband's help and quickly called 911. Even as she drove to the hospital, Danielle says she did not realize the gravity of the situation. Lydia had died. They learned from Lydia's autopsy that she had a rare congenital mesenteric defect that caused a volvulus and bowel obstruction that day. Their previously healthy, smiley, chatty girl and only child was gone. All they were given when they left the hospital were the pajamas Lydia had been wearing - pajamas that matched Danielle's own. They had no idea what to do. She desperately wanted some guidance - resources to help navigate these first unimaginable days and weeks, but they felt alone. Feeling lost, Danielle went home and started crocheting little white hearts. She buried Lydia with one in her hands and kept a matching one for herself. She crocheted hundreds of these tiny hearts, giving them away so others could remember Lydia's kindhearted spirit. Over the next weeks, Danielle thought more and more about walking out of that hospital with nothing but Lydia's pajamas. Within 4 months of Lydia's death, Danielle had started an organization in Lydia's memory that she named . She began working with two local hospitals to help make care packages for grieving parents. Included in the package would be a pair of crocheted white hearts and information to help parents in this new, unexpected pain. Over time, Danielle realized that she wanted to do more than send comforting words on paper. She wanted to help make personal connections. She created (Connecting Our Personal Experiences) which works to match parents with other grieving parents who are at least a year out from the death of their own child, making sure that newly bereaved parents don't feel as lost and alone as she once did.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/36082240
info_outline
Episode 290: Kelsey's Mom
04/03/2025
Episode 290: Kelsey's Mom
Andy always loved dogs. I think he loved dogs so much because his personality was similar to a puppy's. He was always on the move and always excited to meet new people and to see new places. Over the years, Andy tried in vain to talk Eric into getting us a family dog. Eric came from a cat family. I came from a dog family. I am allergic to cats and Eric did not really like dogs, so our poor children ended up with pet fish instead. Once, when Andy was young, he asked me, 'If Dad dies, can we get a dog?' I was caught completely off guard but eventually had to answer that we could likely get a dog, but that we did NOT want Dad to die so it could happen. Just like Andy, today's guest, Debbie, and her daughter, Kelsey, have always loved dogs. In Debbie's memoir, , Debbie relates the stories of the many dogs in Kelsey's life. As a young girl, Kelsey initially struggled with painful urination, which led to more and more struggles with chronic pain throughout her teen years and into adulthood. Throughout it all, however, dogs were a constant in her life, bringing her much joy. As an avid reader of memoirs, Debbie always said to Kelsey that someday 'something good' would come from all of the pain and suffering in her life. In all of the books that Debbie enjoyed, it seemed that the writer of the story would have 'something good' that would emerge from the tragedy they were experiencing. She was certain that would happen for Kelsey. After Kelsey moved into her own home at the age of 27, she got a lab named Brody. Kelsey dreamed that Brody would become a therapy dog and visit nursing homes and hospitals, bringing a little joy to people living with chronic pain. Although Kelsey's pain was not thought to be life-threatening, she died from a severe bowel obstruction before Brody was old enough to be trained. Tragically, Kelsey never realized her dream, but Brody and Debbie have been able to do so. Debbie knows she is bringing Kelsey with them on every visit she and Brody make. Although Kelsey didn't get to experience her 'something good' in life, she plays a huge part in it.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35989615
info_outline
Episode 289: Conni's Mom
03/27/2025
Episode 289: Conni's Mom
Adlai Stevenson famously eulogized Eleanor Roosevelt, saying, 'She would rather light a candle than curse the darkness.' When today's guest, Sherri, first heard this quote, she knew that she wanted it to apply to her life as well. Sherri's youngest daughter, Conni, battled through addiction and mental illness for 10 years. Sherri stayed by her side for all of that time, supporting her through the good years as well as the bad. She attended 12-step meetings with Conni and learned about addiction during Conni's low moments and celebrated with her when it seemed she was beating the addiction at last. She learned to love and support Conni while hating her addiction. Months after Conni died by intentional drug overdose, Sherri thought of that famous quote. She had a decision to make - 'I can curse the darkness or I can light a candle.' It would be so easy to want to curse the ugliness of the world when watching a loved one battle addiction. It would be easy to simply sit in darkness after your child dies by suicide. However, Sherri did not make the easy choice. She made the heroic choice to light a candle instead. Sherri realized that her journey with Connie taught her three valuable lessons. Firstly, Sherri has far more compassion for others in pain. Secondly, she is far less judgmental of others and their actions. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, Sherri is not afraid of ugly. She has lived through the ugliest of the ugly and is still breathing. Sherri knew that she could demonstrate to others that they can do the same. She started posting on Instagram as to show that it is possible to love and support people through addiction without losing yourself in the process. You see, Sherri knew that she was not going to be the last mom to watch their child battle addiction. She would not be the last mom whose child took their own life. Sherri also knew she wanted to be a light to those who would come after her. She wanted to hold a candle for them and work to light hundreds more along the path so they would not feel quite so lost and alone.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35885445
info_outline
Episode 288: Rob's Dad
03/20/2025
Episode 288: Rob's Dad
When Larry lost his son, Rob, to suicide six years ago, Larry was devasted. He immediately found a grief counselor and signed up to be in a grief support group. After two months of waiting, he attended his first support group meeting. He said he did not expect to like being in a support group, but, shortly after starting, Larry realized that he had found 'his people'. Larry felt like they could speak a language that 'ordinary' parents could not understand. When one of the other parents in his support group wished out loud that there was a guidebook for bereaved parents, Larry felt inspired to write such a book. Larry wrote (available on Amazon) as an honest guide to help bereaved parents while they are in their deepest, darkest pain. Larry writes: "When your child is taken from you, you are no longer ordinary parents. Ordinary parents don’t visit their child in a cemetery. Ordinary parents don’t cry themselves to sleep at night. Ordinary parents don’t wake up each morning knowing they’ll never see their child again. We become extra ordinary. But after a while, something strange takes place that’s right out of a Marvel comic book. A metamorphosis occurs during our grief and mourning, transforming us from extra ordinary to extraordinary. We are extraordinary parents who must go on living in the world with a hole in our hearts. We are extraordinary parents who, in many cases, still love and care for our other children. We are extraordinary parents who go to work every day and function as human beings, while most people are unaware of our secret identities. We are extraordinary parents who feel things that no ordinary parent has ever felt, and we can endure the deepest pain because that has become one of our superpowers." You may not feel like you have superpowers. You may feel weaker than you have ever been in your life, but Larry's words inspire me to hold my head a little higher. We are no longer ordinary parents. In fact, we are no longer ordinary people at all. We are extraordinary and have so much to offer the world.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35788925
info_outline
Episode 287: Drew's Mom
03/13/2025
Episode 287: Drew's Mom
I have been told that my podcast is an important part of the therapy process for many grieving parents. Today is the first time, however, that I have interviewed someone whose therapist instructed her to reach out to me and be on my podcast as a guest. When Robyn's son, Drew (Andrew), was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2021, she was 'shocked, but not surprised.' She certainly had that shock of losing Drew, but Drew was a daredevil most of his life. He had no fewer than three accidents in the months before his death that could have taken his life, but he had miraculously walked away each time. After Drew's death, Robyn did everything she thought she should do. She started therapy. She decided to live life to its fullest and bought two kayaks to take up kayaking. She got a healthy diet plan and lost 50 pounds. She bought equipment to start her own podcast. Everyone around her said she was doing great, and from the outside, she looked like she was doing great. Her therapist, on the other hand, said, 'Robyn, you are not doing great. You are not allowing yourself to truly feel. You need to lean into your grief,' but Robyn did not listen. She kept on as she was, until eventually, she couldn't. The grief caught up with her. She needed to grieve. She started in a Compassionate Friends support group. A member of the group told her about my podcast, another 'Andrew's Mom' with a podcast. Hmm. Was this a little sign? In the meantime, Robyn had been going to her new therapist, who had been brainstorming ways that she could help others in her grief. "What about a podcast?" he suggested, "or a book?" Robyn went to her therapist one day and told him about my podcast. "So you emailed her, right?" the therapist said. "No," Robyn admitted. He suggested that she get out her phone and do it right then. She promised to instead email in the next week. Robyn emailed me, and the rest is history. Months later, Robyn is sharing Drew's story with the world to help others heal. I am so excited to see the next steps of Robyn's journey and what this may lead Robyn to do in the days and months to come.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35669560
info_outline
Episode 286: Eric & Threads of Gold
03/06/2025
Episode 286: Eric & Threads of Gold
This week's podcast was supposed to be from a Livestream I had planned to do with Gwen earlier this week. If you follow me on Facebook, you already know that the Livestream was canceled. Gwen got very sick with Influenza A, making it impossible for her to do the Livestream. I told her not to worry at all and that I would just 'wing it' so to speak. (By the way, Gwen assures me she is beginning to feel better.) This made me think of the saying, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' Thinking back over the past six years since Andy died, I realize I have been forced to make a lot of lemonade. When I think back to 'the old Marcy,' I probably would have been a little panicked at the prospect of recording, putting together, and releasing a podcast episode in only two days. This is a great reminder that in many ways, this new Marcy is a better version than the old one. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore and I think that my 'winging it' produced a pretty good episode this week. During the first portion of the episode, I invited Betty to come back and talk about the 'Threads of Gold' book I have been mentioning on social media and during the last few podcasts. As a reminder, Betty and Kyle are the parents of Ella (Episode 138) who started a non-profit, Ella's Umbrella, in their daughter's memory to help fund research for congenital heart anomalies. Their newest endeavor is 'Threads of Gold' and I was thrilled to be one of twenty-six authors invited to a part of this anthology. The book tells stories of grief and loss and how we persevere through life's tragedies. The second portion of the podcast this week was extra fun for me. My dear Aunt Penny, an avid listener of the podcast, loves the episodes I have with Eric because he always makes me laugh. Every time I do a show with Eric, I learn something new from him, and I realize we should do more episodes together. Eric and I talk about how our marriage has changed since Andy died and how men grieve. We also answered a few other questions listeners have asked over the past two days. Thank you Betty and Eric for helping make some tasty lemonade today.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35558435
info_outline
Episode 285: Brennan's Mom
02/27/2025
Episode 285: Brennan's Mom
I was so touched by talking with today's guest. Erin has been an elementary school music teacher for more than 10 years. Music was an important part of Andy's life, whether he was singing in the choir or playing the piano, drums, or French Horn. I often wonder how music would have shaped his future growing up. Although Andy said he wanted to be a pilot, Eric always felt he would have become a music teacher instead. Music touched him in such a special way. Andy's elementary school music teacher was important in introducing him to his love for music, so I felt drawn to Erin immediately. Music played an important role in Erin's family life as well. After suffering from fertility struggles, Erin had a simple surgical procedure and quickly became pregnant with twins. As the twins grew, they both had Erin's love for music. They loved to dance and sing and Erin could see the joy that music brought to their lives. Then tragedy struck and 20-month-old Brennan died in his sleep a few days after being diagnosed with RSV. Erin didn't feel like she wanted to go on living. For months, Erin would go to bed at night secretly hoping that God make it so she did not wake up in the morning, but, each morning, Erin did wake up. People commented as to how strong she was, but Erin said she had no choice. She had to continue to be a wife to her husband and a mother to Avery so she kept going. This included returning to school and teaching music only days after Brennan died. Erin posted a picture of Brennan in her classroom and began to talk about him. Erin hopes that posting that picture will help others realize that she wants to talk about Brennan. In fact, I think she is an amazing example to others showing that it is healthy to talk about hard things like death, and not avoid them. People often wonder how Erin continues to work with kids every day after losing Brennan so suddenly, but Erin knows that is the best way to honor Brennan. Erin hasn't started a foundation or become a public speaker or done anything big and flashy. Erin teaches kids to love music just like Brennan did, and that is more than enough.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35456930
info_outline
Episode 284: Hollis's Mom
02/20/2025
Episode 284: Hollis's Mom
None of us want to be bereaved parents. We love the idea of being a new parent. It is a title we wear proudly. We love the first time our children call us mama or dada. Although many thoughts go through our minds when welcoming our new baby, the average parent certainly does not think that they could ever be a bereaved parent. Our children aren't supposed to die before us, so those thoughts don't enter our minds. When talking to Hollis's mom, Amanda, she is quick to admit that she does not want to be a bereaved parent. She wants to continue to be Hollis's mom, but she wants to be a regular parent and not a bereaved one. Of course, this is impossible. Amanda wants to continue to be Hollis's mom, which means she is a bereaved parent. In the almost two years since Hollis died, Amanda has started two new jobs. She dreads the questions that will invariably come asking about her children. How many children do you have? Four. What are their ages? This is when Amanda needs to take a deep breath before answering, knowing that this answer will now ruin someone's day. Amanda longs to be able to answer this question and not have the asker suddenly become awkward and start fumbling with words. She wishes that they could accept the simple fact that she gives when she says that her son passed away at the age of four, but she knows this will not happen. They will mumble an apology and avert their eyes. They likely will turn away and not ask her further questions about her family at all. They don't want to think too hard about being the parent of a child who died because they certainly don't want it to happen to them. This conversation makes me think more about the podcast and my social media accounts. My primary focus will always be helping bereaved parents heal, but perhaps a secondary focus should be helping everyone be more accepting of us as bereaved parents. I am so proud to be Andy's mom, and that means I am a bereaved mom. I never want to be ashamed to say it. Maybe announcing it will help others realize the term is not taboo, and they can accept us as we are today.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35363380
info_outline
Episode 283: Mason's Mama
02/13/2025
Episode 283: Mason's Mama
Can TikTok be therapy? After today's guest, Lindsay's 2-year-old son, Mason, died in his sleep due to complications from a febrile seizure, Lindsay felt lost. She didn't know what to do. She tried seeing two different therapists early on in her grief, but at the time, that didn't feel right to her. Lindsay says that she couldn't even begin to process her grief. That is when Lindsay turned to an unusual place. She turned to TikTok. Lindsay () began making videos about Mason, showing him running around and giggling. Mason was never going to meet new people who would see his fun personality, but TikTok could introduce Mason to people all over the world. Lindsay also recorded herself while in the depths of her grief, showing anger, tears, and everything in between. As Lindsay posted these videos, she began to see comments back from people who thanked her for sharing. Thousands of people got to meet Mason and enjoy his silly antics, but Lindsay also became a voice for others as they saw her pain. Watching Lindsay's videos reminded me so much of my journey in making the podcast. I started the podcast to help others in their pain, but that is not all that happened. As I shared my story and the stories of so many others, I felt myself slowly start to heal. Sharing stories led to amazing friendships and gradual healing. I see that same process happening in Lindsay's life. It has now been two years since Mason died, and Lindsay continues to share her grief journey with her tens of thousands of followers. Many of those followers have become close friends, and people who have helped Lindsay begin to heal. So this leads us back to our original question as well as a few more. Can TikTok be therapy? Absolutely yes! Can podcasts be therapy? Again, the answer is yes. Can friends and support groups be therapy? Of course, they can. Whatever you do that brings you comfort and peace on your grief journey can be your therapy.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35270050
info_outline
Episode 282: Raiden's Mom
02/06/2025
Episode 282: Raiden's Mom
When today's guest, Samantha, became a mother, she was overjoyed. Although Raiden was diagnosed with developmental delay and autism early in life, Samantha did not let these diagnoses slow them down. Raiden went to different therapies and the family went on living their best life. To me, almost 4-year-old Raiden seemed to be a little engineer. If a baby gate was up, he learned to pile up stuffed animals to get over it. Raiden figured out how to get out of the back door of the house despite the fact the family put a chain up to stop him, thus requiring them to put up a second chain. Whatever the obstacle, Raiden could figure out how to get past it. His family, friends, and even his therapists loved his spirit. Jumping on his trampoline while amongst hundreds of bubbles from a bubble machine would fill him with so much joy that he would be unable to contain himself. This is who Raiden was. As much joy as that adventurous spirit brought Raiden, it ended up leading to his tragic death. On the last night of a family camping trip, Raiden woke up early before his parents or other family members. Although they had placed the zipper to the door at the top of the tent well out of reach, Raiden found a way to climb up and get out. He wandered to the lake where he drowned. Almost immediately, Samantha found my podcast and began listening to the stories of other parents. These stories brought her comfort in her immense pain. She wrote to me only about 3 months after Raiden died, asking to share sweet Raiden and his story. While waiting for her interview to arrive, I received an email from Samantha that showed me just how special she is. She listened to an episode when I was 18 months into my grief journey and going through a very rough patch. I shared that I was sad that no one asked me questions about Andy anymore so Samantha did just that. Samantha, only 4 months into her grief took that time to offer me comfort even though I am six years into my grief journey. That takes a very special person and helps prove something I have come to believe - no matter what our circumstances, grieving parents comfort each other best. Thank you, Samantha. Know that you and Raiden have touched my heart. Whenever I see a bubble machine, I will think of Raiden gleefully smiling and jumping through the bubbles.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35174620
info_outline
Episode 281: Araron's Mom
01/30/2025
Episode 281: Araron's Mom
This past year marked an important milestone for today's guest, LeeAnn. Aaron was killed in a car accident 18 years ago when he was 18 years of age. It never hit LeeAnn until last summer when someone asked her two questions: How long ago did Aaron die? How old was Aaron when he died? The answer to both questions was the same - 18 years. It was difficult for LeeAnn to believe. LeeAnn says that she had two major epiphanies in her life. The first happened two years after Aaron died when she says she was in such deep darkness that she was simply existing. Her two sisters confronted her that day and asked, "Do you want to live? You are slowly killing yourself." LeeAnn had two other sons and family members who loved and needed her. She decided that she did want to live. She began to eat better and function - but she still did not feel joy. That second epiphany happened several years later. LeeAnn realized she was existing and not truly engaging with life. She was not feeling any true happiness. She made a drastic change then, leaving her marriage and moving out on her own. She learned to find joy again. LeeAnn eventually remarried and had a third major event in her life. LeeAnn and her husband were looking for a therapist to help with a family issue related to one of his children. LeeAnn was suddenly reminded that she had been given the name of a therapist by a bereaved mom over a decade before whom she had never called. Now, she called the number and made an appointment. The family issue was quickly resolved, but LeeAnn realized she had never properly grieved Aaron. She had made decisions to live and feel joy again, but she had not leaned into her own grief. She had tried to tuck it away, hoping it would resolve, but even after all that time, the grief sat there, waiting for her to pick it up and work through it. The therapist has been amazing for LeeAnn and beginning last year, LeeAnn volunteers to help other grieving parents in their journeys. She certainly hopes for them that it won't take 18 years to get where she is today, but she accepts that she couldn't have done it any other way.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/35081380
info_outline
Episode 280: Felicity's Mom
01/23/2025
Episode 280: Felicity's Mom
"Medicine has reached the end of what it can do for your daughter. Our suggestion is that you take her home on hospice and enjoy her." These are the words that were spoken to today's guest, Nikki, on September 30, 2020. Before that day, Nikki and her family had been searching unrelentingly for someone who could diagnose and treat their young daughter, Felicity. Although they took her to various physicians and hospitals, they were never able to get a diagnosis. At the time of her death at 21 months of age, Felicity was a sassy thing who still weighed less than 9 pounds. For the next weeks, they enjoyed Felicity as much as possible. They loved her every single day. Nikki said that on the day Felicity died, Felicity's suffering ended, but her own truly began. Child loss of any type is devasting, but it is especially complicated when there is no answer as to why the child died. When someone asks what happened to Felicity, Nikki has to answer, "I don't know." For years, Nikki lived with so much guilt, thinking that there must be something she could have done differently. There should have been a way to get more help. Nikki desperately wanted to find out what happened to Felicity. Eventually, though, Nikki realized that she had done the best she could with the information she had at the time. If hundreds of experts could not diagnose Felicity, Nikki could not either. Although geneticists are still looking for a diagnosis for Felicity, Nikki has turned her immediate focus on her living children. She says that while her grief has felt crushing, watching her children grieve Felicity has been even worse. The family talks about Felicity constantly. They do not hide from their grief. They acknowledge it and have learned from it. When Nikki's oldest son learned that his best friend's baby brother had died (), he asked if they could bring him to see his friend, saying, "Mom, DI just needs a hug." Maybe Nikki and her family will never learn exactly what happened to Felicity, but they have learned one important life lesson. Sometimes, you don't need an answer - you just need a hug.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34970115
info_outline
Episode 279: Holiday Recap
01/16/2025
Episode 279: Holiday Recap
Congratulations! You did it! You made it through Christmas and New Year's! I highly doubt any bereaved person has ever had these words said to them, but today, I say them to all of you. It is tough to be a grieving person during the holidays. It is difficult to see smiling, happy faces that seem to surround you everywhere you go. It can be challenging to spend time with whole families when your own feels utterly broken, but you did it. I really loved this week's podcast with Gwen. When she suggested this topic, I have to admit, I was a little hesitant. I had made it through the holidays. I wasn't sure I really wanted to go back and do a recap, but it turns out, it was very healing to revisit how things went over the past month. I certainly remembered the challenges, but this podcast helped me think about my successes as well. This was our 6th holiday season without Andy, and each one has been unique. We were home for Christmas for the first time and did far more of our 'normal' Christmas traditions. This year, attending church was far more difficult than other Christmases have been. The present opening part of Christmas, on the other hand, was probably the most fun one yet with far more smiles than tears. Talking with Gwen on the podcast this week helped me realize that I can feel a bit of pride for everything that I was able to do, even if sometimes I still shook with sobs. Tears are not signs of failure; they are a healthy emotional release. As you listen to the podcast this week, I invite you to look back on your own holiday season. You may have done all of your normal family traditions. You may have done none of your normal family traditions. You may have been at home with a few people. You may have attended big family gatherings. It doesn't really matter how you spent your time - you made it through. You are still breathing. You are still getting out of bed in the morning. Congratulate yourself. Celebrate. Take a deep breath. You deserve it.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34880655
info_outline
Episode 278: Ephrem's Mom
01/09/2025
Episode 278: Ephrem's Mom
I would consider today's guest, Kate, a born caregiver. I could sense her caring spirit immediately. Before losing her 12-year-old son, Ephrem, Kate worked as a birth doula and was in training to be a midwife. She loved supporting new young parents as they welcomed their new babies into the world. After Ephrem died suddenly from complications from an aortic dissection, Kate no longer felt like she could continue working as a birth doula so she became a home health aide. One evening, Kate was assigned to be with an elderly man who was nearing the end of his life. Instead of offering support as a family welcomed new life, she sat with them as they prepared to say goodbye. Kate realized something that night - Ephrem's death had unveiled a new calling for her. She knew that hospice work was now what she was meant to do. Instead of supporting families as life entered the world, Kate would help people and their families at the end of life. But hospice work was not Kate's only new calling. After Ephrem's death, Kate attended (a place near and dear to my own heart) for a retreat for bereaved parents. Kate found herself signing up for retreat after retreat. Each one gave her more strength. During one such retreat, Kate sat down with Carrie, co-founder of Luella's Lodge asking what she thought of the idea of Kate starting her own retreat center, fashioning it after Luella's Lodge. Carrie was thrilled. Kate and her husband founded to offer support to bereaved families. Kate's dream is to eventually have a physical retreat center for bereaved parents in Southeast Michigan, but that will take time. For now, Kate offers weekly Sunday night drop-in Zoom support groups as well as grief coaching. Kate also hosts 'Home Retreats' anywhere in the US or Canada. These retreats are meant for smaller groups. Kate goes to a home (or often a weekend rental) and brings the retreat center experience to the bereaved. Kate finds local experts in yoga, breath work, massage, and other healing modalities and brings the magic of a grief retreat to grieving parents wherever they need it.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34786310
info_outline
Episode 277: Lorenzo's Mom
01/02/2025
Episode 277: Lorenzo's Mom
When Suzanne's son, Lorenzo, was a little boy, he told his family that when he grew up, he would be a police officer. He even drew a picture of himself as a policeman. After finishing high school, he instead studied computers and looked to follow in his dad's footsteps. Then, one day, when Lorenzo was in his mid-twenties, he surprised his mom with a phone call. 'Mama Bear,' he said, 'I need to talk to you.' Suzanne responded by asking if she should be worried. 'Maybe a little bit, Mama Bear,' he replied, but it's OK.' Lorenzo shared that he couldn't work behind a desk any longer. He needed to help people and become a police officer. Although Suzanne was a little worried, she was also so proud of her son. She knew that he would be an amazing addition to the police force. He loved helping others. in his soul, Suzanne said that he was born to be a lover of people. She says that no one ever loved her as deeply as Lorenzo did. It was so fun to talk to her about their amazing relationship and about how, above all else, Lorenzo wanted to take care of his 'Mama Bear.' It reminded me a little bit about Andy, his big, loving heart, and the way he always insisted that he 'loved me more' despite my protests. Shortly after Lorenzo realized his dream of becoming a police officer, however, he suffered a tragic accident when he was cleaning his gun. His gun discharged and he shot an artery in his leg. Although he was able to call for help, it was too late. Amid this tragedy, Suzanne saw that Lorenzo's community loved him just as much as he loved them. Officers stood at attention at every freeway exit in southern California as the car carrying his body drove by. Thousands honored her sweet, loving Lorenzo. As we talked, I began to wonder if our two 'boys' somehow brought us together. I imagine a proud Andy telling everyone in heaven about his mom and her podcast, and Lorenzo thinking the podcast might be a good idea for his 'Mama Bear' to help her heal. When Suzanne emailed me, she wrote that I was her 'angel' who 'saved' her, but I'm pretty sure the 'angel' was actually Lorenzo setting things in motion.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34693115
info_outline
Episode 276: Zach's Mom
12/26/2024
Episode 276: Zach's Mom
Christmas Day was always Mary's favorite day of the year and 2020 was no different. She was happy as she watched through the window as her husband made snow angels outside with their grandson. The day seemed perfect despite the fact that her son, Zach had been unable to come home to Indiana from where he was living near his dad in Texas. When Mary's husband came inside, he commented that he had missed numerous phone calls from Mary's ex-husband. Mary immediately panicked, knowing that something must be wrong with Zach. However, never in a million years would Mary have thought that her ex-husband would tell her the devastating news that Zach was dead. He found Zach in his apartment sitting on his couch with his nebulizer machine running. It is now known that Zach died from asthma complications on the evening of December 23rd. I feel like all bereaved parents struggle with the holidays. As I sat in church for Christmas Eve worship, tears flowed freely as I remembered Christmases past and longed for the days when Andy was with us. These days of joy and celebration do not feel very joyful when we are grieving, but then I think of Mary and others like her - parents whose children died on or around Christmas. It just adds another complicated layer to the grief. It would be completely reasonable to think that Mary might want to avoid Christmas entirely. She might want to just hide away during the whole Christmas season, but that is not Mary. Mary's faith has been an inspiration since I met her when she joined one of my support groups through Starlight Ministry in February of this year. Despite Mary's own pain, she has been an amazing listening ear and a source of comfort to all of us who are blessed enough to be in a group with her. After sharing with the group for the past several months, Mary made the decision to share Zach's story on the podcast. When asked if she might want to share Zach's story on the week of Christmas, Mary knew that was perfect timing. Just as Mary's honest presence helps our support group each week, her story will bless each of you as you listen during this hard Christmas week.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34616325
info_outline
Episode 275: Faith's Mom & Dad
12/19/2024
Episode 275: Faith's Mom & Dad
45 minutes. Forty-five minutes does not seem like very much time, but it was a lifetime for Chris and Julie's first child, Faith, and it forever changed Chris and Julie. When the couple excitedly went to Julie's prenatal ultrasound, they first saw beautiful images of their baby but were then given devastating news. Faith was severely ill and doctors did not expect her to survive much longer. The couple was sent home expecting Julie to miscarry soon. Chris and Julie went home and began to pray. Certainly, they prayed for healing for their baby girl, but more importantly, they prayed that they might be able to meet Faith. Chris and Julie decided to make the most of this time of pregnancy. They talked to Faith, traveled with Faith, and even had a church dedication for Faith all before she was born. Then, at 37 weeks, Faith was born, and through a little miracle, her heart began to beat and her eyes opened. Chris and Julie got to experience the best 45 minutes of their lives, a time that they will remember forever. Then, just like that, the magic was gone. The hospital allowed the couple to spend the night with little Faith, but then the funeral director carried her away, and Chris and Julie had to continue living without their little girl. Child loss is something that no parent expects. It is an incredibly isolating experience. As Chris and Julie slowly began to heal, they felt God calling them to help others experiencing this pain. They started an amazing organization, , which has two focus areas. The first is a mentorship program that helps match newly bereaved parents with a peer to walk beside them during their grief journey. They match the newly bereaved parent with a mentor with a similar story whether it be a miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant loss. These mentors work to be the hands and feet of God, offering a listening ear and an understanding voice. The second focus of Faith45 is to offer Faith Boxes to purchase on their website. Each box contains 8-10 items to help newly bereaved parents in their grief journey. Through Faith45, Chris and Julie hope to give a message of hope and healing.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34531090
info_outline
Episode 274: AJ's Mum
12/12/2024
Episode 274: AJ's Mum
Today's guest, Lorraine's young son, AJ, had a smile that would light up a room. Although a heart murmur had been noted at birth, it was thought to have resolved. He was growing and feeding well, and Lorraine had no idea that serious heart abnormality was worsening. The murmur was again noted after a fall at 7 months of age, and AJ was sent to Cardiology where it was determined that AJ suffered from a condition called aortic stenosis. He was scheduled for a cardiac cath to assess the severity of the stenosis. On the drive to the hospital that morning, Lorraine turned around and AJ gave her one of his famous smiles. That was one of his last smiles because, during the procedure, young AJ's heart stopped. Despite medical interventions, they were unable to save her sweet boy. To say that AJ's parents were horrified would be a vast understatement. The last thing that Lorraine wanted to do was leave her baby boy in a cold hospital morgue. This is when stepped in. When I think of hospice, I think of organizations that help support families whose loved ones are dying. Martin House certainly does this, but it is so much more. The staff from Martin House came to the hospital to take AJ's little body and keep it cool. They allowed his family to stay with him for a full week until they were ready to put him to rest. They offered grief support to Lorraine and her family for a full year. They were everything Lorraine needed when her whole world was falling apart. In addition to Martin House, Lorraine began listening to the podcast only one month after AJ's death. She says the parents who told their stories on the podcast became her friends and support system. She felt less alone as she listened and she felt herself ever so slowly begin to heal. Now two years after AJ's death, Lorraine works to help other bereaved parents just as she was helped. She is a resource for Martin House helping them learn more about helping parents and now she shares her own story with Always Andy's Mom listeners so they too know that they are not alone.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34410700
info_outline
Episode 273: Alyce's Mom
12/05/2024
Episode 273: Alyce's Mom
When today's guest, Izumi, lost her young daughter, Alyce, to cancer, she felt like she had lost her identity as well. Izumi had given up her corporate job during Alyce's cancer treatment thinking that she would be able to go back after Alyce recovered. Unfortunately, that day never came, and Izumi felt like she had become a completely different person. Izumi no longer fit into the role. She struggled to imagine what her future would look like. A friend approached Izumi, wondering if she might be interested in training to become a life coach. Not having many options at that point, she decided to apply and was even granted a scholarship. The coaching classes changed Izumi's life once again. She started the classes to try a different career path. What she found instead was a truer understanding of herself. She understood her grief and pain more fully. She could identify things that would activate her pain. She felt like, for the first time in her life, she knew her true self. Around that same time, Izumi started attending virtual support groups for bereaved parents and eventually in different in-person groups. The first groups were specifically for parents whose children died of cancer, but Izumi then attended a general child loss group, where she learned that she could bond with bereaved parents no matter what their child's age or cause of death. Through Izumi's coaching training and support group participation, Izumi discovered a new purpose in life. The coaching class helped her find her true self, and Izumi knew that she wanted to share that knowledge with others. Additionally, Izumi wrote a book focusing on the child loss portion of her journey. She titles the book, 'Writing to Heal After the Unbearable Loss of a Child.' It is described as 'a book, journal and a conversation. If you're grieving, consider it your steadfast companion through the pain. If you're supporting a grieving friend, let it be your guide when words fail.' The book is available on and an initial complementary call for coaching can be scheduled .
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34300980
info_outline
Episode 272: Andrea's Mom
11/28/2024
Episode 272: Andrea's Mom
Today's guest, Linda, says that her life shattered the day a distracted driver killed her 26-year-old daughter, Andrea. Andrea had been living her dream life. She was happily married and an amazing mother to her 2-year-old son. Andrea was pregnant with their second child and worked as a social worker at a job she loved. Linda and Andrea were about as close as a mother and daughter could be. They were constantly texting each other, sharing bits of their day. Then, one afternoon, the texts just stopped. Linda was not concerned until Andrea did not pick up her son after work. Linda knew something was very wrong. From the moment police officers came to her door, Linda's life has not been the same. During those first days, Linda's husband needed to remind her to eat, shower, and brush her teeth each day. Every moment was a struggle, but ever so slowly, life became less difficult. Linda might have a good hour or two, then even half a day. Her healing process was not rapid, but instead a gradual improvement, happening over many years. Now, Linda is almost thirteen years into her grief journey. Linda is an inspiration to me, but not for reasons that people might expect. She is not an inspiration because she is doing 'really well', but because she acknowledges that there are still really hard days. Linda is honest and open about all of her feelings. She doesn't pretend to 'be over' her daughter's death because others think that she should be, and she openly shares when days are difficult. Three years ago, Linda decided to write a book documenting her grief journey. The book took her two years to write, and the result is a 'heart-wrenching memoir' that takes us on a journey 'through the full spectrum of grief with complex emotions'. Linda titled her book, '' which is described as 'an epitome of how grief can be transformed into a legacy of love teaching the readers valuable guidance and management of emotions.' I am sure that it will help give hope to so many who are early in their own grief journeys. Thank you, Linda, for this gift.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34192210
info_outline
Episode 271: AJ's Mom & Dad
11/21/2024
Episode 271: AJ's Mom & Dad
Choose Joy. This is the motto that today's guests, Jen and David, decided that their family would follow after a prenatal ultrasound showed that their fourth son AJ would be born with not one, but two newborn abnormalities. He had achondroplasia as well as a rare congenital heart defect. They knew that AJ was facing a complex medical future, but they decided that they would face all these struggles with joy-filled hearts. Throughout AJ's 44 days of life, Jen and David chose joy each day. David described AJ as a 'little man with a big purpose.' His life was a roller-coaster of ups and downs, but ultimately AJ's lungs were unable to heal and he lost his life. After AJ's death, you might think Jen and David would have given up their 'Choose Joy' motto, but this has not been the case. Jen knew that she needed to do something to help her broken family grieve and she needed guidance. Jen immediately signed up for several retreats at Luella's Lodge, some for her, some for her and David, and some for their whole family. The peace and comfort that Luella's Lodge offered was truly indescribable. Jen found herself being drawn back again and again. This is the point in the story when Jen's path first crossed my own. Carrie, from Luella's Lodge, and I decided to do a special retreat this past fall for Always Andy's Mom podcast listeners. Although Jen had never heard of me or the podcast, she was the host mom for that retreat. Over the past five years of doing the podcast, I have felt God's presence many times, but I never felt it stronger than during that weekend. God knew I needed a video editing team to help with the podcast's social media presence. God also knew that Jen and David needed to expand their production company by working with organizations they felt passionate about. As our relationship began that weekend, we both felt that by choosing to work with each other, we were choosing joy. Together, we can help make podcast episodes and meaningful videos for grieving families everywhere. I envision AJ and Andy both grinning down at us from heaven, proud to see their parents choose joy. *If you want to join me next fall at Luella's Lodge, go to and sign up for the September 25-28th retreat.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/34077741
info_outline
Episode 270: Honoring Your Grief
11/14/2024
Episode 270: Honoring Your Grief
Since this week's livestream fell on Veteran's Day here in the US, it made Gwen and I think about ideas of sacrifice and honor. We set aside this day to honor veterans and the sacrifices that they made while fighting to defend this country. Military awards are often given as an honor for military heroism or outstanding service. Over a military career, a serviceperson might earn many such awards which can be displayed on military uniforms. Grieving people go through many sacrifices themselves after losing loved ones. We lose not only our child but often our sense of purpose and security. We lose our hopes and dreams for the future. We may feel that life is hardly worth living. We certainly don't feel we deserve to be honored with a medal. I honestly feel like some days I am just barely hanging on, but I was challenged by two different people this week. The first was my dear, sweet aunt Penny who has been like a mother to me since the death of my mom in college. After listening to last week's podcast with David Kessler, my aunt wrote, 'Marcy, what you have done on your grief journey fills my heart with love. I know you won't like me saying this, but you are my hero.' She was right, I didn't like hearing those words at all. I am not a hero. I can think of dozens of people who are heroes, but that certainly does not describe me. Then Gwen challenged me again in this episode. She asked grieving parents to submit names for awards they could earn in their own grief journeys. All of the answers were amazing, but some of my personal favorites were the Changed Heart Award, the Best Fake Smile Award, and the Got Out of Bed Award. She then asked me what my award would be. I was quick to think that I really didn't deserve an award, but then I thought of Aunt Penny and being her hero. If I am her hero, then maybe I do deserve an award. And if I can be a hero, then we can all be heroes. We may not have a special day or be able to wear a uniform covered with medals, but we can honor ourselves and each other because what we are doing is heroic, even if some days, we only earn the Got Out of Bed award.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33928312
info_outline
Episode 269: David Kessler - David's Dad
11/07/2024
Episode 269: David Kessler - David's Dad
When David Kessler's publicist asked if he could come on the podcast to promote his newest workbook, Finding Meaning: Grief Workbook: Tools for Releasing Pain and Remembering with Love, I felt honored. David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. He has written six best-selling books over the years, including two that he co-authored with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. He founded the website , which boasts over 5 million yearly visits. Despite these accolades, I admire David most for his approach to life after becoming a bereaved dad. When David's younger son, David, died suddenly in 2016, he found that he could not prepare for such pain. David says that he wanted to call every grieving parent whom he had counseled to say he hadn't understood the depth of their pain. David told grieving parents to start therapy and go to support groups, but he did not know just how difficult that was for a newly bereaved parent. David says that it took him three times to get the courage to attend his first grief support group. He sat in the group staring at a table with his books on it, no longer the grief expert, but instead a bereaved dad. After the death of his son, David learned so much that he hadn't truly understood before. He learned that the pain of grief was incredibly deep, but if you took time to excavate through the pain, meanings could be revealed. With the blessing of the Kubler-Ross family in 2019, David wrote a new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. Since the book was published, he realized that a personal workbook might be an even better way for people to find meaning in their lives. David says the workbook is a way to 'get the pain out of you and into the workbook.' It is a truly healing experience to complete the workbook. I want to close today with what David said to me at the end of our interview. 'See the meaning you are making in the lives you are touching.' Every time you talk to another person, you are making meaning, whether you go on a podcast to share your story with thousands or sit at a kitchen table and share with one person.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33829887
info_outline
Episode 268: Alina's Mom
10/31/2024
Episode 268: Alina's Mom
'Is life still worth living?' 'Will I ever be happy again? These are questions often asked by bereaved parents. They are asked quietly amongst other grieving parents or therapists. They are often left unsaid entirely but still plague us inside. We are afraid to voice them, afraid to think of what others might do or say - afraid that we will offend our living family members if they learn that these questions are in our heads. Today's guest, Jae Hee, was having these very thoughts in the months after her 5-month-old daughter, Alina, died of a genetic disease, but no one, not even her family, knew. From the outside, Jae Hee looked happy. She was cracking jokes at work. She was laughing and interacting with others, but on the inside, her passion for life was gone. As the weeks passed, Jae Hee wondered if life was always going to feel this way. About two months after Alina died, Jae Hee started listening to the podcast and learned that she was not alone in her feelings. The podcast recommendation came from a friend of a friend whom Jae Hee later learned was a bereaved sister who started listening to better understand her parents' grief. As Jae Hee thought of her older daughter, she decided to sit down with this woman to talk with her. This new friend said to Jae Hee the same thing that a nurse told Eric soon after Andy's death. She said that after her sibling died, she never felt like she was enough for her parents. She said they were never truly there for her after the death of her brother. Their happiness was gone. This woman still loves her parents deeply, but she always wished that they could have a love for life again. This conversation profoundly hit Jae Hee. She didn't want her older daughter to live her life longing to see her parents happy. She wanted to truly be happy again. She thought of Alina and her short life - a life so much shorter than Jae Hee wanted it to be, but every second of it was filled with love. Jae Hee and her remaining family deserve all of that love and joy as well. Is life still worth living? Yes, it is. Will I ever be happy again? Yes, Jae Hee and I can be, and so can you.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33703217
info_outline
Episode 267: Henry's Mom
10/24/2024
Episode 267: Henry's Mom
Today's guest, Elizabeth, lived through a nightmare after moving her oldest son, Henry, into college. Elizabeth never imagined that on his first day of class, only days after leaving a smiling Henry in his dorm room, he would be killed in a freak accident on campus. Elizabeth's safe world was completely shattered. She learned that accidents happen on college campuses and that Henry was not the only US college student who would never come home again. One year later, Elizabeth was understandably worried when Henry's younger brother got ready to move across the country to start college. As much as her rational self knew that it was not likely that they would suffer another tragic death, the fear could not be shaken. Elizabeth and her husband did what other people thought was completely crazy. They moved across the country to Washington DC to be near their younger son as he started college. Elizabeth knew that simply living nearby would not offer more protection against a tragic accident, but it gave her comfort to know that her still grieving son was just a short drive away if he needed anything. When Andy died, our foster son, Valeriano, had just finished high school. His case worker had been helping him look for apartments to move out. After Andy died, the worker continued to look for housing for Valeriano, but we could tell that Valeriano's heart was no longer in it. He had been forced to leave his biological family in Guatemala and now, his safe, happy family in the US was being torn apart as well. I remember telling that case worker to stop. Valeriano was a part of our family and needed to stay in our home. I am sure that Elizabeth had people telling her to let her son move alone, but she knew what her grieving family needed. They needed to be close together. Even though her son rarely had to visit his parents, it was comforting to know that he could. I am so proud that Elizabeth was brave enough to make this decision for herself and her family. She didn't think about what society expected her to do; she did what they needed. What an amazing example for us all. To learn more, read her Huffington Post article or follow her blog on her substack, .
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33596982
info_outline
Episode 266: Ryan & Chris's Mom
10/17/2024
Episode 266: Ryan & Chris's Mom
After Chana lost her oldest son Ryan to a drug overdose five years ago, she was understandably devastated. Still, bit by bit over time, she started to feel like her family may be on its way to recovery. Her second oldest son, Chris, had been crushed when he lost his older brother and best friend. He struggled with relationships and work after losing Ryan. Chris even moved back home to get more support from his family. Then, 395 days after losing Ryan and just as things seemed to be improving, Chris suddenly died as well. As bad as Chana thought life could get, it was now worse. Two of her four children were dead. Chana said, "I didn't think I was ever going to be able to get out of bed and open my eyes without crying." There was a huge hole in her heart and there were times that Chana thought about ending her own life - but she didn't. She kept getting up each morning and functioning despite having tears in her eyes each morning. Over time, however, the tears weren't on her pillow every day. The grief did not feel quite as heavy. There were times when she began to laugh and smile again. Chana remembers when she first started to laugh again, she used to want to punish herself thinking that she did not deserve to smile, Chana shares that after a long time and a lot of tears, she realized that she does deserve to smile. She deserves to have moments of happiness again. As you listen today, you will hear me talk about Chana's smile. You will hear me say that every single time Chana brings up Chris's name, her face begins to light up with a smile. That should bring all of us so much hope for the future. Early in my grief, every time I said Andy's name, tears would well up in my eyes and my lips would quiver slightly. ever so slowly, that has changed for me as well. Often when talking about my dear, sweet Andy, a big smile will come across my face. In fact, as I write this, I find myself smiling and thinking of Andy's smile as well. That is my hope for all of you today that smiles may begin to poke through your tears.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33498847
info_outline
Episode 265: Alex & Adri's Mom
10/10/2024
Episode 265: Alex & Adri's Mom
In the last minutes of this week's interview, today's guest, Ellie, wanted to share one last thing with listeners as she looked back on her 25-year journey of grief after losing her two young children. She compared grief to the ocean. She said that sometimes, the ocean is clear and calm and beautiful while at other times storms come and it feels tumultuous. I find this an incredibly fitting comparison as I sit here writing this while a catastrophic hurricane, Hurricane Milton, is landing in Florida. At this time yesterday, the ocean likely looked beautiful and inviting along Florida's beaches while today it is destroying property and lives. That is the same feeling that we get in our grief. Sometimes, life seems relatively calm, but at other times, our grief feels like it has shredded us completely. We think we will never be able to recover. We feel like the devastation is complete and that there is no hope. Twenty-five years ago, Ellie lost her two young children, Alex and Adri, in an explosion and fire. Ellie says that in some ways, this 25th year has been the worst, not because life is harder for her now than it was all those years ago, but because she had expectations that she would feel 'better' by now. When Ellie and her husband lost their only two children, I imagine that the grief felt like Hurricane Milton. It was huge and overpowering, and it felt like their entire world had been destroyed and no good could ever enter their lives again. We know, however, that hurricanes don't last forever. In mere days, Hurricane Milton will leave Florida, but as the ocean calms, damage will still be evident. If you look closely, scars will be evident for years, possibly even decades. This, too is the case for Ellie. From the outside, her family looks complete with her husband and four children. Many people do not know that there should be six and that the two oldest are forever missing. Ellie still notices the scars and feels the daily pain of her missing children. Some days, the grief feels like soft lapping waves on the beach, but at other times, she can still feel the hurricane force winds.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33404782
info_outline
Episode 264: Finding a little purpose
10/03/2024
Episode 264: Finding a little purpose
After the death of your child, everything becomes more challenging. Previously easy tasks like going to the grocery store suddenly seem almost impossible. Getting out of bed and showering in the morning no longer feels automatic. You may wonder how you will be able to get through the next weeks, months, and years without your child. In today's podcast, Gwen and I sit down to talk about ways to try to find a little purpose to get out of bed and live each day. Having other family members to love and support can give us motivation to keep living, but sometimes that is not quite enough. Sometimes finding activities that give us a little peace or comfort can help us as well. Other times, it may be an activity that simply occupies our minds for a bit so we can take a little break from the overwhelming weight of grief. When I think about what has gotten me through these past six years, so many things come to mind. First and foremost are other people who have given me amazing support. Certainly for me, talking to other bereaved parents, whether through the podcast or in support groups has been life-changing. The idea of helping and accepting help from other grieving parents has helped bring a little bit of purpose back to my life and on those tough days, it is these other parents who are best at offering me comfort. However, there are times when I have to escape from the grief for a few minutes or a few hours. At those times, sitting out on my deck listening to the birds sing or playing a round of golf can help take some of the stress away. Sometimes, things that brought comfort years ago can do so again. I used to love reading fiction books as a kid but found myself too busy to do so as an adult. For the past couple of years, I have found that reading allows me to escape and put myself in a different world where the pain does not feel so sharp. Overall, everyone has different support systems and actions that bring them peace. I hope that this episode helps motivate all of you to find the people or activities that can help bring you a sense of comfort and put a little purpose back into your lives.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33313447
info_outline
Episode 263: Chloe's Mommy
09/26/2024
Episode 263: Chloe's Mommy
Today's guest, Marj, always wanted her daughter, Chloe, to be a normal kid. When Marj and her husband first adopted Chloe, she already had medical concerns, but at 20 months of age, their lives were turned upside down when Chloe was diagnosed with cancer. Chloe lived the next 14 years of her life with cancer, but Marj continued to try to make her life as normal as possible. When Chloe's parents sent her to summer camp for kids with cancer (now called Campfire Circle), Marj and Chloe took a flight to where Chloe would be able to get on a bus for camp. As a kid, Marj had loved going to summer camp and she new that Chloe would love the experience as well - if they could get her to go. The night before she was to get on the bus, Chloe called her dad and said, 'I don't think Mommy loves me anymore. I think she is trying to get rid of me. She's sending me to this camp and I don't want to go, Daddy.' She was almost frantic with worry, but somehow, Marj convinced her to get on the bus that morning. When Marj came to pick her up two weeks later, Chloe's expression was one of pure joy. She shared that camp had 'changed her life.' At camp, she was a regular kid. She didn't have to explain herself to anyone. At camp, being in a wheelchair or needing an oxygen tank didn't make a kid feel like an outsider. These things were completely normal. If Chloe didn't feel like eating, she didn't have to eat. When other kids were swimming and Chloe felt like she wanted to stay in the boat and take pictures, she stayed in the boat and took pictures. After those first 2 weeks at camp, Chloe went each year until the camp had to be closed for COVID. Marj says that those weeks were magical for Chloe. Since Chloe's death, Marj has struggled to find purpose in her life again. Finding a reason to get out of bed can be a challenge. Marj wondered what it would be like to visit Chloe's magical camp so she went to volunteer. Marj said that she felt Chloe at the camp and could see why she loved it so much. Marj hopes that moving forward, it can be a place for her to go to feel Chloe’s presence and a bit of camp magic each summer as well.
/episode/index/show/andysmom/id/33216762