Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.
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Episode 347: Love Becomes Purpose - Adrienne's Sissy
05/07/2026
Episode 347: Love Becomes Purpose - Adrienne's Sissy
Parent. Sister. Friend. That was the order Andrea established with her little sister Adrienne when Adrienne was just nine years old, fresh into a new life in Los Angeles after their mother signed over custody on the day after Christmas. Andrea was twenty-two. She had not planned any of this. But she looked at her little sister and she knew. And so she laid it out simply: I have to be your parent first, then your sister, and one day when you grow up, I really hope I'm your friend. Adrienne understood. She had a painting made for Andrea's office wall. It said: Parent, Sister, Friend. That painting still hangs there today. Andrea raised Adrienne from the age of eight, working four part-time jobs to stay on her schedule, becoming a substitute teacher so she could be home when Adrienne walked in the door. She gave her stability, consistency, and a love that was fierce and steady and completely unconditional. Adrienne thrived. She found herself in high school, earned a 4.0 GPA, stopped caring what anyone else thought, and became exactly the kind of bold, vivacious, deeply caring young woman you would expect from a girl raised by someone like Andrea. And then, three weeks before the end of her freshman year of high school, Adrienne came home from school and curled up on the living room floor in pain. She could not breathe. What followed was 147 days — a diagnosis of hepatocellular carcinoma, primary liver cancer that had already spread to her lungs, caused by hepatitis B and C she had received from their mother at birth and never known about. One hundred and forty-seven days of fighting, of blue wigs and butterfly wings, of a girl who joked her way through a CAT scan and named the family cat after synthetic marijuana. Adrienne died on October 9th, 2001. She was fifteen years old. A year later, Andrea was suicidal. She had lost not just her sister but her entire purpose for being. Everything she had done, every job she had chosen, every sacrifice she had made for nearly a decade had been for Adrienne. And now Adrienne was gone. It was her partner who stopped her. He said simply: if you go ahead and kill yourself, she is never going to forgive you. And Andrea knew he was right. So she found a way to channel her grief. She called the largest liver disease nonprofit in the country, pitched herself as a volunteer, and was turned down flat. That rejection sent her searching, and what she found was a gap so large it was almost unbelievable. There was not a single organization in the United States dedicated specifically to HCC, the cancer that had killed Adrienne. So Andrea founded one. She named it , after Adrienne's beloved blue hair, her blue wig, and the blue butterfly wings she was buried in. The day Blue Faery was officially incorporated was December 19th, 2002. Eight years to the month from the day Adrienne came to live with her. It felt like everything was lining up. Today, Blue Faery is the leading HCC nonprofit in the country, providing education, advocacy, and community to patients and families navigating a disease that is both more common and more preventable than most people realize. Andrea has also written a memoir, , which tells the story of the seven years she raised Adrienne and the 147 days she fought to save her. Parent. Sister. Friend. And now, advocate. Love, it turns out, does not need somewhere to go. It just becomes purpose.
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Episode 346: Life Grows Around It - Graham's Mom
04/30/2026
Episode 346: Life Grows Around It - Graham's Mom
Grief is permanent. But it doesn't have to be all-consuming. That is the quiet, hard-won truth at the heart of this conversation with Wesley, Graham's mom. And it is the kind of truth that only comes from ten years of living with loss. Graham was adopted at five months old, a boy who struggled from early on with questions of identity and belonging. He wrestled with being adopted, with his sexuality, with depression, and eventually with addiction. Wesley spent years in that particular kind of anticipatory grief that parents of children with addiction know all too well, always bracing, always wondering, always hoping. And then one night, the call came anyway. Graham died in July of 2016 at the age of 33. In this conversation, Wesley speaks with remarkable honesty about what the years since have looked like. The shame she felt in the beginning, the instinct to hide, the relentless second-guessing of every decision she had ever made as a mother. She talks about the unique and unexpected gift of seeing Graham's therapist after his death, someone who actually knew him, who could fill in pieces of the picture Wesley never had, and who has helped her understand that she did the best she could with what she knew. She also talks about how she has channeled her grief into purpose. Her blog, When Your Child is Addicted, her Facebook group Kids on Drugs, and the book she is currently writing are all born from a desire to help other parents before they find themselves where she is now. And she talks about what ten years of grief actually looks like from the inside. Not linear. Not resolved. Still present on holidays, on birthdays, in unexpected moments. But incorporated now, woven into the fabric of daily life rather than overwhelming it. I share my rock metaphor in this conversation, and Wesley captures it perfectly when she says that grief will always be with you. It is just that it doesn't have to become the whole point of your life. The loss never goes away. But slowly, gently, life grows around it.
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Episode 345: You Are Doing It - Taylor's Mom
04/23/2026
Episode 345: You Are Doing It - Taylor's Mom
Some dates just carry weight. April 23rd. The anniversary of Taylor's death. Two days after what would have been Andy's 22nd birthday. When Jam reached out and asked to come back on, I looked at the calendar and knew immediately. There was no one else I wanted in this space this week. If you haven't yet listened to , I'd encourage you to start there. Jam first came on just four months after losing Taylor, her 13-year-old daughter, a girl who rode the special needs bus by choice every single day so she could sit beside her twin sister Morgan, who saved her lunch seat without fail, who never met a stranger and never stopped looking for someone to love. In that first episode, the word that kept coming to me as I listened was compassion. It still does. Now, nearly four years later, Jam is back. And what strikes me most about this conversation is simply that she is here. That she is still standing. That she is still showing up - for Morgan, for her husband, for the families her foundation has served, for the women in her Starlight support group who have become some of her closest friends in the world. She didn't think she would survive this. She is surviving it. We talk about what these four years have looked like from the fog of the first year, the harder truths of years two and three, and now, the slow, uneven work of figuring out who you are on the other side of the worst thing you have ever lived through. We talk about the , which has helped ten families navigate burial expenses, sibling travel, and the crushing practical weight of sudden loss. We talk about Morgan and the particular heartbreak of watching a child grieve in a language she cannot fully speak. We talk about finding your people, even when they live a thousand miles away. And we talk about what it means to still be figuring it out at year four. To not yet know exactly what God is asking of you next. To be healing without yet being whole. Jam says it simply and beautifully near the end of our conversation: I honestly thought I would not survive it. And I am. It may not be pretty every day. But I'm surviving. I want to say to every single one of you what my friend Michele used to say to me, again and again, when I told her I couldn't do this: You are doing it. It may not be pretty. It may not look the way you thought surviving was supposed to look. But every single day that you get up and live your life without your child, that is the work. That is surviving. And you are doing it.
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Episode 344: Even Though, We Will - Noah's Dad
04/16/2026
Episode 344: Even Though, We Will - Noah's Dad
Abnormalities. That is the word that changed Matthew and his wife Hannah's lives forever. They went in for a routine ultrasound, their almost two-year-old son Walker playing happily beside them in the waiting room, and left knowing that their lives would never be the same, and that their son Noah was unlikely to live. What followed was six months of hurrying up and waiting. Six months of grieving a diagnosis before they ever had to grieve a death. Six months of doctor's appointments and phone calls and learning, in real time, what it means to carry an impossible weight while the rest of the world keeps moving. Noah was born with Trisomy 13, a genetic condition that is almost always fatal. He lived for 57 and a half hours. And Matthew will tell you, that was 57 and a half hours more than they ever expected to get. In this conversation, Matthew shares what those hours looked like, what those six months looked like, and what the six years since have looked like. He talks honestly about the fog of grief, about learning to let people in, about the two questions he and Hannah developed that he believes saved their marriage. He talks about the moment a mentor told him it was okay to have a good day, and how he wept on the phone, because he couldn't imagine it. And he talks about how, five years after Noah's death, he sat down to journal on Noah's birthday and realized something that took his breath away. Noah is the only son he never let down. He was fully present for every moment of his son's entire life. Out of that realization, and out of six years of quietly sending care packages to families navigating terminal diagnoses, came the Even Though We Will Foundation, and a book by the same name, released this week. The title is their family's mantra, rooted in Psalm 23. Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil. Not because Andy died, this happened. Not because Noah died, this came to be. But even though — and in that even though, something beautiful still can. Matthew also writes about something rarely heard from a grieving father, what it looks like to watch your favorite person in the world suffer, and feel utterly powerless to fix it. What it means to be a doer, a leader, a fixer, and suddenly not be able to do any of those things. And what it means to fall back on a faith that, in the end, held them both. Even Though We Will is available now at and on Amazon.
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Episode 343: Not Alone - Gwen & Marcy
04/09/2026
Episode 343: Not Alone - Gwen & Marcy
We are not meant to do this alone. That is the thread that runs through every moment of this conversation, and these are the words Gwen chose to close with, because they are simply true. This episode is a replay of our recent live Q&A, a chance to follow up on the four-week educational series Gwen so graciously offered in February while I took a much-needed step back. We talk openly about what that break was like for me, why I needed it, and what I learned from it, including the hard-won lesson that even sacred work can wear you down if you never put it down, even for a little while. From there the conversation opens up into something larger. We talk about the value of support groups, of finding someone a few miles ahead of you on this road and letting them show you that it is possible to keep going. We talk about the difference between the raw, gut-wrenching suffering of early grief and the longing that comes later — the stone in your pocket that never goes away but changes shape over time. And we talk about why hearing someone else's story, knowing someone else feels exactly what you feel, can be the one small thing that makes a grieving parent feel just a little less alone. Gwen also shares a story from her recent vacation that stopped me in my tracks, the story of a ten-year-old girl on a beach, a grieving mama watching from a distance, and a moment that could only have been arranged by God. If you missed the educational series from February, those episodes are available in the feed — Episodes 334 through 337. And if you would like a discount code for private sessions with Gwen, simply reach out to either of us at or and we will get that to you. Because we are not meant to do this alone. And we never have to.
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Episode 342: Still Standing - Jake's Mom
04/02/2026
Episode 342: Still Standing - Jake's Mom
Before Angie lost her son Jake, she used to say something that I think many of us have said — or at least thought. If something ever happened to Jake, you would just have to bury me with him. Period. End of discussion. There was no way. And then the unthinkable happened. Jake was Angie's only child, her greatest surprise and her greatest blessing. Born in August of 1995, he grew up to be a man of quiet, steady faith — the kind that didn't ask for recognition, that just lived itself out in the way he treated people, the way he loved his wife Hannah, the way he'd get genuinely excited talking about heaven. He loved the outdoors, he loved to hunt and fish, and Angie always called him her simple man. In fact, when he got married in 2020, their mother-son dance was to Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man." On March 8th, 2023, Jake was on his way to work when he was killed in a car accident. He was twenty-seven years old, just two years into his marriage, and days away from closing on the house he and Hannah had planned and saved for together. Now, three years later, Angie is still here. Not because it has been easy. Not because the grief has softened into something manageable. But because one foot in front of the other, one whispered Jesus at a time, God has held her up when she was sure she could not stand. In this conversation, Angie speaks honestly about what these three years have looked like. The shock that she now understands as a mercy from God. The struggle to pray when the words just wouldn't come. The Bible study group of bereaved moms that has become her lifeline. The therapist who told her that one of the ways she could honor Jake was to lean into Jesus, because that was Jake. And how after he said it, she started hearing it everywhere. Lean in. Lean in. Lean in. This is an episode about surviving what you were sure would kill you. About faith that isn't tidy or triumphant, but shows up anyway, kicking and screaming sometimes, and keeps going. If you have ever said there is no way I could survive this, this episode is for you. Here is Angie, three years in, still standing.
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Episode 341: Still His Mama - Raiden's Mom
03/26/2026
Episode 341: Still His Mama - Raiden's Mom
When Samantha first came on this podcast in Episode 282, she was only a few months out from losing Raiden. She was raw and fresh in her grief — and yet even then, just four months into her loss, she reached out to ask me about Andy. She stepped outside her own pain to offer comfort to someone further down the road. I knew then that she was someone special. Fourteen months later, she is back. And the question that quietly runs through everything she shares is one that every grieving parent eventually faces: How do I keep being my child's mama when my child is gone? For Samantha, the answer has taken the shape of bubbles. Raiden loved bubbles the way only a little boy can — rain or shine, indoors or out, in the bathtub, in the yard, anywhere and everywhere. That love became the name and the heart of the Raiden Bubble Project, a space Samantha built out of the sudden quiet of life after losing her only child. What started as something to focus on grew into water safety advocacy, autism awareness, and a community where other lost moms feel safe enough to reach out. Her own therapist tells her she has learned things from following along. Mothers she has never met write to thank her. Lost mamas find their way to her, and she holds space for them. She also created the Little Love Lost Mamas, a small close circle of moms who have become like family. And she has been working to bring a memorial arch to her community, a place where anyone can come, padlock the name of someone they love, and know they are not alone. Every single thing she has built is her still parenting Raiden. We also talk about the new baby boy arriving soon, Ryatt. Samantha is clear about something that I think many people need to hear: Ryatt is not a replacement for Raiden. He is someone she gets to share Raiden with. That is the kind of love that doesn't end when a life does. It just finds new ways to live on — in bubbles, in community, and in the quiet, faithful work of a mama who never stopped.
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Episode 340: Thankful In, Not For - Mikael's Mom
03/19/2026
Episode 340: Thankful In, Not For - Mikael's Mom
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, I sit down with Leanne, Mikael’s mom, for an honest and heartfelt conversation about grief, faith, and life after losing a child to addiction. At the center of this episode is a powerful shift in perspective. After her son’s death, Leanne struggled with the words “give thanks in all circumstances.” But when reading the words more carefully, she noticed a subtle difference that shifted her understanding. She began to see the difference between being thankful for her circumstances and being thankful in them. Leanne shares her experience loving her son through addiction, the heartbreak of loss, and the reality of grieving a child. She speaks about the tension between faith and pain, and how grief becomes something that stays, rather than something to overcome. In this episode, we talk about: Child loss and grief after addiction and overdose The meaning of “thankful in, not for” Grief as an ongoing presence in daily life Faith, anger, and healing after loss Writing and poetry as tools for processing grief Leanne also shares about her new book, , a collection of devotional reflections and poetry that explores grief, faith, and healing. Her writing offers comfort and language for bereaved parents navigating life after loss. This episode is a reminder that grief does not disappear. But over time, we can learn how to carry it. And even in the hardest circumstances, there can still be moments of meaning, connection, and quiet gratitude.
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Episode 339: 8:15 - The Moment Everything Changed - Chantal's Parents
03/12/2026
Episode 339: 8:15 - The Moment Everything Changed - Chantal's Parents
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, Marcy speaks with Jean and Shelly about the loss of their daughter, Chantal, and the grief journey that followed after losing a child to cancer. Jean remembers the exact moment everything changed: 8:15, the time Chantal died. That moment became the dividing line between the life they once knew and the life that followed. Together they share the long and difficult experience of Chantal’s cancer diagnosis, the exhausting treatments that followed, and the heartbreak of losing a child. They also talk about how grief continued to unfold in the years afterward and how healing slowly takes shape over time. Jean reflects on something many parents feel deeply after the death of a child — the instinct to fix things and protect the people they love. His book, grew out of that realization and explores the helplessness many fathers feel when faced with a loss that cannot be repaired. Music has always been an important part of Jean and Shelly’s lives together. After Chantal’s death, that part of their world felt quiet for a time, but eventually music began to return, offering another way to carry love and memory forward. Shelly also shares a moment that surprised her. Around the five-year mark in her grief journey, she realized that life felt recognizable again. It wasn’t the life they once had, and grief was still present, but she began to feel like herself again. In this conversation they discuss: • losing a child to cancer • how grief evolves over time • the different ways parents process loss • music and writing as ways of expressing grief • and the ways families continue honoring the child who died Nearly two decades later, Chantal is still remembered in simple but meaningful ways. Each year friends and family gather on her birthday for pizza and Caesars — her favorite — raising a glass and remembering the girl who continues to shape their lives. This episode is a powerful reflection on grief, love, and learning to live with what cannot be fixed.
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Episode 338: Scars & Seasons - Keyan's Mom
03/05/2026
Episode 338: Scars & Seasons - Keyan's Mom
After six and a half years and more than 300 episodes, I took a month away from the podcast to rest, spend time with my family, and tend to my own heart. When it felt right to return, there was only one person I wanted to talk with. Stephanie — Keyan’s mom — was the very first bereaved mother I ever interviewed when this podcast began. Even before that, she was someone I met in a grief support group just weeks after Andy died. She was further down the road of child loss than I was, and I remember quietly watching her, wondering how she was still standing. Somewhere in that watching was a small hope: If she can do this, maybe I can too. Now, eight and a half years into her grief journey, Stephanie shares honestly about what life looks like today. She talks about the days that still knock her off her feet, the complicated guilt that can come with laughing or enjoying time with her living children, and how grief doesn’t disappear—it changes shape. For five years, Stephanie poured herself into serving other grieving families at Starlight Ministries. It was good work. Holy work. But somewhere along the way, the work that once helped her heal began to crowd out her own healing. As her therapist told her, “Anything you give energy to takes away from your healing energy.” So she stepped away. We talk about what it means to reassess. To recognize when something that once brought relief no longer does. To admit that even good, sacred things can become too much. Together we talk about: • what it means to be years into grief and still hurting • the tension of holding joy and sorrow at the same time • the freedom of allowing grief to change as the years pass • the difference between being healed and being cured This episode is about scars, seasons, and the quiet courage it takes to keep learning your grief as it changes. If you are years into loss and wondering why it still hurts sometimes… you are not alone.
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Episode 337: Surviving the Long Haul - Gwen
02/26/2026
Episode 337: Surviving the Long Haul - Gwen
In this fourth and final episode of the February educational series, Gwen Kapcia of grief-guide.com focuses on long-term grief coping and the practical ways we can expand our ability to live with loss. Grief impacts every part of us — physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. When loss first happens, our “coping range” narrows. We feel overwhelmed more easily. Small stressors feel enormous. Our bodies are exhausted. Our thoughts can spiral. In this episode, Gwen explains how intentional care in each area of our lives can help widen that coping range again. She discusses: How grief affects the body and nervous system The role of sleep, movement, and physical care The impact of negative thought patterns and “mental tapes” How gratitude and forgiveness expand emotional capacity Why isolation deepens suffering — and connection restores strength The importance of tending to your spiritual life, even when faith feels fragile This episode offers practical grief support, emotional education, and gentle encouragement for the long haul. Healing does not mean the loss disappears. But with steady tools and compassionate awareness, we can learn to carry it in a way that is sustainable. If you are navigating child loss, suicide loss, or any significant grief, this conversation offers grounded guidance and hope for the road ahead.
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Episode 336: Family Grief & The Weight of Big Emotions - Gwen
02/19/2026
Episode 336: Family Grief & The Weight of Big Emotions - Gwen
Grief is deeply personal — but it never happens in isolation. In Part 3 of this four-part educational grief series, Gwen Kapcia of explores how loss impacts family dynamics and why each person in a family often grieves differently. One may withdraw. Another may need to talk. A child may crave routine while a parent feels shattered. The same loss — expressed in different ways. Gwen gently explains how grief can strain communication, shift roles within the family, and create misunderstandings — especially in the early months after a death. She also shares why shared acknowledgement, honest expression, and steady routines can help families move toward stability again. This episode also addresses the “big emotions” of grief, including anger, guilt, shame, jealousy, loss of identity, and even spiritual struggle. These reactions are not weaknesses — they are human responses to love and devastation. If you have ever wondered whether your grief is “normal,” or why your family seems out of sync, this conversation offers reassurance, language, and practical guidance. Healing may not look the way it once did, but connection, understanding, and meaning are still possible. *If you would like a coupon code for resources or private sessions with Gwen, please email either or
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Episode 335: What Shapes Our Grief - Gwen
02/12/2026
Episode 335: What Shapes Our Grief - Gwen
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, grief educator Gwen Kapcia of continues her four-part educational series on grief. In Part 2, Gwen focuses on the many factors that influence grief and the way individuals experience loss. Grief does not follow a single path. Personality, life history, coping styles, cultural background, belief systems, support networks, and the circumstances of the death all shape how grief shows up. Gwen explains why people grieve differently and why comparison can be harmful during the grieving process. This episode offers both education and reassurance, especially for bereaved parents who may feel pressure to grieve a certain way or on a specific timeline. By understanding the factors that influence grief, listeners are encouraged to approach themselves—and others—with greater compassion and patience. This is Part 2 of a 4-part educational series with Gwen Kapcia, created to help listeners better understand grief and support healing without judgment.
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Episode 334: Why Grief Is So Hard - Gwen
02/05/2026
Episode 334: Why Grief Is So Hard - Gwen
Why does grief feel so overwhelming—physically, emotionally, and mentally? And why does it so often feel lonelier than we expected? This episode is Part 1 of a four-part educational series with grief educator Gwen Kapcia (). Together, we explore why grief is so hard, particularly in modern culture, and why so many grieving people feel isolated, misunderstood, or unsure of what is “normal.” Gwen explains how grief often shows up in the body through panic, exhaustion, numbness, brain fog, and anxiety—and why these responses are not signs of weakness or failure. We also talk about how shortened bereavement leave, lack of grief education, and societal pressure to “move on” complicate the grieving process. This conversation offers grounding insight for anyone navigating loss, as well as for those who want to better support grieving people in their lives. If you have ever questioned your grief or wondered why it feels so heavy and confusing, this episode offers clarity, validation, and compassion.
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Episode 333: What is the Color of Your Heart? Addy's Mom
01/29/2026
Episode 333: What is the Color of Your Heart? Addy's Mom
What color is your heart today? In this episode, I sit down with Rachael, Addy’s mom, to talk about grief, healing, and the unexpected ways art can help us survive unimaginable loss. After 12 year-old, Addy’s death, Rachael’s grief showed up not only emotionally, but physically—through panic, sleeplessness, and a constant sense of overwhelm. Words often felt insufficient. Months later, painting entered her life without intention or expectation. Through color and movement, Rachael found a new way to release what grief held inside. Art became a language when words were unreachable—and a way to gently check in with herself each day. We also talk about how this simple question—What color is your heart today?—creates space for honesty without pressure, allowing grief to be messy, changing, and deeply personal. Rachael shares how this mindset now informs her work with young people in suicide prevention, reminding them that while life brings hard things, they are capable of moving through them. This conversation is a tender reflection on grief, creativity, and learning how to carry love and loss together—one day, one color at a time.
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Episode 332: What Remains, What Grows - Hunter's Mama
01/22/2026
Episode 332: What Remains, What Grows - Hunter's Mama
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, Luna returns for a new conversation—one shaped by time, lived experience, and the quiet ways grief continues to unfold. Years ago, Luna signed a letter to her son Hunter with words that have stayed with me since reading her book, Look Mom, I Can Fly. She signed it: Love, Your devastated, aching, flailing, vulnerable, wrecked, and resilient Mama. Those words hold so much of what it means to live after the loss of a child. When Luna first joined the podcast, she was only weeks into her grief after Hunter died suddenly while he was sleeping. Even then, she carried a rare clarity—an understanding that grief does not need to be fixed, rushed, or hidden. Now, five years later, we talk about how grief lives in the body, how healing asks us to listen differently, and how moments of peace sometimes arrive quietly, without explanation. Luna shares how she honors her emotions as they come and how love continues to show itself through small signs and deep presence. Luna closes the episode by reading her poem “Signs,” from her book Look Mom, I Can Fly, written from Hunter’s perspective. It is tender, powerful, and filled with the kind of love that does not end. This episode is a reminder that grief is full of contradictions—that we can be devastated and resilient, wrecked and still growing. Some things remain. Some things grow. Both can be true.
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Episode 331: The Quiet Work of Grief - Cody's Mom
01/15/2026
Episode 331: The Quiet Work of Grief - Cody's Mom
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, Marcy is joined by Melinda, a mother whose love for her son, Cody, continues to quietly shape the way she lives, grieves, and remembers. Melinda reflects on how Cody’s life changed her family for the better—how his presence deepened their compassion, softened their hearts, and continues to guide them forward even after his death. Melinda shares the story of the day her world changed, the confusion and shock that followed, and the unexpected moments of peace that met her in the midst of profound grief. She speaks honestly about how grief looks different for each member of a family, especially as her husband wrestled with guilt and trauma, and how love—patient, steady love—became the thing that carried them through. Seven years into her grief journey, Melinda describes learning how to live in the love rather than the pain, allowing space for sorrow without being consumed by it. She talks about journaling as a way to stay connected to Cody, the meaning she found in small signs and moments, and the comfort that arrived exactly when it was needed most. Rather than grand gestures, Melinda honors her son in quiet, intentional ways—anonymous acts of kindness, simple remembrances, and choices rooted in who he was and what he would have wanted. Her story is a reminder that there is no timeline for grief, no right way to carry loss, and no measure for how deeply love can continue after death. This conversation offers a tender look at how grief evolves, how peace can arrive unexpectedly, and how love—when held gently—can still make us better.
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Episode 330: A Father's Grief, Stitched with Love - Ray's Dad
01/08/2026
Episode 330: A Father's Grief, Stitched with Love - Ray's Dad
In this episode of the Always Andy’s Mom Podcast, I’m joined by Taylor, a grieving father who shares the story of his son, Ray, who was stillborn late in pregnancy. Taylor talks about the moment fatherhood became real for him — feeling Ray kick for the first time — and the joy and anticipation that followed a healthy 20-week scan. Then, at 27 weeks, everything changed. Ray’s heartbeat was gone. Taylor and his wife went through labor and delivery knowing there would be no living baby at the end, followed by precious time holding their son and saying goodbye. Taylor speaks openly about the emotions that came next: the anger that surprised him, the fear that the world no longer felt safe, and the weight of realizing that some things cannot be fixed. As a father, he felt the pressure to stay strong, even while grieving deeply himself. One of the most moving parts of this conversation is how Taylor found healing through an unexpected outlet. At the suggestion of his wife, he taught himself how to crochet using yarn that had been purchased for Ray. What started as a simple way to stay busy became a form of connection and comfort. With each stitch, Taylor found a way to honor his son, quiet his thoughts, and give his grief somewhere to go. Today, Taylor continues to crochet — creating hats, keepsakes, and donations — each piece carrying love, remembrance, and Ray’s presence forward. This episode is a powerful reminder that grief doesn’t disappear, but it can transform. Healing sometimes comes not through words, but through the work of our hands.
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Episode 329: What Is a Miracle? - Patrick's Mom
01/01/2026
Episode 329: What Is a Miracle? - Patrick's Mom
What comes to mind when you hear the word miracle? For so many of us who have lost a child, that word can feel complicated. We prayed. We begged. We hoped with everything in us—and the miracle we were asking for did not come. This week’s episode gently asks us to reconsider what a miracle might look like after unimaginable loss. I knew the day Andy was killed in a car accident that I was praying for a miracle. I begged as the paramedics worked, believing with everything in me that he could be saved. But Andy could not be revived, and the miracle I was asking for did not come. Today’s guest, Renee, knows that place of longing well. She is the mother of Patrick, who died at the age of 29 after a fall while hiking in the mountains of Colorado. When Patrick went missing, Renee prayed for a miracle too, holding onto hope until he was found. Now, four and a half years later, Renee offers a powerful and unexpected reflection: she believes the grief journey itself is a miracle. As bereaved parents, continuing to live after the death of a child can feel impossible. And yet, somehow, we do. We wake up. We breathe. We carry our children with us in new ways. We persevere. This episode is a gentle, thoughtful conversation about grief, resilience, faith, and the quiet miracles that can emerge even after devastating loss. It is an offering of companionship for anyone navigating life after child loss—and a reminder that survival itself is something extraordinary.
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Episode 328: Christmas Memories: Holding Love, Grief, and Hope Together
12/25/2025
Episode 328: Christmas Memories: Holding Love, Grief, and Hope Together
This episode of Always Andy’s Mom is a replay of a Christmas Memories Livestream—created as a place of reflection, remembrance, and gentle presence during the holiday season. In this episode, Gwen and I read Christmas memories shared by parents from around the world within the Always Andy’s Mom community. These stories speak to the deep love that remains after loss and the complicated emotions that often surface during Christmas—joy intertwined with longing, tradition mingled with grief. Together, we paused often. We spoke children’s names. We honored moments both ordinary and sacred: gifts unwrapped, traditions remembered, laughter recalled, and absences deeply felt. This is not an episode about fixing grief or finding silver linings, but about allowing memory and love to coexist with sorrow. Christmas after loss is rarely simple. This episode offers a place to slow down, to breathe, and to remember that grief is not something to overcome, but love continuing to move through our lives. As always, the episode closes with Andy’s voice—a steady reminder that love endures.
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Episode 327 - When Grief Blows Up the Dresser - Billy's Mom
12/18/2025
Episode 327 - When Grief Blows Up the Dresser - Billy's Mom
In this episode of the Always Andy’s Mom Podcast, host Marie Crews speaks with Lisa Oris, founder of Grief Guide, about why grief is not linear and why loss cannot be reduced to stages, stories, or a tidy “journey.” Lisa shares a powerful metaphor for grief — how loss “blows up the dresser,” leaving emotions scattered and overlapping rather than neatly contained. Together, they explore the harm caused by cultural expectations to be strong, move on, or turn grief into a success story. This episode is for bereaved parents and grieving mothers who feel overwhelmed, unfinished, or exhausted by the pressure to heal correctly. It offers permission to grieve honestly, without apology or timelines.
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Episode 326: Grief as a Dance - Not a Journey - Drew's Momma
12/11/2025
Episode 326: Grief as a Dance - Not a Journey - Drew's Momma
Today’s conversation with Drew’s Momma, Melissa, is one that lingers long after the episode ends. She lost her vibrant, adventurous son Drew twenty-five years ago, and in the decades since, she has come to understand her relationship with grief in a way that feels both gentle and profoundly true. She says grief has not been a journey for her. Not something linear. Not something with a clear beginning or an end. Instead, grief has become a dance. A dance that ebbs and flows. A dance with rhythms she didn’t recognize at first. A dance that asks us to draw close, then step back, then learn to move in ways we never imagined we could. In the early years, Melissa’s dance was filled with the familiar weight of guilt and blame that so many grieving parents carry. But slowly—through connection with other bereaved moms, through grace, through honesty, and through allowing herself to sit with the pain—she found a new rhythm. Not a rhythm of “moving on,” but a rhythm of moving with. Bringing Drew with her. Letting his love rise up and shape her life in unexpected, meaningful ways. Twenty-five years later, she says she still feels Drew’s presence as vibrantly as ever. The love never faded. The bond never broke. The dance simply changed. Her new book, , captures this transformation beautifully. It honors Drew, honors grief, and honors the possibility of a life expanded—not in spite of our losses, but alongside them. For anyone in the early days of breath-stealing grief, she gently reminds you: you won’t always feel the way you feel today. You learn the steps slowly. You borrow strength from others who are a bit ahead of you. And over time—one breath, one moment, one tiny step at a time—your body remembers that love still lives here, too. Grief is not something to conquer. It is something to move with. And you are allowed to find your own rhythm.
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Episode 325: Pike's Mom
12/04/2025
Episode 325: Pike's Mom
When Mika’s 13-year-old son, Pike, was diagnosed with leukemia, she was devastated — but not in the way most people might imagine. Only a year earlier, Mika herself had been diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of lymphoma. After rounds of chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant, she fought her way back to being cancer-free. She thought their family’s battle with cancer was finally over. And then her youngest son received his diagnosis, and they had to start fighting all over again. Despite the setback, Mika carried a fierce belief that if she could beat cancer, then Pike would too. He was younger, stronger, and full of energy. He had his whole life waiting for him. She was convinced that God would make sure Pike survived — that His plan surely included a long, full life for her son. And in so many ways, Pike himself embodied that hope. He took pride in the strength he showed during his cancer journey. He had conversations with his pastor about sharing his story to bring others to Christ. And when the family held a stem-cell drive through , the part that thrilled Pike wasn’t finding a match for himself. What excited him most was the idea that his drive might save hundreds of other people who desperately needed stem cells to survive their own battles. But just as they thought his hardest days were behind him, Pike was re-hospitalized with graft-versus-host disease. He was sent to the OR for what was meant to be a quick biopsy of lesions in his lungs. Instead, he experienced sudden bleeding and left the operating room on life support. Pike never regained consciousness. Mika and her family were shattered. Pike wasn’t supposed to die. Even in the midst of cancer, Mika said she never once believed her son’s story would end this way. Yet even in the heartbreak of losing Pike 18 months ago, Mika continues to honor her son’s heart for helping others. She organizes ongoing stem cell drives in Pike’s memory — carrying forward the mission he cared about so deeply. Each drive is a way to give another family the miracle Pike hoped to offer, and a way to ensure that Pike’s compassion, courage, and faith continue to touch lives long after his own battle ended.
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Episode 324: Josh's Mum
11/27/2025
Episode 324: Josh's Mum
Shortly after Leigh’s 22-year-old son, Josh, was killed in a plane crash, her best friend looked her straight in the eyes and said some of the most beautiful words a bereaved mother can ever hear: “Your grief doesn’t scare me.” When she told me that during this week’s podcast interview, it took my breath away. As a grieving parent myself, I remember how often my grief did seem to scare people. I saw the uncomfortable glances from across the room. I heard the mumbled apologies when someone said something that “made” me cry. It was as if my tears were a burden they didn’t quite know how to hold. And the truth is… my grief scared me, too. There were days I collapsed to the floor, sobbing so hard I feared I would never stop. Moments when the pain felt so big, so consuming, that I wondered if it might swallow me whole. Grief can feel like that—wild, unpredictable, and utterly overwhelming. Fifteen months into her own grief journey, these are the same emotions Leigh continues to navigate day by day. As she shared her story, I could feel both the depth of her love for Josh and the weight she carries in his absence. She spoke with such honesty about the moments when she still reaches for her phone, waiting for his daily phone call. And each day, she lights a candle for Josh, a simple yet sacred ritual that keeps his presence in the home. But here’s a lesson I’ve learned—for myself and for anyone walking this path—slowly and painfully, and with more tenderness than I ever thought possible: Grief may shake us, but it does not destroy us. We survive what once felt unsurvivable. Bit by bit, breath by breath, we learn to carry the weight. And somewhere along the way, light begins to seep back in—not because the grief is gone, but because we’ve grown strong enough to hold both love and loss at the same time. If you’re grieving today, I want you to know this: Your grief doesn’t scare me. And even if you can’t feel it right now, there is hope ahead. Not a return to who you were, but a gentle becoming of who you’re learning to be. You’re not alone.
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Episode: 323: Quinten's Mom
11/20/2025
Episode: 323: Quinten's Mom
“Now What?” This is the question Marie found herself asking after the devastating loss of her son, Quinten, to suicide. Overcome with grief, she felt lost and unsure how to move forward. But instead of succumbing to despair, Marie made a conscious decision: her life would continue. She chose to ask herself, "Now what?" and began to take small, intentional steps toward healing. Through the darkest days, she trusted that there was a way forward, even when the road ahead seemed impossible to navigate. In today’s episode, Marie opens up about her raw, unfiltered journey through grief. She shares how she found the strength to rebuild her life, one step at a time, and how perseverance, self-reflection, and compassion helped her move through the pain. She also discusses the work she’s currently doing—helping other bereaved mothers find healing through writing. Through her coaching and retreats, Marie empowers others to turn their pain into purpose, fostering deep connection, healing, and self-discovery. Writing became a tool not just for her, but one that she now shares to help others begin their own healing journeys. As I listened to Marie’s story, I couldn’t help but think back to my own experience after losing Andy. I, too, felt lost and alone and wondered how life could continue without him. Marie’s words reminded me that healing doesn’t come all at once—it begins with small, tender moments of courage. Hope and healing can feel distant and elusive after loss, but writing can become a lifeline to help process grief and rediscover a sense of purpose. For anyone struggling with the question “Now what?”, writing can be a powerful tool. By sharing our stories and embracing the process of healing, we find the strength to move forward—one word at a time. Marie’s journey and her work with bereaved moms show us that even in our darkest hours, healing is possible when we allow ourselves to be open to the process of renewal. * Visit Marie at to learn more about her coaching, retreats, and how writing can support your healing journey.
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Episode 322: Quincy's Dad
11/13/2025
Episode 322: Quincy's Dad
Today's guest, Jonathon’s book, , captured me from the first page—a work that feels both intimate and universal. Indigo, the hue between blue and violet, appears in rainbows and twilight skies, yet it rarely gets named. Likewise, grief lingers in daily life, hovering just out of sight, unspoken because its rawness makes many uneasy. Jonathon uses the color as a quiet metaphor for sorrow that colors our existence without ever dominating the palette. A decade ago, Jonathon’s world shattered when his eldest daughter, Quincy, died in a sudden car accident. As a pastor, the loss forced him to confront a theology he’d long trusted. The image of a distant, strategic deity did not fit his pain. Instead, he came to see God as a presence of steadfast love, a hand that holds us tightly within the storm of our hurt. The manuscript began as a sprawling outpouring of hundreds of thousands of words. Jonathon distilled it to a lean 12,000‑word narrative, deliberately leaving white space on each page. Those empty margins are invitations: they give readers room to breathe, linger on a line, and even inscribe their own thoughts beside his. The result is less a monologue and more a quiet dialogue—a shared place where grief can be named, held, and examined without pressure to resolve it. Jonathon aims to reshape how we speak about loss. He urges us to move beyond the instinct to “fix” one another’s pain with quick solutions. Instead, he calls for us to sit together in the shadow of sorrow, bearing witness to each other’s wounds. In doing so, grief becomes a bridge rather than a barrier, allowing compassion to flow freely among those who have known its ache. Indigo reminds us that, just as the color sits between the comforts of blue and the mystery of violet, grief occupies a space—neither wholly darkness nor pure light—but a profound shade that deepens our capacity for empathy and connection. The next time twilight drapes the sky in that deep, resonant hue, let it serve as a gentle reminder that indigo is not merely a color, but a quiet testament to the enduring presence of love within our deepest hurts.
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Episode 321: The Many Emotions of Grief
11/06/2025
Episode 321: The Many Emotions of Grief
During one of the first grief‑support group sessions that Eric and I attended in the weeks after Andy died, our facilitators led us in an exercise. We were given a black‑and‑white copy of an image created by H. Norman Wright titled “Grief – A Tangled Ball of Emotions.” The picture resembled a ball of yarn, but instead of yarn strands, it had strips winding around the sphere, each labeled with a different emotion. The exercise was simple. We received crayons and were asked to color in any stripe that represented an emotion we had felt during that week. I remember starting at the top: Loss – yes, I colored it in. Sadness – that one too. Anxiety – I’d been feeling pretty anxious, so I shaded it. Then came Confusion, Panic, and Dismay. I found myself actually feeling dismayed that I was coloring all of these emotions! I wondered whether I would ever reach a stripe I didn’t feel. When I finally arrived at Vindictiveness, I was relieved to leave that one white. In total, I was shocked to discover that I had colored about 90 % of the more than thirty emotions on the ball. Looking around the room, I was comforted to see that the vast majority of parents had papers that were almost completely filled in as well. While reading the recent podcast guest Michael’s book The Million Stages of Grief, I saw how many emotions had surprised him in his own grieving process. That reminded me of the exercise from years ago and convinced me that it deserved a livestream discussion. Today, we explored several emotions that have surprised listeners of the show. It is normal to experience twenty to thirty different emotions in a single day. Grief isn’t a linear path but a swirling knot of feelings—each one valid, each one a sign of life moving forward. By naming, acknowledging, and gently sitting with even the most unexpected emotions, we give ourselves the space to heal. I encourage everyone to keep their own “tangled ball” nearby as a reminder that, no matter how full it looks, every colored strand is evidence of resilience and progress.
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Episode 320: Jr.'s Mom
10/30/2025
Episode 320: Jr.'s Mom
Today's guest, Stephanie, says that her son, Jr., had a lifelong mantra that he lived by - ‘me versus me.’ He even had this phrase tattooed on himself for his 18th birthday. Rather than measuring himself against anyone else, he aimed each day to outdo the person he had been yesterday. A year ago, Jr. was a senior in high school, preparing to enlist in the Marine Corps. He was an avid athlete as a cross‑country runner, weightlifter, and participant in several team sports. That autumn, he trained for a half‑marathon, hoping to break the two‑hour barrier. The whole family was at the race, cheering Jr. on. He made his goal and finished the race in 1 hour, 57 minutes. Moments after crossing the line, however, Jr. collapsed. Stephanie rushed to his side, fearing dehydration, but quickly realized something was terribly wrong. She dialed 911. Paramedics arrived and began CPR within 72 seconds, but it felt like an eternity to Stephanie. An autopsy later showed that Jr. died of a brain bleed from a venous malformation that had likely been present since birth. The last year has been a trying one for Stephanie and her family. The past twelve months have been a cascade of missed milestones — his high school graduation, the start of Marine basic training, his 19th birthday — each one a painful reminder of Jr.’s absence. As these days come and go, the family tries to remember Jr. and his motto: 'Me versus me.' Friends have even made T-shirts and bumper stickers with the phrase. Each time Stephanie sees one of these items, she is reminded of Jr. and his amazing spirit. When Stephanie was invited to share a final thought, she spoke the words she believes Jr. would have lived by: ‘Show up and do your very best. Tomorrow, show up again and do even better.’ If we each embraced that simple challenge, the world would indeed be a kinder place.
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Episode 319: Libby's Mum
10/23/2025
Episode 319: Libby's Mum
Today's guest, Lisa, says she has always felt a special, spiritual link to her eldest daughter, Libby—starting when Libby was an infant and lasting throughout her life. One night, Lisa complained to her husband about a throbbing thumb. The next morning, Libby called, saying she had hurt her thumb and thought it was broken. When Libby’s father asked if the injury happened around 9 pm, Libby confirmed the time of the injury, but she was puzzled until he answered, “Your mother felt that.” Despite being over 200 miles away and unaware of any injury, Lisa sensed Libby’s broken thumb that night. Six months later, at 1 am, Libby’s friends called, reporting that she had vanished after being dropped off in a taxi. Lisa instantly feared the worst, though she tried to reassure them that Libby might simply be delayed. Deep down, she knew Libby was dead. She could not feel her as she normally could. The following day, Lisa and her husband braved a harsh English winter storm to drive to Hull. As they passed the Humber Estuary—a vast inlet leading to the North Sea—Lisa whispered, “Libby is in that water.” Her husband dismissed it as being 'silly,' but Lisa insisted she wasn’t imagining it. Forty‑eight agonizing days later, police recovered Libby’s body from those waters; she had been raped and murdered. In the nearly seven years since that tragedy, Lisa and her family have endured relentless trauma. At first, she felt isolated despite the story dominating UK headlines, and for two years she seemed to lose herself entirely. Over the past five years, however, she has begun to heal by connecting with other bereaved parents, listening to podcasts, and sharing Libby’s story with young people and police officers. She hopes that exposing the warning signs that preceded the murder will help protect other women. And although Libby is no longer physically here with her, through her work, Lisa still feels connected to Libby. Lisa feels her as she does her "Libby work" in Libby's old bedroom, now her office. Our love for our children keeps that spiritual connection alive long after they are gone.
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Episode 318: Jenny & Jesse's Mom
10/16/2025
Episode 318: Jenny & Jesse's Mom
Jerry’s passion is helping bereaved children. When I was first introduced to her, Jerry was described as a widowed mother with a heart for grieving kids. She’d written a fictional tale for late‑elementary and middle‑school readers about a ten‑year‑old girl coping with her father’s death. The story follows Joy’s grief journey, letting parents buy a companion workbook so children can record their own feelings while reading. I booked Jerry for the show because listeners frequently ask how parents can support grieving children. I didn’t realize her personal loss mirrored our own so closely. Jerry lost her husband her best friend — and raised their young family alone. Before that, she endured four pregnancy losses, including delivering and burying two infants, Jenny and Jesse. Those early tragedies marked her first encounter with deep grief and forced her to help her surviving kids navigate sorrow. Little did she know the next forty years would bring more loss, both as a widow and as a K‑9 teacher working with grieving students. In the classroom, Jerry advised fellow teachers on supporting grieving children. Many educators feel helpless; asking parents is tough because they, too, are immersed in grief. Colleagues urged her to write a book to help grieving children. Jerry had already published a non-fiction book, helping widows rediscover joy after loss, but writing for children would prove to be very different indeed. Instead of a non‑fiction how‑to guide, Jerry chose fiction — a powerful decision. Stories teach while comforting, allowing children to see themselves reflected without overt instruction. Kids gravitate to narrative—they don’t want to feel singled out. By experiencing grief through Joy’s eyes, they learn, empathize, and feel less alone. Her novel and its workbook now serve as a gentle bridge for families and teachers navigating the delicate path of loss together. To learn more about Jerry and her writing, visit .
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