Episode: What is the Color of Your Heart?
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
What color is your heart today? In this episode, I sit down with Rachael, Addy’s mom, to talk about grief, healing, and the unexpected ways art can help us survive unimaginable loss. After 12 year-old, Addy’s death, Rachael’s grief showed up not only emotionally, but physically—through panic, sleeplessness, and a constant sense of overwhelm. Words often felt insufficient. Months later, painting entered her life without intention or expectation. Through color and movement, Rachael found a new way to release what grief held inside. Art became a language when words were unreachable—and...
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Episode 332: What Remains, What Grows - Hunter's Mama
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, Luna returns for a new conversation—one shaped by time, lived experience, and the quiet ways grief continues to unfold. Years ago, Luna signed a letter to her son Hunter with words that have stayed with me since reading her book, Look Mom, I Can Fly. She signed it: Love, Your devastated, aching, flailing, vulnerable, wrecked, and resilient Mama. Those words hold so much of what it means to live after the loss of a child. When Luna first joined the podcast, she was only weeks into her grief after Hunter died suddenly while he was sleeping. Even then,...
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Episode 331: The Quiet Work of Grief - Cody's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
In this episode of Always Andy’s Mom, Marcy is joined by Melinda, a mother whose love for her son, Cody, continues to quietly shape the way she lives, grieves, and remembers. Melinda reflects on how Cody’s life changed her family for the better—how his presence deepened their compassion, softened their hearts, and continues to guide them forward even after his death. Melinda shares the story of the day her world changed, the confusion and shock that followed, and the unexpected moments of peace that met her in the midst of profound grief. She speaks honestly about how grief looks...
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Episode 330: A Father's Grief, Stitched with Love - Ray's Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
In this episode of the Always Andy’s Mom Podcast, I’m joined by Taylor, a grieving father who shares the story of his son, Ray, who was stillborn late in pregnancy. Taylor talks about the moment fatherhood became real for him — feeling Ray kick for the first time — and the joy and anticipation that followed a healthy 20-week scan. Then, at 27 weeks, everything changed. Ray’s heartbeat was gone. Taylor and his wife went through labor and delivery knowing there would be no living baby at the end, followed by precious time holding their son and saying goodbye. Taylor speaks openly about...
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Episode 329: What Is a Miracle? - Patrick's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
What comes to mind when you hear the word miracle? For so many of us who have lost a child, that word can feel complicated. We prayed. We begged. We hoped with everything in us—and the miracle we were asking for did not come. This week’s episode gently asks us to reconsider what a miracle might look like after unimaginable loss. I knew the day Andy was killed in a car accident that I was praying for a miracle. I begged as the paramedics worked, believing with everything in me that he could be saved. But Andy could not be revived, and the miracle I was asking for did not come....
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Episode 328: Christmas Memories: Holding Love, Grief, and Hope Together
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
This episode of Always Andy’s Mom is a replay of a Christmas Memories Livestream—created as a place of reflection, remembrance, and gentle presence during the holiday season. In this episode, Gwen and I read Christmas memories shared by parents from around the world within the Always Andy’s Mom community. These stories speak to the deep love that remains after loss and the complicated emotions that often surface during Christmas—joy intertwined with longing, tradition mingled with grief. Together, we paused often. We spoke children’s names. We honored moments both ordinary and...
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Episode 327 - When Grief Blows Up the Dresser - Billy's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
In this episode of the Always Andy’s Mom Podcast, host Marie Crews speaks with Lisa Oris, founder of Grief Guide, about why grief is not linear and why loss cannot be reduced to stages, stories, or a tidy “journey.” Lisa shares a powerful metaphor for grief — how loss “blows up the dresser,” leaving emotions scattered and overlapping rather than neatly contained. Together, they explore the harm caused by cultural expectations to be strong, move on, or turn grief into a success story. This episode is for bereaved parents and grieving mothers who feel overwhelmed, unfinished, or...
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Episode 326: Grief as a Dance - Not a Journey - Drew's Momma
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today’s conversation with Drew’s Momma, Melissa, is one that lingers long after the episode ends. She lost her vibrant, adventurous son Drew twenty-five years ago, and in the decades since, she has come to understand her relationship with grief in a way that feels both gentle and profoundly true. She says grief has not been a journey for her. Not something linear. Not something with a clear beginning or an end. Instead, grief has become a dance. A dance that ebbs and flows. A dance with rhythms she didn’t recognize at first. A dance that asks us to draw close, then step back, then learn...
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Episode 325: Pike's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When Mika’s 13-year-old son, Pike, was diagnosed with leukemia, she was devastated — but not in the way most people might imagine. Only a year earlier, Mika herself had been diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of lymphoma. After rounds of chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant, she fought her way back to being cancer-free. She thought their family’s battle with cancer was finally over. And then her youngest son received his diagnosis, and they had to start fighting all over again. Despite the setback, Mika carried a fierce belief that if she could beat cancer, then Pike would...
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Episode 324: Josh's Mum
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Shortly after Leigh’s 22-year-old son, Josh, was killed in a plane crash, her best friend looked her straight in the eyes and said some of the most beautiful words a bereaved mother can ever hear: “Your grief doesn’t scare me.” When she told me that during this week’s podcast interview, it took my breath away. As a grieving parent myself, I remember how often my grief did seem to scare people. I saw the uncomfortable glances from across the room. I heard the mumbled apologies when someone said something that “made” me cry. It was as if my tears were a burden they didn’t quite...
info_outlineLivestreams with Gwen are back! This week's livestream topic was to be about the fact that we are living in two worlds - longing to live in the past while dealing with our messy lives in the present. I talk about my struggles of missing Andy while trying to be the happy mother-of-the-groom at Valeriano's recent wedding. This conversation quickly morphed into another topic.
Respite.
First, is it OK to take a break from your grief? And second - where do I find respite when I need a break from my grief? My answers - First - YES! And Second - walks outside in the sunshine, riding in our boat, listening to birds while on my deck, listening to music, reading a good book, and playing board games with family or friends.
The most important point is this. It is OK (and actually GOOD) to take a break from your grief. Many grieving parents feel like they need to feel their grief all the time. Every book they read is about grief. Every podcast they listen to is about grief. Days are filled with therapy and support groups. While all of these things are great, breaks are needed. Our bodies and minds cannot handle the constant pain of grief. I remember in those early days feeling like I needed to feel the pain constantly. If I started to laugh or even smile, I would remind myself that Andy was dead, and the smile would disappear.
As the seven-year anniversary approaches next week, I feel the heaviness begin to worsen again, but I have learned that the best way to get through these difficult days is to take some time away from the pain as well. I will have intentional times with my family to talk about and remember Andy. There is an upcoming 5K race where 25 of my co-workers will be wearing Be Still bracelets as they run to support our local FitKids program. But there will also be time for me to have respite. I will spend time reading a book and listening to birds outside on my deck. I will play golf and go boating. Hopefully, I will be able to convince my family to play a board game with me.
Finding this balance is what gives me the strength to continue on each day.