Amber & Arly’s Restoration Story | Ep. 394

In this episode Dr. Kim has 2 longtime friends of his here to share their story. This couple experienced the devastation of an affair with what looked like no hope for reconciliation - but God. God did something great and redeemed their story. 

 

We can’t wait for you to be encouraged and challenged by this couple’s story. Tune in to hear more! 

 

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*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

 

NOTEWORTHY QUOTES

• “No one sets out to destroy their marriage.” - Arly
• “The affair was my solution to a deeper problem: my low self esteem and wrestling with who I was.” - Arly
• “I knew he was struggling with something, I just couldn’t get him to open up about what he was struggling with.” - Amber
• “When I found out about his affairs I felt like I was married to a complete stranger, like a didn’t know what reality was.” - Amber
• “I wanted to demonstrate to my kids that it’s ok to to put up boundaries with people you love who aren’t safe.” - Amber
• “I always said, ‘If Arly had an affair I would kick his butt to the curb and move on’ but when you actually find yourself in that situation and you have three kids and this history, it’s not an easy decision to make. I never judge anyone who is reacting from an affair.” - Amber
• “Setting those boundaries can be extremely scary but God will give you the strength and will remind you that you will be ok.” - Dr. Kim
• “The boundaries that Amber set helped me as the unfaithful spouse to wake up and realize how important my family was to me.” - Arly
• “We would not be together today had he not experienced healing and transformation on his own.” - Amber
• “It takes time to restore trust after an affair.” - Dr. Kim
• “Learning to trust him after the affairs was a process.” - Amber
• “He doesn’t put me in the position anymore of wondering where he is. He lets me know where he is and what is going on so I am not triggered and don’t have to wonder.” - Amber
• “An unfaithful spouse at some point has to believe that their betrayed spouse can handle the truth.” - Arly
• “It’s so powerful in our marriage when we realize that God made us different from each other for a reason.” - Dr. Kim
• “We didn’t want to keep things a secret from our kids. They knew the truth at a level that was appropriate for their age.” - Amber
• “I think the worst thing we could have done to our kids was to act like nothing was happening; they could feel the tension. Kids are incredibly resilient and this was an opportunity to show them how to suffer well.” - Amber
• “He had to rebuild his relationship with not only me but our kids as well.” - Amber
• “Setting boundaries is the only way to pull someone who is being unfaithful out of their fantasy world.” - Arly
• “The God who was healing my heart after this betrayal looked different than the God who I grew up with.” - Amber
• “Our marriage did not come back together until after we both took care of ourselves individually.” - Amber
• “Her healing process looked totally different from mine.” - Arly
• “There is something very powerful in marriage intensive weekends and times away because you can focus on something specific on your marriage together.” - Dr. Kim
• “We have learned to just enjoy each other’s presence and to live in the moment.” - Arly
• “Being intimate after an affair has taken place is awkward and complicated. You have to be patient and you have to stay at the comfort level of the spouse who was betrayed.” - Amber
• “There can be great healing and transformation in this process but you have to go through the dark parts to get to the light.” - Arly
• “I want couples to know just how good life can be on the other side.” - Amber

 

SPONSORS

 

• Thank you to Honoring Intimates for sponsoring this podcast episode! Honoring Intimates is a safe place for believers to learn about marital sex and shop for the highest quality lubricant, lotions, and lingerie items at reasonable prices. There are no inappropriate images on the site and the company uses mannequins to display their lingerie. Use the code “AWESOMEMARRIAGE” to receive 20% off your entire order. 

 

RESOURCES

• Affair Recovery (https://www.affairrecovery.com/), Arly attended Basecamp, a retreat affiliated with True North Ministries in Oklahoma: https://truenorth.live/basecamp/, Amber attended a retreat run by Changed Women’s Ministries, also in Oklahoma: https://www.changedokc.com/, together they attended a couple’s retreat run by Affair Recovery called Hope Rising: https://www.affairrecovery.com/hope-rising
• Want to talk about sex?! Take our Love Making Survey to open up the way for you and your spouse to work towards better sex and intimacy in marriage! This month’s resource is our Love Making Survey and it is designed to help you have a safe, genuine conversation about your sex life with your spouse. This survey is a nonthreatening way to evaluate your sex together. The questions are designed to get you thinking about all aspects of your love making and to shed light on ways your sex could be more satisfying.
• Become a Marriage Changer and receive some sweet exclusive benefits. Learn more here!
• Sign up to get Dr. Kim’s One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day via email, text, or podcast here!