Introducing Melon Cave

This post is an introduction to the Melon Cave podcast of Mark Bruns which goes to the heart of why I work on something called Transformative Discipleship Technology (TDT) which is about different hacks to assist me in better programming myself to ditch the bad habits of being myself ... the attempted transformation tech includes things like discipline improvement/tracking strategies, neurohacking, practices for developing one's self-awareness, especially in terms of how one thinks. It's about meta-cognition skills, thinking about the algorithms driving large-language learning models and stuff like retrieval augemented generation (RAG) and a variety how of human-in-loop AI systems think, as teams, with AI-savvy humans using/extending AI as their cognitive-support technology. 

Melon Cave is about THINKING ... me thinking ... and the impediments to that, especially from my own bad habits. So, it's about my struggles to CAVE IN the MELONS of the personal demons that I am battling.

Yes, OF COURSE ... it is terribly self-absorbed, terribly autobiographical ... so what?! ... that's the nature of this podcast.

Hopefully others, who might face similar struggles, can benefit from hearing me talk about how impossible these demons have been for me to battle ... but I really do not care if people listen or not. I just want to talk about my demons, and my spiritual battle against them ... it is absolutely a spiritual sort of battle.

I fully believe that one of the hardest battles any human can ever fight is to battle against the bad habits of being ourselves ... overcoming fear or worry or doubt or laziness or some other deeply, deeply personal flaw or shortcoming ... it's about developing the *little* disciplines, in order to have the discipline muscle to be able to fight larger battles is what I am talking about.

Other people will have different struggles, different obstacles that they overcame ... but they overcame their personal demons by ruthlessly caving in the melons of those demons ... and Melon Cave is not special ... it's just one guy's story about CAVING IN the MELONS of his personal demons.

 

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Lent offers a particularly COMPELLING time for thinking about giving up old comforts and views that have hung around just because it's oh so convenient to avoid taking on the PAIN that comes from battling the demons that lead one astray. Those demons have power over us precisely because they are so familiar, so COMFORTABLE, so CONVENIENT -- those demons have the bags of candy that we can't say no to, so we keep our personal demons around ... but Lent is for giving up comfort, giving up convenience and think seriously about what is stopping us from being more effective at helping people.

 

We could say that the self-compassion of this nature, or battling one's own demons, is really a big part of the the basis for compassion for others ... but it can't even be about us, or about some nebulous bullshit that falls under the heading of ***Personal Growth***.  Battling our personal demons is MOSTLY about being the warriors that God created, even though we're long overdue in stepping up. We cave in our personal melonsso that we can move forward and actually finally achieve what our Creator created us to achieve. Sure, almsgiving and trying to really help others is a big part of what Lent is for ... any moron can do checkbook charity or whip out the credit card and send $ ... however, this is much more PERSONAL and raw.  

 

And this cannot aimed at someone else ... my Melon Cave podcast is entirely about MY personal demons. I say that because I know that it's really, really, REALLY important to avoid ever judging someone else -- and of course, I subconsciously do it ... but if I ever realize that I have started thinking that I could help pick the mote out of someone else's eye, then I KNOW that it's a strong signal that I need to focus on dealing with the BEAM of ROUGH-HEWN TIMBER sticking out of my own eyesocket.

 

During this season of Lent AND I intend to make an annual tradition of this, I am trying harder to renounce my demons ... because it's not about ***Personal Growth*** ... it's because as a Christian, I am obligated to spend this season [*counting THE COST*](https://www.gotquestions.org/count-the-cost.html) per Luke 14:28. The fact of the matter is that allow I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior long ago there are old demons who have gotten in the way of me FULLY appreciating the cost that was paid. It's time for those demons to have their melons caved in, and those demons are:

 

1.  **Lack of Discipline:** I grapple with inconsistency, often due to an aptitude for easily acquiring skills. This has resulted in a deficiency in developing the skills in sustainably improving my levels discipline for tasks requiring prolonged effort. My tendency towards mercurial behavior hinders or sabotages my ability to maintain steadfastness.

 

    * **Scripture:**

        * "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7)

        * "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable." (1 Corinthians 9:24-25)

        * "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be sober-minded; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." (1 Peter 1:13)

 

2.  **Absence of Humility:** While I intellectually understand humility, I often operate from a perspective of high self-efficacy; I try to be a high-agency person. I vehemently reject any perception of victimhood and resist assistance, asserting my self-sufficiency. This inclination, I suspect, is viewed by God as amusing, lamentable and even pathetic.

 

    * **Scripture:**

        * "But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)

        * "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3)

        * "Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, and before honor is humility." (Proverbs 18:12)

 

3.  **Egotism:** Particularly in situations that evoke insecurity, such as professional interactions or familial scrutiny, I tend to dominate conversations. Instead of fostering dialogue by encouraging others to share, I often fill silences with my own perspectives. This tendency stems from a perceived obligation to carry the interaction.

 

    * **Scripture:**

        * "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6)

        * "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." (Proverbs 18:2)

        * "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent." (Proverbs 17:28)

 

4.  **Depression and Judgment:** I frequently struggle with depressive tendencies related to perceived uncontrollable circumstances. This manifests as a critical and reproachful attitude, marked by low expectations of others and an underestimation of their efforts. I am particularly prone to judging others' struggles with addictive behaviors, a reflection of my own past and potential present challenges, rooted in a lack of faith and spiritual discipline.

 

    * **Scripture:**

        * "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

        * "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)

        * "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." (Psalm 55:22)

 

5.  **Inappropriate Humor:** I possess a tendency to find humor in others' struggles, particularly those related to material concerns. I often dismiss anxieties about financial comfort as trivial, believing that affluence contributes to dissatisfaction. This inclination reflects an unkindness towards those who express financial worries.

 

    * **Scripture:**

        * "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22) However, this does not give us permission to make fun of others struggles.

        * "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)

        * "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

 

## Conclusion

 

It will be a longer haul than just 40 days. By acknowledging these weaknesses and grounding my efforts in scripture, I HOPE to cultivate greater self-awareness and spiritual growth. *I would ask people to pray for me, but* I suppose I will egotistically say something like "These are my crosses to bear." I guess I would rather have them make jokes about what an idiot I can be ... but I realize that people might be intimidated by the judgemental asshole I can be.

 

In the final, most concluding of concluding remarks, these five things are what I believe:

 

1) I DO have all the answers; *just ask me* ... I actually am joking, can't resist it, the assertion that I know the answers is the kind of thing that's supposed to be funny -- the HARD truth is that it will be a much longer haul than just 40 days.

 

2) Being NICE is closely aligned with PURE evil. The most wicked demons have big bags of sweet candy of exactly the kind that we dream about ... the mostly evil demons are FULL of platitudes about kindness, compassion and NICE WORDS ... caving in the melons of personal demons requires ACTUAL action ... and repentance and begging for forgiveness when the backsliding happens ... but it's like any recovery plan that has a PRAYER of actually working -- it requires acknowledging a Higher Power AND that means telling those who are merely NICE to fuck off.

 

3) I am not a nice guy; I have not intentions of becoming a nice guy. I am RAW and HONEST ... and my intention is to become a better disciple of Jesus Christ ... that doesn't mean being a nice guy like someone's IMAGINARY sunday school Jesus -- it means being a RAW, HONEST, brutally frank Jesus who was never exhibited any fear of either embarrassment, demons, the baddest of bad ass centurions, or even groups of people in dominant governmental empires or sanctimonious religious bodies.

 

4) I actually realize that I am quite vulnerable, but also still mean as fuck ... *so don't get any ideas* ... once again, that's a joke, it's supposed to be funny, even though it isn't -- the point I am attempting to make is that I'm vulnerable and I don't care. My soul is more important.

 

5) We are all spiritual beings. We have souls, unless we believe and act as if we are soulless. We get to choose. Our spiritual essence transcends all time ... which means that when we pray to be WITH God, to have his Will be done -- that means that we ask that God be with our SOULS, not our egos and not our psychological personnas ... we ask God to give our souls the grace of being filled with the Holy Spirit and we try to ditch our egos and try to ditch the VERY TEMPORARY notions of *personal* growth. This is about becoming the spiritual being that God created us to be.

 

Hopefully, this explains WHY this lenten season before Easter offers a particularly COMPELLING time for kicking off this Melon Cave podcast ... now is the time to CAVE IN the MELONS of my personal demons.