The Growing of Consciousness, Ep #56
Both On Board
Your whole life you’ve been taught the importance of having goals. Financial goals, relationship goals, employment goals. But have you ever experienced the feeling of achieving your goals… only to find yourself with an empty feeling? Somehow, the accomplishment wasn’t as fulfilling as you expected it to be. In this episode, Ray and Christy discuss how to experience fulfillment before you achieve your goals, why you are preventing yourself from feeling joy, and a simple method for controlling your emotions when you are angry or stressed out. Show Highlights Include: The “relax and...
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How to Surrender and Stop Living an Illusion, Ep #55
Both On Board
The current situation in the world seems as though it is causing stress and emotional difficulty for a lot of people. However, things may not be as simple as they appear. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by things going on around you, there is good news. You can control how you respond to stressful situations. In this episode, Ray and Christy discuss how you are preventing yourself from experiencing happiness, why challenging circumstances aren’t the cause of your emotional distress, and several little-known benefits of meditation. Show Highlights Include: Doing this is destroying any...
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How to Win When Everyone Else Is Afraid of Losing w/Shut Up and Invest, Ep #54
Both On Board
The current economic situation is turning the real estate market completely upside down. In case you don’t recognize it, we’ve never seen anything like this before. This is going to be very bad for a lot of people, but it doesn’t have to be bad for YOU. In this episode, Ray gives his best tips for adjusting your mindset to the current situation, what you should really be paying attention to in the news, and the absolute best real estate moves you can make right now. Show Highlights Include: The winner’s mindset you must have to make smart moves when the market is tanking (5:23) This...
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Why You Don't Need to Worry w/Candice Rasa, EP #53
Both On Board
It’s easy to get caught up in the bad news that seems to get worse and worse every day. So how can you stay a part of the world without letting the negativity drag you down? One way is to consider what the universe is trying to tell you through all this. In this episode, Ray and Christy are joined by Candice Rasa, and they discuss why all this bad news is actually a good sign, how to care for yourself during times of intense stress, and how to position yourself for huge success when we get through this difficult time. Show Highlights Include: Why world events that seem like disasters are...
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The Secret to Spiritual Growth w/Candice Rasa, Ep #52
Both On Board
What do you worry about most? Fear, stress, and material concerns affect many people. So how do you overcome these fears to lead a happier and more fulfilling life? One tool that can be extremely helpful is the Akashic Record. In this episode, Ray and Christy are joined by spiritual coach Candace Rossa, and they discuss how to grow in your spiritual life, the habits that are keeping you stuck where you are, and how to relate to those around you who are stuck in lower spiritual dimensions. Show Highlights Include: What the Akashic Record is and how it directly impacts your life (2:27) The...
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The Magic of Vision w/Dr. Kirby Hotchner, Ep #51
Both On Board
In light of widespread panic over recent events, many people are looking for answers on how to deal with difficult times. Fortunately, there are a number of ways you can bring light to the world in a dark time, and they begin with shifting your mindset on what reality truly is. In this episode, Ray and Dr Kirby Hotchner discuss the importance of vision, why forgiveness is essential, and spiritual practices to help calm and refocus your mind. Show Highlights Include: The life-changing difference between vision and sight (1:32) Why everything you’ve been taught about loss and gain is a lie...
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The True Source of Your Power w/Dr. Kirby Hotchner, Ep #50
Both On Board
It is easy to get wrapped up in the emotions of other people when it seems as though the entire world has descended into panic and chaos. But it doesn’t have to be that way. What should you do when everyone around you has given in to fear? In this episode, Ray and Dr. Kirby Hotchner discuss the best way to gain perspective in times of panic, individual practices that can help center you, and how to come out of difficult times stronger and more balanced. Show Highlights Include: This is the #1 skill to develop for a happy and fulfilled life (2:44) The surprising source of all the fear in the...
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Repairing Your Relationship with Money, Ep #49
Both On Board
If you’ve ever experienced a lack of money, or recognized that your relationship with money was always based in fear or lack, listen up. Whether you realize it or not, your internal thoughts and feelings about money can affect external wealth. In this episode, Ray and Christy discuss why money along can’t make you happy, how to increase your internal feeling of abundance, and how to crush your limiting beliefs to experience your own wealth breakthrough. Show Highlights Include: Why chasing money ultimately leaves you wealthy but unfulfilled (7:27) This uncommon definition will help...
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The True Meaning of Prosperity, Ep #48
Both On Board
How do you define prosperity? Many of us have related prosperity directly to money, and how much of it we have (or don’t have). But when you get right down to it, there’s more to living a prosperous life than money. In this episode, Ray and Christy discuss the real meaning of prosperity, and how you can lead a prosperous life regardless of your financial situation. Plus you'll see how to focus your mind and spirit on financial success Show Highlights Include: Why money is not the root of prosperity and what you should be focusing on instead (6:28) How the current use of the word...
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How to Maintain Your Peace in Times of Panic, Ep #47
Both On Board
It seems that the whole world is in a state of panic. Right now it’s over the Corona Virus, but this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s so easy to get swept up in the storm of negative news reports, doom and gloom social media posts, and the panic of empty store shelves. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In this episode, Ray and Christy discuss how to center yourself and keep the proper perspective when it seems that the rest of the world is losing its mind. Show Highlights Include: This is the secret to...
info_outlineConflict is inevitable in a relationship—healthy conflict resolution seems rare. Too often couples let their anger fester, disagreements build, and resentment settles in. With the divorce rate so high, how do you avoid becoming a statistic? How do you change the conversation? In this episode of Both on Board, we share our framework for healthy conflict resolution to build a marriage that lasts.
Highlights From Our Conversation
- [0:50] The topic of conflict
- [4:00] Our framework for conflict resolution
- [6:15] Learn how to actively listen
- [9:00] What else could this conflict mean?
- [13:35] DO NOT bring up the past
- [15:00] Be aware of your unconscious programming
- [18:25] What are you committed to?
- [21:50] Pursue your shared vision
- [23:50] Your words are powerful
- [25:00] Practice your daily disciplines
- [28:30] The importance of a shared vision
- [31:35] What am I resisting in myself?
Healthy conflict resolution begins with trust
Your relationship needs to be built on mutual trust. Without it, you have a shaky foundation at best. If you don’t trust each other, you allow doubt to creep in. You begin to lose the belief that your spouse has your best interest in mind. This is a breeding ground for marital dysfunction.
Not only do you need to build trust, but you also need to believe in each other. Believe that the other person does have your best interest in mind. Believe that they are coming from a place of love. By doing these things, you are creating an environment for healthy conflict.
There are a few other things that make up our basic framework—make sure to listen to the whole episode to hear more!
Listen to understand—not to respond
Active listening is one of the hardest things to master for anyone (ahem, we women may argue that it’s harder for men to master…). Think about it—you spend the entire time your spouse is talking trying to think of a comeback. Are you listening and comprehending what they’re saying? Or just preparing your rebuttal?
Instead of becoming defensive, respond by repeating what you think your spouse is trying to say.
They’ll see that you’re actively listening, trying to understand your point of view, and making an effort. Try to put yourself in their shoes and be compassionate. That doesn’t mean that you have to agree. But you are allowing each other to feel heard.
What do you do if you feel you’re not being heard? Listen to find out our tips!
How did your family handle conflict resolution?
It is human nature to react to conflict the way you were conditioned to react. Ray and I grew up in completely different households and different environments. My family avoided conflict entirely, so I am programmed to avoid conflict. Ray’s family fought it out—loud and proud—and then subsequently forgot about it.
Two different worlds collide when you get married.
We are very different people coming together and need to find conflict resolution that works for us. So bring awareness to your style of conflict. I have to make sure I don’t withdraw from conflict and pretend there isn’t an issue. Ray has to learn to take a step back and let things simmer down before we have a conversation.
What type of conflict resolution (or lack thereof) did your family model in your childhood?
Remember you are 100% accountable for yourself
There’s a saying that goes something like this: When you hammer a nail into a piece of wood the nails can be removed. But holes are left behind. So it is in an argument. If you are spewing hurtful words and reacting out of anger and frustration, those are words you can never take back.
You can never undo the damage you’ve caused by not controlling your words.
Your words are powerful.
Use them to build each other up, not tear each other down.
We believe in forgiveness—but the process of forgetting is far harder. So take responsibility for yourself. Make sure that you are taking care of you and filling your cup first so that you can put your best self forward and argue from a place of compassion and understanding, not anger.
Remember, you are 100% complete. Your spouse is 100% complete. You don’t complete each other. But when you come together you are exponentially better.
Resources & People Mentioned
- Sharper Couples Retreat
- Schedule a meeting with us now!
Connect With Ramon and Christy
- www.BothOnBoard.com
- Both On Board on Instagram: @BothOnBoard
- Ray’s Instagram - @OfficialRamonGonzalez
- Christy’s Instagram - @ChristyRisco
- Facebook - Ramon Gonzalez
- Facebook - Christy Risco
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