Ep 25: Marisa and Christopher Discuss the Painful Experience of Losing Their Son and Feeling Mistreated by Medical Professionals Pt 1

Disclaimers:

This episode may contain sensitive topics related to infant loss. If these subjects are triggering for you, please listen with care. While there may be conversations about medications or medical treatments, I am not a doctor, and I am not offering any medical advice. Please consult an actual doctor for your own medical care.

While Marisa and Christopher were able to conceive easily the rest of their journey to parenthood has been excruciatingly painful. From medical errors to losing their son Xavier, to struggling with adoption, the last six years have been fraught with devastation. But through it all they have managed to grow closer than they ever could have imagined.

Even though Marisa was considered high risk at the age of 42, she and Christopher were so excited to discover they would be having twins! However, after initially being told that they were having twins, Christopher and Marisa were then informed that actually that had been a medical error, and they were only having one child, which felt like the first of several losses to come.

Soon after, Marisa found out that she’d need to have a surgery to keep her pregnancy, as she was at a very high risk of delivering earlier due to what is called an incompetent cervix. During the surgery, she received severe burns which made the recovery and positioning needed to keep her pregnancy safe nearly impossible. Just a week later, Marisa’s water broke, and because of the high risk to Marisa and low likelihood of their baby’s survival in utero, she  gave birth to their son Xavier, who passed away shortly after birth.

In today’s episode which is part one of this two-part series, Marisa and Christopher reflect on the difficulty of their journey, feeling responsible for making impossible decisions, learning how to navigate the uncertainty that comes with being unable to trust your medical providers, and handling the grief that comes with delivering a baby, but not being able to bring him home with you.

The dismissal and abandonment that Christopher and Marisa felt from their medical providers during and after the loss of their son Xavier compounded their confusion and grief. It’s nearly impossible to gain closure after such an experience, but Christopher and Marisa are moving forward. Tune in next week for part two to hear more about their process of healing and recovery.

What’s in this episode:

• How Chris and Marisa came to the decision to have children [02:24]
• The mixed feelings of having a high risk pregnancy [04:49]
• The first loss in their pregnancy journey [07:30]
• Marisa’s cerclage surgery and complications she experienced during and after [10:14]
• How Marisa and Chris made the heartbreaking decision to deliver their son early after Marisa’s unsuccessful surgery [14:11]
• How alienating the process of navigating the medical environment immediately after the loss their child felt to Chris and Marisa [15:18]
• The lack of empathy and communication they felt from medical professionals immediately after Xavier’s delivery [18:47]
• How Marisa felt an utter lack of mental and emotional support from her medical providers after her son’s death [20:46]
• The community that helped support Marisa and Chris after Xavier’s death [24:50]
• How the confusion of their traumatic experience led Chris and Marisa to second-guess themselves and their decisions [25:59]
• How their religious community encouraged and supported through Marisa’s difficult labor [29:13]
• The discoveries that helped Chris and Marisa begin to heal and move forward [30:22]

If you’re feeling alone on your own infertility journey, I invite you to tune in to this episode.

For full show notes, resources, links and to download the transcript, visit our website: https://www.apieceofmyheartpodcast.com/episodes/025

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