Through the Changing Tides: Paul Glezer's Insight on an Evolving Father-Daughter Relationship

In this episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we welcome Paul Glezer to the show. The episode focuses on Paul's journey as a father, raising his daughter, and navigating the challenges and joys of fatherhood.

Paul Glezer shared his unique journey into fatherhood. He described the moment he found out he was going to be a father and how it made him feel a mix of joy and an out-of-body experience due to the simultaneous passing of one of his musical heroes. Paul also shared his initial reaction to finding out he was going to have a daughter and the overwhelming happiness he felt, envisioning her as "daddy's little girl" and "daddy's little princess."

The conversation delved into some common fears of raising daughters. Paul mentioned the fear of not knowing what it's like to be a little girl and dealing with the challenges unique to daughters. He reflected on his experiences of navigating the complexities of fatherhood and appreciated the early development of his daughter's strong personality and ability to engage in conversations and tackle life's questions.

As his daughter has grown, Paul shared that they bonded over physical activities. He talks about their shared love for gymnastics and how they trained together using gymnastics rings. He highlights the satisfaction of being able to share those moments and connect on a physical level.

The discussion also touched on the peaks and valleys of fatherhood and the challenges Paul faced when his daughter's security and self-esteem were threatened. He emphasizes the importance of guiding and building resilience in children, even when it's emotionally challenging.

Regarding the balance between personal and family life, Paul stresses the importance of filling one's own cup and setting personal goals for self-care. By ensuring that they take care of themselves, fathers can be more present for their children and partners.

The conversation also explores the "Girl Dad" hashtag and the special bond between fathers and daughters. Paul believes in a unique connection between fathers and daughters, whether it's a perceived phenomenon or reality. He expresses his love and pride in being a girl dad.

The episode concludes with a discussion about Paul's initiative, The Art of Healthy Parents and Your Hero Life. He explains how the group focuses on providing advice and support to fathers to help them maintain their physical and mental health, enabling them to be more present for their families.

Paul offered advice for dads who are hesitant to change their health and lifestyle habits, emphasizing the importance of starting with easy wins. He encourages them to take small steps and build on their progress over time.

The Art of Healthy Dads serves as a valuable resource for fathers looking to improve themselves and their relationships with their families. 

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

 

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]:

Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:

Hey, everyone. This is Chris, and welcome to Dads with Daughters, where we bring you guests to help you be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. I'm excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, we have an opportunity to be able to connect, to be able to talk, and And be able to walk on this path that we're on together. I've told you in the past, I've got 2 daughters myself. I know you've got daughters if you're here, and Every dad's journey is just a little bit different, and it's important. It's important to be able to connect. It's important to be able to hear these differences and be able to hear the way in which Different dads are fathering because there's no one right way to father.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]:

There's no one right manual for how to be a father, But we can learn from every dad around us, and it may not be easy to go next door and talk to that dad next door And be able to admit when things are aren't going the best, but sometimes you can listen and you can take in some different Thoughts, some different perspectives, and build a toolbox for yourself. And that still doesn't mean that you have to do it alone. It just means that you have an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, and to be able to help yourself to be able to be that dad that you wanna be. That's what this show is all about. Every week, I love being able to sit down with different people, different dads, different experts that are bringing different types of experiences to the forefront that will help you to be able to be a better father.

Christopher Lewis [00:01:52]:

We've got another great dad with us today. Paulie Glieser is with us today, and Paulie is a

Christopher Lewis [00:01:58]:

father of 2. We're gonna be talking about his journey as a father himself. He lives in Melbourne, Australia, and we are I'm really excited to be able to learn from him and his experiences and to welcome him to the show. Paulie, thanks so much for being here today.

Paul Glezer [00:02:12]:

Thank you so much for having me on the show, Chris. It's an absolute pleasure to be here, and, thanks Making the time in the evening over in Michigan.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]:

Well, I appreciate you giving me some time in the morning where you are that we we found that there's about a 14 hour difference Between where I am and where you are, but I love being able to have dads from all over the world to talk with them Because every dad's journey is a little bit different, and I love starting these conversations with a opportunity to To go back in time, to turn the clock back, we'll say. And I'd like to turn the clock back all the way back To that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter, what was going through your head?

Paul Glezer [00:02:53]:

Well, firstly, before we delve in, I just wanna Congratulate you and your community on what an incredible document you're preserving for fathers, specifically of of Girls out there and daughters because it's a really special connection between fathers and daughters to be able to grow, develop, and To have, you know, these stories to be able to reference is is really special, so thank you for your contribution. So The moment I found out I was a father was a different time to when I found out I was a a father of a daughter. The moment I found out my wife was pregnant with our child. It was the same day I found out one of my musical heroes passed away. It was a very Weird time that, like, to have that amazing experience of getting that information, I was just overwhelmed with joy. If you were to isolate that and then, there was this kind of, I suppose, out of body experience between this birth and death realm that was going on in my, inner world as well. But then fast forward to the birth of our child Finding out I always said during the gestation period and the the pregnancy, I didn't have a great preference over whether it was a a boy or a girl, Son or daughter. And when we found out that our child was a daughter, we didn't find out previous to the birth.

Paul Glezer [00:04:16]:

I was just, I don't know. Something within me just was like, I'm so happy. This is a girl. She's gonna be daddy's little girl, daddy's little princess, and I was just overcome with Emotion, overcome, cried for days.

Christopher Lewis [00:04:29]:

I've talked to a lot of different dads, and dads tell me that not only is there fear in Becoming a father just in general, but there a lot of times for dads with daughters, they say that there's a fear of raising daughters in some ways. What What would you say has been your biggest fear in raising a daughter?

Paul Glezer [00:04:47]:

Firstly, I would say my biggest fear of raising children in general has been I've never done this before. And you can't read any manual that is gonna give you a blueprint because you are A complete unique individual, and the fruits of your loin are completely unique individual. So that was, like, completely disarming but liberating In the same way, because I knew that anything I did was gonna be right and wrong depending on how we kind of danced through the sea of life together. And then there was the added complexity of me. I've never been a little girl before, so I don't know what it's like to of the challenges associated with being a little girl, and it's just amazing. You know? I I say at the beginning of her childhood, I always So fatherhood at the beginning is it's there's no doubt. It's it's not easy, but it's simple. You keep your child alive.

Paul Glezer [00:05:39]:

You sleep when they sleep. You change their nappies. And then once they start to develop these little personalities, all of a sudden, they're Challenging you there, having these opinions on life, and I've got a feeling my daughter had opinions earlier than Some. And it was great to be able to have these conversations with her and to tackle life's bigger questions at an early age.

Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]:

Now your daughter is 5, and during those years, as you said, your child starts to have their own personality. You start to identify things that make them tick, make them excited, make them happy, make, you know, the things that they enjoy doing. And those may or may not be similar to things that you enjoy doing as well. What would you say is the What are the favorite things that you and your daughter like to share together?

Paul Glezer [00:06:30]:

I'm a very physical person. I enjoy using my body a lot. And From the moment my daughter was born, she was just glued together really cohesively. She walked early. She ran early. She did sports early. She did everything where she could express herself physically in quite a cohesive manner, and she took that and she ran with it. Pardon the pun.

Paul Glezer [00:06:52]:

We were able to share That experience of expressing ourselves physically together. I get my gymnastics rings up in the back of our house, And we experience learning different training technique as a father and daughter. We'd experience different gymnastics moves together. Growing up, 80, My daughter was probably more kind of gravitating towards mom for a period of time. I want mom to put me to bed, I feel like I I was sitting on the bench for a little while and just enjoying the supportive role that I had. And this is not a woe is me story. It's just The reality of the way it is and ebbs and flows. And and of late, she's given me the ring in, and she's daddy's little girl of late.

Paul Glezer [00:07:34]:

And I'm, like, Rolling up my sleeves, and I'm like, okay. This is daddy's time to shine. I want daddy to put me in a bed. And this is gonna come in various different, peaks and troughs and, stages in in life. But right now, I gotta tell you, the connection that I am having with my daughter, Being able to share the small things in life with her has been truly remarkable and also very validating for me because my daughter looks at me and She says, daddy, what do you think? I'm like, yeah. This is nice.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:04]:

Onto it now because as they get into their teenage years, it might change. You never know.

Paul Glezer [00:08:08]:

I'm sure.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:09]:

So as your daughter has has gotten older, as you have already said, there's been peaks and valleys. There's been ups and downs. There's There's different phases, different stages, and with those comes some challenges along the way as well. It's not always going to be easy To be a parent, as we all know, what would you say has been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Paul Glezer [00:08:33]:

I'll use my, I suppose, my most Recent experiences as guidance. Having any kind of difficulty where my daughter's security as an individual is threatened, and that can be through having being left out of a playing circle between 3 kids for a day. That just goes so deep to my heart, and it Breaks me into a 1000000 different pieces because I'm sitting there thinking, I know what it's like to have experienced something like that in my childhood, feeling unvalidated, Feeling threatened, feeling like you're less than in a social environment. And for your daughter to experience something like that At such a young age, which I'm sure every son and daughter will experience in their life, as the father of a daughter in that protective mechanism that is inbuilt in us, I feel, becomes really, really upgraded and becomes, like, super intent. And then my rational mind comes into play and says, well, this is an exercise of resilience. How is she gonna be able to tackle this? How is she gonna be able to endeavor to be able and our role as parents or my role, I saw as a dad is to be able to guide her, give her examples of how this has affected me in my life in the past, And see how she takes it and runs with it. And it's been incredible to just see how this tiny little baby 5 years ago has developed this, Not just this ability to be able to think independently for yourself, but to be able to look at unique situations And then riff on them and grow before my very eyes. It's remarkable.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:08]:

I know that you're a busy guy. You know, you are an entrepreneur. Where you are doing a lot of different things and balancing those things, balancing the different hats that you wear As a father, as a husband, all the other hats that you also put on, talk to me about how you balance all of that So that you are present and that you are engaged and able to be there for your daughter.

Paul Glezer [00:10:33]:

So the one thing I've learned, and I've learned this The difficult way, the uncomfortable way at the beginning of parenthood is I need to be able to fill my own cup up, whatever that looks like, In order to be available for my children, for my partner, for my friends, I need to be able to feel full myself. And feeling full Criteria wise, now can be very different to what it felt like when I was 20 years old. But being conscious of what that looks like, Setting those goals, filling my own cup up, and then knowing that when I'm, coming home from a day at work and I'm with my children and my daughter, I can and this doesn't always happen 100% of the time, but I can put my phone down. I can leave it and just be completely and actually present with my daughter. And I've and I've realized that taking your children on big holidays does not excuse not being present For the small transient moments in their life, I actually feel like those 5 minute bursts of transient Connection consistently put together far more powerful experience for your children than going, I don't know, taking your your children to club med or whatever it might k.

Christopher Lewis [00:11:48]:

So true. So true. And those little moments add up to big moments, and they and kids reflect back on them. And what I've come to find is you can't get those moments back. And if you are completely checked out, If you're on your phone, if you're not there, if especially when your kids want you to be there, then As they get older and they don't want you to be there, they remember you not being there too. And it's So important to be able to, especially as your kids are young, to invest the time in to build that solid relationship So that as they get older, they know that you're there, that you can always that they can come to you. And as they Stretch their wings and look for more autonomy that they still will come back, and they still want you around Even though they want that autonomy at the same time.

Paul Glezer [00:12:49]:

I couldn't agree more. Well said. And to me, the the word that comes up when you are discussing something like that is trust. Them trusting you to be attentive, present, and available for them in these times in their life. They may not look or appear to be the most Vulnerable times in a a kid's life that it's like every time you are attentive, it's like a a dollar in the bank, that trust, mechanism that you can flex, that muscle that you can flex between yourself and your daughter. And I think that has a compound interest that you said can probably That probably rates its benefits later on in life as well.

Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]:

Appreciate you sharing that. Now I've been talking to a lot of dads recently about a hashtag that keeps coming back up. It's been around for many years, and you may see it in your neck of the woods. You may not. But the hashtag girl dad has been around for Quite a few years now. As you hear that, and it may mean something to you, and it may not mean something. But what does that mean to you? What does being a girl dad mean to you?

Paul Glezer [00:13:51]:

The hashtag Girl tag to me really just it it's hard to explain in words, but to me, there appears to be a very unique and special bond Between a father and his daughter. And, you know, you've got 2 daughters. And I have a daughter and a son, and they're both incredibly special to me. But I can my relationships with both of them are unique, and I definitely see the connection between my daughter and myself. There's something inherent between what a daughter kind of experiences with her father. Whether I perceive it in my own mind Or it's reality. I'm not sure that yeah. I can definitely say that special bond between a daughter and dad.

Christopher Lewis [00:14:35]:

Well, I appreciate that. Now I mentioned at the beginning that you have been doing some of your own work with other men, with other dads, and you have a group Called the art of healthy dads, and you're working as you said to me prior to us starting to talk, You've been working in kind of physical and mental health spaces and and trying to help dads in other ways. I guess, Talk to me a little bit about this this group that you've started, the Art of Healthy Dads. You know, why did you decide that this was something that you really wanted to to start For yourself, for others, especially as an offshoot to because I know that you also were the founder and owner of Hero Life as well. So talk to me about why you started this group and why was it important for you to start this group?

Paul Glezer [00:15:26]:

So I I mentioned that when I first Became a father. Well, first, let me rewind a little bit more. A lot of my friends became fathers before I did, and I saw A certain consistency in health decline amongst my friends who became parents, both physically and to a certain extent mentally and emotionally. It was a it's a lot to take on board the transition from not being a parent to being a parent. And I saw that, and I was I thought to myself, From a physical standpoint, I've been a health coach for 20 years, and I thought to myself or at this time, 15. And I thought to myself, there's no way I'm gonna drop the ball on This one. I've got all the knowledge. I've got a lot of experience in training people, All the nuts and bolts associated with nutrition, la la la.

Paul Glezer [00:16:16]:

Needless to say, I dropped the ball when I became a father. The transition was So far out of left field for me, I really, really struggled with it. And it took me some time for me to pick up the pieces and to understand that This is such a delicate fine balance to being able to give to be able to serve yourself and to be able to give to yourself so you can be available for your family so you can be the best person you can possibly be for your children and for your loved one. And this entity of family is Consistent of so many different entities, there's yourself as an individual with who you need to nourish unapologetically. And then if you're in a partnership, There's the partnership between yourself and your partner that you need to nourish as a separate entity, and that needs the spotlight that it deserves as well. And then you have the unique relationships that you're developing between yourself and your children that also need a spotlight. Now if you're transitioning From a 20 something year old or a 30 an early 30 year old who's, I don't know, kicking around playing footy and whatever you're doing, you're pretty much You are the center of your universe. Right? And you don't have a great deal of mind, space, and or care for those around you because you don't need to.

Paul Glezer [00:17:32]:

And then all of a sudden, you're thrusted into this universe where there are so many different things going on that need to be nourished. It's a massive transition. And the catch 22 is You can't be as available for these people without you being able to fill your own cup up, and that's one thing I learned very, very strongly. So I've started this group to be able to be a mouthpiece from my own experience, to be able to offer advice and or have a forum where men can express and exchange ideas between each other to be able to be as healthy as they possibly can embody and in mind so they can be able to be the most present, the most giving people they can be in a family environment.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:17]:

So talk to me about the group itself and what people are gonna find if they decide to join.

Paul Glezer [00:18:23]:

The the IFF Healthy Dads is a free forum and group where I basically, I cycle points of advice In my own experience and anecdotes from in my own experiences to challenges that I may have experienced in my own life And or I may have had with clients that I work with. That generally expands upon a number of different pillars, That is exercise or movement, nutrition, lifestyle advice, which is a massive one, and I could break that down The the 2 because people may just think to themselves what's lifestyle. And then there's mindset as well, which is the filter that Really embarks upon or that affects everything that I just spoke about before. So to touch on lifestyle, that really is being able to understand what Your unique characteristics or challenges are for you as a busy working dad. So if person a is a 9 to 5 or Nowadays, 8 to 6 or 7 worker who just doesn't have the time to be able to give to themselves And to their family. And my job is to be able to sit back and actually understand what their ideal week would look like And how we can get towards that weight as quickly as possible. How can we identify gaps in their schedule where they can give to themselves? How can we stack Certain habits. So we can make them as effective as possible and actually give them the opportunity to grow in health And also develop that presence of mind and consciousness so they can actually come back to their families and be able to give more and be more present.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:01]:

Comes to changing Your health changing kind of those habits, it does take time. It does take effort, and it's not always easy. And I think From some dads that I talk to, that's sometimes some of the things that get in the way of making those changes. For someone that is in that rut that that they just don't feel like they can start moving in that right direction, What are some easy things that you would say to them that they can start doing right from day 1 that can help to move them And move the needle in the right direction.

Paul Glezer [00:20:38]:

Well, I think he hit the nail on the head when he said the word easy. It needs to be an easy win. As human beings, we have a an internal dialogue that can really talk ourselves out of success, this self sabotage Narrative in our minds. And I've been dealing with dads now almost exclusively for about 4 years. And we had this amazing way of being able to just spell certain possibilities from our minds because we feel guilty for putting ourselves first in certain situations. But if we can make that win easy enough and achievable enough, then we use that habit to build on itself. So if you're looking to as a father, let's say you set a goal of running a marathon and you haven't run-in 5 years. Well, That that's fine.

Paul Glezer [00:21:27]:

It's great to have goals, but let's reverse engineer that goal back towards really tangible Habits that you can build 1 upon the other, and that might be for some person, it might be going for a jog around the block. For another person, It might be going for a walk every morning. For another person, it might be just putting your shoes on. And that might seem ridiculous to Somebody, saying, well, putting my shoes on, but that's just exercising that muscle of you being able to say, right, my intention Is in 5 years' time to have a marathon under my belt, well, what happens if I just put my shoes on for the next week? And then the week after that, I go for a walk for a month. And then the month after that, I am running around the block For 5 minutes, and you build up so on and so forth, and you become 1% better every day until 5 years down the track, You're running a marathon, and it doesn't it seems like it's impossible at the point in which we our minds are at, but we need to be able to Look at this and not overestimate what we can achieve farther down the track.

Christopher Lewis [00:22:36]:

So it sounds like you're working with men day by day, Step by step as they work toward finding that goal for themselves, but then helping them to achieve that goal And this group is just 1 piece of the puzzle. Am I reading that right?

Paul Glezer [00:22:51]:

The group out of Healthy Dads is for men. It's a community that men can exchange ideas with one another. It's something that I'm very passionate about, offering as much advice as I possibly can. You mentioned hero Tribe or hero life, that's the service that I offer for people who are after accountability, support, And framework to be able to achieve this on a personal level. I sit down with individuals and almost take a complete inventory of their life, understand what's happening on a personal level dynamically with their partners, if it's relevant dynamically with their children, And understanding exactly how we can develop solutions to be able to, Move the needle ever so slightly in every department of their life. It's remarkable what happens after you do it for just even 1 or 2 months. How unbelievable these men don't even recognize themselves after a couple of months.

Christopher Lewis [00:23:53]:

I really appreciate you sharing that. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Paul Glezer [00:24:03]:

Ready.

Christopher Lewis [00:24:03]:

In one word, What is fatherhood? Trust. The time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Paul Glezer [00:24:11]:

The very moment she was born.

Christopher Lewis [00:24:13]:

Now if I was to talk to your daughter, how would she describe you as a dad?

Paul Glezer [00:24:17]:

I would like to think caring, unapologetically affectionate, doting, And at times challenging, although she may not have used those words.

Christopher Lewis [00:24:27]:

Who inspires you to be a better dad?

Paul Glezer [00:24:29]:

My daughter does. My children do.

Christopher Lewis [00:24:31]:

You've given a lot of piece of advice, things for people to think about and to challenge them in different ways. As you think about all dads that

Christopher Lewis [00:24:42]:

that are out there, what's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Paul Glezer [00:24:42]:

First thing that comes to mind is everything in parenthood, everything in childhood is a phase. Everything in human existence is a phase. So the, quote, unquote, bad times where your children are continuously waking up throughout the night refusing to go to sleep like my youngest son did last night, that's a phase. And whilst it feels like you are in the depths The despair and you feel like you're never gonna get out of it, it will eventually come to an end. And, likewise, when everything is humming along perfectly, Your children are just doing exactly as they are told. That will also naturally conclude, and the next cycle will begin. And This is, to me, just like a really great kind of mantra that that I tell myself, regularly to help myself survive the difficult times And to really be present for the good times, to be able to to use them, and also be present for the bad times because whilst They're challenging their their their growth.

Christopher Lewis [00:25:44]:

Paulie, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your own journey. If people wanna find out more about you, about your group, Where should they go to find out more?

Paul Glezer [00:25:53]:

The best place to go would be a couple of resources. There is www.yourherolife .com. I can also give you the art of healthy dads URL if you would like as well as my Instagram. Instagram URL is paul_glazer, g l e zed e r. The the group of the art of healthy dads is facebook.comforward/groupsforward/

Christopher Lewis [00:26:20]:

Out of healthy dads. We'll put long links in the notes today to make sure that you have those so that you can find Paulie And be able to connect with him if you want to. And and, Pauley, again, thank you so much for your sharing your own journey today, for sharing your own perspectives, and And the ups and downs of fatherhood for you as well, and I wish you all the best.

Paul Glezer [00:26:42]:

Thank you so much, Chris.

Christopher Lewis [00:26:43]:

If you've enjoyed today's Episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best Dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, Step by step road maps and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today.

Christopher Lewis [00:27:29]:

Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared To helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.

Christopher Lewis [00:27:41]:

We're all in the same boat, And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy Add in presents and bring your a game because those kids are growing fast. The time buzz by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen,