Parenting with Grace: Dan Rose's Approach to Raising Daughters

In a special episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, guest Daniel M. Rose joins host Christopher Lewis for a heartfelt conversation about the beautiful and sometimes challenging journey of fatherhood. As fathers to daughters, they share their wisdom and personal experiences, offering valuable insights on building strong, independent relationships with their children. This episode is a reminder that fatherhood is an ongoing journey of growth, grace, and understanding.

The Initial Fear and Ongoing Love:

Dan Rose vulnerably shares his initial fears and uncertainties when he found out he would be a father to a daughter. Like many fathers, he worried about being overprotective or not doing a good enough job in raising his daughter. This honest admission resonates with many dads, highlighting the common fear of not being able to provide and protect our children adequately. However, as Dan and Dr. Lewis attest, this fear is often replaced by a love that grows and evolves throughout the different stages of a daughter's life.

The Unique Bond and Shared Activities:

As the conversation unfolds, Dan Rose emphasizes the special bond and shared activities between him and his daughter. It's heartwarming to hear how, despite initial differences, they found common ground through shared interests in pop culture and TV shows, particularly during the challenging time of the lockdown in March 2020. This emphasizes the importance of staying open-minded, adaptable, and finding ways to connect with our children, especially during difficult circumstances.

Teaching Gratitude and Building Foundation:

A significant takeaway from this conversation is the importance of teaching gratitude and being thankful for what children have from a young age. Dan acknowledges that building a foundation of gratitude in childhood allows for more freedom and less overreaction in parenting during middle and high school years. This essential parenting aspect reminds us of the significant impact that instilling values of appreciation and mindfulness can have on a daughter's development.

Responding with Grace and Vulnerability:

Dan's emphasis on responding to his children with grace, understanding, and vulnerability rather than judgment or discipline, is a vital aspect of nurturing strong father-daughter relationships. This echo from Dr. Christopher Lewis aligns with the podcast's focus on embracing grace and vulnerability in fatherhood. It's a reminder that by being open, empathetic, and willing to embrace our vulnerabilities as fathers, we can foster trust, openness, and resilience in our daughters.

Initiating Honest Conversations and Building Trust:

The importance of treating daughters with respect and initiating honest conversations to strengthen the relationship cannot be understated. Dan encourages fathers to respond with love, listen, and learn from their daughters, fostering a relationship built on trust, respect, and understanding. This highlights the significance of creating an environment where daughters feel heard, valued, and supported. Moreover, it emphasizes the role of fathers in providing a safe space for open, honest conversations with their daughters. Conclusion: In this deeply insightful and emotionally resonant episode, '

Dan Rose and Dr. Christopher Lewis remind us that fatherhood is a journey of grace, gratitude, and vulnerability. By embracing these qualities and nurturing open, loving relationships with our daughters, we can empower them to grow into strong, resilient individuals. This episode serves as a powerful testament to the enduring bond between fathers and daughters, and the profound impact of intentional, empathetic parenting.

In this episode, Dan Rose's vulnerability and Dr. Christopher Lewis's thoughtful insights offer an invaluable roadmap to fathers everywhere on the profound and transformative journey of raising daughters. Through these conversations, we can glean wisdom and solidarity that enriches our own journeys as fathers.

 

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:
Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. The Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down with you and talk with you about the journey that you're on and really the Go on this journey with you because as you know, I've got 2 daughters myself, and you never stop parenting. You never stop being a father, the And you're gonna continue to learn because the different phases of life that your kids are in are gonna push you in many different ways, ways that you the Right now are probably not even expecting, or if you are older and have kids that are older, you may be looking back and saying, oh, I wish I would have known. The And you could give some good advice too. But I love being able to to sit down, talk to you, have you listen every week because Doug. It is a journey, and it is something that we all can work on to become better at, to just like anything that we do. And by being able to listen to others, to learn from others, and be open to being vulnerable in many different ways and being open to learning and trying new things, you will be able to be that engaged dad that you wanna be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:37]:
This week, we got another great guest with us today. Dan Rose is with us, and Dan is a father of 2. He's got both a son and a daughter. We're gonna be talking about his Dog. His experience as a dad of daughters. He is a pastor of a network of house churches and works to Bring his ministry all over Southeast Michigan and works with a number of different communities as well. Dog. So I'm really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:04]:
I've known him for many years, and I'm really excited to be able to talk with him today. Dan, thanks so much for being here today.

Dan Rose [00:02:10]:
I am glad to be here, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]:
I'm excited to have you here as well. And one of the first things that I always do and love to do is turn the Doc. Back in time. And you've got 2 kids now that are grown and flown. They are older now and out of the house and doing their next the The thing is they are preparing for their journey into adulthood. When you think back to the very beginning and you go back to that first moment, that first moment when you found out that you were going to be a the Father to a daughter.

Dan Rose [00:02:39]:
What was going through your head? Abject fear. That was was the first thing. To be our son was born first, and I grew up with the 2 younger brothers, and so figuring out how to be a dad to a son seemed pretty straightforward. And, when we found out we were having a daughter, That was scary. And and yet it was also kind of the sense of just what an honor That it was gonna be to raise a daughter and thinking about what it would mean to be a daddy as opposed to just a dad. And Shortly after Libby was born, Amy was working with college. Amy, my wife, was working with with college students, and She wanted me to to write a little thing for these girls in her bible study about what does it mean to raise a daughter, to be a girl dad, which wasn't a phrase at the time. So for me, it was the this this idea of of being a daddy and being being someone who would be able to take strength and the Give it to my daughter so that as she moved out in this world, that she would be as strong as my son and be able to hold her own because, boy, this world is it's just hard, and it's particularly hard, I think, for women.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:49]:
Now you kind of touched on this just a little bit, but you also said that When you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter, you were scared, there was fear. What would you say was or is your biggest fear in raising a daughter?

Dan Rose [00:04:01]:
I think one of my biggest Fears was being too protective, was overprotecting her, making her dependent on me in such a way that She felt like she was gonna have to go through this world needing a man or something along those lines. But then kind of the the the alternative of doing such a a the Poor job that she would not like men at all or that she would be not trusting of men or would fear men or would just have some sort of the Irrational relationship towards men. So kind of a double edged sword there on the fear thing. Too much and too little. Trying to figure out how do you stand on that razor's edge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:41]:
The Now as I said, your daughter now is older, and she has gone off to college and doing some different things. The And I guess as she went through those phases in her own development, as you went through those phases the Throughout her development and you think back to the fear that you said that you did have, how does that look different now that she left the house and gone to that next the phase of her life.

Dan Rose [00:05:08]:
Yeah. So she just finished her 3rd semester at Michigan State. And so for anyone that's not living under a rock, Last year, they at Michigan State had a campus shooter and knew people who were shot and killed, and her friends knew people. It was one of those things you never think you'd experience. And so now that and there was no way to protect her because she was an hour and 20 minutes from my house. I couldn't go rescue her. And Watching her handle a situation that none of us know how we're going to respond and watching her face that with courage, with a strength that I don't know if I would have. And then to see her move forward from that situation as the semester continued on and Dog.

Dan Rose [00:05:55]:
As she is continuing to grow, to see her just continue to press on with a tenacity and a strength that comes from a the Deep, deep place. And so as we walked through that whole thing with her last year, it became very clear that she was ready to take this world. And she was strong and resilient and has everything you need to succeed. So it has been fun. It's really been fun to see her to see her just Thrive now in light of of everything that's been going on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:25]:
It's so exciting to hear that. And, you know, I went through a similar thing this fall the When there was a shooter on the campus where my daughter is a freshman, and luckily, she did not know the 1 person that was the Shot and killed, but it still impacts, and you have to deal with that. And for us, you know, she's over 11 hours away. So as you said, you can't rescue. I definitely could not easily rescue, and she didn't need the rescuing either. She dealt with it in her own way and the Showed her resilience in that way, and I think all the students did. And but it's hard. It's hard to take that step back, the Take that and and know that they're on their own, and you wanna just hold them and be there for them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:14]:
And I think the The only thing that we could do at the time was make sure she knew that and make sure that she knew that we were there for her and the Go from there and support her in any way that we could. Now one of the things that I am kind of interested in is that, you know, you have 2 children that are different. They're different ages. They have different interests. They're doing different things, and you build those unique bonds the With your children to be able to be engaged with them in many different ways. What is the favorite thing that you and your daughter like the or do that you share together.

Dan Rose [00:07:51]:
We struggled for a minute. When she was younger, we didn't have a lot of things in common. She is a girly girl, And one of my favorite stories about her is we were helping my mom was a teacher, and we were helping her do the annual move into your classroom bit. And so we're carrying things up the To the classroom, and Libby is taking a stuffed animal, a singular book. My mom says to her she was probably the 4 at the time. And so my mom says, Libby, you can carry more than that. Libby put her hands on her hips, and she said, mom, These arms are made for strapless dresses, not for carrying things. So it's like, okay.

Dan Rose [00:08:30]:
She did the dance thing. She she lived in a world that I did not understand at all, and quite honestly, a world that my wife didn't understand either. And so So fast forward to March 2020, and the whole world shuts down. And it was It was transformational in our in our relationship. She was a sophomore in high school, and then her and I all of a sudden Started spending every day together, all the time together, and we have discovered that we enjoy the same Similar TV shows. We enjoy a lot of the kind kind of pop culture stuff. So her and I, like, we bond over pop the culture and over kinda knowing who's who out in the Hollywood world and that kind of thing. And, you know, my wife and my son are just the clueless about it.

Dan Rose [00:09:21]:
They're like they have no idea what's going on. So Libby and I have these inside jokes. We can just and we laugh at Ethan and Amy all the time. The And, and so are there are few people in this world that I enjoy bantering with more than than my daughter. And her sense of comedic timing is just perfect. The She might be the funniest person that I know. And so, honestly, it's just spending quantity time with her because the more time We spend the more the conversation spirals and gets hilarious and and things just get more fun in every single conversation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:56]:
The I love that. And you probably know way more than I do when it comes to some of the pop culture stuff.

Dan Rose [00:10:02]:
I have to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:02]:
Well and that's just it is that I think that as a father, you the have to be willing to have some grace and know that you that your kids are not gonna always like the The things that you like, they're not going always going to do the same things that you're going to do. You're gonna connect with your kids in different ways. And the I know that you and I were talking before we started about the importance of grace. And when when I know that when you talk about Grace in parenting. It's not the same as grace in religion. So why don't you give me a definition? When you're talking about grace in parenting, why the Has Grace been so important for you as a parent? But first, let's define it, and then talk to me about how you have Incorporated that into the raising of your kids.

Dan Rose [00:10:51]:
It's funny. If we were having this conversation 10 years ago, 15 years ago, my answer to What is the definition of grace and parenting would be different than it is now? Now, really, once we kinda hit the middle school years Doubt. Was when this definition changed and kinda locked in for me. I would define grace in parenting as maintaining access, the Doing what is necessary to maintain access because it's it's at that time when they're 11, 12, 13 when they're pushing boundaries, when they're they're testing. They're trying to figure out, okay. We've had these rules as as little kids, and now we're we're not quite adults. Everything in their world is changing. Their friends are changing.

Dan Rose [00:11:32]:
Their bodies are changing. Their emotions are changing. Everything. Dog. And so now they start pushing and testing, and they're and they're separating themselves from us as mom and dad, which is healthy and good. And I see so Doug. Many folks during that time lose access to their kids because their kids break a rule or are disobedient or you know, they no longer are just trying to make mom and dad happy. They're trying to figure out what does their world look like the And how are they going to move through this world? And and so all of a sudden now, it's, I had to ground little Sally Bell.

Dan Rose [00:12:11]:
For 2 weeks, wouldn't let her see her friends for 2 weeks, took her phone away, all of these things. And so if someone was treating me like that, what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna give them the anymore. I'm gonna shut them out. And so when they got into that middle school, man, it became all about how do I how do we as mom and dad maintain our So that when when those important conversations need to be had, when those hard relationship things that are going on in middle school and high school the are happening that they're coming to talk to us and not going to another 12 year old or a 13 year old with all of their vast wisdom.

Dan Rose [00:12:50]:
I know. 12 13 year olds have all the answers and know all the things, but maybe maybe we know a little bit more. And so and so we wanted to do everything we could the to maintain access. Now how did that look? Oftentimes, that looked like us making a mistake and then the Apologizing to them for that mistake when we overreacted. It was very rarely that we underreacted. We pretty much always overreacted as parents. And so when we realized that we had overreacted, we would the Come in and apologize. And we would own our mistake as a as a parent in our overreaction, and we didn't do so in a way that the Still spun it back on them. Like, we left because, sure, our overreaction was probably almost always because they didn't do something right, but it still didn't Require the overreaction that we gave.

Dan Rose [00:13:41]:
And so when we would go in and and apologize and ask forgiveness for overreaction, we wouldn't tie it to their behavior at all. Dog. We owned our own behavior and simply asked for forgiveness of our own behavior in the way that we would want other people to come to us. We began to treat them as more and more as equals. And so now as a result, we have our son is the He's 22. Libby's 20, and our family chats and our texts are they're brutally honest and brutally open, and they hide nothing from us. They've never hidden. As far as we know, there's just there's not a lot that they hide from us.

Dan Rose [00:14:19]:
And I think about all of the things that we hid from our parents. Our kids haven't seemed to do that, and I think it's because we really sought to do whatever it took to maintain access in their lives. So we defaulted a lot to yes. Can I go to so and so's house to spend yes? Can so and so come to our house and spend the night? Yes. We didn't use grounding as a punishment, and we didn't use taking away their ability to the Connect with others as a form of punishment because we thought that is just critical to our lives as people. We tried to dive in and figure out doc. In those situations, what what was really going on? And a lot of that was grounded when they were 4, 5, 6, 7 years old. And so By the time they got to be 13, 14, 15, those lessons had been learned.

Dan Rose [00:15:03]:
And so, like, for instance, I think both our kids have had situations where they wanted a particular the thing. Right? Some toy. And we didn't have a lot of money when they were younger, and so we it would cost us to get them this particular toy or this the that they wanted, and then they would respond in the way that 3, 4, 5, 6 year olds would often respond to not having a lot of gratitude. And so instead of Losing our stuff, we would just take that toy back, put it up on the shelf, and say, hey. When you're grateful for this thing that you have, you can have it back. And it would take some time, but they learned that. Right? It was that deeper issue. It wasn't that they're necessarily being disobedient.

Dan Rose [00:15:40]:
They needed to learn gratitude. They needed to learn To be thankful for the things that they have. And so that one little lesson then translated out to when they were in middle school and high school, no And we didn't we didn't seem to have those same kinds of a lot of issues where we had to overreact or overparent too much because of things that have Things we had learned in the past allowed us to really be gracious in middle school and high school. So there was kind of this process of building a foundation when they're younger, Which then allowed us to to grant a lot of freedom when they were when they were older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:11]:
I love hearing that, and I think that every person needs to hear the that, especially if you're a young dad and you can start making those changes now. Now if a father has not been doing that, And they've got kids that are coming into their teenage years, and they have defaulted to no. And they have not the Built that relationship that has been conducive for access to their kids, and their kids may be hiding things or or other Things that you've been able to avoid. Are there things that you would recommend to dads that the See that in themselves, see that in the relationship that they have with their own kids that they could start to make intentional changes that would help Doc. To build a stronger relationship with their kids in the long run?

Dan Rose [00:17:04]:
I think the first step would be to identify how the How would I want somebody to open that conversation with me? If there's somebody in my life who has kinda defaulted to know or doesn't trust me or doesn't hasn't dealt graciously with me and they've Dog. They want to change how they relate to me. How do I want them to approach that subject? What would it take for somebody to change that the in relationship to me. And then turn that around and say, okay. Well, I guess this is how I need to begin to move towards move towards my daughter is the I'm gonna start because I guess it's as fundamental as this. I'm gonna start treating her the way that I wanna be treated and taking some intentional time To go out, grab a grab a mocha frappuccino or a, you know, whatever the latest TikTok Starbucks fancy drink is, And going and sitting down and having an honest conversation, you would just be shocked at how our kids will respond to honest, open, Real talk. To sit down and say, I know this is kinda the way it's been. I don't like the way that I've been doing things.

Dan Rose [00:18:02]:
I'm Trying to figure this parenting thing out too. And I need us to talk through some of this stuff. How can I be better? How can we then move together as a dad and a daughter towards the More openness towards more honesty. You will be shocked, but then the kicker is you gotta back it up. When She comes home and tells you a story, and it makes you uncomfortable because she's doing something that you did in high school or that you did in middle school That you're like, my kid's never gonna do that. And yet here she is doing that. You get to decide how are you gonna respond. Are you gonna respond in judgment? Are you gonna respond with discipline, or are you gonna respond by saying by listening and by extending grace the And by thinking about your response to it and just slowing down a minute and saying, alright, how am I gonna respond when she tells me this thing that I don't wanna hear? And and kinda having a plan in your head of maybe it's something like or you say, oh, thanks for sharing that with me.

Dan Rose [00:18:58]:
Doug. I appreciate you you opening up. Right? And and then that's it. And and then maybe you look for other opportunities Doc. To have conversations about that in a way that's not gonna be a judgmental thing, a way that's not gonna slam the door on that access. Because if if they come and they bring something to us and and we immediately slam the door on them, that access is gonna get shut down real quick again. Doc. Couple of the phrases, especially now that my kids are older, that I'm learning to say, that I've been intentional about trying to say is, the How can I help you? How can I help you? Or do you want my advice, or do you just want me to listen? And now the door's open to them.

Dan Rose [00:19:37]:
Now they're giving me the insight, the And all of a sudden, I look like a superhero because I'm just doing the very thing that they want me to do, and I don't have to figure it out. So those things work I think doc. Can work well even even, you know, middle school and high school with kids in that age that, again, opening seeking to open the door and giving them some room doc To direct it a little bit so that it's a give and take relationship. It's a both and. We have to make that shift from one up, one down relationships to relationships of mutuality with our with our daughters, and that's hard. It's it's it's really, really hard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]:
It is hard. It it is definitely not something that is always the something that you would innately think that you would do. And I think it is a mind shift and something that you have to be willing the To, as I said at the very beginning, be vulnerable. And sometimes with men, let's be honest, that word is a triggering word.

Dan Rose [00:20:30]:
That's right. My palm started sweating just as you said that v word.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:32]:
And it it's not a bad thing, though. Be vulnerable, being willing to the Say I don't know or be willing to just sit and be in the moment and explaining Where you're at is important, and it shows a human side to you that, especially as your kids young, they don't always see. Every child seem for the most part, every child tends to see their parent as a hero, as the person that they the Just love innately. And as long as you love them back, you're gonna continue to have that love. But then there is gonna be that point that, Dan, you just talked about that your kids start pushing back. And That grace is so important that you are willing to be in the moment, be there, be the Open, honest, and real with them. I can't say that I'm I've always been the best example of that. I try my best, And I try to admit when I'm failing as well, and I could do better.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:44]:
And I'll be honest about that, but I think that the All of us can be better, and it's so easy to try and solve their problems. It's the So easy to get back in jump right back into that mindset of I'm gonna come and rescue you. And Especially for our daughters, for the most part, that's not always what they want. And asking the question, Dan, that you said of do you just need me to listen is important because so often the the women that are in our lives, whether it be our daughters, Our spouses, friends, men tend to try to solve. They try they jump in and they Don't always listen very well, but you're gonna come out ahead so much further ahead if you're willing to the Shut your mouth and just listen and then respond. Again, I'm not always the best at that. My spouse would tell you that From day 1 that I'm not always the best at that, but I do try. And I fail, and I try again.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
And I the fail and I try again, and that's what you have to do when you are a parent as well. We definitely have to keep being teachable and the And learning and growing, and that's what this podcast is all about is being willing to be vulnerable, being willing to know that you don't know everything, the There's not one right way to parent. There's not one right way to father, and there's not one the playbook that you can pick up and say, this is the this is what I have to do. Because as you just heard, the way that Dan Fathers is different than the way that I father is different than the way that you father. And and that's okay, but we can take pieces the of what each of us do and learn from each other. You can build a relationship with that dad next door the And start to listen and learn from what they're doing and say, I like that. Don't really like that, but pick the things that you do like And start incorporating them. Try some new things just like Dan was talking about.

Dan Rose [00:23:56]:
Tell you what, man. I think one of the ways I learned some of this grace thing was in conversation with my father-in-law the raised 4 daughters. After his 3rd daughter was born, he went to the bar. So we were talking as my kids were probably late elementary school, and the He's from Southern Indiana, and he says, Diane, let me tell you something. And we sat and talked about parenting. And one of the things he said was You gotta give them enough rope when they're in middle school and high school to just about hang themselves, but not so much that you can't pull them back. Doc. And he's like, you want them to learn the lessons when they're still under your roof, when you can still put your arm around them, when you can still pick them up when they fall.

Dan Rose [00:24:40]:
And that was some of the best parenting advice that I've ever received because it opened up so much freedom. Like, I no longer Had to be a perfect dad, and my kids didn't have to look perfect. They could go and make mistakes, And then I could pick them up, and we can brush them off, and we can help them figure it out so much better that they the Figure out and make their mistakes when they're in junior high and high school than when they're in college 11 hours away or 2 hours away Because it's a lot harder to pick them up and brush them off when they're out there. And when you're over 18, your mistakes are they're way more costly. So when you make mistakes, when you're 13, 14, 15, and you got somebody there who can help pick you up and brush you off, It's just it's just such a such a better way. And that bit of advice from my father-in-law was was huge for those very reasons.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:37]:
Now, Dan, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five where we delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dan Rose [00:25:44]:
I'm ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:45]:
In one word, what is fatherhood?

Dan Rose [00:25:46]:
Joy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]:
When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Dan Rose [00:25:52]:
When She put a professor in his place this semester at Michigan State.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:57]:
You gotta tell me more about that one.

Dan Rose [00:25:59]:
To me, this is like, Doc. She's gonna be just fine. She's a public relations major. And because that's, you know, kinda more on the business side of things, everything That they do is group work, it seems like. And so Libby wants to get good grades. Libby is very conscious about wanting to the Just wanting to be successful and succeed. And so she kinda took this 1st group project all on her own, and she's like, you guys aren't getting it done. The I'm gonna get this thing done.

Dan Rose [00:26:29]:
So she rocks out this group project with minimal help from her group, turns it in, gets the grade back, and they only got an 80. And she was mad. So she flips to the back, looks at the comments. And in the comments, the professor writes, you missed, the Like, 5 different things in your group assignment that you just didn't do. And so she marched up there after class and walked him through and showed him where All 5 of those things were at in the paper and said they're here, here, here, and here, so fix it. And he scratched out the 80 and gave him a 90. And I was like, this girl, she don't need me anymore. She just put this dude in his place, and she advocates for self. She takes no crap from anybody. And so that I was like, alright. We hit a home run. She's on her way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]:
I love that. Now If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Dan Rose [00:27:22]:
Well, I hope they would describe me as loving, as the Herring as somebody who always has their back no matter what. We told both of them. Dog. I've told both of them numerous times when they're getting ready, especially they're getting ready to walk into a hard situation. You got this. You can do this, but just know that I'm the cavalry. If you need me, I've got your back. And so I I hope that's how they would describe me. I think that's how they would.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:52]:
Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Dan Rose [00:27:54]:
I think my father-in-law. I really my father-in-law, I think, is he he's not perfect. The Talk to my mother-in-law for 5 minutes, and you'll find out that my father-in-law is not perfect. But we just celebrated his 80th birthday and listening. And one of the things that we did was Dog. All of his grandkids spoke about the impact he's had on their lives. All 4 of his daughters spoke about the impact the that he's had on their lives. And, man, if my kids and my grandkids will speak of me the way that they spoke of the of my father-in-law.

Dan Rose [00:28:25]:
And I know from talking to my brothers in laws, the way that we've the 4 of us feel about him. That's dad goals in a big, big way. In so many ways, when I grow up, I wanna be my father-in-law. Again, not perfect, but, boy, he loves fiercely and really and he embodies what a I think what a good dad really looks like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:43]:
Now you've given a lot of piece of advice today. As we finish up, what's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Dan Rose [00:28:47]:
If you're gonna on the side of love. The So often, once the door is closed, once the relationship is broken, it is so hard to get it back. So if you're gonna make an error, error by loving too much, by granting too much grace. If we on the side of love, the odds are we're gonna get it right more times than not. I tell the people I pastor, Tell my kids. Tell anybody that listens. I don't think we're gonna stand before god or the divine or whatever at the end of our lives, and and they're gonna say, you know what? You love too much. Dog.

Dan Rose [00:29:18]:
You just loved too much. That is never gonna be our problem. So if I'm gonna if I'm gonna make a mistake, if you as a dad are gonna or make a mistake, make it on the side of love. Making on the side of loving them too deeply, too much, with too much love. That's the error. If that's the thing that at the end, you know, my kids are sitting in counseling and because dog. They're gonna everybody's gonna need it. So when they're sitting there, they're like, you know, my dad just loved it too much.

Dan Rose [00:29:42]:
I'll take it. He didn't have enough rules. I'll take it. That's my piece of advice to every parent. It's just air on the side of love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:48]:
Well, I appreciate you sharing that, Dan, and I appreciate your time today. Now if people wanna find out more about you the And what you're doing, is there a great place for them to go?

Dan Rose [00:29:57]:
Yeah. So I try to write pretty regularly, and they can see my longest the form stuff at danielmrose.com. And then I write some shorter things that are only about 250, the 300 words, and I do that mostly daily ish at the kjd.net, the knee jerk devotional.net. So those are 2 places, but they can find me on just about any social network known to mankind. My username everywhere is Daniel m Rose, All one word. So Twitter/X at DanielmRose, Facebook at Daniel M. Rose, Mastodon, which is where I live most of my days now because It's nice. So is that Daniel M. Rose at writing.exchange, Instagram at Daniel M. Rose. You can find me at Daniel M. Rose. When in doubt at Daniel M. Rose. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:47]:
And we'll put links in the notes today. Dan, thanks so much for joining us today for sharing your journey in being a father, and I wish you all the best.

Dan Rose [00:30:57]:
Hey. Thanks, Christopher. It was good chatting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:58]:
The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. The We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Daughters is a program of fathering together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:41]:
We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters the And be the best dad that you can be.

We're all in the same boat, the And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. The Dogs. Presents. Bring your a k, because kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, the Donker. Be the best the dad you can be!