Sex is the Language of the Body

My man has always liked my jelly. He and I have had countless conversations about body image- how he sees me, how I see him, and how men and women think about the opposite sex’s physique. And what I’ve come to learn from not just him, but from reading books, talking with men, and hearing stories from other women, is that men don’t really care all that much about that extra jelly you’ve got cushioning your bones. Especially men who care about you.

 

Most men are just happy they get attention from you as their adoring lady, and they could care less that you have love handles spilling over the side (which you’re probably making out to be larger in your head than what’s really there). They don’t care when you have a quadra-boob from bosom spillage out of your bra, or wings flapping on the sides of your arms, or extra jelly jiggle on your thighs and buttox when you walk. They still want you! A real man is just happy he has a lovely, soft woman to have and to hold who wants him in return. Don’t miss the emphasis on that last part - they need to feel wanted and desired in return. That is one of the most attractive traits you can possess for him, is wanting him.

 

Men want to feel special, as much as they probably won’t admit it, and it usually comes in the form of 3 ways: attention/affection, appreciation, and acknowledgement. Men’s need for affection and attention usually comes in the form of sex (and when you have children it can also take shape in the form of paying an equal or greater amount of undivided attention on him as you do your little ones); the need to feel appreciated usually comes in the form of words of affirmation and thank you’s (telling him how much better your life is with him in it); and the need to be acknowledged means recognizing all the good they do for their women (like airing up our tires even though we’re fully capable of doing it, too). Basically men want to be cherished and feel special just like women do.

 

The difference is most men have been socialized into communicating most of their needs through the language of the body whereas women have been socialized into the language of rhetoric. There are several theories as to why this is the case, and perhaps they all have some validity, but just observe your own experiences and see if you find some truth to this. Neither communication style is right or wrong, but we oftentimes have trouble translating between the two languages and it leaves us blaming the other.

 

Most men often don’t have the words to articulate their needs verbally unless they’ve had some practice in previous relationships, except they usually know how to initiate sex, which is how they communicate to women that they’re in need of some TLC. And it doesn’t always mean they need all 3 things at once: attention, appreciation, and acknowledgement. Maybe they just need some affection and attention, but so do your children, pets, and grooming habits. I didn’t always used to understand this. I erroneously thought that men were hungry beasts for physical pleasure and had a very underdeveloped capacity for emotion. I know... this was completely sexist of me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. They feel the same range of feelings and longing to be wanted as women do, but they’re just speaking it in a different language through the body where they can escape the discomfort of putting those thoughts into words, especially when they can’t find the exact combination of words to accurately express what’s going on inside their heads. In fact, they can express feelings in a way that many women will never be able to do through words alone by the use of physical touch, passion, tenderness, and desire, because words simply cannot always reach the emotional depths of the heart. Saying you love someone versus actually loving someone are two very different things even though they’re closely related.

 

So the next time those little mind gremlins start having a conversation in your head about how your pants aren’t fitting right, check yourself and remember how your partner sees you. They see you with rose colored glasses and hopefully even a crown on top of your pretty head. That extra padding is his soft landing, a warm body to put his arms around. And remember that his primary language to the heart is through his body. Whatever action you feel inspired to take to express that appreciation is good, and it’s a language worth learning. Just make sure that at every step of the way, you really put your heart and soul into it to make him feel special, cherished, desired, and irresistible. I guarantee that you’ll touch him deeply and he’ll be buzzing for days.