360 SelfWork (Second Time Around): 15 Questions to Ask Your Potential Therapist
Release Date: 09/22/2023
382 SelfWork: The Many Gifts of Fear
The SelfWork Podcast
I remember my dad telling me that the main thing he feared in life was to have a heart attack when he was still young. His dad had had that happen and it killed him when my father was only a teenager. My dad, when I was 16, had a heart attack. It didn’t kill him but I so remember the look in his eyes, one of acceptance but also one of demoralization. He lived until his early 80’s but his life changed – and thus our family’s life changed due to that event. Today we’re going to be talking about coping with fear, its difference from anxiety, and the unexpected gifts it has to...
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381 SelfWork: How to Talk About Your Depression
The SelfWork Podcast
I was honored to offer a TEDx talk this past year in Boca Raton, Florida. It's entitled and in it, I describe clients I've seen who'd never have seemed depressed to anyone around them. Two in particular are featured: one tried to take her life; the other came in well before that happened, but admitted he'd also had thoughts about doing the same. Having thoughts about wishing for the end of your life is much more common than many people realize—and we, as a culture, need to talk about those thoughts with one another much more transparently. Without judgment. It's also imperative...
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380 SelfWork: How to Get to Forgiveness - Through Anger and Empathy
The SelfWork Podcast
I’ve stayed away from the topic of forgiveness here on SelfWork. Why? Because the word itself means very different things to different people – especially due to your culture or religious belief. But this week, I received an email from a listener that was so poignant AND was about forgiveness, that I’ve decided to talk about it, I've learned that there are emotions that are are important to acknowledge and work through in order to “get” to forgiveness. What are those emotions? Anger. And empathy. Let me say first… forgiveness isn’t an emotion. It’s a decision. A decision based...
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379 SelfWork: What's the Better Way of Saying "My Feelings Are Hurt"?
The SelfWork Podcast
“My feelings were hurt” is a phrase very commonly used. We even use it when we talk to our children. “Did someone hurt your feelings?” It’s kind of interesting when you think about it. Instead of asking, “What happened and how are you feeling about it?” and helping your child sort out their exact feelings, we lump them all together. Many of us carry that lumpy mess of “hurt feelings” into our adulthood. Instead of saying, for example, “I want you to ask me what I think, or what I’d like, instead of assuming you know," you might say, “You hurt my feelings all...
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378 SelfWork: Tina Turner Takes A Seat: How to Accept Change In Your Family
The SelfWork Podcast
I’ve pulled what is the most downloaded episode of SelfWork’s history today because I've had to step off the stage again in my work to allow my body and mind to heal. Two weeks ago, I was in a huge hurry, bounding down my staircase, talking to my husband over my shoulder, in my clumsy Uggs boots – and I managed to pull off a head over heels tumble down the steps, eight or nine of them – and landed on a slate floor. Broken collarbone, mild concussion, and so many bumps and bruises... we won’t even go there. I’m doing okay. Having some nightmares – which I suspected I would. My...
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377 SelfWork: Recognizing When Worry and "What If" Questions Paralyze You
The SelfWork Podcast
So many of us are living "what if" lives, meaning that we're not looking at the present and for opportunities that might be right in front of us. Instead we're worrying about the "what ifs" or "what if nots" of the world. And that can keep you in a constant state a perpetual indecisiveness. Of course, foggy thinking is a part of depression and worry is typically a huge part of anxiety. So we'll weave all that together on this episode of SelfWork. Our SpeakPipe voicemail for today is also about anxiety; she's talking about anticipatory anxiety as she stutters and experiences fear of...
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376 SelfWork: Three Unexpected Facets of Grief
The SelfWork Podcast
Norman Lear is someone whose work, talent, and creativity I’ve admired for a long time. I've used an interview that he gave before he died as my inspiration for this episode, when he said about his own mortality, "It's not the going... it's the leaving that's hard." So today on SW, we’re going to focus on endings and grieving and three facets of grief that may be surprising: When grief is harder the second year and facing the future is hard When your grief means that you fear risking loving again When grief is characterized by "counterfactuals" - "what if's" for example - that keep you...
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375 SelfWork: Knowing You're 'Mom Enough": A Conversation with Author Rachel Marie Martin
The SelfWork Podcast
When I heard the name of the book my SelfWork guest - Rachel Marie Martin - has written, I knew I wanted her on the show. What's the title? (Dexterity, September 26, 2023). In it you'll find greatly affirming letters written for moms at various stages of motherhood, from the melancholic to the "tear your hair out" to the poignant. Mom enough. It reminded me of an early psychological researcher, Winnicott, who was the first guy to stop blaming moms for all their children's psychological problems. He called it, "the good enough mother." And I know that's what I tried to be. Good...
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374 SelfWork: How to Stop Chasing The Next Best Thing: Moving from FOMO to JOMO
The SelfWork Podcast
You’re getting back (or will be soon) to the office or to work or school.. and you start hearing about what everyone else did over the holidays. Maybe you’ve already seen stuff on social media that seems to tell their story. Maybe you’ve scrolled Instagram reels or watched hilarious TikToks. Your own life may shrink in comparison - especially if you're living in fear. That's the topic for today. How to confront your fear of missing out (FOMO) or how to stop chasing the "next best thing" and instead, to live in joy (JOMO) or at least contentment. Here's Lauren Cook's and Dr. Cathy...
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373 SelfWork: What's Inner Child Work? And Why Do It?
The SelfWork Podcast
Today we’re going to focus on how the inner child model of therapy has been used and what exactly does it mean. Simply put (which to me is always the best way), how much does a client realize and connect with the idea that their past is influencing their present. I’ll offer a story about how that connection is made in therapy if it has not been so far. It’s definitely something that many struggle with – as they battle the belief that what happened years ago might be impacting who they think of themselves now. The listener voicemail for today is one I somehow missed last year –...
info_outlineI have such a fantastic production team in Christine Mathias, my communications manager, and John Crowley, my audio engineer. And so I want to thank them for pulling the next two episodes off for me while I'm on vacation with my family!
This was Christine's choice as one of her favorites, and she introduces this week's episode in this "second time around" listen. The focus is on how to interview a potential therapist, a task which stop SO many people from even trying therapy. I agree with her about how important this info is. So I hope - actually we hope - it's great info for you.
The listener voicemail today is from a woman who’d read one of my blogpostarticles on challenging or working through the shame that you've carried around, quite without rational or reason, because you felt invisible to others, and thought whatever happened to cause your shame was somehow your 'fault.'
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Vital Links:
The podcast episode also talking about the problem of feeling invisible.
An Unquiet Mind written by Kay Redfield Jamison,
My first podcast episode on What Is Good Therapy?
An Open Counseling article explaining licensure and training differences between therapists
My podcast on whether to terminate therapy
The different family roles that you can adopt and play
You can hear more of many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!