TCL 118 - The Dead Man's Rule of Goal Setting
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Release Date: 11/14/2025
TCL 118 - The Dead Man's Rule of Goal Setting
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Reframe 'don't' goals into concrete actions only living people perform. When you set goals like "I won't complain" or "I'll stop interrupting," you're unknowingly sabotaging yourself. In this episode, I explore the Dead Man's Rule—a powerful principle from behavioral psychology that reveals why negatively-framed goals fail and how to transform them into actionable directives that actually drive change. Main Ideas: The Dead Man's Rule explained Three reasons our brains can't process "don't do X" instructions effectively. How to identify and normalize goals, turning vague avoidance statements...
info_outline
TCL 117 - Your calendar tells you the truth
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
We say we value family, health, and learning. But our calendars tell a different story. There's often a gap between what we claim matters and where our time actually goes. Main Ideas: ● How your calendar and spending reveal your true values, not your stated ones ● Why we often aspire to values we don't actually live by ● The difference between aspirational values and actual values ● How to use your credit card statements to understand your priorities ● Steps to structure your life...
info_outline
TCL 116 - The Emotional Remote Control
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
When someone upsets you, do you tell yourself "they made me angry"—or do you recognize that you're choosing your response? In this episode, I share a story from my early leadership days and a five-step framework I've developed for reclaiming emotional remote control. Main Ideas: Why saying "someone made me feel" means giving away your emotional control My story of creating a manual my team didn't use and the anger I felt The five-step framework for reclaiming your emotional remote control How to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about external triggers Setting boundaries without...
info_outline
TCL 115 - Add Water not Fuel
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
When conflict flares up, are you adding fuel—or water? In this episode, I explore a simple yet powerful metaphor to help leaders de-escalate tension and build stronger conversations. Learn how to lead with clarity, maturity, and curiosity in the heat of the moment. Main Ideas: The “Fuel vs. Water” metaphor for understanding conflict behavior. Seven practical ways to de-escalate heated situations and respond with intention. How to stay grounded, communicate non-judgmentally, and lead through emotionally charged conversations. Want to navigate tough conversations without losing your...
info_outline
TCL114 - An Introvert with a Mission becomes social
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Do you prefer introversion and find big networking events draining? In this podcast episode, I share how redefining my role gave me energy, purpose, and deeper connections during the wild, busy International Coaching Week events in May earlier this year. It was a simple mindset shift, but one that changed everything for me 😊 Main Ideas: ● Why introverted leaders are underrepresented in senior positions ● The difference between preferring introversion and lacking social skills ● How...
info_outline
TCL 113 - How to tell whether coaching actually worked
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Here are some resources you could acccess about evaluating coaching effectiveness: How do you really know if coaching worked? It’s easy to feel good about the process, but harder to prove whether it led to actual results. If you're investing time and money into coaching, you need a way to track its impact—beyond just good feelings or positive feedback. In this episode, I will break down how organizations and leaders can evaluate coaching effectiveness. I will share why it's not enough to ask clients if they "feel better" and instead offer concrete strategies for tracking behavior...
info_outline
TCL112 - The Anti Stupid Question Field Guide
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
People often say, "There’s no such thing as a stupid question." But is that really true? In this episode, I challenge that idea and explore how avoiding poorly thought-out questions can make us better leaders and communicators. Main Ideas: How asking unprepared questions can waste time and damage credibility. The Power of Intent-Based Leadership A simple framework to shift from vague requests to clear, intentional communication. How to coach your team to think critically, take ownership, and contribute meaningfully. Learn how to foster smarter conversations and build a culture...
info_outline
TCL 111 - Go Beyond Bland Summarizing
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Capturing essence in conversations builds trust, deepens connections, and improves communication. We often summarize conversations to show we’re listening, but simple summaries don’t always make people feel heard. Capturing the essence—recognizing emotions and core messages—deepens conversations and builds trust. In this episode, I explore how leaders and coaches can develop this skill to connect more meaningfully and communicate with greater impact. Main Ideas: Why simple summaries don’t always make people feel heard. The difference between summarizing and capturing the essence....
info_outline
TCL 110 - The Power of Constraints
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Explore how time constraints sharpen focus, spark creativity, and lead to better coaching outcomes. Many leaders believe great coaching requires long, in-depth conversations. But what if shorter sessions could be just as powerful? In this episode, I explore how time constraints sharpen focus, spark creativity, and lead to better coaching outcomes. Main Ideas: Why long coaching sessions aren’t always better. How constraints like time limits can create focus and urgency. Simple ways to turn short check-ins into valuable coaching moments. How regular, brief coaching beats infrequent long...
info_outline
TCL109 - Speed comes from focus, not talking fast
The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach
Please take 1 min to rate this podcast! It will mean a HUGE deal to me. What’s the point of driving fast on a long detour? We might as well go much slower, but on a direct path and save time and energy. Coaching works the same way. “We need to speed up coaching” is a common thing I hear. And yes, telling IS faster than asking, but often sends us on a racing detour. However, there are simple ways to get to results in conversations faster (that’s what we mean by saying ‘coach faster’). An error in thinking that I often observe is that ‘talking faster’ helps the most here. In...
info_outlineReframe 'don't' goals into concrete actions only living people perform.
When you set goals like "I won't complain" or "I'll stop interrupting," you're unknowingly sabotaging yourself. In this episode, I explore the Dead Man's Rule—a powerful principle from behavioral psychology that reveals why negatively-framed goals fail and how to transform them into actionable directives that actually drive change.
Main Ideas:
- The Dead Man's Rule explained
- Three reasons our brains can't process "don't do X" instructions effectively.
- How to identify and normalize goals, turning vague avoidance statements into concrete, actionable plans
Want to stop spinning your wheels on goals that go nowhere? Let's discover how shifting from avoidance to action can transform the way you approach personal and professional growth.