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Breaking Toxic Cycles and Coming Home to Yourself with Margarita Kogan

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

Release Date: 10/15/2025

When Something Quietly Hurts show art When Something Quietly Hurts

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

When Something Quietly Hurts Resilience, Dopamine, and the Wisdom of Letting Go There’s a part of resilience no one really prepares you for. Not the crisis. Not the breakdown. But the quiet moment when you realize something in your life is slowly, subtly hurting you. In this episode of Diamonds in Dumpster Fires, Melie explores what real resilience feels like in the nervous system, why calm can feel uncomfortable after prolonged stress, and how dopamine-driven habits can quietly erode our sense of safety. Using dating apps as a personal example, she unpacks how constant anticipation and...

info_outline Self-Compassion, Shame, and How God Designed Your Brain show art Self-Compassion, Shame, and How God Designed Your Brain

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

For many people of faith, self-compassion can sound uncomfortably close to self-indulgence or letting ourselves off the hook. In this episode, Melie explores why that tension exists—and why self-compassion, when rooted in Scripture, is not opposed to growth but essential to it. Drawing from research by Kristin Neff, this conversation reframes self-compassion through a Christian lens, separating grace from shame and accountability from self-punishment. You’ll hear how neuroscience, faith, and Jesus’ own example all point toward compassion as a catalyst for lasting transformation....

info_outline What Real Resilience Looks Like with Eric Davis show art What Real Resilience Looks Like with Eric Davis

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

What does resilience actually look like when life is heavy and you’re tired of being told to “just push through”? In this episode, Melie sits down with Eric Davis, combat-decorated U.S. Navy SEAL and author of Raising Men, to talk about a grounded, practical definition of resilience that goes far beyond grit and hustle. Instead of white-knuckling hardship, Eric reframes resilience as maintaining and restoring your capacity to take action—especially in hard seasons like burnout, divorce, grief, or rebuilding. Together, they explore purpose, passion, rest, habits, and why so many...

info_outline You Don’t Need to Remind People That You Exist show art You Don’t Need to Remind People That You Exist

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

Have you ever felt invisible? Even while showing up, engaging, and trying to connect? In this episode of Diamonds in Dumpster Fires, Melie explores the quiet loneliness of feeling overlooked, forgotten, or ghosted. She talks about why moments like repeated introductions, unanswered texts, and fading connections can hurt so deeply, and why that pain isn’t a personal flaw: it’s human wiring. This episode blends personal stories, faith, and neuroscience to unpack: Why feeling unseen hits harder than we expect What research says about social exclusion and belonging How ghosting and...

info_outline Gentle Resilience for the New Year show art Gentle Resilience for the New Year

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

January doesn’t always feel fresh, clear, or motivating — and if the new year feels heavier than expected, you are not alone. In this short, grounding episode, Melie offers a compassionate alternative to resolutions, reinvention, and pressure. Instead of goals to achieve, she shares three gentle practices you can carry with you into the new year — especially on days when your energy, clarity, or motivation feels limited. These practices are designed to support your nervous system, your faith, and your real life — not an idealized version of who you think you should be. You don’t need...

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Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

New Year’s Eve is often framed as a celebration of fresh starts, big goals, and reinvention. But for many of us, this night feels quieter, heavier, or more complicated than that. In this episode, Melie offers a gentle New Year’s Eve reflection for anyone who didn’t “win the year,” set big goals, or feel ready for resolutions. Instead of focusing on becoming someone new, we honor something simpler and often overlooked: the courage it takes to stay. If this past year was about survival rather than thriving, this episode is for you. We talk about endurance, unseen strength, and why...

info_outline Light in the In-Between: A Christmas Eve Episode show art Light in the In-Between: A Christmas Eve Episode

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

Christmas Eve sits in the in-between space. Not the miracle yet. Not the ending. Just the waiting. In this special Christmas Eve episode, Melie speaks to those who feel stuck in the middle of healing, rebuilding, and figuring things out. If life feels unresolved right now, this message offers gentleness, perspective, and permission to rest without forcing clarity or cheer. You’ll hear reflections on: Why waiting seasons feel so uncomfortable How uncertainty impacts the nervous system Why unfinished does not mean unworthy What quiet, realistic hope can look like Why being “still...

info_outline Resilience When You’re Sick: Why Rest Is Not Failure show art Resilience When You’re Sick: Why Rest Is Not Failure

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

What does resilience look like when your body is worn down, your energy is gone, and productivity feels impossible? In this gentle, honest episode of Diamonds in Dumpster Fires, Melie talks about resilience on sick days. Not the “power through” kind, but the kind that honors your limits, listens to your nervous system, and allows rest without guilt. Blending neuroscience, faith, and real-life compassion, this episode is for anyone who feels emotionally fragile when they’re sick, struggles with guilt around rest, or needs permission to slow down. If you’ve ever felt like taking a nap...

info_outline The Hidden Cost of High-Functioning Anxiety with Lisa Skeffington show art The Hidden Cost of High-Functioning Anxiety with Lisa Skeffington

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

Today’s guest, Lisa Skeffington, is a multi–award-winning psychotherapist, executive coach, and self-esteem expert who has spent more than 25 years helping high-achieving women navigate anxiety, burnout, and hidden emotional wounds. In this conversation, we talk about: What imposter syndrome actually is (and why it’s so common for high achievers) How high-functioning anxiety hides behind competence, control, and “hustle” Why traditional therapy often misses what high-performing women really need How childhood pressure, conditional approval, and later “dumpster fire”...

info_outline One Year Later: What Podcasting Taught Me About Resilience show art One Year Later: What Podcasting Taught Me About Resilience

Diamonds in Dumpster Fires

This week marks a full year of Diamonds in Dumpster Fires—52 episodes of showing up, telling the truth, and letting God work through the messy middle. Instead of a highlight reel, Melie shares seven lessons this year of podcasting taught her about resilience, creativity, faith, and showing up when life feels anything but polished. In this episode, you’ll hear: Why resilience is built through tiny acts of consistency How vulnerability strengthens connection and calms the nervous system Why creativity regulates your body and grounds your spirit How structure—not motivation—keeps...

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Guest: Margarita Kogan, Licensed Therapist & Founder of Honor and Heal

đź’Ž Episode Overview

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same painful patterns—whether in relationships, habits, or thought loops—this episode is for you. Licensed therapist Margarita Kogan joins Melie to unpack why we repeat toxic cycles, how to spot them, and what it really means to come home to yourself.

Margarita helps women who “look like they have it all together, but feel anything but.” In this candid conversation, she explains how childhood conditioning, nervous system patterns, and self-abandonment play a role in keeping us stuck—and how healing begins when we learn to trust our own voice again.

🧠 Key Topics Covered

  • Recognizing Toxic Cycles: How to tell the difference between a hard season and a recurring toxic pattern.

  • The Role of Self-Abandonment: Why smart, capable women stay stuck—not from weakness, but from conditioning.

  • How Childhood Shapes Our Patterns: How early experiences of love, safety, and belonging affect adult relationships.

  • Breaking the Cycle Post-Divorce: Why toxic dynamics can reappear in dating, and how to stop repeating them.

  • Rebuilding Self-Trust: Small, daily ways to reconnect with your intuition and learn to trust yourself again.

  • Healing Through the Body: The importance of noticing your somatic responses when triggers arise.

  • Boundaries and Grace: How to set flexible boundaries that protect your peace without shutting everyone out.

  • What Healing Looks Like: Signs you’re growing—when old triggers lose their grip and peace replaces panic.

🙌 Connect with Margarita Kogan

Margarita’s work through Honor and Heal helps women unravel emotional trauma, toxic relationship patterns, and rebuild deep self-trust through therapy and coaching.

đź’¬ Connect with Melie

đź’ˇ Episode Takeaway

Healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken—it’s about remembering who you are underneath the layers of survival. When you stop abandoning yourself, you begin to build the kind of peace that no one can take away.