328: Illness, Pain and Advocating for Yourself
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
Release Date: 07/30/2025
343: Speak Up with Judge Rosemarie Aquilina
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather Hansen sits down with her good friend and returning guest, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina, Michigan judge, author, and trailblazer best known for presiding over the Larry Nassar USA Gymnastics case. Together, they dive into Judge Aquilina’s newest book, Speak Up: Lessons in Trusting Your Instincts, and unpack what it truly means to embrace your voice, conquer fear, and stand in your self-worth. Drawing from her decades on the bench, her time in the military, and her role as a mentor for women, Rosemarie shares how we can turn fear into fuel, failure into wisdom, and...
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342: The Secret Formula to Being a Successful Negotiator-Ambition + Empathy with John Lowry
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather sits down with John Lowry, lawyer, negotiation coach, and author of Negotiation Made Simple, to uncover what it really takes to become a confident, effective negotiator. John’s experience as a professor at Pepperdine University’s renowned Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution, CEO of The Lowry Group, and consultant to major organizations gives him a unique lens into the psychology and strategy behind every great deal. Together, Heather and John explore how mastering negotiation isn’t just about tactics; it’s about managing yourself, understanding others,...
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341: Designing Your Home and Your Life. How to Use Design Principles to Get What You Want
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather sits down with award-winning interior designer Manuella Moreira, founder of Manuella Moreira Interiors, to talk about what it really means to advocate for yourself in business, creativity, and life. From her leap of faith leaving a stable job to launching her own design studio, to building a media presence with features in Forbes, The New York Times, and Architectural Digest, Manuella shares how trusting your intuition and showing up with courage can open the doors you’ve been waiting for. Together, Heather and Manuella explore how self-advocacy, boundaries, and...
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340: How to Advocate for Yourself at Work. Step 3-Master the Ask
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather wraps up her three-part series on how to advocate for yourself at work and this one’s all about the magic moment: mastering the art of the ask. If you’ve ever hesitated to ask for what you want because you weren’t sure how to do it gracefully, persuasively, or confidently, this episode is for you. Heather breaks down what true charisma really means (it’s not about being flashy or loud!) and how you can use empathy, storytelling, and the right tone to inspire others to say yes. With powerful stories, evidence-based research, and step-by-step guidance,...
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339: How to Advocate for Yourself at Work. Step 2-Ask for What You Want Out Loud and With Delight
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In this second episode of Heather’s three-part series on how to advocate for yourself at work, she dives into one of the most transformative steps: asking for what you want out loud and with delight. Building on the foundation from Part 1 (“Know What You Want”), Heather explores why choice and energy are everything when it comes to advocating effectively. Asking for what you want isn’t just about words—it’s about how you feel when you ask. From her years as a trial attorney to her experience coaching clients, Heather reveals how shifting your beliefs can transform your results,...
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338: How to Advocate for Yourself at Work-the 3 Steps that Work. Step 1-Know What You Want
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather kicks off a special three-part series on how to advocate for yourself at work, whether you’re seeking a raise, a promotion, or a new opportunity. Advocacy isn’t just about asking, it’s about asking in a way that makes you likely to get it. This first episode focuses on the foundation of self-advocacy: knowing what you want. Heather shares how clarity, specificity, and the courage to want what you want can completely change the way you approach your goals. Through real client stories and practical tools, she reveals why defining what you want is the key to...
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337: Your Extraordinary Life-How to Live It with Simone Knego
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather speaks with Simone Knego, author of The Extraordinary Unordinary You, about what it truly takes to build confidence, embrace your story, and live fully. From adopting three children from South Korea and Ethiopia, to climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, to co-hosting a podcast with her daughter, Simone’s life has been a series of extraordinary experiences that shaped her outlook on resilience, patience, and self-worth. Together, they unpack how confidence is not about being perfect, but about choosing to see yourself differently and taking small, brave steps toward...
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336: 3 Keys to Advocating Without Bragging
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather answers a powerful question from her Instagram community: How do I advocate for myself without bragging? This is a challenge so many of us, especially women, face. How do you share your gifts, your expertise, and your accomplishments with confidence and authenticity without feeling arrogant? Heather breaks it down into three core strategies that will help you shift your mindset and your approach so you can advocate with grace, clarity, and impact. In this episode, you’ll learn: Talk About the Thing, Not Yourself How externalizing your gifts makes sharing them...
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335: How to Teach and How to Learn with Dr Christie McMullen
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
In today’s episode, Heather sits down with Dr. Christie McMullen, educator, author, speaker, and leadership expert, to explore how learning truly takes root. With a 25-year career spanning high school classrooms, adult education, and leadership training, Christie brings a wealth of experience to the conversation. Her book, Learning Can Stick: A Guide to Make Every Learning Experience Safe, Logical, Fun, and Memorable, offers strategies for teaching and leading that apply far beyond the classroom. Together, Heather and Christie dive into why everyone is a teacher, whether you’re guiding...
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334: How to Transform Stress to Work for You with Dr Rebecca Heiss
The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen
n today’s episode, Heather speaks with Rebecca Heiss, evolutionary biologist, speaker, and author of Springboard: Transform Stress to Work for You. Rebecca shares her groundbreaking perspective on stress, not as something to eliminate, but as a force you can reframe and harness. With her Fearless Stress Formula, she teaches how to stop fighting stress and instead use it as fuel for growth, resilience, and meaning. Rebecca’s journey spans science, entrepreneurship, and personal challenge from founding an ice cream company to leading discomfort challenges and building communities. Together,...
info_outlineIn this powerful episode, Heather responds to a heartfelt question from listener Natalie, who is navigating life with a chronic illness that others often misunderstand. Natalie asks how to advocate for herself without sounding like she’s complaining — a question that resonates with so many living with invisible pain.
Through personal stories, insights from neuroscience and psychology, and actionable steps, Heather teaches how to communicate your needs clearly, choose the right audience for your vulnerability, and advocate for yourself with both strength and grace.
Whether you're facing chronic illness, emotional pain, or just want to show up better for yourself, this episode will leave you feeling seen, supported, and empowered.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
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The First Question to Ask: Before speaking up, Heather shares the key question you must ask yourself: What do I actually want from this person?
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Why Hinting Doesn’t Work: Learn how vague expressions of pain don’t lead to help, and how to turn your situation into a clear request.
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The Energy of the Ask: How asking with delight (or conviction) radically changes how others respond to your needs.
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When to Stay Silent: Why talking about your pain can sometimes make things worse and how to choose when to share, and when to journal instead.
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The Power of JournalSpeak: Discover how Heather used Nicole Sachs’ “JournalSpeak” method to reduce physical pain and emotional overload during a crisis.
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Why Misunderstandings Hurt and What To Do About Them: Heather explains when to advocate for deeper understanding and when to let people think what they want.
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Healing Through Expression: The science behind why venting to people can increase pain, but venting in a journal can actually ease it.
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How to Prepare Yourself to Advocate Even When You’re Not at Your Best: Practical tools to reclaim energy, reset your mindset, and step into confident advocacy.
Resources Mentioned:
📚 All of Ethan Kross’ Work
✍️ All of Nicole Sachs’ Work & JournalSpeak Resources
🎧 Nicole Sachs’ Podcast: The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs, LCSW
Bonus Announcement:
📅 Heather's FREE Masterclass – How to Handle Interruptions and Being Ignored
🗓️ August 13 at 3 PM ET
➡️ Learn how to respond to interruptions with confidence and charisma
🎁 We will send you a recording if you can’t make it live. But there is a special surprise if you make it live!
In this episode:
[00:00] Listener Natalie’s question: The struggle of invisible illness and being misunderstood
[01:45] Heather’s personal story: Migraines, functionality, and feeling "off"
[03:50] What do you really want? Sympathy, understanding, or help?
[06:00] The golden rule of advocacy: Ask clearly, ask with delight
[08:30] When not to share your pain, and why complaining can backfire
[10:50] Journaling vs venting: Research-backed ways to process emotions
[12:50] The story of Heather’s father, her grief, and how she discovered JournalSpeak
[14:30] JournalSpeak and emotional pain: The power of writing what you can’t say
[16:00] Advocating through pain: How journaling clears the way for charisma
[17:00] Misunderstood? Why sometimes it’s worth correcting, sometimes it’s not
[18:10] Heather’s 3-step framework for self-advocacy while in pain
[19:00] Final thoughts: Vulnerability, visibility, and strength in the face of suffering
Connect with Heather:
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Heather’s TikTok
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heather@elegantwarrior.com
The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.