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Don't marry someone you haven't slept with - Heather

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Release Date: 07/23/2020

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Good Girls Talk About Sex

Leah shares a coaching session with client Caitlin to give us an in-depth experience of what coaching looks and feels like. They focus on Caitlin’s newly-discovered attraction to women.

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Stephanie shares how childhood shame led to an eating disorder, which had a profound affect on her ability to relate with her sexuality and her sexual partners.

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“Deaf U” star Alexa Paulay-Simmons gets candid about who she is (and always has been) as a sexual person, and how that’s shaped her life.

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Hey friends, You’ll notice this isn’t the regular episode you were expecting!  The regular episode was loaded into the feed, and some of you may have already downloaded and listened to it. However, I made an error in the production of this episode so, in fairness to our guest, I’ve pulled the episode to fix it. Here’s what happened – Our guest, Alexa, is Deaf and we did the interview through an interpreter.  It was my first time ever doing an interview through an interpreter, so it took me a little time to relax into it. What didn’t occur to me was to send the transcript...

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Heather grew up assuming she would marry a man and have children.  So she did.  But sex was never a good experience. Then she had sex with a woman for the first time, and her life was changed forever.

Today she lives with her female partner and co-parents her four daughters with her former husband. 

She opens up about her early sexual journey through the lens of parenthood, and what she wants for her daughters compared to what she experienced.

Heather is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as lesbian, monogamous, peri-menopausal, and in a long-term domestic partnership.  She has four daughters, ages 6 to 15, and describes her body as “a little pudgy”.


Bookmark moments:

  • 2:22 - Heather’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age five, discovering it felt good when the bath water hit “down there”; this opens up the topic of talking to one’s children about masturbation.
  • 11:00 - Heather’s loss of virginity as a teenager under less-than-great circumstances brings up the issues of consent and assault.
  • 16:19 - Heather and Leah talk about the confusion girls feel, often before they realize they are lesbian, around noticing female beauty because our culture teaches us early on to sexualize women.
  • 26:08 - The talk turns to body image, and Heather shares that she had a breast reduction at age 15 which helped her comfort and confidence.
  • 31:00 - Heather meets her ex-husband at 26. The sex was “vanilla” and “hopefully quick.”
  • 33:00 - Heather meets a woman she’s wildly attracted to, and has a hot 2-week affair with her.
  • 35:57 - She and her husband experiment sexually with a lesbian couple. Complications ensue.
  • 38:00 - After divorcing, Heather accidentally “outs” herself on Facebook with her new partner.

The Lowdown (41:30)

  • Do you have sex during your period?
  • What is the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
  • Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
  • Can you orgasm from penetration alone?
  • Do you use hands, or strap-ons?
  • What is your favorite way to orgasm during sex?

Extra Bits: Parental PSA: “I actually told my kids, you need to test this shit out. Do not marry somebody you haven’t had sex with. That is a terrible idea.”


The Patreon extras for this episode are FREE for everyone:

  • How Heather talks about sex with her daughters – and why she thinks Gilmore Girls is a great teaching tool!
  • The Extended Lowdown Q&A


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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak