EP 233 Lead Retreats Without Losing Yourself: The Joy Factor with Kelley Hartman

In this heartfelt and empowering episode of The Retreat Leaders Podcast, host Shannon Jamail sits down with Kelley Hartman to explore the transformative power of joy in retreat leadership. Kelley shares how a life-changing diversity retreat in her twenties sparked her passion for holding space and eventually led her to create her own retreats focused on joy, self-care, and aligned leadership.

Together, Shannon and Kelley dive deep into why joy is not just a nice-to-have, but a non-negotiable for any retreat leader who wants to avoid burnout and truly support others. They get candid about energy management, setting boundaries, and honoring your nervous system—especially when life throws challenges your way.

Whether you're a seasoned retreat host or dreaming of starting your first one, this episode reminds you that when you prioritize your own joy and well-being, you elevate the experience for everyone you serve.

 

Offerings from Kelley: Free 4 Step Outline to reset into joy: https://kelley-hartman.mykajabi.com/wildhartscollectivejoyresetsignup 

 

Connect with Kelley: https://wildhartscollective.com/

 

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Thanks for tuning into the Retreat Leaders Podcast. Remember to subscribe for more insightful episodes, and visit our website for additional resources. Let’s create a vibrant retreat community together!

 

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Automatically Transcribed With Podsqueeze

Speaker 1 00:00:00  Welcome to the Retreat Leaders podcast, your sanctuary with retreat experts. Where we spill the tea on retreat. Success. Here we dive into crafting transformational guest experiences. Talk about how to avoid pitfalls and unlock marketing secrets. Whether you're a seasoned guru or a budding enthusiast, we've got the inside scoop for you. Join us as we learn how to flourish in this magical world of retreats. Hey guys, welcome to or welcome back to the Retreat Leader's podcast. It's Shannon and today I have such a special guest, although I have to preface it by saying this is not as fun as France because my guest is someone that I met while I was in France, and we were just saying right before we recorded that it was such a magical group and I missed that energy so, so very much. But I'm really excited to see you today. Kelly, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2 00:00:54  Thank you. Very excited to be here.

Speaker 1 00:00:58  Yes. So Kelly Hartmann and I are going to talk about something that probably seems a little bit like.

Speaker 1 00:01:04  Wait a minute, Shannon, why are you talking about this? But I actually feel like it's super, super important for us as retreat leaders and what we do and how we serve. And it's just a very, very important aspect of our leadership. But before we dig into the topic, Kelly, just tell us about who you are and what brought you to where you are today.

Speaker 2 00:01:22  Great. Yeah. So I'm Kelly Hartman and I own Wild Hearts Collective, and I am a retreat leader. So the journey there is a little bit of a long one. I went to my first retreat in my 20s, and what really sparked my lifelong desire to host retreats was the amount of transformation that happens when you're on retreat. I met people there that I still connect with today, and that's 25 years later. and basically just learning the personal lived journeys needs of everyone there is what was life changing for me. It was a diversity retreat and it was getting that individual perspective. So when I hit 45, I said, I'm going to do what I wanted to do my whole life.

Speaker 2 00:02:11  I'm going to host retreats. And I was also in corporate. I already host leadership trainings. I created Elevate Her, I host the global mentorship program and did a lot of trainings and learning and development for corporate women. So I'm taking that out of practice and doing it and hosting retreats of my dreams. So that is why I started.

Speaker 1 00:02:36  Yay! You know what I love about this is that over 20 years ago, you had the spark and you're bringing it to fruition. And I think sometimes people, whether you're 40, 50, 60, 70, it doesn't even matter whatever your age is. But women, especially whatever that number is, that age in our head and we're like, yeah, I'm too old to do this now, you know? And I just, I call bullshit on that because there isn't an age that's too old. There just isn't. Okay. There isn't. And so, Kelly, I'm so, so glad that you were following your dreams now. And you're hosting these retreats because.

Speaker 1 00:03:16  Yeah, I met Kelly in France, as I mentioned, and her energy is yummy. Like, I just cannot even put it into proper words. And so spending time with her on retreat, I'm sure, would be a joy, which is exactly what we're going to talk about today, because Kelly and I in France, we were talking about some of the things that might be missing from a retreat leader's life, as far as you know, being the best version of them. And one of those things is focusing on joy. So, Kelly, can you just kind of talk to us a little bit more about this?

Speaker 2 00:03:50  Oh for sure. So as a retreat leader, you are facilitating the transformation of others on your retreat. And when you're doing that, that is having a requirement for you to hold space. And a lot of times, especially right now. Everything is so the world is messy and it's heavy. And every five seconds there's breaking news about something. And what that does is that triggers our nervous system to go into fight or flight.

Speaker 2 00:04:22  And it makes all of this anxiety and worry and fear come into our energetic field and build up in us. And when we have all this heaviness and fear and anxiety and we dysregulated our nervous system, that is what causes us to basically not be able to hold that space. As retreat leaders, we need to know how to step out of the grind, to step out of burnout to start with self-care so that we when we show up on retreat, we are the best version of ourselves. And that's when we talk about anchoring into joy. Because what is joy and what is required for you to actually experience joy? You have to feel safe, right? You have to feel your nervous system has to feel good for you to even get to experience joy. And once you get there, that is when expansiveness comes. That is when you're in flow. That is when you can give and pour into other people's cups.

Speaker 1 00:05:37  Hey, retreat leaders, pause that retreat planning for just a second because I've got something you do not want to miss.

Speaker 1 00:05:42  I'm headed to London this October to host a live event that's all about teaching you how to host a retreat that's not just transformational, but actually profitable. Imagine sipping tea or champagne with other like minded leaders while mapping out your next sold out retreat. It's happening at the gorgeous Waldorf Hilton in London. I'm spilling all the secrets from pricing to planning, marketing to mindset, and you'll walk away with a strategy you can actually use. No fluff, no BS, just results. So head to Retreat mastermind and come join me across the pond. Okay, I love this on so many levels. You are right, the world is messy. That's a really good way of putting it. I think the world's always messy, but it just feels extra loud. You know, at the moment. we've definitely in our lifetime, Kelly, we have seen some extra loud moments. probably. Maybe. You know, I'm sure more than previous decades. Only in the sense even that it's just so damn accessible. Too accessible in some ways.

Speaker 1 00:06:43  Yeah. But yes, that and also I want to piggyback on this because as Kelly knows, this last month has been really very difficult for me. I've had some losses and and when we're in those spaces, whether it's heaviness from the world and our nervous system is disruptive or very personalized heaviness and we're disrupted. I think it's important that we remember that's not the time to create when we're in that space, when we're in that space of full disruption, full nervous system panic, whatever you want to call it. That's not the time to reach out. That's as far as reaching out to your, marketing efforts or your creation efforts or whatever may be the case. Maybe that's when you rely on a team member and you're like, hey, I need you to step up for me, or you hire it out for that moment, or you just take a break. But it's like, we need to honor that. There are times in life we're going to push, right? We're going to push through things.

Speaker 1 00:07:38  You know, you stub your toe, push through it, whatever. But there are also times when your nervous system is telling you, okay, we we can't we can't go on. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 00:07:48  Yes. And it's so important that we learn to honor that in ourselves, because we have to learn how that we can honor that in our participants and see that and help them through that. In a lot of times, especially in the world right now, it's the hustle bustle. We got to go. We're we're women entrepreneurs, right? So we have a lot of big goals, a lot of big dreams. And I know that we hustle a lot. We're always kind of like, I gotta get this done and do that. And we don't take or make the space always to breathe, to anchor in, to return to our body out of our mind. And that causes those cortisol levels to rise, the anxiety, the panic. And it takes a toll on your physical and mental health and is so important for us to listen to our body, to rest like you said, to take a break and rest and recalibrate Because we're able to come back stronger than before.

Speaker 2 00:08:48  It's so important.

Speaker 1 00:08:51  Yeah. This is such a good reminder to me sometimes I forget. And I think many of our listeners forget that it doesn't always have to be pushed through it. It reminds me when I used to have my private practice for mental health. If I sat with a particularly heavy session with a client, I had to work really hard to reset myself so I didn't take it into the next session. It wouldn't be fair to that next patient for me to bring the previous patient's heaviness to them, right? And it's the same aspect here, Kelly, especially for those of us who are holding space. I'm just going to say it. You really should not be bringing your heaviness into the space that other people are trying to share their heaviness. It's just not appropriate. I know people are listening, are going to disagree with me. They're going to think, well, that's a safe space for everybody to do it. You know what? Yes, but not for the leader. The leader has to do their own processing, their own leaning in, their own resetting.

Speaker 1 00:09:44  Separate. It really is. That is not the time and space for you to bring your heaviness in. It really alludes the whole point of a retreat for the guests that are paying to participate with you as a leader. It's okay to say, hey, I'm experiencing heaviness today. We're going to start our workshop a little bit later and then you do your thing. I'm not saying that you're going to show up and pretend like everything's okay. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, you're not bringing your shit into the same space that everybody else is trying to hold their heaviness or share their stuff, and, and I just I'm super passionate about that. And this is a really good reminder for myself as well.

Speaker 2 00:10:23  100%. And that's and this is what I definitely want to talk about that this is not toxic positivity. This is not you should be enjoy every single day. And if you're not, enjoy it because that's bullshit. That is total bullshit. What this is, is that this is a reminder that we have tools and that to use those tools to really listen to your body and recalibrate your energy.

Speaker 2 00:10:46  You own your experience on this planet, and when you choose to be a retreat leader, you're choosing to guide others and help them in their experience. And it's absolutely correct. You need to go in able to facilitate transformation. If you're in your own shit, you can't facilitate that transformation. You just you have to deal with that first. And having those tools to reset into joy, into calibrate to that is huge. It allows you to be expansive. It allows you to hold energy and space for others and allow them on their journey for transformation.

Speaker 1 00:11:23  Yes. Thank you for this topic. I think it's so very important, and it's just one of those things that's often overlooked. as I shared, things have been really heavy with me, and one of the decisions that I made this August, I was having my retreat leader mastermind, and I'm actually Rescheduling it because it's just not the right time for me to hold space for others because I'm bringing my shit with me. And so I'm super transparent about that and making sure that, you know, I'm making decisions that are sound for my body and safe for me, but also for my guests.

Speaker 1 00:11:58  I am still having my alumni retreat. for those that don't know what that is, is every other year, sometimes three years, but usually every other year, I host a retreat that's just for alumni. That means they've been on my retreat before. They know exactly who I am and what's going on. And I had a real heart to heart with myself and the group, and they are well aware of what I'm going through. And this is just a party. It's just a gathering. There's no transformation, there's no promise. There's no holding space necessarily. We're just coming together to celebrate. And we're all very excited about it. And I'm actually excited about it. My alumni retreat, because I just I feel safe with them just as much as they feel safe with me. And it's, you know, there's there's just a really good, And, it's just a really good vibe with this group and it's just going to be so fun. But I've really honored. The thing that I've put forth that I'm saying is I'm not creating anything in this time.

Speaker 1 00:12:48  In this time. This time of my own heaviness. It's not fair to the people who might be receiving receiving it, but also they're not going to receive the, the, the my true heart right now. They're going to receive my broken heart or my grief heart or my guilt heart or whatever it is that I'm feeling inside. That's what they're going to receive. And that's not that's not representative who who I am. And so whether it's big like the world or like loss or anything like that, or whether it's just you struggle with sadness sometimes or you struggle with whatever, you know, or you've got, you know, difficulties in an important relationship, whatever that that is, you've got to lean into that and not bring it with you into your transformative spaces. And I think you, you know, you, Kelly especially, you offer tools and thoughts on how you can maybe tune out of that darkness.

Speaker 2 00:13:42  Yes. Yeah, because we do have those. And first I want to say, thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable because you're setting an example and telling people that it's okay to pivot.

Speaker 2 00:13:55  you know, when I work with women, both inside and outside of corporate, there's a lot of fear about, perception or quote unquote feeling, which is such bullshit. Sorry. But in that if we don't do things the way that we thought, if we don't, if we pivot, that's a failure. But you are actually doing something amazing for both you and the attendees and doing it in a space that will be transformative for them and bringing your best self when you can. So that's that's setting a huge example for everyone. And that's just amazing. So thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 1 00:14:34  Hey, it's Shannon here. I'm just popping in really quickly to ask a big favor. Would you pause the show and go review it for us, please? Reviews really help us to be able to get more guests and more experts on the show to help you transform your retreats. So if you wouldn't mind pausing and leaving us a review, that would mean everything. And if you're not already subscribed, do that too.

Speaker 1 00:14:56  Yeah. No, absolutely I, I really I. My, my motto is to try to walk the talk. And so what I teach I really I really do want to walk and I it was a really hard message to send to the attendees for August. and it was really it's been really hard, even for those that keep inquiring about it. but also feels right. It's hard, you know, the hard that feels right. That's what this is. This is the hard that feels right. And so I want my thing was, especially I had this conversation with an attendee who was really disappointed. But my thing was I want to show up and give my best self. I don't want to bring this and set it on your plate. or or do a half ass, you know, retreat for you. That's just not okay. And so anyway, so yeah, I feel really good about it. As hard as it is, I don't feel good about it. I feel good that the decision was the right decision to make.

Speaker 1 00:15:52  just like I feel good that spending time with my retreat alumni who are coming tomorrow and I can't wait to see them. feels also very good, because I know that that's not going to require me holding space necessarily. My team can do it if that needs to be happening, but most my alumni retreats, I'm just going to be honest. It's just a party. It's a girl party.

Speaker 2 00:16:11  That's awesome. So, so. And that is what we talk about a lot right now. And what I do is I gather the women we're gathering, the women gathering women in circles is so important and amazing. and just that space. But again, it's that that awesome and just radical honesty that you have, that this is what this experience is. It's not a retreat. It's a party. And that is. Yeah, that's exactly what will be expected of attendees. And they're excited to see you. They've already been through that transformation with you. And they they understand. So that is totally amazing.

Speaker 1 00:16:48  Yes.

Speaker 1 00:16:49  Yeah it really is. And plus the outpouring of love from them has been just beautiful. So, well Kelly, tell us, like if somebody wants to spend more time with you because I think that they would benefit from it greatly. Tell me some of the offerings that you currently have.

Speaker 2 00:17:03  Sure. So I am hosting a retreat in September called Joy as Revolution and we are taking, this experience is amazing because it's allowing people to experience joy in different ways. So joy isn't always this exciting, passionate, like, oh, I'm in joy. I take everyone through the four elements. so how do you feel in Earth as you're experiencing joy. And that's a grounded joy of feeling stable or air. How does air feel? That's going to be light and that's doing breathwork and feeling alive. Or if you look at fire, fire is that passion. That's the creativity. So that's doing art, that's dancing, that's, you know, yelling at the moon, that fiery. And then last is water.

Speaker 2 00:17:52  And that's when you're in flow and you let go of the things that we hold so deep. So the transformation that's coming there and what I specialize in, and that's with all of my offerings, is getting you out of your head and into your body. Your body knows. And you talked about that you felt into your decisions about both retreats. Your intuition told you what was right and you listened. And what I see so much in women is we ignore intuition because societal expectations tell us No. You should push through this. You should act a certain way. We have these expectations of how you show up and how you act. So I specialize in getting women to get into their bodies so they can transform and listen and learn and feel. And then they trust their intuition. And that is when the magic happens.

Speaker 1 00:18:50  Oh, yes. Thank you. And may I have another I love this so much. And I will have Kelly's website linked in the show notes. So that way you can go check out her offerings.

Speaker 1 00:19:00  And I think you even have a free gift for our listeners. Do you want to tell us a little bit about the free gift?

Speaker 2 00:19:05  Yeah, it's my four tips to a joy reset. So it's exactly that. It's just an easy little thing that you can do really quickly. It has, some reprogramming and I'm certified. So it just is something that helps you get out of the loops that we have, those thought loops or anxiety or fear and gets you into your body so you can anchor into joy and you can visualize your best self and live as that self. And it's under five minutes. So really easy little quick thing.

Speaker 1 00:19:34  Yay. Well that will also be linked in the show notes. So Kelly, thank you so much for coming on the show and just reminding us of what we need to be really focusing on as effective leaders in our industry, rather than just the metrics or social media or the right offering or the right workshop or all of these things that we think are super important and they are important to a certain degree.

Speaker 1 00:19:58  But really, it all starts with our inner joy. So thank you so much, Kelly, for being on the show.

Speaker 2 00:20:05  Oh, thank you so much, Shannon. I greatly appreciate it.

Speaker 1 00:20:08  Thanks for listening to the Retreat Leaders podcast. Learn more at the Retreat. Com. See you next time.