What a Large Family Produces (From Someone Who Lived It): The joys & blessings of a large family - BLOG

In Part 1 of this series, I asked the question: Can you really raise a large family well? Welcome to part 2.

I’m the oldest of four kids, which, in my mind growing up, did not feel like a large family. But apparently… it was and is especially now!

People used to ask my mom if we were all from the same dad (which was always baffling because we all look like clones). And now, looking back, I realize: okay, yes, even four kids is considered “a lot” these days.

But my husband Jason? He’s the oldest of seven. And now here we are with eight kids of our own…ages 13 down to 1.

Our next door neighbors and good friends from church are pregnant with their eighth child, and our collective 15 children run back and forth between our backyards literally all day long. At our current church and our previous church, 15-passenger vans are the norm in the parking lot, and no one bats an eye at 5, 6, 7+ kids sitting in the pew.

This isn’t some rare, theoretical thing for us. This is just our life.

In my last article, we asked a big question:

Can you really raise a large family well?

Not just survive it: but do it with joy, connection, and intention?

That question matters, because most of us don’t have many real-life examples to look to anymore. We hear opinions and we see hot takes online. But we don’t often get to step inside a large family and see what it actually produces over time. When we are not used to seeing even 4-child families out in society, how on earth are we supposed to learn how to have more than the normal 1.6 kids?

And here’s what I’ve come to see very clearly:

Large families come with their own set of challenges.
There are hurdles you just don’t face with one or two kids.

But—

There are also unique, abundant blessings that you simply don’t get any other way.

It's one thing to debate this idea online of having more than 1.6 kids, it's another thing entirely to learn from families actually doing it!

So on a podcast episode, Jason and I chatted about this idea. I asked him,  “Did you actually like growing up in a large family?”

He didn't hesitate to say, “Yeah. I really did. And wouldn't change it for anything.” (Online critics like to say that the eldest child in a large family never wants a large family of their own. It's simply not true!  And his oldest sister currently has 5 kids. In fact, all 6 of his siblings say they want at least 4 kids and several of them are already there!)

“I Never Felt Overlooked”

Let’s just go straight for the biggest fear. Because I know it’s the one everyone is thinking.

There’s no way all those kids get enough attention.

Right?

Like… someone has to be overlooked. Someone has to feel lost in the mix. And I'm not saying there wasn't a season where one kid felt like they didn't get as much attention, etc. But I'll be straight with you: I was one of only four kids (FOUR, a completely normal number of children throughout all of human history) and I had so many times of feeling overlooked, whether I really was or was just navel-gazing too much is a therapy session for another day.

I met Jason when I was 16 and he was 18. His younger brother is my exact same age (minus 27 days) and it was so interesting watching this homeschool family with 7 kids function. I loved seeing how they were such a close-knit family and welcomed me wholeheartedly into the crew over the next 3 years. Boots on the ground I actually watched his mom raise Jason's younger 3 siblings. When I met Jason, his mom was just 2 weeks away from having baby #7. And let me tell you one thing: The way his mom poured her heart and love into those kids, sure she didn't always get it right or always say the exact right thing to the angsty teenager, but her kids had all of her. When so many kids from much much smaller families had so much less of their moms.

Now, before we get all starry-eyed, his family was not perfect. We have to make sure we don't idealize something to the point of not recognizing faults. There are of course certain pitfalls that large families can get into it. And it behooves us to recognize those and address them within our own families, but more on that in the next large family article.

Now here’s the kicker—they’re still close. All seven of them. That doesn't just happen and it doesn't happen by accident either.

The Sibling Thing (It’s Kind of a Big Deal)

If you’ve never been around a large family, I think this is the part that’s hard to picture.

The sibling relationships are everything. You’re not just giving your kids a brother or sister. You’re giving them: built-in friends, constant companions, people to do life with… forever. Even when there have been arguments or hiccups, we know that our siblings would be there for us no matter what (and I know that many families out there can't say the same thing). And the older you get, the more important that becomes.

And here’s something Jason said that I don’t think we think about enough:

Your siblings are your longest relationships in life.

Longer than your parents.
Longer than your spouse.
Longer than your kids.

That’s wild.

And now that we have eight of our own, I’m starting to see this play out right in front of me.

Our 13-year-olds? They are obsessed with playing with the one year old. They love being the one to wake him up from his nap because he's always so cuddly at first!

My 9-year-old daughter is constantly dragging the 5 year old into whatever she’s doing like, “Come on, you’re helping me now.” (And he loves it!)

And the toddler? He's thrilled. Living his best life. The center of the Universe (insert eye roll here).

There is always someone to play with.
Always someone to follow.
Always someone to annoy. (Let’s be honest.)

And it creates this environment that you just… can’t manufacture any other way.

The sweetest part to me: Family Culture

This one surprised me. Because I assumed we would be the ones creating the family culture. And yes - we do set the tone - and work hard to make a God-honoring family culture.

But there’s something else that happens in a large family: The kids start creating culture all on their own.

There's the inside jokes (that even I don't get). 
The made-up games.
And all these little traditions that don’t involve us at all.

Jason was talking about this, how in his family, so many things just developed naturally between the siblings. The amount of inside jokes they all still have is astounding!

And we’re seeing the same thing now. I’ll walk into a room and they’re all playing some game I’ve never seen before, with rules I definitely didn’t teach them. Or joking with made up lingo that I have no clue what it means.  And it’s just… theirs. It’s messy and loud and kind of chaotic, but it’s also really, really special.

“Wait… They Actually Become Helpful?”

Okay, let’s talk about something very practical. Because if you’re in the little years right now, you are probably thinking: “This sounds lovely but I am drowning.”

I get it. When all your kids are little, you are doing everything. For everyone. All of the time.

You are buckling every seatbelt - Our oldest 5 were all in 5-point harness carseats at the same time and not a single one of them could unbuckle their own carseat when baby #5 was born. It was wild!  You are pouring every cup. Breaking up every fight. Filling every single physical and emotional need. It's a lot in those little years, even with just two kids!

But then, you pass this turning point. I remember when baby #6 was born and my oldest twins were 7, it started feeling like a different world. All of a sudden they could get me a glass of water or fetch a diaper. It wasn't ALL on me, all of the time. They started to have autonomy and the game started changing.

They grow up. And suddenly: They can make food, they can help clean, they can do laundry, they can contribute.

Not in a “child labor” kind of way 😅 But in a we all live here, we all help kind of way. And also, you're going to be an adult one day and need to know these important life skills kind of way.

And it really changes the dynamic of the household.  We do quick whole-house cleanups together. Just ten minutes, everyone has a job and it's done!

What would take me two hours alone gets knocked out in minutes because everyone is pitching in. And honestly? They like being capable. They like knowing how to do things. They take pride in it (even if they occasionally act like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to them).

It’s Loud. It’s Busy. It’s… a Lot.

I’m not going to pretend it’s peaceful and quiet over here. It’s not. We have seven boys. Let’s just start there.

There is always: noise, movement, someone talking (yelling really, I think our family has only one volume), someone wrestling, and someone hungry.

Even when everyone is behaving well, it still looks like chaos from the outside. Because there are just… a lot of people. I finally realized that when we all go out to dinner, our kids could be perfect angels the entire time and it still would just feel a little chaotic because of so many little people.

But here’s the thing: You stop trying to make it quiet all the time.  And you start realizing…This is what a full house sounds like. It’s life. It’s energy. It’s a whole lot of people living together, not just coexisting.

Your Life Doesn’t End (I Promise)

I think a lot of people assume: “If I have a big family, my life is over.”

Like you’ll never: go anywhere, travel, do anything fun ever again, or just be a woman any longer and not just a mom.

Meanwhile…we took eight kids and traveled the country full time for two years 😅

Was it always smooth? Absolutely not. Did we have moments where we were like, “Why did we think this was a good idea?” Yes, many.

But here’s what we learned: You get better. You learn how to: plan better, train your kids, adjust expectations.

And over time, things that used to feel impossible, get easier and just feel more normal.

I used to feel completely overwhelmed taking two toddlers to the grocery store. I remember thinking: this is it, it's impossible. I'm only shopping on Saturdays when Jason is home and can watch the twins!

Now? If I only have two kids with me, it feels like a vacation. The other day I took the three youngest with me (ages 5, 3, and 1) to do some thrift store shopping and it was no big deal. It's funny how that happens.

God Grows Your Capacity

This might be my biggest takeaway from all of it.

Because every single time we added another baby, I had the same thought: “I cannot possibly handle more.”

And then… somehow… we did. And somehow it's the perfect addition we didn't know we needed.

Jason said it perfectly:

“You always feel maxed out. And then you add another, and somehow they fit.”

That has been our experience over and over again. Not because we’re amazing. But because God is faithful to grow you as your family grows. Even if that growth is painful sometimes. If you find yourself unexpectedly adding a new member to the family, rest knowing that God has had this planned. He knows this new sweet little babe is perfectly planned and will bring joy to your whole family! Trust that he will grow you when the time is right, and not before!

So… Can You Raise a Large Family Well?

I think the answer is yes. We've witnessed it in our own life with Jason's family and many times with friends who have grown adult children. Sometimes you read these anti-big family articles online and it's easy to wonder if it's even possible because there are some who didn't raise their large family well (just as there are those who didn't raise their two kids well). Yes, it's absolutely possible, worth it, and so much fun!!

Look, none of us are perfect. Jason's parents weren't perfect and Jason and I certainly aren't. I hate to even address this topic because I feel woefully imperfect. And yet, I think it's something that modern Christian women need to read: Yes, it's quite possible to raise more than the normal 1.6 children and for it to be a blessing to your life and your children's lives.

When you look at a family that’s done it well…You don’t see deprivation. You see: connection, capability, deep relationships, a whole lot of life and this elusive village that everyone's talking about online today.

And honestly? It’s pretty beautiful.

Next in this series…we’re going to talk about the other side of this:

The pitfalls.

Because yes, there are things to watch out for. And if we’re going to do this well, we need to talk about those too.