94. i want to make love to my soulmate: horizontal with monogamous lovers (1 of 4)

I love sleepovers, and spooning, secrets, sex, storytelling, and stargazing. I’ve metaphorically rolled these things up in audio form and made you this podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but in Season 3, I intend to record as many threesomes as possible: myself plus two guests, who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Usually, each recording is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.

But this conversation, just like the one with Tiana & Orion, which comprises episodes 78 - 81, was recorded over the course of five hours. It was fueled by a vat of watermelon and several, several pee breaks. I’ll be dividing this conversation into four parts as well: the first two, episodes 94 & 95, will be available in all the podcast places for all the podcast people, and the last two: 96 & 97, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.

For access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (or as the case may be, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips,  go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — you have click this link directly though, because, due to the unfortunately lingering prudery of our society, as a quote unquote “adult” creator, I am relegated to an invisible ghetto on Patreon where all the people who dare to talk about sex go, in which our pages are un-searchable, even if you type them in my name.

In this and the following 3 episodes, I lie down with Leidy Dahiana (which sounds, in the mouth of an American, just like the Lady Diana, but is spelled quite differently, and sounds very different in the mouth of a Latina) and Dino, her husband and lover and soulmate. 

Leidy is an effervescent. An undulating, curvaceous, mischief of sensuality. She is a Licensed Erotic Blueprints™️ Coach, a sexuality sherpa. Her curiosity about the erotic is capacious, and I always feel a bit more delicious in my body when she’s around. She has been coaching movement for 20+ years, and is one of the most embodied people I’ve ever known. Before becoming an Erotic Blueprints Coach, she spent a few years interviewing couples as research for an Instagram series she called “The Lovers Cafe.” She interviewed me too… sans lover.

Dino is a former pro basketball player. Now he dedicates his days to helping people live a pain-free active life, as a Movement Coach. He is present and clear-eyed and easy and warm, like the cousin you look forward to laughing with when the family gets together.

Leidy & Dino met at a gym where we’ve all worked — but that’s a story for a later episode.

In this one, we talk about unspoken Latina rules (be sexy) and spoken ones (don’t be un cuero / don’t be a slut). We talk about chickenheads, dancing in the middle of the circle at family parties, and the porn section of Leidy’s family’s video stores. We talk about Dino’s Croatia, the day his mom decided not to give him the sex talk, and the depth and longevity of Dino’s circle of high school friends. We talk about Sven, who just visited them in New York, for whom the word “friend” is insufficient. We talk presence, anticipation, and undressing very, very slowly. I tell them the story of my Happy Dance. We talk about not allowing blood family or marriage to keep us unhappy, when people are no longer able to function as a unit. And Dino tells about his first time, monogamy, soulmates, and his unshakeable certainty that he would meet his person.

And now I feel I must give you a disclaimer. This is a disclaimer about how: In the process of leveling up, sometimes you... level down for a moment.

So I've been working on improving my recording quality. I got  these two shiny new ElectroVoice radio quality microphones. But it takes me a while to incorporate new technology. Probably because I dislike reading instruction manuals, and even more than that, I am disinclined to learn from the internet. So I skim the manual, and don't watch tutorials, and then.... Well, then I have entirely unsurprising technical difficulties. Since I prefer learning from humans, I should cultivate situations in which knowledgeable humans can teach me about my equipment. Luckily, I did that with Irving Gadoury, my audio engineer, today, and learned more about recording in a 2-hour tutorial with him than I have in the past two years. But! I didn't do that before recording this episode, and it probably shows. This really bugs me, because sound quality is so important. It's the difference between feeling like you're lying down cuddled up right next to us .... And un-listenable.

I really hope this episode is listenable for you, because Leidy is a sensual dynamo and I want the chance for her to tickle your ears.

Come lie down with us on the West Side of Manhattan, New York, New York.

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This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury. Find him for all your audio needs at IGrecording.com. My intro music was composed by Alan Markley, @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my cover art was designed by Shana Shay, whom you can hire on 99 designs.

Be sure to click the Subscribe button wherever you are listening, because it makes a difference in this podcasty world, and for extremely intermittent missives with saucy photos, bits of writing, and things of horizontal interest, sign up for my mailing list on horizontalwithlila.com

Until next time: may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to seeing BOTH PARTS of Harry Potter on Broadway with two of my favorite humans on my birthday, in mid-October. (And dressing up.)

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.