Life Transitions & Nature
Life in Relationship
Question: What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? Transitions come with stress Attending to the transition, noticing the energy and tasks required Various emotions of transition Nature as an intentional place to "escape" to Tip #1 - any time in nature is valuable Tip #2 - nature reminds us every thing happens in its time notice the transitions in nature itself to validate your own Widen the lens - notice the steady cycle around the changes all around us allow the time of a transition, nature allows the slowness of...
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Emotion Regulation & the Natural World
Life in Relationship
Question: How does nature help with regulation and balance? Dave’s forest therapy training - Emotion Regulation tip #1 - let things be complicated Science and mystery Concrete concepts around ourselves and our bodies as well as spiritual or less concrete concepts around ourselves Emotion Regulation tip #2 - we regulate when we provide a space For each other (co-regulation) For ourselves (self-regulation) We are a part of nature and regulate within nature. We are constantly in a process of shedding and restoring. God designed us with internal and...
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Control & Letting Go: Give it to the Trees
Life in Relationship
Question: How do I let go of things I can’t control? A Dave and Heidi story: the cynical season or “life on the edge” and our first forest therapy attempt Learning to let go of the outcome Letting Go Tip #1 - Find a practice of noticing what we don’t control or can’t control Example: stand in the woods or the yard and note the basic elements of nature around you that you can’t control Letting Go Tip #2 - Read Job chapters 38-42 The duality of meaningfulness and meaninglessness The duality of Challenge and acceptance “Job’s in scripture because...
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Season 7 Trailer - Relationships, Mental Health, & the Natural World
Life in Relationship
Welcome to Season 7 of our little podcast! Dave and I are looking forward to a season of talking about three of our very favorite things comingled...well, four really - life in relationships, mental health, the natural world, and spirituality. Some topics and questions you'll find in the conversation this season include: How does nature help with emotion regulation? How do I let go of things I can’t control? What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? How do I start healing from Spiritual Trauma? And more... Look for 7 episodes wherever you get your...
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Frustration with Chris Kennedy
Life in Relationship
Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - (associate link) Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger Tip 3 –...
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Happiness
Life in Relationship
How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions Tip 3 – We’re ok v. Yay! Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness...
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Anxiety
Life in Relationship
How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s? Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/ Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas) Tip #4 –...
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Sadness
Life in Relationship
How do I help my loved one when they are sad? Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness - Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time - Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes a long way let these emotions be a process let...
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Zeal
Life in Relationship
Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something? Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts Define Zeal - great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) - eagerness and ardent interest in something...
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Empathy with Boundaries
Life in Relationship
Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience. Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to...
info_outlineQuestion: How do we split up “the chores” of a household?
- For marriage, roommates, families, etc.
Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story
- Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic
Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/
- do what works, not what is expected
- Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions
- equality doesn’t mean 50/50, it’s seeing each other as equals
- there is no perfection in chore life: dailyness of life together in a household and the value of working on the daily things together even when they aren’t fun
- name your own expectations and desires: what needs to be done? How often? On certain days? etc.
- avoid extreme chore mentality
- consider the mental energy of appts and schedules and bills, etc, outdoor/indoor
- “I need you to participate more fully in (fill in the blank)”
- building your family culture: we all live here, we all have jobs to get the stuff of life done
- talk about it, write it down, list it all out (15:00)
- TED method: https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-split-the-chores-with-your-partner-minus-the-drama-and-fighting/
- note what builds resentment
- keep in mind, it’s not a competition
- Tiffany Dufu, Drop the Ball, “we tend to be blind to household jobs that we don’t do.”
- cutting what is unnecessary and outsourcing (payment for something is related to privilege but doesn’t necessarily need to be an area of shame)
- 2018 compilation of studies from Harvard Business School – higher satisfaction in outsourcing discussion: https://www.hbs.edu/ris/Publication%20Files/18-072_b1d8cdda-fbb1-46ae-afd7-6742d2195f25.pdf
- Asking questions:
What can we stop doing?
What do we each like doing?
What do I never want to do?
How can we split it up?
- think about it as a “communication playground”
- ongoing, constant conversation (29:52)
- marriage contract joke
- make trades
- ask for help in both directions
Short answer: talk about it, talk about it more, write it down, be extremely practical in this area