Life in Relationship

Writer and licensed clinical social worker, Heidi Goehmann, alongside pastor and partner in life, David Goehmann, answer one relationship question per episode so that we can all live more genuinely in our relationships each day. People are always worth the trouble and relationship is worth the effort.

Life Transitions & Nature 04/22/2025

Life Transitions & Nature Question: What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? Transitions come with stress Attending to the transition, noticing the energy and tasks required Various emotions of transition Nature as an intentional place to "escape" to Tip #1 - any time in nature is valuable Tip #2 - nature reminds us every thing happens in its time notice the transitions in nature itself to validate your own Widen the lens - notice the steady cycle around the changes all around us allow the time of a transition, nature allows the slowness of transitions Job and Song of Songs Tip # 3 - Look to Nature for Comfort Nature as therapist Build a trustworthy relationship with nature (and with God) Release of control Learning by experiencing and presence instead of cognition Tip #4 - Take a Mindfulness Break Unconscious and conscious integrating for growing awareness Scripture examples in Song of Songs and Job Colorado State U transition handout - Tip #5 - Reflect and Let God Tend to You Resources - Life is in the Transitions book - https://a.co/d/8LB7Lha Links to research https://silvotherapy.co.uk/articles/mental-wellbeing-nature-connection . https://www.johnmuirtrust.org/resources/788-wild-and-well-nature-connection-wellbeing-and-meaning-in-life https://www.nature.com/articles/nphys898#:~:text=The%20most%20familiar%20examples%20of,melting%20on%20a%20warm%20hand. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/36257545

Emotion Regulation & the Natural World 02/18/2025

Emotion Regulation & the Natural World Question: How does nature help with regulation and balance? Dave’s forest therapy training - Emotion Regulation tip #1 - let things be complicated Science and mystery Concrete concepts around ourselves and our bodies as well as spiritual or less concrete concepts around ourselves Emotion Regulation tip #2 - we regulate when we provide a space For each other (co-regulation) For ourselves (self-regulation) We are a part of nature and regulate within nature. We are constantly in a process of shedding and restoring. God designed us with internal and externally connected regulation methods. Emotion Regulation tip #3 - getting out of our own way of regulating How do we accidentally get in the way of regulating naturally? Origins of forest therapy with the advent of tech/media Benefits of the natural world on our cardiovascular system Emotion Regulation tip #4 -find the blue spaces and the green spaces 3 specific outlined mechanisms for emotion regulation in nature: foster positive emotions Signals parasympathetic nervous system or rest/wellbeing state connection and care of nature as respite, rebuilds energy Emotion Regulation tip #5 - practice grounding Finding a sense in our body that we have a firm foundation, tethered to the ground or our seat Often feel “ungrounded” in chaotic world and holding 3-5 emotions at any given time Increasing vagal tone Links: ANFT website - https://anft.earth/ Enoch story (Genesis 5) Noah Kahan, Stick Season - https://youtu.be/iWG6apzIWAk?si=EBS0Ll7biACsxNob Inside Out - Job 38-42 Research: ). /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/35335960

Control & Letting Go: Give it to the Trees 02/04/2025

Control & Letting Go: Give it to the Trees Question: How do I let go of things I can’t control? A Dave and Heidi story: the cynical season or “life on the edge” and our first forest therapy attempt Learning to let go of the outcome Letting Go Tip #1 - Find a practice of noticing what we don’t control or can’t control Example: stand in the woods or the yard and note the basic elements of nature around you that you can’t control Letting Go Tip #2 - Read Job chapters 38-42 The duality of meaningfulness and meaninglessness The duality of Challenge and acceptance “Job’s in scripture because his life was hard, not because he was doing really well at it.” When it feels like God is jacking around with you, building the trust Letting Go Tip #3 - Finding non-judgment in nature and God Nature can hold and contain our challenges Psalm 51 - here’s my heart, insight in truth and love Notice what confusion is present and bring it to God Letting Go Tip #4 - Note the cost of control Top three psychological impacts of tightly holding onto control - Stress and anxiety Relationship impact Challenges with resilience based on adaptability Letting Go Tip #4 - Try out an Ecclesiastical Mindset Seasonal approach to living What is it “a time for” right now, but also letting a new season come Ecclesiastes 3 link: https://www.bible.com/bible/111/ECC.3.1-11.NIV Open your hands to share it, don’t go it alone /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/35484035

Season 7 Trailer - Relationships, Mental Health, & the Natural World 01/21/2025

Season 7 Trailer - Relationships, Mental Health, & the Natural World Welcome to Season 7 of our little podcast! Dave and I are looking forward to a season of talking about three of our very favorite things comingled...well, four really - life in relationships, mental health, the natural world, and spirituality. Some topics and questions you'll find in the conversation this season include: How does nature help with emotion regulation? How do I let go of things I can’t control? What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? How do I start healing from Spiritual Trauma? And more... Look for 7 episodes wherever you get your podcasts. Look for articles and more resources at heidigoehmann.com to complement what you hear. Find Heidi and Dave (mostly Heidi) on instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ substack - https://substack.com/@heidigoehmann youtube - https://www.youtube.com/heidigoehmannwrites and other media outlets. See you soon! Relationships - always worth the effort. We can't wait to be in discussion with you in the coming weeks. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/35246665

Frustration with Chris Kennedy 12/12/2023

Frustration with Chris Kennedy Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - (associate link) Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger Tip 3 – Remember “more than they deserve” Tip 4 – Non-judgment – grace and truth with the understanding that God is judge, not me Tip 5 – Notice other people Tip 6 – values and faith as driver, emotion as information to process Shame Tip 7 – careful of pouring yourself out to the last drop, we are human The impact of shame and guilt on our internal processing of anger “Holding It Lightly” from dialectical behavior therapy The purpose of frustration and anger /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/28474634

Happiness 11/28/2023

Happiness How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions Tip 3 – We’re ok v. Yay! Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness Hedonia and eudaimonia – pleasure v meaning Markers of happiness = relationships, purpose, meaning/gratitude/mindfulness, physical health Tip 4 – Don’t force it Tip 5 – Know your values to find your eudaimonia happiness Purpose and pleasure, skill and fulfillment DBT values word list available to subscribers at heidigoehmann.com in December Research: Waterman, A. S. (2013). Eudaimonia: Contrasting two conceptions of happiness: Hedonia and eudaimonia. In J. J. Froh & A. C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for teaching positive psychology: A guide for instructors (pp. 29–34). American Psychological Association. Huta, V., Waterman, A.S. Eudaimonia and Its Distinction from Hedonia: Developing a Classification and Terminology for Understanding Conceptual and Operational Definitions. J Happiness Stud 15, 1425–1456 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-013-9485-0 /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/28825108

Anxiety 11/14/2023

Anxiety How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s? Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/ Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas) Tip #4 – do not assume an emotion, ask about an emotion Tip #5 – Be aware of triggers with no shame Practice accountability with kindness “I am uncomfortable. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to know what’s going on with you. The way it’s coming out is challenging for me.” Tip #6 – hold the duality of parental responsibility with deep parental love and connection Common questions: will they be ok? Will I mess them up? What am I missing? Give yourself space to learn and grow Try to help kids be unburdened by adult problems Tip # 7 – Maintain your connection with God Pouring out your emotions with God Resting with God Rhythms of prayer as emotionally regulating Hear God speaking to your emotions as a Gospel-oriented, invitation-to-relationship God /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/28639373

Sadness 10/24/2023

Sadness How do I help my loved one when they are sad? Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness - Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time - Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes a long way let these emotions be a process let people’s emotions, including our own be complicated and layered let it be seen by God with someone invite that person into regular life things 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God of all comforts, God of all, but especially of comfort Psalm 18:6-8, God’s anger at what makes us sad or hurt Resources: https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/honoring-our-sorrow-sadness-amp-tears-a-scripture-list-for-lent https://www.kfuo.org/2020/01/20/coffee-hour-012020-no-shame-in-sadness/ /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/28275941

Zeal 10/17/2023

Zeal Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something? Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts Define Zeal - great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) - eagerness and ardent interest in something (webster) - fervor, determination, combined with kindness equalling great devotion (urban dictionary) - related to passion that is hard to govern Tip 3 - What is the love within this? What is the fear within this? - Tip 4 – reserve zeal for injustice to give power to the marginalized Tip 5 – hate doesn’t help - Ted Lasso – Be curious, not judgmental Tip 6 – You can have boundaries Opt out of conversations – place for avoidance and distraction, change of focus Opt of relationships – what relationships in our life hold zeal in health and which are overwhelming Boundaries with your own emotions Resources: Atlas of the Heart - Subsribe to heidigoehmann.com for more. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/28146197

Empathy with Boundaries 10/03/2023

Empathy with Boundaries Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience. Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to honor them without judgment. Boundary #1 – self-differentiation Boundary #2 – no drama making, honor the degrees of separation Boundary #3 - know your lens: perspective, bias, and assumptions Boundary #4 – empathy doesn’t fix people Boundary #5 – know your bandwidth Boundary #6 – be yourself in your kind and compassionate clothing Boundary #7 – recognize all of our capacity for suffering Mental Health Tool - Gut check practice Series on empathy at heidigoehmann.com - /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/28079040

Pleasure 09/12/2023

Pleasure How do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships? Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction 1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused 2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure 3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions 4 - noticing skills 3 stages of pleasure: Wanting – expectation/anticipation, pursuit/drive Liking – sensation experience of pleasure, hedonistic hotspots in the brain Learning – brain updating information, making future predictions; brain begins linking neurotransmitters that were harder to link before Resources: Altogether Beautiful video on expanding our understanding of pleasure 45 sec Preview: /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/27980718

Season 6 Trailer 08/28/2023

Season 6 Trailer Welcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you. This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety, happiness, sadness & sorrow, frustration, zeal, and empathy. Join us for episodes dropping in September. Submit your relationship questions at . See you soon! /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/27863163

Breaking Up & Moving On 05/23/2022

Breaking Up & Moving On Topic: Topic: How do you break up well?How do I know it’s healthy to start dating again after a divorce or breakup? The weightiness of breakups Reminding us of our need as humans for intimacy There are ways to do break ups “better”, but no way to do it “easy” Keep it classy, kind, and clear Break ups are in a moment, but the work of a break up is long term face to face universally preferred in the research What do you need and what needs healing? Find your support people Consider the impact on relationships beyond yourself Allow for emotions Give opportunity to process for yourself and your break up partner let complex emotions be there, just listen and then move forward Own what needs to be owned, don’t own what isn’t yours Dave’s wisdom = “It’s not you, it’s us.” space before friendship Happier music video: Give yourself time and space for the grief Set needed boundaries Homeostasis, getting to normalcy and comfort Pay attention to your internal dialogue and engage in healthy and aware self-talk A good time to engage in your spiritual life for foundation safety/comfort Space in communication disenfranchised grief and awareness of the stages of grief markers for “moving on” Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Necessary Endings: Short answer: Keep it classy and give yourself time. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/23204495

Taking Care of Your Partner with the Arrival of Baby 03/07/2022

Taking Care of Your Partner with the Arrival of Baby How do partners take care of each other when they have a baby? 1 – Learn together, about baby and each other What are your unique challenges? Gender role complications Awareness of shifts and changes with each baby Embrace flexible curiosity Make space and room for letting the baggage come out 2 – hold the good and bad together for and with another Acknowledge the impossibility of the unpredictable nature of parenting Some common anxieties: Exhaustion Anxiety about infant or just life Changes in other relationships (boundaries with others) What support is available Physical touch and sensory overload Uncertainty of needs – other and within self Communicating about something so new Losing who I am outside of parenting 3 – Notice where your partner needs and respond to each other with grace Hormone changes and adjustment for both partners sleep deprivation messes with you validate and offer small touches to ground partner notice mess and mindfully notice joy Caring for each other outside of motherhood and fatherhood Caring for each other by splitting duties household chores episode – https://ilovemyshepherd.libsyn.com/household-chores 4– help one another remember yourselves outside of parenting remember it’s a season go out and make nice moments happen when you stay in get to know baby and let baby get to know you - acclimate to baby, but also let baby acclimate to you Resources: Gottman Bringing Up Baby course - https://www.gottman.com/blog/bringing-baby-home-the-research/ And Baby Makes Three - (affiliate link) Short answer: Plan for the unplannable and watch yourself grow. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/22053095

Wrestling with Faith 02/21/2022

Wrestling with Faith Topic: Where do I turn if I’m wrestling with my faith? Intro: special guest Tanner Olson, Written to Speak, the poetry master Wrestling can be scary, but healthy Can feel like a journey, a battle, a dessert, normalcy, mediocrity Common Questions: Is God still who He says He is? Is God still close to me? Validating your questions and feelings goes a long way in making wrestling feel safer Keep talking to God – step toward relationship and revelation, getting to know God rather than always answering the whys Wrestling can bring growth and depth of faith Find people you can talk to about the questions and wrestlings Making peace with wrestling as part of the faith process Research studies reveal wrestling as a widely experienced phenomenon: Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion - Barna - Study of Islam - (Yaqeen Instititute for Islamic Research) Predominate themes in wrestling: moral and social concerns, philosophical and scientific concerns, personal trauma There is nothing wrong with you and sometimes it’s hard to see we are loved, forgiven, free, etc. Everyone’s relationship with God looks different We can rest in what we do know – “I know how this story ends” Faith looks different in different seasons of life Value of silence and stillness (Walk a Little Slower: pg. 104) Wrestling in the daily walk (Walk a Little Slower: pg. 52) Sometimes we think, sometimes we are invited to just be, sometimes we wait What to look for in wrestling companions Tanner wisdom: “Let the cheesy things still be true.” Resources: writtentospeak.com Tanner’s books - Walk a Little Slower - As You Go - I’m All Over the Place - Short Answer: Let yourself be curious and let the cheesy things be true. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/21966818

Talking to Someone about Their Mental Health 02/07/2022

Talking to Someone about Their Mental Health In this episode we unpack some ways to begin having the conversation with someone you love about their mental health as well as share some resources for learning more about mental health and mental illness. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/21730148

Young Adulting in a Family 01/24/2022

Young Adulting in a Family In this episode, we discuss tips and considerations for when someone becomes a young adult in a family, both from a parenting perspective and for young adults themselves. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/21686870

Household Chores 01/10/2022

Household Chores In this episode, we talk about the weight and also growth that comes from household chores, as well as practical ideas for discussing and determining chores among household members. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/21338336

Childhood Friendships 01/03/2022

Childhood Friendships In this episode, we investigate the vulnerability and purpose of childhood friendships, how they differ from adult relationships, and what to do when one waxes or ends. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/21247979

Season 5 Trailer 09/15/2021

Season 5 Trailer The Life in Relationship podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. Our goal is more genuineness and authenticity in each of our relationships each day. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/20482403

Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Contemplation 06/22/2021

Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Contemplation This is the third episode in a four-part series on spiritual practices that help us grow by simply drawing near to God. This episode focuses on the concept of contemplation without trying to find answers necessarily. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/19562672

Always Growing: Spiritual Practice of Adventure 04/29/2021

Always Growing: Spiritual Practice of Adventure This is the first episode in a four-part series on spiritual practices that help us grow by simply drawing near to God. This episode focuses on the concept of adventure and the practice of "Open Hands." /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/18910925

Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth 04/13/2021

Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth This is the first episode in a four-part series on spiritual practices that help us grow by simply drawing near to God. This first episode gives foundations and discover questions about your spiritual practices and then a spiritual practice for growth called "The Woah." /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/18693182

The Truth about Mental Health: Growth & Grief 03/23/2021

The Truth about Mental Health: Growth & Grief In today's episode, Heidi and author and ministry leader Michael Newman talk about the journey of grief and pathways toward growth through honoring our experiences of grief and seeing God's presence and work in them. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/18335042

Ministry Moment: The Value of Supportive Adults 02/23/2021

Ministry Moment: The Value of Supportive Adults In the Ministry Moment series, we talk to individuals with insight into specific areas of ministry and build value for growing relationships in faith communities to create authenticity and growth. In this episode, special guests Mark Kiessling and Julianna Shults join us to talk about youth ministry research and the value of five supportive adults in the lives of every youth and young adult. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/17954225

Always Growing in Relationship 01/21/2021

Always Growing in Relationship Always Growing is a web series on lifespan development. Always Growing in Relationship is part two of three segments that center around Psalm 139 with guest Heather Ruesch. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/17596349

Always Growing in Remembrance 01/18/2021

Always Growing in Remembrance Always Growing is a web series on lifespan development. Always Growing in Remembrance is part one of three segments that center around Psalm 139 with guest Heather Ruesch. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/17593928

The Truth about Mental Health: Mentoring 12/29/2020

The Truth about Mental Health: Mentoring In today's episode Heidi and Darcy Paape talk about the importance and challenges of mentoring relationships, especially for wrestling with our questions and identity in this life. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/17194112

Jesus in Everything: Playgrounds and Production Lines 11/24/2020

Jesus in Everything: Playgrounds and Production Lines In our Jesus in Everything series, we talk about everyday objects as reminders of God and His love and truth in our lives. In this episode, we talk about the place of both being and doing in our lives related to playgrounds and production lines. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/16877996

The Truth about Mental Health: Worth 11/10/2020

The Truth about Mental Health: Worth In today's podcast Heidi and special guest Justin Rossow, talk about our sense of worth and how God's delight in us informs that sense of worth. /episode/index/show/ilovemyshepherd/id/16555499

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