Life Transitions & Nature
Life in Relationship
Question: What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? Transitions come with stress Attending to the transition, noticing the energy and tasks required Various emotions of transition Nature as an intentional place to "escape" to Tip #1 - any time in nature is valuable Tip #2 - nature reminds us every thing happens in its time notice the transitions in nature itself to validate your own Widen the lens - notice the steady cycle around the changes all around us allow the time of a transition, nature allows the slowness of...
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Emotion Regulation & the Natural World
Life in Relationship
Question: How does nature help with regulation and balance? Dave’s forest therapy training - Emotion Regulation tip #1 - let things be complicated Science and mystery Concrete concepts around ourselves and our bodies as well as spiritual or less concrete concepts around ourselves Emotion Regulation tip #2 - we regulate when we provide a space For each other (co-regulation) For ourselves (self-regulation) We are a part of nature and regulate within nature. We are constantly in a process of shedding and restoring. God designed us with internal and...
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Control & Letting Go: Give it to the Trees
Life in Relationship
Question: How do I let go of things I can’t control? A Dave and Heidi story: the cynical season or “life on the edge” and our first forest therapy attempt Learning to let go of the outcome Letting Go Tip #1 - Find a practice of noticing what we don’t control or can’t control Example: stand in the woods or the yard and note the basic elements of nature around you that you can’t control Letting Go Tip #2 - Read Job chapters 38-42 The duality of meaningfulness and meaninglessness The duality of Challenge and acceptance “Job’s in scripture because...
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Season 7 Trailer - Relationships, Mental Health, & the Natural World
Life in Relationship
Welcome to Season 7 of our little podcast! Dave and I are looking forward to a season of talking about three of our very favorite things comingled...well, four really - life in relationships, mental health, the natural world, and spirituality. Some topics and questions you'll find in the conversation this season include: How does nature help with emotion regulation? How do I let go of things I can’t control? What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? How do I start healing from Spiritual Trauma? And more... Look for 7 episodes wherever you get your...
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Frustration with Chris Kennedy
Life in Relationship
Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - (associate link) Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger Tip 3 –...
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Happiness
Life in Relationship
How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions Tip 3 – We’re ok v. Yay! Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness...
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Anxiety
Life in Relationship
How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s? Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/ Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas) Tip #4 –...
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Sadness
Life in Relationship
How do I help my loved one when they are sad? Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness - Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time - Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes a long way let these emotions be a process let...
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Zeal
Life in Relationship
Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something? Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts Define Zeal - great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) - eagerness and ardent interest in something...
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Empathy with Boundaries
Life in Relationship
Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience. Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to...
info_outlineTopic: How do I talk to someone I love who is struggling with their mental health?
Intro: Changing stigma towards mental health
Step 1 - changing our beliefs
Step 2 - changing our actions related to beliefs
2019 APA survey:
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/05/mental-health-survey
- What is my relationship with this person? (4:30)
- Relationship = vulnerability + boundaries
- Where are they at? Consider the person’s willingness to have the conversation
- Can they see the concerns or are they mostly unaware?
- Use the phrase – “I’ve noticed” or “Have you noticed…”
- Start with culturally normative symptoms or what might be easiest from them to hear
- Shift our own understanding about mental health as part of everyone’s everyday life
- Get some info for yourself
- Nami - https://nami.org/Support-Education
- and Mental Health First Aid and Fresh Hope groups
- recognize our own anxieties about mental health
- Mental Health First Aid: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/take-a-course/find-a-course/
- Determining a crisis v. non-crisis situation
QPR training for suicide prevention:
https://qprinstitute.com/individual-training
- Concerns about suicide: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- Consider your language and your relationship with your own mental health (18:00)
- Do not make assumptions
- Ask lots of questions
- Use a tone of respect
- People are more responsive when we are willing to deal with our own stuff
- Be authentic in our own struggles
- The struggle isn’t usually the same intensity forever
- Have some resources ready and check back in (23:30)
- Hotline resources - https://www.rainn.org/
https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/
https://www.thehotline.org/ for family and relationship violence
211 – basic resources local to you
- look up some local therapists
therapist search on Heidi’s website: https://heidigoehmann.com/connect
- Combat veteran resources and info around trauma
Normalizing combat trauma - https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_veterans.asp
Find an EMDR therapist - https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
Get your own therapy if they are resistant (or if they aren’t)
- books –
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone - https://amzn.to/3EXYkhV
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Workbook - https://amzn.to/3HPMpEL
Soul of Shame - https://amzn.to/3pViWTK
Daring Greatly - https://amzn.to/3zwOpPw
Fresh Hope Workbook - https://amzn.to/3faK0YV
Fresh Hope website - https://freshhope.us/
Loving Someone Series –
PTSD - https://amzn.to/34oRh5s
Bipolar - https://amzn.to/3zsYEnK
ADHD - https://amzn.to/3mYkmuY
- Don’t forget boundaries for yourself with compassion
Mental health page at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/mental-health-1
Relationship page at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Short Answer: There is no perfect way to have the conversation - start somewhere, with a resource and a single awkward conversation.