Libsyn Directory

Why You Can't Budget Your Way Out of Money Shame

Release Date: 06/16/2025

Breaking Money Cycles: When Breaking Money Cycles Means Breaking Relationships

It's Not About The Money

I lost one really deep friendship when I started changing my relationship with money - not because I became a different person or got arrogant, but because I stopped being who they needed me to be. What nobody talks about when breaking money cycles is that sometimes the people closest to you have the most invested in keeping you exactly where you are. This is the conversation I've been avoiding since we started this series because it's messy, it's painful, and it doesn't have a tidy solution. But if you've been setting boundaries and healing your relationship with money, you've probably...

Breaking Money Cycles: Why You Can't Stop Putting Others First With Money

It's Not About The Money

What would happen if you stopped holding all the responsibility with money? If you weren't the rescuer or the provider, the generous one - would people still value you and would you still matter? That may sound like a rather odd question, but right now there are thousands of people searching terms like "Why do I always put others first with money?" and "How do I stop feeling guilty spending money on myself?" because so many of us are trapped in what I refer to as the caretaker money cycle, where your mind and your body have literally learnt that giving money away equals safety, love, and...

Breaking Money Cycles: Debt, Shame and Forgiveness

It's Not About The Money

If money has been feeling rather heavy for you recently, or maybe you're waking up in the middle of the night worrying about money, I want you to first of all know that you are not alone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you have debts. This episode is specifically about debt and shame, and I'm going to be sharing what happened for me when I was in £35,000 of debt - a story I've rarely told publicly because of the deep shame I carried around it for years. The truth is, debt isn't just about the numbers on a statement; it's about the weight of secrecy, the fear of judgement,...

Breaking Money Cycles: The Real Reason You Can't Create Consistent Income (It's Not Your Marketing)

It's Not About The Money

What if next month's revenue felt as reliable as your morning coffee? As a financial expert who's helped thousands of business founders to steady their income, I can honestly tell you this: you've already done the hard part - people want what you sell. Let's make the good months stick. Feast and famine cycles aren't personal failures, and it's not even your marketing. It's a pattern that your body and your business have learnt to repeat. Today, I'm going to widen your capacity to receive money, to hold and to give, and pair it with some really simple, practical planning strategies so that...

Breaking Money Cycles: Why You Make Your Worst Financial Decisions When You're Overwhelmed

It's Not About The Money

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by a money decision that you've Googled "best savings account," opened 17 tabs, read 18 articles, and ended up way more confused than when you started? Here's the trap we all fall into: when we're stressed about money, we think the answer is more information - one more podcast, one more YouTube video, one more expert opinion that will finally make it all make sense. But that information is actually making the overwhelm worse. Today, as a former financial adviser with 20 years of experience, I'm showing you what's actually happening in your brain when you try...

Breaking Money Cycles: Why You Hide from Your Numbers (And How to Build Financial Courage)

It's Not About The Money

I've spent the last 10 years trying to find the perfect financial management system for my business and personal finances, and here's what I've discovered: it doesn't matter which system you implement if the one thing avoiding the numbers is you. As a qualified financial advisor and somatic money expert, I can tell you with absolute certainty that financial avoidance has nothing to do with lack of financial education - it's a protection response your body has learned. When you retrain that response, money stops feeling like a threat and starts feeling like simple, neutral information. Today,...

Breaking Money Cycles: Why You Self-Sabotage When Things Go Well

It's Not About The Money

Have you ever achieved a major financial milestone - landed a big client, hit a revenue goal, or finally built up your savings - only to watch yourself systematically self-sabotage it within weeks? Maybe you suddenly took on underpriced work, made an impulsive expensive purchase, or created some drama that torpedoed your success. If this sounds familiar, I need you to understand something crucial: this isn't weakness, it's not a character flaw, and it's not lack of willpower. This is your nervous system literally treating financial success like a threat to your existence. Right now,...

Breaking Money Cycles: Financial Trauma - The Hidden Cost of Being the Affordable Option

It's Not About The Money

If you've ever caught yourself saying "I don't want to price myself out of the market" or felt that familiar guilt creeping in when considering raising your prices, you're about to discover why being the affordable option is actually a financial trauma response. The hidden cost of undercharging isn't just the money you're leaving on the table - it's the cycle of resentment, exhaustion, and trauma responses that keep you trapped in patterns of unworthiness. In my book "It's Not About The Money," I explore how under-earning often starts as a trauma response where we overwork to prove ourselves,...

Breaking Money Cycles: Why You Feel Broke Even When You Have Money (10-Minute Daily Fix)

It's Not About The Money

Have you ever looked at your bank account and thought "this should feel like enough," yet still felt that familiar knot of anxiety in your stomach whenever money came up? You're absolutely not alone in this experience. This week, I'm diving deep into why you can feel broke even when you have money - and it has nothing to do with the actual numbers in your account. The real culprit? Your nervous system and how it's been programmed to recognise what feels "safe" around money. If you grew up hearing "we can't afford that" or witnessed your parents stress about finances, your body has been...

Breaking Money Cycles: Why Saving More Money Never Makes You Feel Safe

It's Not About The Money

In this deeply personal episode, I explore why having more money often doesn't make us feel safer, and why this isn't actually a money problem - it's a meaning problem. Drawing from my own experience of nearly losing my youngest son Thomas twice in his first five weeks of life, I reveal how our "not enough" programming around money often stems from our deepest fears about being unprepared when someone we love is at risk. Through my three-zone model of receiving, holding, and giving, I break down how these inherited money beliefs create an exhausting cycle where we work harder but can never...

More Episodes

In this episode, I share insights from my recent interview with UK-based global company Agon about the crucial link between mental health and money. Rather than offering quick fixes, I explore the deeper emotional landscape beneath financial anxiety and provide six key questions to help you understand what's really driving your money worries

Episode Highlights:

Understanding the Root of Money Worries

Money itself isn't usually what we're worried about - it's what money represents
Common underlying fears: relationship security, business stability, lifestyle changes, and team obligations
How financial anxiety often stems from deeper meanings we attach to money
The difference between surface-level money concerns and their emotional foundations

The Emotional Spectrum of Money

My ladder metaphor: low-vibrational emotions at the bottom (shame, guilt, stress, anger) vs high-vibrational emotions at the top (gratitude, joy, happiness)
Why jumping straight to gratitude practices doesn't work when you're experiencing financial shame
The crucial middle step: acceptance of past decisions, inherited beliefs, and trauma patterns
How the nervous system creates fight-or-flight responses to protect us from perceived financial threats

The Complexity of Money Shame

Why shame is the hardest emotion on the spectrum to shift
How shame creates a freeze response in the nervous system, leading to financial avoidance
Recognising shame through language: the "shoulds" we place on ourselves ("I should be good with money," "I should be further ahead")
The importance of compassionate acknowledgement without judgement

Money and Neurodiversity

How traditional financial advice assumes neurotypical learning styles
Specific challenges for neurodivergent individuals: impulse control, budgeting, long-term planning
My personal ADHD experience: visual presentations, movement during money conversations, shorter but more frequent meetings
The correlation between depression, anxiety, and financial avoidance

Beyond Traditional Financial Solutions

Why practical solutions (budgets, investment plans) don't work without addressing underlying emotions
The problem with control-based planning when control doesn't feel safe
How impulsive spending patterns can sabotage investment strategies if safety concerns aren't addressed
The importance of understanding emotional patterns before implementing financial tools

Professional Development for Coaches

How coaches can support clients with money conversations without being qualified financial advisers
The power of holding space for psychological exploration around money decisions
Tools and frameworks for understanding the patterns behind financial behaviours
My financial coach certification programme and free 40-minute training

Final Thought

This episode emphasises that healing our relationship with money requires understanding the emotional spectrum beneath our financial behaviours. Rather than bypassing difficult emotions to reach gratitude and joy, lasting change comes through accepting where we are, understanding our protective patterns, and working with our individual psychological makeup.