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063 – Self Work: Indulgent or Invaluable? Featuring Mandi Saligari

Inside My Wardrobe

Release Date: 05/28/2020

086 Hindsight is 2020 show art 086 Hindsight is 2020

Inside My Wardrobe

For the last episode of this year I threw open the floor to our facebook group and let them ask the questions via my husband Brian who added his beautiful mellow tones to the podcast! We talk about all the insights and learns from 2020, favourite conversations, hopes for 2021, George Clooney’s hair, padded pants, all sorts! We have a competition in this week's episode to win a 2021 A4 Passion Planner. UK address to receive the prize, closing date midnight on 16th December 2020, entrants to Particular episodes we referred back to were: Ellen Carr #81 – fascinating insight on our doshas...

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085 Life, Loss & Lemonstones show art 085 Life, Loss & Lemonstones

Inside My Wardrobe

This week we hear from Emma Simpson, scientist and writer, wife and mum, and someone who experienced multiple traumas over a short period of time that turned her life inside out and resulted in her developing clinical depression, followed by chronic fatigue syndrome and a mast cell disorder. In this episode we hear Emma’s devastating story, about how she has learned to deal with PTSD and grief, about depression, anxiety, about over achieving, pushing away pain and the eventual breakdown that would see everything rise to the surface. If it wasn’t for Emma’s friends and family, she says...

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084 The Story You Tell Yourself show art 084 The Story You Tell Yourself

Inside My Wardrobe

2020 has been hard in so many ways, but like in any trauma or tough time in life, how we cope is often determined by the story we choose to tell ourselves. Here's a moving podcast illustrating how to find strength when we keep going anyway. Accepting who we are and where we are at, gives us so much power and once we find that place, we begin the journey of healing and freedom! This episode is perfectly timed as so much change has occurred this year in all of our lives. Much of it for the better, but also with lots of trauma and sadness in the mix. Nina Chesworth's story is a real example of...

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083 Why We Are Feeling Exhausted show art 083 Why We Are Feeling Exhausted

Inside My Wardrobe

This has been an immensely difficult year for everyone – in different ways we have made sacrifices, managed stress, illness, loss …the list for everyone is different. Whether its been isolation and loneliness, or fear for loved ones who you can’t see, or managing children whilst working, or desperately trying to find creative ways around running a business so that you can keep your head above water – we’ve all gone through it and everywhere I turn right now, people are tired, fed up, hanging on by a thread. In the news this morning there was a piece on how anti social behaviour and...

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082 Just Keep (Cold Water) Swimming show art 082 Just Keep (Cold Water) Swimming

Inside My Wardrobe

Welcome to another episode of Inside My Wardrobe – I was originally going to call this “Keeeep Talking” as it’s Strictly Come Dancing season but then I remembered “just keep swimming, swimming swimming” – and I couldn’t really move on from that. You have to have seen the movie Nemo to get the title.  “Just Keep Swimming” is Dory’s line, played by Ellen DeGeneres and her motto taught to her by her Mum, when life gets hard, to just keep swimming …. This week’s guest came about after #76 “How To Eat And Be Happy” with therapist from the Recovery Centre,...

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081 Balancing Your Dosha show art 081 Balancing Your Dosha

Inside My Wardrobe

During this episode we talk with writer and holistic therapist Ellen Carr about connecting with our bodies at a deep level so that we can discover who we are and find fulfilment and joy in life. We talk about how the seasons around us affect us according to our Dosha, we talk about masculine and feminine energy, how the Western culture in which we live promotes more of a goal based masculine existence which pushes us away from the nurture and reflective nature of the feminine energy. We all need both, but as a society, we have become incredibly linear which isn’t good for us so we talk about...

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080 Lipstick and Bloody Mindedness show art 080 Lipstick and Bloody Mindedness

Inside My Wardrobe

If you think that stepping into your Queendom alludes you, have a listen to this episode. A story of dogged determination, poor health advice, employment rejection and then a wonderful turnaround thanks to dogged determination and refusal to sit on the shelf! Serena Gay has spent her entire life as a broadcaster but then along came menopause, coupled with a major relocation and everything seemed to hit brick walls - until she decided that she wasn't done yet, she had plenty to offer and that "no" wasn't good enough! Serena's story highlights the importance of self esteem, awareness and a...

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079 Beyond The Bleed show art 079 Beyond The Bleed

Inside My Wardrobe

In this episode with @themenopausepsychologist we talk about navigating the impact that hormones have on our psychological state and subsequent mental health. We discuss the 3 stages of being a woman, from childhood, to puberty through to motherhood and into what has the potential to be our most fulfilling years, post menopause. Until now, hormone influence on our lives really hasn’t been discussed or understood much at all. They affect us from our teen years and learning how to recognise what happens and manage ourselves around our cycles is something that you may or may not have become the...

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078 Knowing & Navigating the Symptoms of Menopause with Diane Danzebrink show art 078 Knowing & Navigating the Symptoms of Menopause with Diane Danzebrink

Inside My Wardrobe

Our hormones have for many years been subjected to shameful jibes however, they are immensely powerful and the driving force behind so much of who we are, hence the title of this episode. The thing is, they also change as we transition into the next phase of our lives around our mid/late 40s and when they begin to change, we can find the impact on our emotional, mental and physical health to be a huge shock to the system if we aren't informed about what to expect. If we can understand what’s going on, and manage the change with support, the next phase of life has the opportunity to be even...

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077 Stop Pleasing Start Living 3/4 show art 077 Stop Pleasing Start Living 3/4

Inside My Wardrobe

In part 3 of our people pleasing series we discuss the importance of boundaries and saying no. Having solid boundaries is fundamental to not being a people pleaser and the cornerstone to good mental health. You don't need permission to like what you like neither do you need to justify yourself. Boundaries are the lines that define who we are and what matters to us and people will take what you give to them so be sure you're wanting to give what's being taken - if you're feeling burned out and running on empty, sure as eggs is your boundary lines need firming up! So, with World Mental Health...

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More Episodes

Self-care and self-work are two very different things, does the latter fall into indulgence though or is it an invaluable part of our journeys to emotional and mental health? Addictions therapist Mandy Saligari says “your ability to be comfortable in your own skin is fundamental as to whether you might need to self-medicate later” and you will be surprised to hear, self-medication is not just drugs and alcohol!

Following on from last week, episode 062 with Angie Fadel, we talked about shoulding, and how often we find ourselves feeling guilty because we think that we SHOULD be doing something that we aren’t. Our THOUGHTS have huge power over the way we feel and that’s what I wanted to touch on in this episode as a therapist friend of mine said only a couple of weeks ago “feelings are always generated by thoughts”. So whilst our feelings are important to feel, if our thoughts are mismatched with reality, we will find ourselves on these feeling journeys based in unreality.

So if our thoughts generate our feelings, what if the way we think is wrong? I refer often to episode 9 – rewriting the script and beyond. Just because we think something, doesn’t make it right and so reading, exploring and even talking with a professional who is versed in how we formulate our thought patterns and emotions, becomes a helpful tool for us to get there perhaps a little quicker than just under our own devices – wouldn’t you love to have known what you know now, 20 years ago? 

I had a conversation recently with someone who said they felt like self-work was naval gazing and that it didn’t really serve much of a purpose and isn’t it better to just get on with things, so I thought it would be great to explore this a little further because as Angie said last week, self-searching or self-work happens in many ways and over a period of time:

Podcasts / Books / Counsellor/Therapist visits /Ted talks / Coaching – we often think that these options are the last resort in the UK, there is still such a stigma attached to the concept however counsellors and therapists, even the good coaches out there, are trained to recognise patterns of behaviour and challenge existing thought patterns in an environment that is safe, positive and helpful in a way that we may never achieve by just reading books or listening to a podcast because they are able to hear exactly how you are thinking.  We hear and read through our existing filters and lenses so having a 3rd party involved can fast forward the process by years.

In this episode we hear from addictions therapist Mandy Saligari. She runs a clinic on London’s Harley Street called Charter, is a regular on national TV and radio and a real authority on this - see her Ted Talk. We did this interview earlier in the year for the parenting podcast as part of a series on emotional development and how it effects mental health. In this conversation with Mandy, we hear about the damage that comes from hiding behind feelings, how we internalise negative life experiences and how until we bring these things to the surface and work them through, we adopt coping mechanisms and even self-medicating habits which then in turn inform us and shape our thought processes. She says “your ability to be comfortable in your own skin is fundamental as to whether you might need to self-medicate later” – and you will be surprised to hear, self-medication, addiction, is not just drugs and alcohol…..

We can spend a fortune on getting our hair done or buying good skincare and nice make up but the investment in this, at a much deeper level, is something I have found to be priceless so I hope you enjoy.

Links:

Mandy Saligari's Ted Talk "Feelings, Handle Them Before They Handle You" 

Mandy's Website - Charter Harley Street

The Parenting Podcast on Apple Podcasts