In The Fire: Anger, with Parker Sherwood

It’s critical for us as men to take some personal inventory around anger.

We have to know our tendencies in order to take care of our own hearts and to respond—not react—in a way that moves us towards building and not destroying, towards peace and resolution—not resentment and hatred. We must learn to handle our feelings with grace and truth—the way that Jesus has done with us.

This week on Locker Room, guest Parker Sherwood and Scott sit down to dig into the fire of anger and talk about healthy ways we can identify, acknowledge and take responsibility for our emotions.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Opening Question

• Where are you winning this week?

Questions to think about as we get into this episode 

• Where does anger seem to get the best of you? 

• Who are the people in your life that always seem to be on the receiving end of your addressed anger? 

• How quick are you to lash out?

• How many marriages, friendships or significant relationships have become casualties because of your anger?

• The hard one… Do you have any unaddressed anger that sits below the surface that’s eating at you? 

Different examples of Conflict styles:

• Trash compactor: They stuff it down and then one day trash that is smashed down eventually leaks.

• Volcano: At some point you're going to blow, spewing everywhere on anybody. You're gonna kick dogs, flip people off in traffic, lose your mind at work, punch holes in walls and paint the walls with your words.

• The Prosecuting Attorney: Building your case, keeping tabs and then it’s time to interrogate and you go for blood. You go for broke. Your goal is to win and not resolve.

• The Medicator: There’s so many things that guys will use to medicate the pain that they feel. They’ll dive into alcohol and drugs to resist and numb the pain they feel.

• The Avoider: Maybe that’s what you saw growing up. You’re conflict-averse. When anger rises and fight-or-flight options present themselves, your default is flight. Avoid and kick the can down the street hoping that someone else picks it up. But the can you’ve been kicking is still there. Avoiding it never resolves it.

• Eskimo: You just freeze people out. You just remain cold and you neglect the broken areas of your life.

Look at these 6 examples. Is there one that you lean more towards? Why do you think that example comes more naturally to you?

Scott and Parker talk about how our parent’s family wounds can impact our lives as their children. How does this change the way you view your family of origin? How does this change the way you view the importance of addressing your own family wounds so they don’t spill onto your kids?

Give the devil no opportunity. Don’t give the devil a foothold. “One of the greatest weapons the enemy will use to take out men is unaddressed, mismanaged anger.” Why do you think the enemy loves to attack men by using anger?

Scott lists a few things that anger can come from. What is the importance of addressing the first emotion before the second emotion comes? How have you seen this play out?

It’s not about behavior modification, it’s about living out of a new heart that Jesus is trying to create in us. Have you ever thought about the topic of anger under this behavior modification lens? What does it mean to live out of the new heart that Jesus wants to give us?

When anger arises, pray.

Why is it important to examine your heart before going to someone that has angered you?

If it’s not transformed it will be transferred. How does this emphasize the importance of transforming our anger?

James 1:19-20. We have to enter a hard conversation with the mindset of, 'How can I understand, and then resolve?' How does it impact our relationships with our spouse, friends, etc.?

Why is it important to pray sooner rather than later?

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” What does that statement mean to you?

What else in the episode spoke to you?

“We either walk in the spirit or we walk in the flesh.” How would your life look if you did this? Your family? Your work? Your neighbors? 

Let's wrap up with a challenge:  

• Where does anger seem to get the best of you?

• Is there any anger that’s gone unaddressed in your own heart?

• Is there any conflict that’s gone unresolved in your relationships?

• Anything you need to own?  Anything that you need to let go?  Anything you need to do?

• What Bible passage that we walked through is a verse that you need to put to memory?

• Where’s the Holy Spirit prompting you?  What has God been saying to you during this podcast?  

 

Key Verses 

Ephesians 4:26-27 (ESV): Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

James 1:19-20 (NIV) My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV) Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Matthew 18:15-16 (NIV) “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

1 John 1:9 (NIV) 9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

 

Next Steps:

• Sign up for Locker Room Groups at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [e-mail]

• As always…if this podcast has encouraged you, share it with a friend.  You never know how an episode like this can help those in your life that you care about.