In the Fire: Forgiveness, with Gary Black

Locker Room listeners: we truly believe God wants to help us in the middle of our pain.  Whatever it is you’ve experienced. He wants to draw close. The Holy Spirit wants to comfort, heal and restore whatever it is that has caused you so much pain.

Jesus wants to give you the grace and  strength as you make the decision to forgive. In this episode, we want to make sure we unpack what forgiveness is, what it’s not, and what it looks like when we make that call—the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.

Join us in the conversation this week with returning guest Gary Black, to talk about the healing available to us through forgiveness.

 

DISCUSSION GUIDE

Opening Questions:

• Where are you winning this week? 

• What are some things that come to mind when you think of forgiveness?

Think about two people that you have the hardest time forgiving. What comes to mind?

What about forgiveness is so hard? 

Unhealthy ways that Men attempt to process hurts:

1. We ignore our hurts 

2. We escape our hurts through vices

3. We stuff our hurts 

4. We disguise our hurts

5. We get bitter 

Have you seen any of these 5 unhealthy ways in your own life? How does that affect those around you? 

“Resentment didn’t change the past, it just changed the future.” Do you agree? If so, how should this statement impact your own life? 

“Forgiveness is not a feeling, it’s a decision.” How does this truth revolutionalize the way we think about forgiving someone?

“The desire to change is the beginning of change.” Why is that significant?

Reasons why we need to forgive 

1. Because God has forgiven us!

2. Unforgivness doesn’t work!

   1. Resentment doesn’t change anything

   2. Resentment can lead you to do foolish things

   3. Resentment makes you a wreck emotionally 

   4. Physical consequences on your body 

Which one of these points ring most true for you?

Gary described forgiveness as a process, not a one-time decision. What might it look like to “recommit” to forgiveness when old feelings resurface?

What does freedom or healing look like/feel like after choosing to forgive someone?

What would it mean for you to make a “forgiveness list” like the one Gary mentioned? Who might need to be on it and are you willing to start that process?

Scott mentioned there’s a difference between forgiveness & reconciliation.  Forgiveness involves us and Jesus.  Reconciliation involves both parties and Jesus.  Why is this critical for us to be able to discern?

Two questions to discern the difference:

• Is the other person safe to re-engage with or not?

• Is there brokenness on their part that moves me towards desiring restoration in our relationship? Or is the Holy Spirit prompting me to create some margin and simply walk in peace as much as it depends on me?

• What does rebuilding trust look like after forgiveness?  

• What are some healthy boundaries that might need to exist, even after forgiveness?

“Forgiveness is: I will no longer--I refuse--I choose to not be a slave or a prisoner anymore for what somebody did to me.” How does this statment reframe how you view forgiveness?

“You will never have to forgive someone as much as God has forgiven you.” How does that truth motivate or humble you?

Closing Questions:

How would your life, relationships, and relationship with Jesus look different if you fully lived in the freedom of forgiveness?

What’s one practical step you can take this week to begin releasing resentment or bitterness in your life?

If I were to ask you to name the one person who has hurt you the most in your lifetime, who would that be? If you haven’t forgiven them…OR others… It’s time.

Process for Forgiveness:

Pray and make a list

Simple Prayer: “God, please bring to mind all the names of people I need to forgive so that I might extend the same forgiveness to them that I’ve received from you.  I have sometimes held onto anger, bitterness, and resentment.   My desire is to be free from these things.   So I pray that you will bring their names to mind so that I might forgive.   In Jesus’ name.  Amen.”

After you go through some names, acknowledge the significance of the cross, and work through your list one name at a time praying…

"Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive        (name the person)              for         (say what they did to hurt you)        even though it made me feel            (express the painful feelings out loud…). "

"And now, Lord, I choose to forgive (name) and I resolve not to hold on to my resentment. I thank You for setting me free from the bondage of my bitterness.  I ask you to help me find a way to express kindness to him/her.     Help me not to have unrealistic expectations about his/her response.   I am choosing forgiveness, knowing that trust  may take a long time to restore.   I leave that with You.   Today I choose to forgive.   I release my bitterness and ask you to heal my damaged emotions.   In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen."

Key verses 

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Hebrews 12:15 (NLT) Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

Ephesians 4:26-27 (ESV) Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Romans 12:17-21 (NIV)  Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;  if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

 Next Steps

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