218: Creating the Future vs. Predicting the Future
Release Date: 10/09/2025
224: Going All-In On Your Desires
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, “Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk”?Or would you rather say, “Thank God I went all in on my desires”? I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself “What have we done?!” But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely...
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223: Whose Job Is It to Change the Conversation About Infidelity?
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity? Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots. You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. The stigma around infidelity can feel overwhelming and isolating. But here's the thing: if you want to see the dominant conversation about infidelity become more nuanced and less...
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222: Dating for the First Time in a Long Time
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation. In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity. I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being...
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221: Why I Work with Affair Couples as Individuals
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise. The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships? I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has...
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220: Vacillating Between Two Relationships
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match. One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you. When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're...
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219: Thriving After Infidelity: Michael’s Story
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like there's no good way out. Today, I want to share a remarkable story that might change how you see what's possible. The guilt was unbearable. Michael couldn't sleep, his health was declining, and he felt trapped between two worlds - a marriage that had become a roommate situation and memories of an affair that had awakened something he'd been missing for years. This week, I’m joined by my client Michael, who courageously...
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218: Creating the Future vs. Predicting the Future
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit. You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves. So many people tell me they need to know what divorce feels like before deciding to get divorced, or they need 90% certainty their decision will work out well. They're looking for guarantees that...
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217: The Perils of Telling the Truth
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you ever felt proud of yourself for telling the truth… only to later wonder if you should have approached it differently? We often think of truth-telling as an absolute good - something that's always right and beneficial. But what if I told you that, sometimes, the truth we choose to tell isn't necessarily the most important or useful truth in a situation? This week, I share a story about how a dead rat smell in a yoga studio became the catalyst for a profound lesson about truth-telling, and how my well-intentioned truth-telling may have inadvertently created more problems...
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216: When Your Affair Partner Breaks Your Heart
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened? It's complicated enough when it happens in regular relationships. But when it involves an affair partner, the complexity multiplies tenfold. This kind of heartbreak hits differently when the relationship itself existed in secrecy, making the grief even more isolating. Join me this week as I tackle the heart-wrenching reality of what happens when an affair partner breaks your heart - and the even more complicated question of what to do if they come back....
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215: Secretly Dating While You’re Married
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you ever thought about "checking out your options" before making a big relationship decision? It seems logical, right? Why make a life-changing choice without knowing what else is out there? When you're married but questioning whether you want to stay that way, the unknown can feel paralyzing. Join me this week as I dive into why people choose to secretly date while married and what actually happens when they do. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here:
info_outlineYou're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit.
You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves.
So many people tell me they need to know what divorce feels like before deciding to get divorced, or they need 90% certainty their decision will work out well. They're looking for guarantees that life simply doesn't offer. Meanwhile, these same people confidently plan vacations, have children, and make career moves without any promise of how things will unfold.
Join me this week to learn the difference between actively creating your future versus trying to predict it. You’ll hear how you’re creating your future every single day through your choices, both big and small, and how you already possess the power to deliberately shape your future.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/218