229: Radical Un-Shaming with David Bedrick
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Radical un-shaming sounds lovely in theory, but what does it actually look like when you are dealing with desires, behaviors, or parts of yourself that other people insist are unacceptable? In this episode, I’m joined by author, teacher, and counselor David Bedrick to talk about shame, morality, psychology, and the limits of a therapeutic model that divides people into victims and perpetrators, good people and bad people. Together, we explore how infidelity and other taboo experiences are so often approached through judgment rather than curiosity, and why that leaves so...
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228: Podcast Greatest Hits: When You Love Your Partner and You Still Want to Cheat
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else? If you’re in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship. In this episode, we’ll explore the reality that desire for more than one person is not inherently a problem and does not automatically mean your relationship is broken. Tune in this...
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227: Love, Sex, and Romance: What Do You Really Want?
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life? When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you’re trying to build. In this episode, I invite you to take a step back from the immediacy of your infidelity situation so you can reconnect with what truly matters to you. Tune in to learn how gaining clarity about your own desires can...
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226: Recovering From a “Bad Decision”
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation? Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery. Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decision you make. In fact, I have real-time proof of this truth, and I'm sharing it with you on this episode. Tune in this week to hear why you're never doomed by any single decision or set...
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225: Drunken One-Night Stands
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it. Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: “Do I have to tell my partner?” “What does this mean about my relationship?” “How could I have done this?” Here’s the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people, but sometimes it's a way to distract yourself from dealing with dissatisfaction in your committed relationship. Join me on this episode as I help you cut through the...
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224: Going All-In On Your Desires
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, “Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk”?Or would you rather say, “Thank God I went all in on my desires”? I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself “What have we done?!” But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely...
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223: Whose Job Is It to Change the Conversation About Infidelity?
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity? Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots. You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. The stigma around infidelity can feel overwhelming and isolating. But here's the thing: if you want to see the dominant conversation about infidelity become more nuanced and less...
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222: Dating for the First Time in a Long Time
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation. In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity. I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being...
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221: Why I Work with Affair Couples as Individuals
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise. The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships? I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has...
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220: Vacillating Between Two Relationships
Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match. One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you. When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're...
info_outlineDo you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, “Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk”?Or would you rather say, “Thank God I went all in on my desires”?
I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself “What have we done?!”
But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely you'll have to go all-in to get what you want.
And going all-in? It's uncomfortable. It's not instantly rewarding. But if we hadn't done it, we'd still be sitting on our couch in San Francisco, wondering when the adventure would begin.
Whether you're considering leaving your marriage, coming clean about an affair, or making any other big life change, this episode will help you understand what it really takes to go all-in on your desires.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/224
If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one