#68: Why Success Works, and You Still Feel Disconnected
Beyond Success
All of us were fed a certain modern promise of success: Work hard, become competent, and success follows. And you know what? Despite its flaws, it mostly works. Effort compounds. Competence pays off. Success arrives. But then something strange happened. The questions that matter most don’t go away. They get louder. Not questions about strategy or leverage. Questions about connection. Meaning. Why all of this still feels… flat. Here’s the part no one warns achievers about: The modern promise of success was never meant to answer those questions. And the more success works, the more...
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#67: What To Do When Achievement Stops Feeling Fulfilling
Beyond Success
If you base your entire identity around achievement, as many high achievers do, the consequences can turn fatal - internally. While building an identity around achievement can work in the short-term, you must eventually face the reality: A big part of your drive to achieve is deeply rooted in fear. This fear creates an internal friction that steals joy and presence from your life and gives you anxiety and disconnection and shame instead. But what if you could experience life without the constant grip of fear? The good news is you can get rid of it. The solution sounds quite simple, but...
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#66: Why Goodness Is the Only Path to True Inner Power
Beyond Success
Most high achievers aren't limited by a lack of talent or lack of opportunity. They're limited by the tension they carry inside their own nervous systems. This low-grade tension drains your energy and leads to burn out, it flattens your relationships and leads to heartbreak, it blurs your decision-making and leads to humiliation. So, where does this tension even come from? Your conscience. Each time you betray your values, your nervous system takes note and interprets it as internal chaos, which unleashes a slew of biological disadvantages: Cortisol ramps up, sleep gets...
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#65: The Inner Game of Leadership: 7 Phases to Upgrade Your Internal OS
Beyond Success
Most people who listen to this show don’t think of themselves as “high achievers.” They think of themselves as people who should be further ahead by now. They’ve lived with low-grade panic for so long, they don’t notice it anymore. But that pressure isn’t proof that you’re failing. It’s a signal: your Internal Operating System is overdue for an upgrade. In today’s episode, I break down the 7 Phase Inner Leadership Blueprint. It shows you why your old patterns bleed into every part of your life… how your current operating system was formed long before you took on real...
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#64: The Paradox of True Growth: Why Self-Acceptance Changes Everything
Beyond Success
Most people try to grow by adding more tactics. New habits. New hacks. New systems. But if you’re like many professionals, you’ve already done all that. You’ve pushed. You’ve optimized. You’ve carried the weight. But at a certain point in your career, all that effort stops working. Not because you’ve failed — but because growth at the higher levels isn’t tactical anymore. It’s emotional. When you’re at war with yourself, no system can save you. Every “should” becomes another shackle. Every push tightens the knot you’re trying to loosen. And that inner...
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#63: Why Success Can't Heal Emotional Wounds (& What Actually Does)
Beyond Success
Some children grow up in war zones, sleeping in shelters, surrounded by danger. Others grow up in mansions with trust funds. Yet the research is clear: The first group often becomes more grounded, courageous, and emotionally stable… while the second group can grow into anxious, brittle adults who look successful but feel empty inside. The difference isn’t money. It’s presence. A loving, attuned caregiver gives a child the kind of presence their brain depends on — warm eyes, soothing tone, patient listening, and consistent comfort. And when that emotional presence is missing, the impact...
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#62: Why Evil Seems To Win (And What To Do About It)
Beyond Success
It’s easy to look at some of the biggest villains in history (both real and fictional) and assume that they were evil incarnate. It’s easy because it frees you from the burden that you could become just like them. But pure evil doesn’t exist. In fact, so much of the evil you see in the world is just pain that’s been unexamined and unhealed, and then unleashed on others. That’s why history is riddled with the oppressed overcoming the oppressors and then doing the exact things the oppressors did to them to others. This doesn’t only happen in politics or wars. It happens...
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#61: Why Sexual Freedom Isn't Immorality — It’s Integrity
Beyond Success
Most people say they support sexual freedom. But when a woman—or man—actually lives it… they turn on them. Judgment. Outrage. Moral panic. So here’s the real question: “Can you be sexually free and morally good?” And if you can, why does it trigger so much shame in others? In this episode, I trace the ancient roots of sexual repression—from the kings and empires that hoarded mating opportunities, to the purity codes that disguised control as virtue. We’ll explore how sexual shame became moralized, why it still lingers even in our “modern” world, and what it means to live...
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#60: The Truth About Connection: Why Success Feels Empty Without It
Beyond Success
Ambitious people fall into a trap: You’ve learned from a young age that achievement means love, and so, you chase achievement and other external markers of success only to realize the gnawing void is still there. Most think their childhood patterns will get dissolved by father time. But the truth is, these patterns adapt to your knowledge, and become masters of disguising themselves.Take, for example, the seductive idea of independence. For ambitious men, independence is really isolation in disguise, which leads to deep loneliness (even if you have an attractive wife, thousands of...
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#59: Why Being Yourself Feels Unsafe (But Why It's Necessary for Happiness)
Beyond Success
Most people spend their lives performing. Pretending to be who they think they should be — polished, composed, and never too much. But underneath, they feel like frauds. Because the parts of themselves they’ve hidden — the anger, the neediness, the shame — are still alive, whispering, “If they really knew you, they’d leave.” That’s why being yourself feels unsafe. Every instinct screams that honesty will cost you love, success, and belonging. So you hide behind competence, humor, or charm. You keep the mask on. And maybe it even works — for a while. But here’s the problem:...
info_outlineAll of us were fed a certain modern promise of success: Work hard, become competent, and success follows.
And you know what?
Despite its flaws, it mostly works.
Effort compounds. Competence pays off. Success arrives.
But then something strange happened.
The questions that matter most don’t go away. They get louder.
Not questions about strategy or leverage.
Questions about connection.
Meaning.
Why all of this still feels… flat.
Here’s the part no one warns achievers about:
The modern promise of success was never meant to answer those questions.
And the more success works, the more convincing the lie becomes that it should.
So achievers do what they’re trained to do. They optimize harder. They take control. They try to solve the problem.
That’s when things quietly degrade.
Optimization doesn’t create intimacy. Control erodes trust. Problem solving doesn’t generate meaning or fulfillment.
The very tools that built success start breaking the internal world.
Not because something went wrong.
But because they were never designed for this terrain.
This episode is about that moment.
The moment success still works… yet something feels disconnected.
No guilt. No self-diagnosis. No “find yourself” detours.
Just a clear explanation of why this happens, how achievers misread it, and what actually changes when success stops being the answer.
If success has worked…
but the deeper questions haven’t stopped…
Hit play.
Show Highlights Include:
- What to do when you feel uneasy after success so you don’t jump into the throes of a mid-life crisis (1:44)
- How the modern promise of success can leave you disconnected, unfulfilled, and unhappy (even if it’s helped you achieve external and material success - and what perhaps the #1 modernity philosopher recommends to fill that internal void) (2:47)
- The understandable, but false (and even completely backwards) assumption of success that achievers naturally gravitate towards which makes them look successful “on paper,” but a chaotic mess inside (5:05)
- The “Hedonic Adaptation" trap you naturally fall into when you’re successful that leaves you feeling broken (6:48)
- What ancient masters of discipline understood about effort and how it fundamentally changes your character (this is why progress creates friction) (9:19)
- Maslow’s forgotten next step after self-actualization that can finally return your sense of fulfillment (15:08)
For more about David Tian, go here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/
Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another?
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