What Happens After We Leave
Love Over Addiction
We lay in bed at night and dream about what life would be like if we left the ones we desperately love who struggle with addiction. What would living without constant worry feel like? How would we deal with our finances, the kids, and no one to laugh with on holidays? Sometimes, imagining leaving feels so freeing (especially when they are not answering their phones or are passed out on the couch). But the next moment, it can be absolutely terrifying, thinking of being alone and the anger and judgment we might face. So, how does it really feel once we’ve moved on?...
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Three Ways Addiction Makes Us Feel Like It's Our Fault
Love Over Addiction
When we love someone suffering from addiction, we can often get into the bad habit of blaming ourselves for their poor behavior. Addiction is manipulative and cunning. Becoming educated women will ensure we don’t fall for one of the most common lies in the addiction playbook: if WE change, they will get sober. We have nothing to do with their sobriety. Truly. We could leave, we could stay, we could change every single trait about ourselves, and they would STILL need to decide for themselves to commit to a sober life and continue to make that choice every day for the rest of their lives. And...
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A Well Designed Happy Life With or Without Them
Love Over Addiction
How would it feel if I said we need to live a life that isn’t dependent on our loved one’s sobriety? And if we can create that kind of life, we can have a happy future if they get sober or not. We can learn to live with or without our partners. Here’s the loving truth: we hope and pray that our loved ones will not drink too much or stop using drugs and start being faithful. But when we put our lives on hold, hoping they will keep their promise of remaining sober and stopping their bad habits, we are leaving our happiness in their hands. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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What To Do With The Kids If Our Partner Is Drinking or Using Drugs
Love Over Addiction
Knowing what to do when our loved one starts drinking or using drugs around the children can be difficult. Here’s one helpful tip: We don’t need to stick around when they're making bad choices. We can ask them to leave the house. If they refuse or they’re too drunk, we can pick up our keys, grab the kids, and head right out the door. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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Should We Leave?
Love Over Addiction
"Should I leave my partner?" What a big question. And let's be honest, it's a question that many women in this community have. Let’s first start off by saying thinking about leaving is nothing to be ashamed of. We’re doing the right thing by looking for answers, even though it’s hard. The state of our relationships is not our fault. We fell in love with someone who really struggles with a very tragic and common issue. We love them. We see their potential. And we would do anything if the ones we love just got healthy. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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If We Struggle With Codependency
Love Over Addiction
Change is necessary if we want to move forward. Some of us enjoy changing, and others will avoid making the changes we know we need to because we're scared (I am raising my own hand). Change is uncomfortable, and staying stuck in our misery sometimes feels easier - even though it's not always what's best. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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What To Do When We Feel Overwhelmed
Love Over Addiction
When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I was terrified of leaving him. I thought about leaving all the time; I think part of me always knew, we would end up in divorce, but the idea of actually leaving paralyzed me with fear. There were times I was so upset I would try to will myself to leave, but for many reasons, I was always unable to walk away from a very unhealthy relationship. I thought, “Am I stuck in this marriage forever? Do I really have the courage to take my kids and leave?” https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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The Truth About Trusting Them
Love Over Addiction
When our loved ones who struggle with addiction choose to go to rehab or get help, it can bring up all sorts of feelings. We might feel hopeful that maybe THIS time, they will get sober for good. We might feel scared that maybe this won’t work and will be a huge disappointment. We might feel resentful that they are being cared for and looked after while we are left at home working overtime to make up for their absence. But one of the biggest worries I hear often is concerning trust. How can we ever trust them again? https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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How To Detach From Our Partner
Love Over Addiction
If you’re familiar with the world of addiction or codependency, you’ve probably heard the word “detach”. But, like many “self-help” words, it can be very hard to understand exactly what detaching means, let alone how actually to detach. Does it mean you need to leave your partner who is suffering from addiction? Is there something cruel or manipulative about detaching? So many of us feel like we’re being disloyal if we choose to remove ourselves from our relationships emotionally. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
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What To Do When They Start Getting Mean
Love Over Addiction
One of the core beliefs we have at Love Over Addiction is that addiction is a third party in our relationships. We view addiction as a separate entity from our loved ones. This helps us with forgiveness and to process why we love someone who can be so cruel and self-destructive. When they start being rude, nasty, or mean, that’s the addiction trying to bait us. Addiction craves conflict and control. We don’t need to stand there and take it - but we also don’t need to take the bait. Instead, we can remove ourselves from the situation. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
info_outlineWhen I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I made a list of things I could control vs. things that I needed to let go of because, after a decade of loving him, I was losing myself.
My wake-up call came when my friend from college was visiting for a weekend and tenderly said, “Michelle, I don’t even recognize you anymore.”
I was a shadow of the woman I once was. Addiction was stealing my husband’s life, and slowly, like a thief in the night, it was creeping into my mind, heart, and soul to grab any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-love I had left.
And if I wanted to save myself, I needed to fight addiction head-on.
For some of us, this winter season feels like rock bottom, and The Time Has Come! Are you feeling a true sense of urgency? Is there a voice within yourself that wants to be honored and respected? Are you ready to change the things you can control?
Perhaps you feel that if you don’t take control over your own life, the version of yourself that you actually love will continue to die a slow death and be replaced by a very sick person.
If you need some loving reminders this winter season you can find more here:
Love Over Addiction Newsletter: (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) You’ll receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It’s also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women in our community. I will be hanging around the comments, too. Subscribe here. Please keep in mind your name will appear if you comment, so please make up a name or use your first name only if you would like to protect your privacy.
Love Over Addiction Instagram: Not going to lie; my sabbatical from social media was lovely, but I think I’ve figured out some boundaries to help it feel slightly more healthy. Let’s give it a try:) Follow me here.
My Personal Instagram - Michelle Lisa Anderson: Building a community is still my goal, so I must be willing to share my life on social - even if it terrifies me. If you’re curious about my life, this is where you’ll find it. Follow here.
My Facebook Page - Michelle Lisa Anderson: For all you Facebook lovers (hi, Mom!), I see you. I will be posting on the Love Over Addiction page. Follow here
Love Over Addiction Facebook Page - I will be posting here, too.
Love Over Addiction YouTube: For now, I will post recordings of the Love Over Addiction podcast. In the future, I may get a little more creative. But first things first:) Follow here.
It’s a privilege and an honor to write and research for you. Thank you for trusting me. I am really excited about our future and what we will achieve together.