Love Over Addiction
Join host Michelle Anderson as she discusses life while loving someone struggling with addiction. The goal of each episode is to leave you with encouragement, hope, and some laughs while you navigate the heartbreaking and rewarding relationship of loving someone with substance use disorder. If you're exhausted from trying to help, lonely, and unsure what to do next - you've come to the right place.
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What Happens After We Leave
05/26/2024
What Happens After We Leave
We lay in bed at night and dream about what life would be like if we left the ones we desperately love who struggle with addiction. What would living without constant worry feel like? How would we deal with our finances, the kids, and no one to laugh with on holidays? Sometimes, imagining leaving feels so freeing (especially when they are not answering their phones or are passed out on the couch). But the next moment, it can be absolutely terrifying, thinking of being alone and the anger and judgment we might face. So, how does it really feel once we’ve moved on? https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30844003
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Three Ways Addiction Makes Us Feel Like It's Our Fault
05/19/2024
Three Ways Addiction Makes Us Feel Like It's Our Fault
When we love someone suffering from addiction, we can often get into the bad habit of blaming ourselves for their poor behavior. Addiction is manipulative and cunning. Becoming educated women will ensure we don’t fall for one of the most common lies in the addiction playbook: if WE change, they will get sober. We have nothing to do with their sobriety. Truly. We could leave, we could stay, we could change every single trait about ourselves, and they would STILL need to decide for themselves to commit to a sober life and continue to make that choice every day for the rest of their lives. And that choice - the choice to get healthy, has nothing to do with us. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30824993
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A Well Designed Happy Life With or Without Them
05/12/2024
A Well Designed Happy Life With or Without Them
How would it feel if I said we need to live a life that isn’t dependent on our loved one’s sobriety? And if we can create that kind of life, we can have a happy future if they get sober or not. We can learn to live with or without our partners. Here’s the loving truth: we hope and pray that our loved ones will not drink too much or stop using drugs and start being faithful. But when we put our lives on hold, hoping they will keep their promise of remaining sober and stopping their bad habits, we are leaving our happiness in their hands. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30964738
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What To Do With The Kids If Our Partner Is Drinking or Using Drugs
05/05/2024
What To Do With The Kids If Our Partner Is Drinking or Using Drugs
Knowing what to do when our loved one starts drinking or using drugs around the children can be difficult. Here’s one helpful tip: We don’t need to stick around when they're making bad choices. We can ask them to leave the house. If they refuse or they’re too drunk, we can pick up our keys, grab the kids, and head right out the door. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30795113
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Should We Leave?
04/28/2024
Should We Leave?
"Should I leave my partner?" What a big question. And let's be honest, it's a question that many women in this community have. Let’s first start off by saying thinking about leaving is nothing to be ashamed of. We’re doing the right thing by looking for answers, even though it’s hard. The state of our relationships is not our fault. We fell in love with someone who really struggles with a very tragic and common issue. We love them. We see their potential. And we would do anything if the ones we love just got healthy. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30745663
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If We Struggle With Codependency
04/21/2024
If We Struggle With Codependency
Change is necessary if we want to move forward. Some of us enjoy changing, and others will avoid making the changes we know we need to because we're scared (I am raising my own hand). Change is uncomfortable, and staying stuck in our misery sometimes feels easier - even though it's not always what's best. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30658723
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What To Do When We Feel Overwhelmed
04/14/2024
What To Do When We Feel Overwhelmed
When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I was terrified of leaving him. I thought about leaving all the time; I think part of me always knew, we would end up in divorce, but the idea of actually leaving paralyzed me with fear. There were times I was so upset I would try to will myself to leave, but for many reasons, I was always unable to walk away from a very unhealthy relationship. I thought, “Am I stuck in this marriage forever? Do I really have the courage to take my kids and leave?” https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30593133
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The Truth About Trusting Them
04/07/2024
The Truth About Trusting Them
When our loved ones who struggle with addiction choose to go to rehab or get help, it can bring up all sorts of feelings. We might feel hopeful that maybe THIS time, they will get sober for good. We might feel scared that maybe this won’t work and will be a huge disappointment. We might feel resentful that they are being cared for and looked after while we are left at home working overtime to make up for their absence. But one of the biggest worries I hear often is concerning trust. How can we ever trust them again? https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30475658
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How To Detach From Our Partner
03/31/2024
How To Detach From Our Partner
If you’re familiar with the world of addiction or codependency, you’ve probably heard the word “detach”. But, like many “self-help” words, it can be very hard to understand exactly what detaching means, let alone how actually to detach. Does it mean you need to leave your partner who is suffering from addiction? Is there something cruel or manipulative about detaching? So many of us feel like we’re being disloyal if we choose to remove ourselves from our relationships emotionally. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30354118
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What To Do When They Start Getting Mean
03/24/2024
What To Do When They Start Getting Mean
One of the core beliefs we have at Love Over Addiction is that addiction is a third party in our relationships. We view addiction as a separate entity from our loved ones. This helps us with forgiveness and to process why we love someone who can be so cruel and self-destructive. When they start being rude, nasty, or mean, that’s the addiction trying to bait us. Addiction craves conflict and control. We don’t need to stand there and take it - but we also don’t need to take the bait. Instead, we can remove ourselves from the situation. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30353983
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What's the Difference Between Good Boundaries & Poor Boundaries?
03/17/2024
What's the Difference Between Good Boundaries & Poor Boundaries?
Having good, healthy boundaries in place versus poor, unrealistic boundaries can make all the difference in our personal, spiritual, and physical lives. Having boundaries is important (especially when loving someone suffering from addiction), but boundaries can be confusing. What is a good boundary, some of us might be wondering? https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30185593
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How to Really Surrender Control
03/01/2024
How to Really Surrender Control
The word surrender is used a lot in the world of addiction. One of the things that always bothered me was that I was constantly being told that I needed to “let go and surrender,” but I never really understood how. The word surrender to me means letting go of my emotional investment in a certain outcome. Surrender doesn't mean we stop loving or caring. Another way of looking at how to “let go” is to think about the opposite of surrendering. What’s the opposite of surrendering? Controlling.
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Why We Keep Going Back to Them
02/23/2024
Why We Keep Going Back to Them
Do you ever wonder: "Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me so much?" There are many reasons we stay, but today, I’m going to be vulnerable and share with you why I deeply loved a man who clearly didn’t love me or himself enough to get sober. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/30030433
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3 Reasons We Don't Talk About Loving Someone Suffering with Addiction
02/16/2024
3 Reasons We Don't Talk About Loving Someone Suffering with Addiction
Your loved one might seem put together on the outside. Most men and women who drink too much or suffer from substance abuse disorder hold good jobs and earn a good living. Most of the time, they can help take care of the kids and household duties. And because they are so high-functioning, it can leave you feeling nervous about sharing with friends and family just how bad things have become. In this episode, we explore three of the reasons why we don't talk about addiction and our loved one. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/29966173
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Valentines Day AND Super Bowl Sunday? Ugh.
02/09/2024
Valentines Day AND Super Bowl Sunday? Ugh.
It's almost time for Valentine's Day and Super Bowl Sunday (in America). One holiday can leave us feeling disappointed and unloved, wondering, "Why don't they love me enough?" We see the commercials for Valentine's Day with loving couples, chocolates, and flowers, but that's usually not our reality. We live in a different world. A world where love is unreliable. Where love hurts. And when they reach for the drinks, drugs, or whatever else is distracting them from getting healthy, we feel rejected over and over. Because we all might be feeling emotionally exhausted, I've got a quick episode today with a few tips just for you. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/29789373
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Normal Relationship Advice Does Not Apply To Us
02/02/2024
Normal Relationship Advice Does Not Apply To Us
Let’s be honest, not many people know what to do with our feelings of deep loneliness or constant anxiety when it comes to our relationships. And very well-intentioned people can give some really hurtful advice. Find the full show notes and join in the conversation:
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3 Ways You Might Be Codependent
01/26/2024
3 Ways You Might Be Codependent
Being codependent can go hand in hand with loving someone suffering from addiction. Like two magnets attracted to one another, we connect with our partner by a force that feels greater than ourselves. Love has something to do with it, but also, there might be some relationship dynamics at play. Find the full show notes and join in the conversation:
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/29625998
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Why It's So Hard To Love Someone Suffering With Addiction
01/07/2024
Why It's So Hard To Love Someone Suffering With Addiction
And addiction happens to really good people. I truly, truly believe that. I always said my ex-husband is one of the most talented human beings I've ever met. He had it all. He was brilliant, kind, funny, charming and good looking. I mean, the guy had it all. And I hear a lot. I meet a lot of people struggling with addiction, and they are some of the most talented human beings in the whole wide world. But I also believe that addiction can bring out the worst in the ones we love. And I'm going to give you an example. When I talk with my ex-husband, I always try to be polite and respectful during our conversation. Find the full episode and more free resources here: www.loveover.co/podcast/why-its-so-hard-to-love-someone-suffering-from-addiction Join the Love Over Program here: https://www.loveover.co/love-over
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Should We Throw Away Their Substances
12/29/2023
Should We Throw Away Their Substances
When we love somone suffering from addiction, it can be hard to know if we should throw away their drugs, alcohol, or get rid of their pornography. We hear this from people in our community all the time. They'll find stashes in the bathroom, bedroom, garage, car, or office. What should you do when you find it? We'll get into the details of how to handle each item, because their are legal differences between drugs vs. alcohol or porn. Find all the details here:
/episode/index/show/michellelisaanderson/id/29243968
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3 Common Mistakes We Make During An Argument With Our Partner
12/22/2023
3 Common Mistakes We Make During An Argument With Our Partner
When you love someone suffering from addiction, everything about your relationship is different. Arguemnts can be very challenging to navigate. Today we'll talk about 3 tips to navigate arguments with your partner. And three common mistakes we make (becuase we're human). Remember that you're not alone. There's a whole community of people that are in the same situation you are. Find all the episode details here: Get 12 Free Tips here: Join the Love Over Program here:
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How to Get Back to Being Yourself
12/11/2023
How to Get Back to Being Yourself
Today, let's dive into something deep—finding our way back to ourselves. You ever look in the mirror and wonder where that old you went? Yeah, it hits hard. Love, especially when it's entangled with addiction, can make us feel lost, lonely, and like we've lost our spark. But here's the thing—I believe we can reclaim ourselves, even in the midst of this chaos. It's all about being honest with ourselves. I want to ask you: What do you really want for yourself in the coming year? And what are you willing to do differently to make it happen? Let's break a common myth too: thinking that everything will magically go back to normal once our loved ones find sobriety. It's a whole new journey for everyone involved. That includes us. We've grown, we've learned, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we've developed strengths we never knew we had. So, here's the deal. I want this space to be yours. Share your thoughts, your struggles, your victories in the Love Over Addiction community on Substack. Let's make it a safe, cozy corner where we can lift each other up.
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I Was Losing Myself
11/21/2023
I Was Losing Myself
When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I made a list of things I could control vs. things that I needed to let go of because, after a decade of loving him, I was losing myself. My wake-up call came when my friend from college was visiting for a weekend and tenderly said, “Michelle, I don’t even recognize you anymore.” I was a shadow of the woman I once was. Addiction was stealing my husband’s life, and slowly, like a thief in the night, it was creeping into my mind, heart, and soul to grab any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-love I had left. And if I wanted to save myself, I needed to fight addiction head-on. For some of us, this winter season feels like rock bottom, and The Time Has Come! Are you feeling a true sense of urgency? Is there a voice within yourself that wants to be honored and respected? Are you ready to change the things you can control? Perhaps you feel that if you don’t take control over your own life, the version of yourself that you actually love will continue to die a slow death and be replaced by a very sick person. If you need some loving reminders this winter season you can find more here: (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) You’ll receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It’s also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women in our community. I will be hanging around the comments, too. Subscribe Please keep in mind your name will appear if you comment, so please make up a name or use your first name only if you would like to protect your privacy. : Not going to lie; my sabbatical from social media was lovely, but I think I’ve figured out some boundaries to help it feel slightly more healthy. Let’s give it a try:) Follow me Building a community is still my goal, so I must be willing to share my life on social - even if it terrifies me. If you’re curious about my life, this is where you’ll find it. Follow . For all you Facebook lovers (hi, Mom!), I see you. I will be posting on the Love Over Addiction page. Follow - I will be posting , too. For now, I will post recordings of the Love Over Addiction podcast. In the future, I may get a little more creative. But first things first:) Follow . It’s a privilege and an honor to write and research for you. Thank you for trusting me. I am really excited about our future and what we will achieve together.
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Why Do We Feel Depressed Around the Holidays?
11/16/2023
Why Do We Feel Depressed Around the Holidays?
Michelle talks about how difficult the winter holidays can feel when loving someone struggling with addiction, the top five things people like us worry about (and it's not the turkey stuffing) and how we have two choices - quit or double down on the "holiday magic" - both are perfectly acceptable. Plus, some loving advice she would tell her younger self. If you are looking for community and want to connect in the comments - you can find Michelle and thousands of others on the Love Over Addiction blog Love Over Addiction Podcast: A free weekly podcast without sponsors or commercials. Michelle will share experiences, opinions, and resources and maybe interview with some experts or people in our community. Listen on , or . (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It’s also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women in our community. Michelle will be hanging around the comments, too. Subscribe Please keep in mind your name will appear if you comment, so please make up a name or use your first name only if you would like to protect your privacy. : Michelle says, "Not going to lie; my sabbatical from social media was lovely, but I think I’ve figured out some boundaries to help it feel slightly more healthy. Let’s give it a try:)" Follow her Building a community is the goal, "so I must be willing to share my life on social - even if it terrifies me. If you’re curious about my life, this is where you’ll find it." Follow For all you Facebook lovers (hi, Mom!) Follow - She will be posting , too. Recordings of the Love Over Addiction podcast. Follow .
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Narcissism, Abuse, and the Progression of Addiction
04/03/2022
Narcissism, Abuse, and the Progression of Addiction
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Is It Possible To Build Back Trust?
03/27/2022
Is It Possible To Build Back Trust?
Whether your loved one suffers from addiction or not, having trust in your relationship is essential. Right? Because without it, you'll most likely start to feel frustrated or even stuck. But if you entered this relationship with any trust issues from your past, it's important to make your healing a priority. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're looking to your partner to help you feel better. So, how do you start to build back trust? Is it even possible? Tune in to this week's episode, where I share some tips (and examples) that you can start to apply to your life right now. Find more here: Join us here: This classic episode previously aired in January 2021.
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He Went To 5 Rehabs In 22 Years
03/20/2022
He Went To 5 Rehabs In 22 Years
When your loved one who struggles with addiction has been in and out of rehab for 22 years, at what point do you say, 'enough is enough?' Because honestly, are they really EVER going to get healthy (especially when they can't be honest about their addiction)? That's something a strong woman in our community shared recently and what her 'line in the sand' was for leaving her marriage. Take some time to listen to this new podcast episode and how the work she's done on her healing (including unlearning 'learned' behavior) has also helped her kids regarding their dad's addiction. Find more here: Join us here:
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Her Trauma Bond Kept Her From Leaving
03/13/2022
Her Trauma Bond Kept Her From Leaving
When you think about the relationship with your partner who struggles with addiction, have there been times you've questioned yourself about why you've stayed so long? And if so, what keeps pulling you back in even though it's not a healthy situation? This is something a brave woman in our community shared with me recently that many people will most likely be able to relate to. Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how trauma bonds kept this woman from leaving an unhealthy relationship (and whether or not she's still with her partner). Find more here: Join us here:
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Does An Alcoholic Have To Drink Every Day?
03/06/2022
Does An Alcoholic Have To Drink Every Day?
When you think of someone struggling with alcoholism (or any addiction), you probably feel that they must drink every day, right? But as you'll hear in this new podcast interview, that's not necessarily always the case. Tune in for this brave woman's story of how her Aboriginal roots and learned childhood behaviors impacted her life later on (particularly with relationships), as well as why someone who doesn't drink every day can still be an alcoholic. Find more here: Join us here:
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Spiraling And Spinning Out Of Control? You’re Not Alone.
02/27/2022
Spiraling And Spinning Out Of Control? You’re Not Alone.
Loving someone with addiction can sometimes make you feel like you're spinning out of control, can't it? One moment you're feeling joy and hope, only to have it turn to fear and anger pretty quickly. And listen, you’re not alone. We've been there and completely understand. But the good news is that you can make it feel less and less like a roller coaster ride when dealing with your loved one. Tune in to this week's episode to hear how to stop spiraling, as well as to make sure you're moving forward in your own recovery. Find more here: Join us here: This classic episode originally aired in August 2020
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He Won’t Stop Drinking
02/20/2022
He Won’t Stop Drinking
Has your loved one flat out refused to stop drinking (or whatever their substance of choice is) no matter how many times you've begged and pleaded? And what if their addiction is affecting your young children? That's something a strong woman in our community spoke about recently (and how she tried to compromise with her husband multiple times). Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear how she finally decided to move forward and is protecting her children, as well as reconnecting with herself. Find more here: Join us here:
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