Parenting the Child You Have (Not the One You Expected)
Release Date: 01/16/2026
What We’re Learning About (Pervasive) Pathological Demand Avoidance
Neurodiversity Podcast
When an autistic child or teen consistently pushes back against daily expectations, traditional parenting and teaching methods often default to high-pressure enforcement. This pattern routinely triggers escalating defensive behaviors, creating a continuous loop of friction that strains the entire family system. In this encore conversation, Sandra McConnell, an advocate known as the PDA Mama Bear, joins Emily Kircher-Morris to unpack the nuanced framework of pervasive demand avoidance and explore how it reshapes typical social navigation. They talk about ways to shift the focus away from...
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The Parenting Long Game: Finding the Problem Under the Problem
Neurodiversity Podcast
Today we talk about how parent reactivity, historical family patterns, and systemic overwhelm inadvertently trap families in cyclical power struggles. Emily Kircher-Morris welcomes Diane Dempster, a professional coach, author, and co-founder of ImpactParents, to talk about how urgency often drives parents out of an objective problem-solving mindset, and toward reactionary behaviors that over-manage their kids, rather than supporting their neurological growth. They talk about the family as an interdependent system, and about how interpersonal traps of the traditional drama triangle can cause...
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The Rewards and Punishment Paradox with Alfie Kohn
Neurodiversity Podcast
Within traditional educational and parenting paradigms, behaviorist strategies such as token economies, behavior color charts, and positive reinforcement models are frequently treated as standard mechanisms for human development. However, these compliance-driven metrics often collapse under long-term evaluation, obscuring the critical psychological friction they introduce. Alfie Kohn, a prominent educational theorist and author of Punished by Rewards, joins the program to systematically critique the reliance on traditional behavioral modification systems, including school-wide positive...
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Educator Burnout: Why "Remember Your Why" Isn't Enough
Neurodiversity Podcast
The high statistical prevalence of burnout in the education system has moved past the realm of speculation and into undeniable systemic reality. While modern teacher preparation programs provide good technical training, they consistently fail to equip people with the emotional tools required to withstand chronic occupational stress. Katrina G. Huels, an educational consultant, former special education leader, and author of Transformational Tools for Special Educators, joins Emily to talk about the cumulative emotional load of behavior management, chronic staffing shortages, and high...
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Deconstructing Gifted Burnout
Neurodiversity Podcast
When highly capable children spend years cruising through an educational system where academic rigor is geared toward the average, they fail to develop the neurological muscles required to process difficulty. This week, we present an encore chat with Dr. Brian Housand, coordinator of the academically or intellectually gifted program at the University of North Carolina Wilmington, and Andi McNair, a gifted education author and digital innovation specialist. They discuss how burnout can be a result of long-term exposure to unrealistic expectations and a profound fear of failure, and how it can...
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Waiting for Sleep: Chronobiology and Neurodivergence
Neurodiversity Podcast
When a neurodivergent child or teen struggles with daytime focus, emotional volatility, or low frustration tolerance, caregivers naturally look for behavioral or psychological explanations. However, chronic sleep deprivation frequently hides behind these daytime struggles, acting as an unseen amplifier for executive dysfunction and sensory overload. Dr. Melisa Moore, a clinical psychologist and board-certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist at Rady Children's Health San Diego, joins Emily Kircher-Morris to reframe sleep not as an isolated nighttime issue, but as a continuous 24-hour...
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Understanding ADHD Children
Neurodiversity Podcast
Parents often believe they know their children, when in reality they haven’t made the effort to really understand them. That understanding can be even harder when adding ADHD into the mix. Dr. Sharon Saline is a clinical psychologist and author of the book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew. She talks with Emily Kircher-Morris about how to go about understanding your child better, and how ADHD can complicate the relationship. This conversation was previously released. Perfectionism can be difficult to identify in therapy, and once identified, still very difficult to overcome. If you're a...
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From Special Ed to Law School: Redefining Autistic Potential
Neurodiversity Podcast
When creating policies and environments for neurodivergent students, schools frequently rely on outward observations, behavioral data, and the opinions of non-autistic professionals. But this approach often misses the most critical perspective of all: the lived, internal experience of autistic individuals. Today, Emily Kircher-Morris welcomes David Rivera, an autistic self-advocate, UC Berkeley student, and founder of the nonprofit organization Mentoring Autistic Minds, and they talk about why autistic adults must be recognized as a primary epistemic resource in the fight for educational...
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The Secret Ingredients for Emotional Regulation
Neurodiversity Podcast
When a student or child is dysregulated, adults often focus entirely on finding the right words to say or the appropriate consequence to give. But what if the most critical factor in that interaction isn't the consequence itself, but the energy of the adult delivering it? Dr. Lori Desautels, an educator, researcher, and professor of applied educational neuroscience at Butler University, joins the podcast to reframe how we approach discipline, emotional regulation, and transitions. Her latest manual, Body and Brain Brilliance, emphasizes that true support, whether in a classroom or a living...
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Beyond Motivation: Why We Struggle to Start
Neurodiversity Podcast
How often do we label someone "unmotivated" or "defiant" when they fail to start a task? What if the barrier isn't a lack of will, but an inability to simulate the future? Sarah Ward, a speech-language pathologist and co-director of Cognitive Connections, joins Emily to redefine how we conceptualize executive function. Sarah moves the conversation beyond the ability to get things done and instead frames it as a complex mental simulation. They discuss the "time horizon" and why students with ADHD often experience time blindness not as a lack of awareness, but as a developmentally delayed...
info_outline"Parent the child you have," is a common piece of advice in the neurodiversity community, but what does it actually look like in practice when stress is high and patience is low? Why do traditional consequences often fail to build the skills a child actually needs? And how can parents distinguish between enabling a child and truly supporting them? Today, Emily Kircher-Morris talks with Cindy Goldrich, founder of PTS Coaching, and author of Eight Keys to Parenting Kids and Teens with ADHD, about the developmental reality of executive dysfunction and why "calm is power" when it comes to parenting complex kids.
TAKEAWAYS
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"Parenting the child you have" requires letting go of the expectations of who you thought they would be and getting curious about who they actually are.
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Executive function is a developmental process, and the human brain often isn't fully mature until age 25 to 30.
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Intelligence and executive function are separate traits; a high IQ does not guarantee a child will have the ability to organize or self-regulate.
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Enabling is defined as doing something for a child without a plan to help them eventually do it for themselves.
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Stress physically restricts access to the prefrontal cortex, making executive function skills harder to access in high-pressure moments.
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ADHD is fundamentally a delay in the development of executive function skills, sometimes by as much as 30%.
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Oppositional behavior (often labeled ODD) is frequently a result of emotional dysregulation rather than a calculated choice to be difficult.
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A parent’s ability to remain calm is their greatest power in helping a dysregulated child.
Here's the link to register for the continuing education training on January 23, “Adapting Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Autistic and ADHD Pediatric Clients.”
Cindy Goldrich, Ed.M., ADHD-CCSP is a leading expert in ADHD and executive function support, and the founder of PTS Coaching. She is the author of 8 Keys to Parenting Kids & Teens with ADHD, and co-author of ADHD, Executive Function & Behavioral Challenges in the Classroom, two widely used resources for parents and educators seeking practical, compassionate tools to better support neurodivergent kids.
Cindy has trained thousands of families and professionals through her Calm & Connected® workshops and certification programs for ADHD Parent Coaches and Teacher Trainers. Known for her clear, empathetic teaching style, she also serves on the Board of Directors for CHADD and the Editorial Advisory Board of Attention Magazine, continuing to advocate for greater awareness and more effective support across home and school settings.
BACKGROUND READING
Cindy’s website, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, discount book order (while offer lasts), Free gift about how to support your child or teen.
The Neurodiversity Podcast is on Facebook, Instagram, BlueSky, and you’re invited to join our Facebook Group. For more information go to www.NeurodiversityPodcast.com.
If you'd like members of your organization, school district, or company to know more about the subjects discussed on our podcast, Emily Kircher-Morris provides keynote addresses, workshops, and training sessions worldwide, in-person or virtually. You can choose from a list of established presentations, or work with Emily to develop a custom talk to fit your unique situation. To learn more, visit our website.