Connection Before Correction: Autism Understanding & Support
Release Date: 01/22/2026
The Right to Be Heard: Reclaiming Communication Autonomy
Neurodiversity Podcast
The baseline premise of Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) rests on the fundamental principle that communication is an inherent human right rather than a privilege to be earned through baseline cognitive compliance. Too often, school systems and clinical providers inadvertently stall access to verbal alternatives by requiring non-speaking students to prove communicative readiness or complete repetitive testing metrics. Brenda Del Monte, an AAC specialist and author, alongside Sarah Kinsella, an assistive technology specialist, join Emily Kircher-Morris to discuss ways to reverse...
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What We’re Learning About (Pervasive) Pathological Demand Avoidance
Neurodiversity Podcast
When an autistic child or teen consistently pushes back against daily expectations, traditional parenting and teaching methods often default to high-pressure enforcement. This pattern routinely triggers escalating defensive behaviors, creating a continuous loop of friction that strains the entire family system. In this encore conversation, Sandra McConnell, an advocate known as the PDA Mama Bear, joins Emily Kircher-Morris to unpack the nuanced framework of pervasive demand avoidance and explore how it reshapes typical social navigation. They talk about ways to shift the focus away from...
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The Parenting Long Game: Finding the Problem Under the Problem
Neurodiversity Podcast
Today we talk about how parent reactivity, historical family patterns, and systemic overwhelm inadvertently trap families in cyclical power struggles. Emily Kircher-Morris welcomes Diane Dempster, a professional coach, author, and co-founder of ImpactParents, to talk about how urgency often drives parents out of an objective problem-solving mindset, and toward reactionary behaviors that over-manage their kids, rather than supporting their neurological growth. They talk about the family as an interdependent system, and about how interpersonal traps of the traditional drama triangle can cause...
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The Rewards and Punishment Paradox with Alfie Kohn
Neurodiversity Podcast
Within traditional educational and parenting paradigms, behaviorist strategies such as token economies, behavior color charts, and positive reinforcement models are frequently treated as standard mechanisms for human development. However, these compliance-driven metrics often collapse under long-term evaluation, obscuring the critical psychological friction they introduce. Alfie Kohn, a prominent educational theorist and author of Punished by Rewards, joins the program to systematically critique the reliance on traditional behavioral modification systems, including school-wide positive...
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Educator Burnout: Why "Remember Your Why" Isn't Enough
Neurodiversity Podcast
The high statistical prevalence of burnout in the education system has moved past the realm of speculation and into undeniable systemic reality. While modern teacher preparation programs provide good technical training, they consistently fail to equip people with the emotional tools required to withstand chronic occupational stress. Katrina G. Huels, an educational consultant, former special education leader, and author of Transformational Tools for Special Educators, joins Emily to talk about the cumulative emotional load of behavior management, chronic staffing shortages, and high...
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Deconstructing Gifted Burnout
Neurodiversity Podcast
When highly capable children spend years cruising through an educational system where academic rigor is geared toward the average, they fail to develop the neurological muscles required to process difficulty. This week, we present an encore chat with Dr. Brian Housand, coordinator of the academically or intellectually gifted program at the University of North Carolina Wilmington, and Andi McNair, a gifted education author and digital innovation specialist. They discuss how burnout can be a result of long-term exposure to unrealistic expectations and a profound fear of failure, and how it can...
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Waiting for Sleep: Chronobiology and Neurodivergence
Neurodiversity Podcast
When a neurodivergent child or teen struggles with daytime focus, emotional volatility, or low frustration tolerance, caregivers naturally look for behavioral or psychological explanations. However, chronic sleep deprivation frequently hides behind these daytime struggles, acting as an unseen amplifier for executive dysfunction and sensory overload. Dr. Melisa Moore, a clinical psychologist and board-certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist at Rady Children's Health San Diego, joins Emily Kircher-Morris to reframe sleep not as an isolated nighttime issue, but as a continuous 24-hour...
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Understanding ADHD Children
Neurodiversity Podcast
Parents often believe they know their children, when in reality they haven’t made the effort to really understand them. That understanding can be even harder when adding ADHD into the mix. Dr. Sharon Saline is a clinical psychologist and author of the book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew. She talks with Emily Kircher-Morris about how to go about understanding your child better, and how ADHD can complicate the relationship. This conversation was previously released. Perfectionism can be difficult to identify in therapy, and once identified, still very difficult to overcome. If you're a...
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From Special Ed to Law School: Redefining Autistic Potential
Neurodiversity Podcast
When creating policies and environments for neurodivergent students, schools frequently rely on outward observations, behavioral data, and the opinions of non-autistic professionals. But this approach often misses the most critical perspective of all: the lived, internal experience of autistic individuals. Today, Emily Kircher-Morris welcomes David Rivera, an autistic self-advocate, UC Berkeley student, and founder of the nonprofit organization Mentoring Autistic Minds, and they talk about why autistic adults must be recognized as a primary epistemic resource in the fight for educational...
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The Secret Ingredients for Emotional Regulation
Neurodiversity Podcast
When a student or child is dysregulated, adults often focus entirely on finding the right words to say or the appropriate consequence to give. But what if the most critical factor in that interaction isn't the consequence itself, but the energy of the adult delivering it? Dr. Lori Desautels, an educator, researcher, and professor of applied educational neuroscience at Butler University, joins the podcast to reframe how we approach discipline, emotional regulation, and transitions. Her latest manual, Body and Brain Brilliance, emphasizes that true support, whether in a classroom or a living...
info_outlineDavid Smith spent years working as a therapist specializing in neurodiversity-affirming care, but it wasn’t until age 56, prompted by his wife and his own clients, that he sought his own autism diagnosis. That confirmation fundamentally shifted his clinical approach from that of a white-coated expert to a fellow traveler, deepening the way he accompanies families through unmapped territory.
Today, Emily and David discuss the delicate balance between professional curiosity and humility, and why traditional therapeutic models often fail to support the fragile nervous systems of neurodivergent clients. They talk about the nuances of demand avoidance, specifically the high-masking, internalized presentation that often looks like perfectionism, and why "connection before correction" is a neurological necessity, not just a catchy phrase.
TAKEAWAYS
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Effective therapy for neurodivergent clients often requires shifting away from the traditional expert hierarchy.
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The neurodivergent brain is a "complicated, custom-made car with no user’s manual."
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For neurodivergent nervous systems, stress isn't just negative trauma; it includes any destabilizing experience, including excitement and joy.
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While we often associate PDA with external defiance, the internalized profile often manifests as high-achieving perfectionism.
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Rewards and consequences often backfire with neurodivergent children because they increase anxiety.
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It's ineffective to offer a correction to a child until you have connected with them.
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There is a massive overlap between complex trauma and neurodivergence.
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A late diagnosis doesn't instantly fix struggles; it initiates a complex grieving and reframing process.
Join our live CE training, Adapting Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Autistic and ADHD Pediatric Clients, Friday morning, January 23, at 10:30 eastern/7:30 pacific, or get the recorded version anytime after. Get signed up or learn more here.
David Smith, LCSW is a late-diagnosed autistic therapist and licensed clinical social worker specializing in neurodiversity-affirming care for autistic and otherwise neurodivergent individuals and their families. Practicing since 2017, David opened his private telehealth practice in 2023 and now serves clients across five states from his home in southern Oregon. In addition to therapy, he offers consultation, writing, education, and advocacy to expand access to effective, affirming support for the neurodivergent community.
Diagnosed with autism in 2024 at age 56 (thanks in part to gentle nudges from his wife and clients) David continues to explore how his autistic identity shapes both his personal and professional life. His work is deeply rooted in curiosity, humility, and a commitment to learning from his clients and the broader neurodivergent community. He is also a devoted listener of this and other neurodivergence-focused podcasts. David lives with his wife, a fellow therapist originally from Peru, and is the proud father of three sons.
BACKGROUND READING
David’s website, LinkedIn, authored articles
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If you'd like members of your organization, school district, or company to know more about the subjects discussed on our podcast, Emily Kircher-Morris provides keynote addresses, workshops, and training sessions worldwide, in-person or virtually. You can choose from a list of established presentations, or work with Emily to develop a custom talk to fit your unique situation. To learn more, visit our website.