Recognizing Each Other’s Triggers & De-escalating Conflicts Faster: Episode 379
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Release Date: 01/28/2025
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
So many couples are trying to fix intimacy by focusing on communication tools, date nights, or changing their partner’s behavior—yet still feel disconnected. In this episode, we sit down with relationship educator and behavioral scientist Stefanos Sifandos to talk about why intimacy can’t truly deepen without inner healing first. Stefanos shares his own journey and breaks down a powerful framework from his new book, Tuned In and Turned On, explaining how unresolved shame, avoidance, and nervous-system patterns quietly block emotional and physical closeness. We explore why romantic...
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Resentment is one of those words people hesitate to claim because it sounds heavy, harsh, even a little scary. But the truth is, resentment doesn’t usually start with big blowups or dramatic moments. It builds quietly. You can still function well, take care of the kids, show up to work, even go on vacation… and yet something underneath gets triggered. It comes out in sharper arguments than expected, old issues resurfacing, an undertone of irritation, or a growing emotional distance you can’t quite put your finger on. In this episode, we talk about why resentment is far more common than...
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So many couples tell us the same thing lately: “We don’t even feel like we’re choosing to react—it just happens.” It can be a tone, a look, or a comment that lands wrong. And suddenly you’re responding to each other’s stress instead of actually talking about what’s going on. When this becomes the norm, marriage starts to feel exhausting. Not because of big issues, but because you’re unintentionally dysregulating each other in everyday moments. What should be simple conversations turn tense, and it leaves both people feeling misunderstood, defensive, or shut down. In this...
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Sometimes it’s not the big issues that unravel a marriage, it’s the small, everyday moments that quietly stack up. A comment said with the wrong tone. A boundary expressed when stress is already high. A familiar frustration bubbling up again. In this episode, we walk you through a real moment from our own marriage that easily could have turned into a fight, especially in a season where we’re trying to leave old patterns behind and start the year differently. If you’ve ever thought, “Why does this keep happening?” or felt discouraged that the same tension keeps resurfacing, this...
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It’s easy to look at movies or social media and wonder why love once felt effortless, and now feels quieter, more routine, or even distant. No one prepares you for the reality that long-term love doesn’t stay fueled by novelty and adrenaline forever. As relationships mature, biology shifts, responsibilities increase, and especially after kids, connection can slowly give way to comfort… or worse, roommate energy. If you’ve ever thought, “Something’s missing, but I don’t know what,” this episode is for you. In this conversation, we unpack what’s actually happening beneath the...
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Most couples want to feel more loved, appreciated, and connected. But the way we go about it often backfires. We wait until we’re running on empty to tell our partner what we need, and in that vulnerable moment, it’s easy for things to slip into defensiveness or comparison. This episode flips that dynamic entirely. Instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t doing, we explore the powerful shift of going first—initiating repair, creating small moments of connection, and becoming the kind of loving presence that naturally evokes more love in return. We’ll walk you through three...
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Most couples glide into the new year on autopilot, sometimes with excitement and optimism, hoping things will feel different, more connected, less chaotic… yet they end up repeating the same patterns that make it feel the same as last year . In this episode, we’re giving you one of the most powerful “end-of-year check-in” conversations we use with our private coaching clients. It’s a guided reset that helps you break out of routine, reconnect with each other’s dreams and needs, and get aligned before January even begins. Think of this episode as your personal coaching session; one...
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So many couples love each other deeply… yet still feel disconnected. They talk every day, but the conversations revolve around schedules, responsibilities, and what needs to get done next. In this episode, we’re unpacking why emotional intimacy often fades in long-term relationships, not because the love is gone, but because genuine connection isn’t being fed. You’ll learn what emotional intimacy actually is (in practical, real-life terms), why so many partners misunderstand it, and the surprising psychology behind why couples get stuck in surface-level communication. Then we’ll walk...
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The holidays can bring out both the best and the worst in a marriage. Between packed schedules, family dynamics, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy for connection to get lost in the chaos. But this season doesn’t have to feel like survival mode or that you are just getting through the functions. There are a few key areas in your relationship that—if you focus on them each day—can make you feel appreciated and united as a couple, no matter what the holidays throw your way. In this episode, we’re sharing three powerful shifts with the “3C’s” to help you stay emotionally close and...
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The holidays are supposed to feel relaxing and joyful. But for many couples, they’re anything but. Between travel plans, family visits, and unspoken expectations, this season can quickly become chaotic, exhausting, and full of tension. One partner often ends up feeling like they’re carrying most of the mental and emotional load, while the other doesn’t realize how unbalanced it feels. In this episode, we’re unpacking the real root of holiday stress in relationships: mismatched and unmet expectations. You’ll hear the kinds of conversations you need to have to prevent disconnection and...
info_outlineYou are likely aware that conflicts are going to happen, they shouldn’t be avoided, but accepted that they will happen. But how you handle the conflict determines whether it can be connecting and clarifying or it escalates and causes hurt. What really causes it to escalate is when you each are triggered and you let that trigger cause you to just react.
In this episode today you will hear how you can better recognize emotional triggers, which has to be the first step, and then how you can de-escalate before a bigger conflict arises. A key takeaway is that you need to recognize your own triggered events and reaction patterns, but as a partner, how to recognize these in your partner as well.
You will then hear the 2 responsibilities you each have, followed by practical steps to de-escalate as you practice these things. This is the true work to be done in marriage, your marital satisfaction depends on your ability to recognize triggers and keep yourself from reacting in more hurtful ways.
Relationship Resources:
DO NOT MISS the once per year LIVE Marriage Webclass with The Freemans. The date is set for Feb 19th, 2025. This will be a virtual, 1 hour weblcass to communicate more effectively, de-escalate conflicts, and repair from conflicts fully. The class is FREE, but will be limited to 1000 attendees live. There will be a recoding as well, but you will need to register to have it sent to you. We will see you there! Register here: https://onlinecouplesworkshops.com/
After the date passes, you will be able to find the recording and all the other guides and challenges with this link: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/links
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