Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
Now We Know
The turtles are here, and they're teenaged.
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The Fanatic (2019)
Now We Know
Staight from the Now We Know premium vault, your freshly-unlocked episode for this week: a look back at John Travolta's most utterly incomprehensible decision since Moment By Moment, THE FANATIC (2019). Travolta portrays Moose, an awkward, neurodivergent Hollywood Boulevard street performer who is a tremendous fan of actor Hunter Dunbar (Devon Sawa), perhaps dangerously so. The less spoiled about this one the better.
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The Flash (2023)
Now We Know
Hoo boy it's the Flash, the one from 2023, with two Ezra Millers, Michael Keaton, some other people I've since forgotton... oh yeah, this one make you relive the climax of Man of Steel repeatedly. Really did not enjoy this one (this is Chris by the way)... I guess it's nice to see Ron Livingston... the mom is pretty cute? Anyways please enjoy your latest Patreon vault unlock.
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Lightyear (The Buzz Lightyear Movie)
Now We Know
Get ready to bite into what Disney has assured us is a *delicious* meat-bread-meat sandwich of a film: Lightyear, the Buzz Lightyear movie, your latest unlocked Patreon episode. Chris and Kevin both saw this movie in theaters solo as single adult men - Chris, in particular, wore sunglasses with his jacket collar flipped up while murmuring "one for Lightyear" at the venerable Elmwood theater box office.
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Aladdin (2019)
Now We Know
You ain't never had a friend like Will Smith, for it is he who will prove, once and for all, that he is a fun, talented, and normal guy, in that order. This week, unlocked from the Patreon vault, Disney's 2019 live-acrion Aladdin remake, which hauled in an astonishing, life-deffirming $1 billion at the box office.
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The Star Wars Essential Guide To Characters
Now We Know
The Mandalorian? Grogu? Rotta the Hutt, who no matter what you've heard is his own man? All these and more will NOT be discussed on the latest Now We Know Patreon unlock: it's 1995's Star Wars Essential Guide to Characters, written by Andy Mangels. Reunite with the whole crew! Bollux! Blue Max! Davin Felth! Figrin Dan and his Figrin Band! And, of course, Ponda Baba and Dr. Evazan.
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Ewoks: The Battle For Endor
Now We Know
This week, with the first Star Wars feature film in years set to hit theaters (the Baby Yoda movie), we unlock from the depths of the Patreon vault... EWOKS: THE BATTLE FOR ENDOR, the 1985 made-for-TV movie starring Warrick Davis as Wicket the Ewok, Wilford Brimley as Noa, Aubree Miller as Cindel, and Carl Struychen (best known as the Giant from Twin Peaks) as King Terak.
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Unfrosted (2024)
Now We Know
Your latest gem from the Now We Know vault — the horrifying Unfrosted, Jerry Seinfeld's return to the world of feature films. There's a surprising number of cameos by actually talented people in this (including the the always-marvelous Andy Daly as the Quaker Oats guy), yet virtually nothing can overcome Seinfeld's unique, and unfortunate, sense of what's funny.
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Space Jam: A New Legacy
Now We Know
More like HOOP, there it is! On the precipe of his elimination from the 2026 NBA playoffs, at the hands of the similarly odious Oklahoma City Thunder, our latest unlock from the Patreon vault: it's Space Jam: A New Legacy, the confused semi-hagiography of LeBron James. Primarily addressing his struggles to be a good father (not to the real LeSperms, Bronny or Bryce, but a false, Hollywood-invented LeSperm named Dom), it's impossible to overstate how little this movie cares about the Looney Tunes. If you like the Tunes, this movie isn't for you!
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Snow White (2025)
Now We Know
Open sesame, you say, standing at the hunk of solid rock you presume covers the way into the Now We Know vault - or maybe the Now We Know mine? Your Patreon unlock for this week: 2025's "live" "action" Snow White "remake," featuring such characters as the titular White, her auto-tuned plasticine boyfriend, the "dwarves," and an evil queen who sounds an awful lot like she's got enough champagne to fill the Nile. Really touching how they handled Dopey in this one.
info_outlineThis week, with the first Star Wars feature film in years set to hit theaters (the Baby Yoda movie), we unlock from the depths of the Patreon vault... EWOKS: THE BATTLE FOR ENDOR, the 1985 made-for-TV movie starring Warrick Davis as Wicket the Ewok, Wilford Brimley as Noa, Aubree Miller as Cindel, and Carl Struychen (best known as the Giant from Twin Peaks) as King Terak.