002 - No Time Get After It

This episode is dedicated to Petty Officer Spencer Williams, Active Duty US Navy

There is a sense of numbness and despair eating away at you right now. On the outside, you try to show everyone that you are ok. But deep down you really don’t care about them. You don’t really care if you go out with friends or being late for work.

You try to care. You try to display some sense of care in your body - especially when it comes to your children and your spouse. But deep down, you have an issue with even caring for yourself.

You may be afraid of your spouse leaving you. Or you could be afraid they might learn something about you - something so terrible - that you feel they will leave you or look at you differently. Or hell maybe your scared what others may think of you, if you’ve been diagnosed with PTSD!

At times, waves of emotions will rush over you like a tidal wave, slapping you around, knocking you down and tearing you apart. Even if you could explain how you feel, there is absolutely no way anyone will truly understand you.

You are exhausted from listening to others telling you what YOU should do. What you need to swallow, listen to, perform, etc. Your spouse is probably nagging you relentlessly almost on a daily basis. And just to shut them up - you decide to see a doctor or therapist.

Well guess what? PTSD does not give up that easy!

Let me tell you what may happen next….

You will muster up the strength and fight through the fear you have and go see a therapist or doctor. You will put forth a real good effort - an honest effort, you feel. But PTSD will throw at you some additional levels of fear and uncertainty. Because PTSD knows you.

He’s very freaking clever. He knows you so much because he’s in your head. He knows your deepest and darkest secrets, lies, and shame. He plays you like a fiddle every single day. And he knows what your progress looks like.

He knows he can scare you into giving up this fight. When he feels you are starting down a positive path of forming your SORT team - Medical and Mental Doctors, Therapist, Peers, and support groups - he will fight back each and every time.

He will unleash one hound after another. He wants you so focused on treating the signs and symptoms. He will fight very hard to prevent you from focusing on the cause. The cause of your pain is the heart of PTSD’s mission. And to survive, he will protect his heart at all cost.

Are you following me here?

This slug, this slime ball has no remorse. It’s singular goal is to destroy you and take your live. That’s it’s mission. The amount of diagnosed people of PTSD is roughly the same population of Texas. Make no mistake, He is the most resourceful and proficient enemy out there. But I’m telling you, there is hope!

Each and everyday, is a win. Each day when you place two feet on the ground after you wake THAT’s a victory. As my Uncle Frank will say, be thankful for each day - it is a precious gift.

The days are sometimes long and grueling. But each one is a victory. Each one was a day you didn’t give up. And the minor skirmishes during the day were victories within itself.

Your life is filled with hope! PTSD will not go away by doing nothing. There is not a perfect elixir to wipe out this parasite infecting your mind. The medications prescribed by doctors only treat the symptoms, not the cause. We must stop fooling ourselves or waiting on a quick fix or solution.

Stop waiting for others to do “Their Jobs” and help us or look after us. Stop with this sense of entitlement that people owe us. No one owes you a damn thing. No one owes me squat! I am not waiting on someone to give me a magic pill or come up with a “fool proof” plan to make my life better.

What I am doing and I challenge each of you is to start fighting for yourself. Respect yourself enough to know you deserve better. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, your failures, the pain you have inflicted on others, the lies you have told, the misery you have left behind, and the fear of discovery. Do not let your shame or embarrassment dictate who you are today.

Never allow anyone to control how you feel. Don’t let anyone “make you feel bad!” You are better than this, you are worth a heck of a lot more than what you have right now! You can and will do more more. You will fight and you will win!!!