#426 The Cycle Of Anxiety And Loneliness And How To Break It

The Cycle Of Anxiety And Loneliness

and How To Break It

Breaking Free from Anxiety and Loneliness

Simple Steps to Reconnect and Feel Whole Again

Have you ever felt like anxiety and loneliness are teaming up against you? Like one just makes the other worse, and you're stuck in this cycle? Don’t worry—you’re not alone. In this episode, we’re unpacking how these two sneaky emotions work together and, more importantly, how you can break the cycle.

Think of this as a friendly chat with practical tips to help you reconnect with the world around you. We’ll look at easy, doable steps to bring a bit more connection and calm into your life. It’s not about overhauling everything at once; it’s about small steps that make a big difference.

Here’s what we’ll dive into:

• The Anxiety-Loneliness Loop: Why these feelings are so closely tied and how they can spiral out of control if you’re not careful.
• Simple Wins: Easy ways to start reconnecting—like sending a text, smiling at someone, or chatting with your barista.
• Finding Your People: How doing things you love can naturally bring you closer to others.
• The Magic of Intention: How a little intention and a bit of action can open the door to meaningful change.

This isn’t just talk—this episode is packed with practical stuff you can try today. Whether you’re feeling a little off or stuck in a tough spot, these steps can help you find your way back to connection, calm, and maybe even a little joy.

The first step? Just listen in. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get things moving in the right direction. Oh, and if you know someone who could use this right now, feel free to share—it might just be the nudge they need.

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/426-the-cycle-of-anxiety-and-loneliness-and-how-to-break-it

Take care, shine brightly, and I’ll see you on the other side.

Warm wishes,

Paul

 

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

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Music Credits

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And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

 

Hey there, you. How you doing? Ye, You. You were the old earpuds on.

 

 

This episode focuses on the cycle of anxiety and loneliness

 

Welcome to another episode of the Personal Development Unplug podcast. And today we're going to cut through even more fluff, try to get down to the nitty gritty of how things work. And it's all about this time, the cycle of anxiety and loneliness. So what we're going to look at, we're going to look at, I guess, how loneliness and anxiety, well, they just link together. One comes with the other, the other one comes with the other. And not only do they come with each other, they're linked, but they feed off each other. And, it's a cycle that can just, well, spin out of control sometimes. So I'm gonna look at all of that, plus some steps change. Because I just want you to know that everything is changeable. So if you're anxious and you're lonely together, we can find new ways. And this episode will be a little bit more general, giveiving you some, I'd call it like cognitive steps to change. And then on another episode, we can dive deeper if there's more emotional, root causes behind loneliness and that anxiety. Okay, so let's have a think.

 

 

The more anxious I get, the more isolated and lonely I feel

 

This vicious cycle, and what do I mean by vicious cycle? You see, I don't know about you, but when I get a little bit anxious now, I get that feeling, that feeling. Sometimes maybe my gut, it doesn't feel really good. You know, I, tend to feel very much alone, very much isolated. And it's. I don't know, it's like if it was with you. But I don't want to reach out for people. I don't. And that's when that loneliness sweeps in as well. And that feeds your anxiety and they just keep going on together. One feeds off the other, doesn't that. The more anxious I get, the more isolated and lonely I feel. I don't want to reach out. And then I even start to question my worth. No, what about me and, what about those relationships I. I thought I hadn and I haven't got because I'm just by myself, and that makes me boring, anxious. And you see, it's as if that anxiety is feeding off the loneliness, and the loneliness is only magnifying the anxiety. For, Fuck's sake. One's bad enough, isn't it? Anxiety, at a level is overwhelming andeed deliberate. I can't even say the word, but it stops you doing stuff. And now it's linked with this, loneliness of being unconnected, disconnected. Oh, blimey. So what's the question? What's the question we should ask ourselves? Well, how do we break the bloody cycle? How do we break that cycle? And I think we need to approach it in this particular episode in two parts. And the first one is looking at that anxiety, that feeling inside, which is in some ways turning you into a state of isolation, your isolated state. And it's as if your anxiety grows louder, doesn't it? It starts to just intensify itself. And before we get too isolated, there's such an easy step to make and all we have to do, it'a very, very small step because you know me, we don't want to do the big steps. Because if you try a big step, what happens? I'll tell you, the little metaphor I use is if you're trying to cross a stream, you're on one side and you're in this anxious state or any emotional state and you want to change, you want to jump to the other side of the stream. Well, if it's too bloody big or you find some stepping stones and they're too far apart, what happens? We try to jump and we get fucking wet. And all the. Everything which we're trying to miss out on. But if we can just find small steps that allow us to cross that stream. And you find as you do one small step and the next step might be a little bit bigger, but you're more confident, you're more confident in yourself, you're more comfortable in yourself. And you can take that little bit, little bit bigger step. Not huge, just a little bit bigger. And then you get more confident in that and you can, you build off it, you get more motivated, you can. Well, you just connect with all your energy, your motivation. And then the next one and the next one and the next one, it gets bigger and bigger and then we're on the other side. So we need to.

 

 

Going back to this, stopping the doubts, the doubts of this isolation

 

Going back to this, getting into and, stopping the doubts, the doubts of this isolation, this disconnection. A small step. And it could be as simple as texting somebody. And, not a needy text. O well, I'm anxious and things like that. No, no, no, no, no. Just a little text that you'd like to hear. Something I'LIKE how you doing, mate? Thinking about you, that's all. Just wondered how you're getting on and that's just opening the door, opening the door. and in some ways, as you do this, you'll find that your unconscious mind begins to realize that you're actually not alone. And you're building a bridge out of this anxiety and the doubts of disconnection or the doubts of connection. Simple little things like, a little text. Doesn't even have to be a phone call because maybe that's a step too big, just a small step. And as you do that, you may get into a conversation and suddenly your unconscious mind goes, actually, yeah, we have got connections. And the anxiety around this particular issue begins to subside. Yes, I know there could be deeper issues around anxiety and disconnection. And we'll go into those, like root causes and how to deal with that with real specific processes. Call it at an emotional level, psychological level. But now we're doing the cognitive steps you can take. As soon as you feel that feeling of anxiety around disconnection, being alone, does that all make sense? Does to me. And it's doable, isn't it? And that's the whole point about this episode. I want to find doable things that you could do right now. You know, we don't have to spend hours thinking about, it writing it down you can do. We're gonna find better than quicker ways than that, by the way. But these are things that you can do yourself right now, as soon as it comes. Cause you're going to break that bloody cycle. Remember, it's called a pattern interrupt. And it's just showing your unconscious mind, hey, not this, but this. And if you keep doing that every time it happens, not this, but this, it will surely just disconnect and, let you, and allow you to connect.

 

 

Loneliness is not absence of people, it's lack of connection

 

Okay, now what's the other side of this? But it's that bloody loneliness, isn't it? Let's have a little look at loneliness. And now some people would think loneliness is the absence of people, and it's bloody not, is it? Because if you really feel lonely, have you ever felt lonely? I know I have. And I'm a little bit of an introvert. And I can. I'm happy in my own space, in a crowd, but I've also been in a crowd and felt very lonely. So it's not the absence of people. Because I know that sometimes with the absence of people, I can really enjoy myself because I do know I'm connected with other people. So I've got that in my unconscious mind and my conscious mind. I know if I wanted to, I can connect. But at this moment, I choose not to. So it's not loneliness, not Isolation, it's just me being with me. But real loneliness is, as they say, not the absence of people, but it's that lack of. And the absence of connection. And it's a trait of human beings. We need like a community, we need to be able to connect and it's one of the things that keep you healthy. Yes, you've got to keep fit. Yes, you've got to eat right. Yes, you've got to get your brain going. But you also need connection with community. They're the three pillars. So if you start to notice a little bit of loneliness and sometimes we feel that by it's hard to find those connections and guess what, there's that bloody anxiety then start to build in. You see that inextricably. And I got that word, that's brilliant. I didn't think I was going to get it out of my mouth. But they're inextricably. I see. I knew I'd fall over. They're linked, aren't they? And they really are. So again, we're talking about feeling that it's harder to connect with people, harder to make those connections. That's where loneliness and then that link inextricably want to say it again.

 

 

Once you start seeking connection, anxiety will fall and you're showing that you are connected

 

So what can you do? What can you do to seek connection? Because again, once you start seeking connection, the anxiety will fall and you're showing that you are connected. You're building bridges out of this, you're breaking the cycle patterningrupts. And if we do it right, the early stages, and this is what we're really talking about in this particular episode, the early stages, we're creating new ways, not this, but that. So how we'got toa do the house, how can we do that? How can we seek connection? And again, no big jumps, no big jumps to being solely vulnerable and going to find someone and talk and you've never spoken to before and you're going toa layer out your whole life and no, no, no, no, no, that's both vulnerable but also bloody needy. And people don't like needy people, they don't need them. But things like now, again, think of small steps, but those steps get a little bit bigger with each step you take. Because like that stream, you get more confident, you get more comfortable. And that's what it's all about, being comfortable in yourself. Because then you're choosing, choosing either not to be around people or choosing to be with people because you're connected and you understand that connection. So what could you do? What could you do? Well, go to a coffee Shop, buy, drink coffee, pool. Well, drink something else, cup of tea, do something, a cold, whatever, but you can. So go and sit in a coffee shop for a little while, maybe read a book, do some work, whatever it is, to get you into a coffee shop and just say a few words to that barista like, thanks so much, this really is a lovely cup of coffee. how's your day? Thanks for this. How's your day? And mean it, don't fob it, don't pretend, because it is. They're doing you a lovely service. They made you a lovely cup of coffee. Thank you so much. Oh, I love that. I love that, that design you did with the milk. I wish I could do that. That's a first little step or maybe even simpler than that. If you see someone as you're walking by, you just smile. You've seen it before, people have done it to you, they smile. And that's bloody infectious, isn't it? Because you can't help but smile back, you know, make sure they're not weird, you know what I mean? You see someone who just walking by and you just smile, hi there, walk past. Especially if they're in your own community, you know, you see somebody a few times and you haven't spoken so you know they're okay. You just walk past, go smile and say, hi there, how's your day? And that's it, that little bit of connection. Cause each one of these will get a little bit deeper, a little bit bigger. And the thing is even like just saying thanks with a smile and smiling at people and asking them, hey, good to see you walking on. They both just feel good if it does nothing at all. They just feel good for yourself. But they also give, I know they give a good feeling to those people who receive that. And if you're going to ask that question, if you're going to ask, say that if you do ask a question of somebody you know, how's your weekend go? Maybe it's a colleague at work, maybe it's just someone you're next door, you do know them like a neighbour, someone in your community, you might just say, how was your weekend? How did it go? Because you're not asking m them, why are they all right, you're asking an open ended question, how'did your weekend go? And listen. Because if you really listen, you are doing them the ultimate service of paying attention to them. And everyone likes to have attention paid to them. And it's just a little step. You don't have to go into in depth of everything about them. Just that's a start. And we have to start small and then get incrementally bigger. I am using such long words here now. You could then as you get incremental bigger, incre. See, I fell over again incrementally bigger. You might want to say volunteer for something so you can go in and you can go out or maybe and I love this one. As these steps get bigger, you might think of well, I love cooking. I'm going to take a cookery class. Or I love learning a language. So I'm going to take a language class. Or I love drawing art. I'm going to take an art class. I love reading. I'mn to join a reading group because one thing you'll find is people in there. If you love doing these type of things and you d like to learn to do them better, they're lovely people because they have the same interest as you. And at worst if you would say you love cooking and you wanted to go to a cookery class, at worst, if you don't find connection there just by chance and you will you come out with more skills of the things you want to do anyway and they'll lead you to be more interesting and interested. It just grows that way and you're breaking the cycle. And these are lovely things to do. Absolutely lovely things to do. So let's put it all together. Haven't made myself clear, but I want to summarizsee a little bit, put it all together. If you begin to feel anxiety hitting you a little bit, just building up a little bit, step in straight away, break the habit because you know it'snna feed off something else or start something else. There's that inextricable link, you know, there'small tips like a text to somebody. How you doing my man? How you doing girl? Hey. And just remember loneliness can creep in again fin small steps to connect. You know, that smile, that little thank you and you can do it anywhere in any shop. But when you sit in a say I love coffee shops because there's an atmosphere as well. And it's an atmosphere if you want to do you can leave straight away oruse ah, you're alwaysnna be safe. And I'm going toa tell you this now what I haven't said this will feel awkward. It will, it will feel really awkward. And that's a given becausee things like this always feel awkward becausee we think we're going to do things unnaturally but it's actually Natural because you'll be yourself, but because, it feels a little bit awkward. That's m why we're only doing little steps. And when you start making those little steps, and as I say, you start showing your unconscious mind that you're not isolated. And you start showing your unconscious mind that you do have connections. Just in those small, small steps. You start getting those synaptic gaps firing and wiring together. And now you'll notice I haven't gotne into. Well, let's start visualizing yourself doing this and that. Because this isn't the episode for that. This is to get you into a mindset, as it were. Because I'm speaking to you and your unconscious mind, the both of every one of you, of how we can start. Yeah, there might be things going on at a deeper level. And, we will approach those.

 

 

With intention, anything can be changed, Cloghie says

 

We've got processes that will just smash them out of the way, out of the water. But I want you to know these are the things that you can start to do right now. And the thing about this is, this is like my final thought, I guess. This is all about intention. Because with intention, anything can be changed. And your unconscious mind has a positive intention to protect you. And it's doing this anxiety, loneliness thing in a way of protecting you. But you see, because it doesn't feel good, we now know that it's now no longer working. We have this blooming thing just coming together. And, because it's not working, we can change. And how do we know it's not working? Because the feelings aren't good. You know, anxiety is there to get you to do something. Loneliness is there to, in some ways to remind you of connection. But it's doing the exact opposite at the moment. So you've got this conflict going on. It's a direct conflict. And, we're just, just educating your unconscious mind that it can change. And you've got that wonderful intention to keep you this way. We just want to say, well, what you're doing for me is now no longer appropriate. It was appropriate back then, way back then. But now it's longer, no longer appropriate anymore. Let's find a better way. And to do that. How'd you find a better way? You stay curious, you ask wonderful questions. You know, how can I find connection? How can I connect with somebody? How can I go and smile at somebody? How can I build bridges? What is the smaller step I can take that will allow me to begin to feel more comfortable? And you see, when you get curious like that. But the thing is not just a case of being curious and asking yourself questions. You have to take action. You have to take action on this. They're the first two keys of the five Keys to Success. And you'll find I've done at least two episodes on that. And I know there's a, a hypnosis track on that, on the free hypnosis, complementary hypnosis tracks, I do tell you where you get them in a minute. The first two keys, one is know your outcome. So that's that intention, what you intend to have happen. And the second key is take outstanding, intuitive, constant action. Now, I really hope this has resonated with you and if it has, I'd love you to share it with somebody. And because the thing is, we say we, never know'what's behind. I know, I know from my point of view, my personal point of view, if when I felt lonely and anxious, would I talk to somebody? Would I tell them, no, of course I bloody wouldn't. And that was like that anxiety feeding the loneliness. Al Loneline was feeding the anxiety just made it worse. And when people ask, how you doing, Paul? How are you doing, Cluy? I'm fine. I wouldn't say anything, but if they just said, and this is why I share a lot of things. Hey, this is interesting. Have a listen. I've done. What is. This is really interesting. Have a listen. They might just let it seep in, just go through there, their little barrier that they've put up, and in that way it will resonate within them, they will take the tiny steps and you'll have done such a wonderful thing. So if it does resonate with you, and you never know, the thing about this is you might say to yourself, well, actually, Cluy, I'm not really anxious and lonely. I'm not saying it will happen, but if it was to happen in the future, something happened and you were to start to feel that you've now got some steps, even if you go, well, what was that thing I shared? Let me listen to it again because I know you probably wouldn't need to do that because you've been taking notes on this all the way through. I know, but there you go. Ah, just in case. So if, as I say, if you could share that, it would be lovely. and I think it'll make a difference to people, giving them cognitive steps. And I'm into now cognitive steps and unconscious change as well in part, part two of this. It might probably won't come out exactly one week later, but it will come out within a couple of weeks. Part two will go into this loneliness and anxiety link a little deeper. and finding ways where we can get young conscious mind to learn from its root cause of creating this and how to change. And then we'll get to the visualization and the processes and things like that. So that's something to look forward to, I hope. Well, I'm gonna look forward to it.

 

 

Taking action to subscribe to this podcast will make such a difference

 

So enjoy because it's nearly time to fly. Just before we fly, before I say or just after I say it's time to fly, I'll put in that thing about the hypnosis, that complementary hyp. I'll say it again. Those complementary hypnosis tracks that you can download keep forever. Okay, so look, look for that, have a little listen. Only lasts 90 seconds. And it starts something like the 90 seconds of hypnosis. So there, you know, it's happening with a bong at the beginning. So have more fun than you can stand. Know that anything can be changed just with intentions, positive intentions and curiosity. Oh, and that action. So with that taking action to subscribe because you won't know, but you do know. But if you didn't know and you don't know, but if you did, subscribing to this podcast will make such a difference. It will make a difference. It just allows more people to find it easier and quicker. And I'm sure that's what we want for everybody, don't we? To find change easier, quicker and be comfortable in this world. So have more comfort than you can stand with joy. Okay, so it's time to fly. Get ready for those 90 seconds of hypnosis. There you go. Bye now.

 

 

Paul Clough puts 90 seconds of hypnosis tracks on a separate website

 

So the 90 seconds of hypnosis tracks. Why have I put hypnosis tracks on a separate website? Well, it's so simple really. I wanted you to have them all in one place so you can look through them all. You can find the particular one you want. I've even made them downloadable so you can put them on any of your playing devices that you prefer. You don't need wi fi, you don't need the itunes or whatever. You can put them anywhere you like.

 

You can even burn m them onto.

 

Dis if you want.

 

Where do you get them?

 

Well, there you go. I told you, it's paulcloughonline.com/podcast. If you're worried about your email address, please don't be because they stay totally safe with me. I only use them to send you out that email and give you access. Simple as that. I send you a link, a special link, so you, and only you, can access those hypnosis tracks. Because I want them just for you. And the other thing about this is you've taken responsibility. I don't want to make these open to everyone, just random. You have taken responsibility to listen and be part of this community of personal development.

 

And I want to help you.

 

I want to help you personally to get your dreams, your goals. And therefore, I'm giving you these tools, these protocols, these paradigms, whatever you want to call them. But in deep hypnosis. So just enjoy. Have more fun than you can stand with hypnosis.

 

Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend.

 

Personal development unplugged.

 

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]