Episode 56 - Heartbeats

A movie in French about polyamory?  Will this finally be the French film that Joreth doesn't hate?  Does it actually have any polyamory in it?

www.polyishmoviereviews.com 

 

Apparently my distaste for French ennui cinema extends to French Canadian ennui cinema.  I just don't like ennui, I guess.

Yet another Netflix recommendation.  Heartbeats is about "two best friends, Mary and Francis, who meet a charismatic wanderer named Nick and suddenly find their longtime friendship tested to its limits.  As the love triangle between the three intensifies, Mary and Francis vie for Nick's affections in this intense story".

Well, it's not wrong, exactly.  It's just not nearly as interesting as the summary makes it sound.  Which, to be honest, wasn't that interesting to begin with.

I will say this about it.  I think it was well acted.  The seething jealousy that Marie and Francis feel throughout the film felt authentic as a viewer.  But 2 hours of people smoking and glaring at each other from across rooms is just not my idea of a good time.

Marie and Francis meet Nick.  Both develop an interest in him.  Nick is so neutrally friendly that it's not even clear what his orientation is for the entire movie.  He never says or does anything that could be construed as genuine romantic or sexual interest for either character.  And they, of course, don't say or do anything overt to Nick.  They just seem to be really good, affectionate friends.

Eventually Marie and Francis actually get into a rolling-on-the-ground fight, ostensibly over Nick, yet neither of them has admitted to anyone that they harbor feelings for him.  Annoyed, Nick stops hanging out with them.  After not seeing him for a while, both Marie and Francis run into Nick independently and admit that they have romantic feelings for him and he rejects them both.  So Marie and Francis fuck each other?  When Francis is gay, not bi?

Later, they run into Nick at a party, who tries to say that he's happy to see them, but Francis emits this nails-on-a-chalkboard scream to drown him out, so Nick walks away and Marie and Francis glare at his diminishing back until they, too, turn and leave.

Interspersed throughout the story, we see these little vignettes of, I dunno, documentary-style interviews I guess?  Of people who have utterly miserable love lives.  Nothing in any of these stories is about non-monogamy, they're all about breakups, or falling in love with the "wrong person", or one guy who doesn't seem to believe in bisexuality?  I have no idea what any of this had to do with the story, except to maybe set the tone that French people only seem to be happy when they're miserable, I suppose.  I know it's a terrible cliche, but I've yet to watch a potentially poly movie that even tries to disabuse me of this notion.

On top of all this, the movie was fucking boring.  Nothing happened.  People smoked a mountain of cigarettes and complained about the movies they saw and Nick flirted his way obliviously through life, until an hour and a half later someone finally admitted to having feelings and someone else said they don't feel the same.  Then everyone was unhappy some more.

I got so bored, I started surfing Quora, which was really hard to do because I had to read subtitles.

There was no story here.  No plot.  No conflict except the one that the characters made for themselves.  Everyone was just ... unhappy.  Except for Nick, who was oblivious.

That's 2 hours of my life I won't get back.