The Danger of Shallow Forgiveness an interview with Kaya Oakes
Release Date: 01/26/2025
Throwback: Scary Things
queertheology's podcast
We get a lot of questions about hell, the rapture, and end times. So awhile back, we did a series on Scary Things. For this week, we have another throw back episode from this series. For this one, we’ll focus on the Rapture and the End of the World. We’re talking all about end times, the rapture, and other “scary” things from the Bible. We are certain that no matter the religion or faith you were brought up in, you’ve probably heard something or another about the end of the world and in this episode, Brian and Fr. Shay talk about what they were taught, whether they...
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Post Shame & Sacred Intimacy with Adam MacLean
queertheology's podcast
We’re joined on the podcast this week by Adam MacLean (@adammacattack) who is the founder of PostShame.org and #PostShame, online tools designed to help people examine their past for things they worry might leak on the internet, and then proactively share those stories themselves. By doing so, they transform these stories into narratives of strength and leadership, offering support to others struggling with similar challenges. He is also the host of the podcast “Find Your Light with Adam MacLean”, where he navigates difficult conversations around shame, leadership, and...
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Throwback: Queerness Is A Cornerstone
queertheology's podcast
We're doing something that we haven't done in awhile here which is to have a throwback episode for this week. We're coming up on a huge milestone- 600 episodes!- and there's probably a lot of episodes that some of y’all have not heard and we think that revisiting the Bible has power because you learn new things. So for this episode, we’ll revisit Queerness as a Cornerstone. This episode is filled with so much good stuff and we’re excited for you to dive in. We have a listener question from Bella about how to talk about your faith without making other people...
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Tips for Churches at Pride
queertheology's podcast
Pride brings out many people trying to show their support for the LGBTQ+ community and an interesting conversation about how churches show up at Pride inspired this week’s episode. In this conversation, we explore the role of churches supporting and engaging with the LGBTQ community during Pride Month. We have some practical insight on how churches can show genuine involvement, service, and inclusivity, while showing up meaningfully at Pride events and beyond. Takeaways Pride Month is celebrated globally, creating a sense of connection among queer individuals. Churches should...
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Complicated Communities
queertheology's podcast
Communities can be complex. We delve into the complexities of relationships, the nature of goodness, and the challenges of community dynamics. We explore the idea of labeling people as “good” or “bad,” and emphasize the importance of understanding inherent goodness and the health of individuals. We also touch on the necessity of boundaries within communities and the role of compassion in navigating difficult relationships. Ultimately, we are advocates for a nuanced approach to community building and self-reflection, and encourage y’all to embrace the complexities of human...
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Celebration & Resistance: Let's Talk About Pride Month!
queertheology's podcast
It’s Pride month and we’re sharing some of our thoughts about it in this week’s episode. There are a lot of complexities with Pride Month and we especially want to explore the dual nature of celebration and resistance within the LGBTQ community. With recent funding cuts to arts organizations, the challenges of sustaining movements without corporate support, and the importance of balancing joy with activism, it can seem like there isn’t much to celebrate. But sometimes you have to mix that joy with the hard work and really lean into community engagement. Takeaways Pride Month...
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Queering Prayer
queertheology's podcast
In this episode of the Queer Theology Podcast, Shannon and Brian explore the multifaceted nature of prayer, reflecting on their personal journeys and the evolving understanding of spirituality. They discuss the emotional complexities tied to prayer, the importance of community, and how queerness influences their approach to prayer. The conversation emphasizes the need for collective action and connection in spiritual practices, inviting listeners to rethink their own beliefs and experiences with prayer. Takeaways Shannon shares his evolving journey with prayer. Prayer can be a means...
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We Need a Nap
queertheology's podcast
Besides just being BUSY at the moment, we’re both feeling the anxiety of the daily current news. And it is exhausting, y’all. So, yes, while we do need a good nap, we also get into the themes of rest, self-care, and community engagement amidst the challenges of modern life in this episode. There is a tension between the need for personal rest and the demands of activism, and as with most things in life, it is important to find balance. We also talk about the value of micro rituals in daily life, even if they are much more micro than you would like them to be. We're holding another round of...
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Grief, Demons, Agnostics at Church: Listener Q&A
queertheology's podcast
We tackle a series of questions from listeners on this week’s episode! The questions focus on the intersection of faith, identity, and community for LGBTQ+ individuals. We discuss the challenges faced by transgender individuals in church settings, the misconceptions surrounding sin and sexuality, the experiences of agnostics in religious spaces, and the nuanced understanding of the Holy Spirit in the lives of queer individuals. We also get into grief, demons and the importance of personal agency and community in navigating these topics. Takeaways No, it's not a sin and you're not...
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Maybe Doubting Thomas Was The Only Reasonable One
queertheology's podcast
Fr. Shannon shares a sermon exploring the story of Doubting Thomas from the Gospel of John for this episode. He delves into themes of fear, doubt, and faith, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging doubt as a natural part of faith, particularly in the face of suffering and uncertainty. May we be a little more like Thomas in the sense that it feels like he was being reasonable. And may we embrace our doubts and continue to show up for our communities, promoting peace and justice despite challenges. Takeaways Doubt is a natural part of faith. Thomas's demand for proof is...
info_outlineWe’re happy to welcome return guest Kaya Oakes back to the podcast for this episode to talk about her new book, “Not So Sorry: Abusers, False Apologies, and the Limits of Forgiveness.” Kaya Oakes is a journalist and author of six books. Her essays and journalism have appeared in many publications. She is also a faculty member in the College Writing Programs at UC Berkeley, where she teaches creative nonfiction, composition, and research writing. In this conversation, Kaya Oakes discusses her multifaceted identity as a teacher, writer, and cancer survivor, while exploring themes of forgiveness, the writing process, and the complexities of social justice. She delves into the nuances of apologies, the importance of empathy, and the often weaponized nature of forgiveness in queer and trans communities. Kaya also shares insights from her new book, emphasizing the need for specificity in apologies and the interconnectedness of forgiveness, repentance, and reparations.
Takeaways
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Kaya Oakes identifies as a teacher and writer with a focus on gender and health.
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Her writing is often driven by personal obsessions and societal issues.
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The writing process for Kaya is spontaneous and research-driven, often starting with a question.
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Research is woven into the writing process, helping to answer complex questions.
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Forgiveness can be weaponized, especially in queer and trans communities.
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A good apology requires specificity and acknowledgment of harm done.
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Empathy is crucial for genuine forgiveness and understanding.
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Theological insights reveal that forgiveness is often oversimplified in Christian contexts.
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Forgiveness, repentance, and reparations are interconnected but often misunderstood.
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Finding joy in small things, like pets, can be a source of comfort.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background of Kaya Oakes
03:00 Writing Process and Creative Obsessions
05:59 Research and Writing Balance
08:56 Exploring the Theme of Forgiveness
11:58 The Complexity of Forgiveness in Queer and Trans Communities
15:05 Understanding Apologies and Their Impact
17:56 The Role of Empathy in Forgiveness
20:54 Theological Insights on Forgiveness
23:56 Untangling Forgiveness, Repentance, and Reparations
26:54 The Importance of Specificity in Apologies
29:57 Finding Joy in Everyday Life
Resources:
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Previous episodes with Kaya Oakes:
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Interview episode with Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg: Growing Up Suburban Jewish and Finding Your Faith
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Not So Sorry: Abusers, False Apologies, and the Limits of Forgiveness by Kaya Oakes
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Learn more about Kaya at https://www.oakestown.org/
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