Sorrow Isn’t Surrender | Judges 20:22-25

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Our text today is Judges 20:22-25.

But the people, the men of Israel, took courage, and again formed the battle line in the same place where they had formed it on the first day. And the people of Israel went up and wept before the Lord until the evening. And they inquired of the Lord, “Shall we again draw near to fight against our brothers, the people of Benjamin?” And the Lord said, “Go up against them.”

So the people of Israel came near against the people of Benjamin the second day. And Benjamin went against them out of Gibeah the second day, and destroyed 18,000 men of the people of Israel. All these were men who drew the sword. — Judges 20:22-25

Israel tries again. They pray and weep. This time it looks more spiritual. But still, there’s no real repentance. They ask, “Should we go again?”—not, “Lord, what have we done wrong?”

They confuse emotion with surrender. Their tears are real, but their pride is intact. God isn’t after their sadness—He’s after their submission. The phrase “sorrow isn’t surrender” sums up Israel’s problem and often ours too—emotion without repentance never changes the outcome.

And so they lose again. Another 18,000 die. Why? Because feeling bad isn’t the same as turning back. God allows defeat until their hearts are truly humbled.

This is how pride disguises itself in our lives. We tell God we’re sorry for the consequences but hold on to control. We cry over the damage but won’t lay down our will. We promise change but never surrender our way.

It’s like a marriage that keeps circling the same fights. One spouse says, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” but never owns the hurt they caused. The words sound humble, but pride is still running the show. Until someone truly surrenders, healing never starts.

Israel’s story is our story. We mourn the results of sin—broken homes, fractured churches, divided nations—but we’re not broken before God. And until we are, He will let us feel the weight of our own choices.

The truth is, sorrow isn’t always true surrender. Don’t wait for another round of collateral damage to learn surrender. Lay down your pride now. Stop fighting your way and start trusting his. God will not give victory to the proud—but he will lift up the humble.

ASK THIS:

1. Am I more grieved by the consequences of sin or the cause of it?
2. Where have I mistaken regret for repentance?
3. How has pride kept me from true surrender in my relationships?
4. What battle am I still fighting that God is waiting for me to release?

DO THIS:

• Admit where pride still controls your responses—especially in your closest relationships.
• Write down one area you’ve been “sorry about” but haven’t surrendered—and pray over it daily this week.

PRAY THIS:

Father, I’m tired of circling the same battles. Break the pride that blinds me and teach me to truly surrender. Help me move from tears of regret to the obedience of repentance. I don’t want to just feel sorry—I want to be changed. Amen.

PLAY THIS:

“I Surrender.”