200: Boundaries Get Tested Before They Get Respected
Release Date: 01/01/2026
220: I Don't Know What I Want — And Why That's Not the Whole Truth
SayTheThings's podcast
If someone asked you right now what you want — not what's for dinner, not what everyone else needs — could you answer? For a lot of women, the honest answer is no. Not because you don't have wants, needs, and desires. Because somewhere along the way you learned that having them was inconvenient, and you got so good at editing yourself that you stopped noticing you were doing it. In this episode, we slow down and get honest about the difference between a need, a want, and a desire — three words we use interchangeably and mean completely differently. We talk about how chronic...
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219: I Will Be More Me When
SayTheThings's podcast
In February 2019 I introduced myself to the internet with this: I don't want to post my highlight reel. I'd rather journey through life sharing life as it is. Comparison is the thief of joy. And then I wrote the first line of the first real post: I acted many years without a why of my own. And I was not my own. This episode is about why women lose themselves — what the research actually says, why we abandon ourselves and call it love, and what the conversation with yourself actually needs to sound like when you decide to start telling the truth. We talk about the I will be more me when list...
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218: Someone Worth Coming Back To
SayTheThings's podcast
Only 23% of adult children say they know their parent extremely well — not as a parent, but as a person. This episode is about closing that gap. We talk about what actually belongs inside your circle of control — and what you have been reaching for that was never yours to manage. The shift from authority to witness. Why our kids aren't afraid of failure because we told them it was bad — but because we never showed them what it looks like to fail and still be okay. And what the small ordinary moments actually build over time. Also: 80% of conflict has no resolution. The goal was never...
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217: The Weird in Me Sees the Weird in You
SayTheThings's podcast
I didn't want to be there. I said it out loud to a woman I barely knew at a children's museum — overstimulated, exhausted, maybe just used to no one listening. She said me too. That friendship has lasted twenty years. That's what this episode is about. This week we talk about the loneliness nobody names — the kind that lives inside a full life — and why so many of us are performing fine in the presence of women who are holding the exact same thing. We talk about the should's that keep us quiet, why adult friendship is harder than it used to be, and what becomes possible when...
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216: The House that Built Your Silence
SayTheThings's podcast
I kept putting off a financial decision recently — not because I didn't have thoughts, but because a voice older than the decision told me I wasn't the one who gets to know things. That's not a money story. That's a family of origin story. This week we go back to the beginning. The house where our silence was built. Where we learned which version of ourselves got the warmest response — and took that lesson into every room we've been in since. We talk about the grief nobody names out loud, how to decide whether the conversation needs to happen, and what healing looks like when the other...
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215: Finding Your Voice in Partnership: Ten Thousand Small Conversations
SayTheThings's podcast
Nobody decides to stop being honest with their partner. It happens in increments — one small reasonable decision at a time — until the thing you were waiting to say becomes the thing you've decided not to say. This week we're talking about what builds up in the silence between two people, why resentment is almost always pointing at something unsaid, and the one question that changed everything in my own marriage: is this feeling coming from this situation — or from somewhere else entirely? Also in this episode: the important difference between a relationship that is hard and one that...
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214: Finding Your Voice For the First Time: Clumsy Is Not Failure
SayTheThings's podcast
Your voice is going to come out wrong the first time. Too loud, too soft, or completely sideways. That's not a sign to stop — that's the FFT. This week we get practical. We talk about what it actually looks like when you start using a voice you haven't fully used in years, why clumsy doesn't mean failure, and how to start building the muscle with something genuinely small. I also share what happened five weeks into my separation when my voice came out at a family dinner in the worst possible way — and what showed up in my phone within minutes. Find your practice space. Start there.
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213: The Fear Is Real. And It's Lying To You
SayTheThings's podcast
You can understand exactly why you go quiet and still go quiet anyway. Insight isn't the same as change. What keeps the silence in place isn't confusion — it's fear. Specific, legitimate, deeply grooved fear. This week we name it directly. What you're actually afraid of underneath the practical reasons. Why that fear is historically accurate — and why it's still lying to you about what's on the other side. Plus the story of what happened when I said the thing at 23 and the institution failed me anyway — and why I still don't regret saying it. Your voice doesn't always change the room...
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212: Who Taught You To Be Quiet?
SayTheThings's podcast
In this episode, I explore something that sits underneath so much of our lives — our voice. Not the one we speak with, but the one that knows what we think, what we need, and what we will and won’t accept. I talk about how many of us didn’t lose that voice by accident — we were trained to silence it. We learned to edit ourselves, to keep the peace, to stay small. Today I start unpacking where that training came from and what it has cost us. This episode is an invitation to begin noticing it — without judgment — and to prepare for the work of finding that voice again.
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211: The Bridge Doesn't Wait
SayTheThings's podcast
I lost my best friend from high school this January. The bridge between us was always there — until it wasn't. That's what this episode is about. The conversations you've been meaning to have. The person you've been meaning to show up as. The things you've been meaning to say. Not someday. Now. Your practice this week: catch yourself once in the act of not saying the thing. Write it down. That's it. That's where we begin.
info_outlineUnderstanding you need boundaries? Fine. Setting them? Different story. This week we're getting practical—I'm walking you through exactly how to set boundaries, what to say, how to hold them when people push back, and what happens when you start protecting your time, energy, and peace. Spoiler: it gets worse before it gets better. When you set a boundary, people are going to test it, question it, call you selfish, tell you you've changed. But here's what's actually happening—what you were doing benefited them, and that benefit is going away. This is Episode 200, and it's only fitting that it's about boundaries.
In this episode:
- The extinction burst: why boundary-testing gets louder before it stops (and what happens if you cave)
- The five-step process: get clear on the boundary, communicate it without over-explaining, hold the line, expect the guilt, and notice who respects it
- Scripts for setting boundaries: "I've decided [boundary], and I understand if it's disappointing, but this is what's going to be"
- Mantras for holding boundaries: "No is a complete sentence," "Their discomfort is not yours to fix," "Boundaries are not mean, they are clear"
- What boundaries look like with kids (teaching them how to treat you), parents (protecting yourself from what they didn't give you), partners (equity and shared responsibility), and friends (balance on the ladder)
- The three outcomes when you hold boundaries: some adjust, some resist then accept, some leave—and what each tells you about the relationship
Quote of the week: "Their disappointment is not our failure. Their struggle is not ours to fix. It is not our job to make them happy. Your job is to raise them to be capable, respectful, and independent adults."
Practice for this week: One boundary. Just one. Ask yourself: Where am I the most resentful? What am I tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate? What boundary would protect my time, energy, or peace? Write it down. Practice saying it out loud. Then hold it, even if it's uncomfortable.