SayTheThings's podcast

Are you giving all of your energy to those around you, leaving you feeling empty, disconnected, and resentful, craving connection beyond the four walls of your home? Do you hide behind surface level conversations because you fear being rejected. If you were to share your actual thoughts? Do you crave more joy and laughter in your life and wish to feel normal and your uniqueness, and perhaps even accept and embrace it? Intentionally discover who you are to clearly communicate to deepen relationship, connectivity while honoring your uniqueness.

220: I Don't Know What I Want — And Why That's Not the Whole Truth 05/21/2026

219: I Will Be More Me When 05/14/2026

218: Someone Worth Coming Back To 05/07/2026

217: The Weird in Me Sees the Weird in You 04/30/2026

216: The House that Built Your Silence 04/23/2026

215: Finding Your Voice in Partnership: Ten Thousand Small Conversations 04/16/2026

214: Finding Your Voice For the First Time: Clumsy Is Not Failure 04/09/2026

213: The Fear Is Real. And It's Lying To You 04/02/2026

212: Who Taught You To Be Quiet? 03/26/2026

211: The Bridge Doesn't Wait 03/19/2026

210: One Small Reason: 5 Japanese Wisdoms for Building a Life You Love 03/12/2026

209: I Forgot Who I Was. Turns Out, I Was Just Busy. 03/05/2026

208: Caring on Purpose: Your Cares Are Currency. Spend Them Wisely 02/26/2026

207: From Foggy to Flowing: The Fix 02/19/2026

206: Choosing Happiness, Taking Risks & Forgiving Yourself: Deathbed Wisdom (Part 2) 02/12/2026

205: 4 Regrets You Can Avoid (Part 1) 02/05/2026

204: Who Am I Now? Reclaiming Yourself After Decades of Being Everything to Everyone 01/29/2026

204: Who Am I Now? Reclaiming Yourself After Decades of Being Everything to Everyone "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver's famous question might make your throat tighten. That's because most of us have never actually been asked that question - not in a way that expected an honest answer. Instead, we've spent decades answering different questions: "How are the kids?" "What does your husband need?" "Can you help with this?" Until one day, we wake up and realize we don't know who we are anymore. In this episode, we explore what happens when the roles that defined you - mother, wife, daughter, caregiver - shift or disappear. We talk about why asking "Who am I?" feels terrifying, and more importantly, how to actually start answering it. This isn't about reinventing yourself. It's about coming home to who you've always been underneath the layers of conditioning, performance, and people-pleasing. If you've been living everyone else's life and you're ready to reclaim your own - this episode is for you. Key Takeaways: ✨ Your mind has been trained to lie to you. Your body tells the truth. Start with somatic awareness - notice what your body actually feels, not what you think you "should" feel. ✨ You're not broken - you're out of practice at being yourself. The neural pathways for self-knowledge weakened from lack of use, but neuroplasticity means they can be rebuilt. ✨ Identity emerges from boundaries. Sometimes it's easier to know what you DON'T want. Make a "not me" list. ✨ Give yourself permission to try things and quit. You're gathering data, not signing blood oaths. Exploration doesn't require commitment. ✨ When you reclaim yourself, your relationships will shift. Some will deepen, some will struggle, some will end. This is painful and necessary. ✨ The terror is the threshold. That fear you feel when asking "Who am I?" isn't a stop sign - it's the doorway to freedom. Resources Mentioned: Poem: "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver Concept: The "Fawn Response" - Pete Walker's trauma survival strategy of appeasing and people-pleasing Science: Neuroplasticity - the brain's ability to form new neural pathways throughout life /episode/index/show/saythethings/id/39929460

203: The F*cking First Time: Learning to Sit with Silence and What It Wants to Tell You 01/22/2026

202: The Grief No One Talks About in Personal Growth 01/15/2026

202: The Grief No One Talks About in Personal Growth As we do the work of letting go of beliefs, patterns, and behavior - as we stop performing to earn value and set boundaries - something sneaks in like pre-dawn fog: grief. Grief is unexpected and often ignored, and it can hold us exactly where we are. This week I'm normalizing grief in personal growth and helping you namen what you're actually mourning. We're not just taking about capital G Grief (the profound loss of someone we love). We're talking about lowercase g frief - the ways grief weaves in and out of our lives as we grow and change. Including the strange grief of mourning someone who's still alive, still physically present. In this episode: What we're actually grieving: the version of herself we'll never be again, relationships that didn't survive our growth, the years we lost, and the beliefs we're releasing Why growth requires goodbye—every time we step into a new version of ourselves, we close the door on who we used to be The four frameworks that explain grief and growth: growth requires goodbye, we grieve our unlived lives, anticipatory grief lives in liminal space, and joy and sorrow are dance partners How grief actually shows up: unexpected crying, exhaustion, anger, nostalgia for hard times, feeling lost and untethered Why we can't skip the mourning period—and what happens if we rush to fill the void with new commitments How to hold space for your grief: name it, feel it without fixing it, explore it, and create ritual for release Quote of the week: "There's a Zen teacher that said what's holding you back is what you're holding onto." Practice for this week: What identity, attitude, behavior, mindset, action, or belief are you holding onto that's holding you back? Notice the negative thought that says "that's not gonna work." This message kept you safe at some point—safe from ridicule, failure, the spotlight—but does it still apply? Thank it. Allow yourself to grieve it. And prepare yourself, because over the next few weeks we're gonna talk about building a life that suits you now. /episode/index/show/saythethings/id/39446250

201: Why You Make Yourself Small to Keep the Peace 01/08/2026

201: Why You Make Yourself Small to Keep the Peace Here's the reality: when we create boundaries and make changes, we will disappoint people. There's no way around it. But until two weeks ago, I'd never really acknowledged why I worked tirelessly sacrificing myself, my time, my energy, my peace to make sure no one was ever disappointed in me. This week I'm telling you the truth about why we avoid disappointment, what we're actually afraid of, and how to sit with someone's disappointment without abandoning yourself. This one goes deep—I share how 18 years of marriage to disappointment taught me to make myself invisible, and how I'm finally learning that my needs, wants, and desires can have value too. In this episode: The four patterns that keep us trapped: the family project manager, the woman making up for something, the problem preventer, and the woman who measures worth by what she does Why disappointing someone feels like moral failure (because we absorbed that our worth equals our usefulness) What we're actually afraid of: they'll leave, they'll confirm we're selfish, conflict, or becoming like the people who disappointed us The difference between being kind and being available—and why availability without boundaries kills kindness How to tell if you're trying to control their feelings versus actually being kind The five steps for sitting with someone's disappointment: separate their feelings from your responsibility, acknowledge without apologizing, don't re-explain, feel your feelings but don't let them override your values, and give yourself permission to care while holding the boundary Quote of the week: "A world where we disappoint no one is a world where we prioritize nothing. If your priorities never seem to matter, this could be an episode that brings answers your way." Practice for this week: Notice where you're making yourself small to avoid someone's disappointment. What boundaries have you been too afraid to set? What would it look like to prioritize yourself just once and let someone else figure it out? /episode/index/show/saythethings/id/39446120

200: Boundaries Get Tested Before They Get Respected 01/01/2026

200: Boundaries Get Tested Before They Get Respected Understanding you need boundaries? Fine. Setting them? Different story. This week we're getting practical—I'm walking you through exactly how to set boundaries, what to say, how to hold them when people push back, and what happens when you start protecting your time, energy, and peace. Spoiler: it gets worse before it gets better. When you set a boundary, people are going to test it, question it, call you selfish, tell you you've changed. But here's what's actually happening—what you were doing benefited them, and that benefit is going away. This is Episode 200, and it's only fitting that it's about boundaries. In this episode: The extinction burst: why boundary-testing gets louder before it stops (and what happens if you cave) The five-step process: get clear on the boundary, communicate it without over-explaining, hold the line, expect the guilt, and notice who respects it Scripts for setting boundaries: "I've decided [boundary], and I understand if it's disappointing, but this is what's going to be" Mantras for holding boundaries: "No is a complete sentence," "Their discomfort is not yours to fix," "Boundaries are not mean, they are clear" What boundaries look like with kids (teaching them how to treat you), parents (protecting yourself from what they didn't give you), partners (equity and shared responsibility), and friends (balance on the ladder) The three outcomes when you hold boundaries: some adjust, some resist then accept, some leave—and what each tells you about the relationship Quote of the week: "Their disappointment is not our failure. Their struggle is not ours to fix. It is not our job to make them happy. Your job is to raise them to be capable, respectful, and independent adults." Practice for this week: One boundary. Just one. Ask yourself: Where am I the most resentful? What am I tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate? What boundary would protect my time, energy, or peace? Write it down. Practice saying it out loud. Then hold it, even if it's uncomfortable. /episode/index/show/saythethings/id/39446045