51: Gay Sex 101

Before diving “in”. I’d prefer you to explore sexuality with self first. If you’re curious about things before involving another person there’s nothing wrong with using toys. 

 

Everyone finds their rhythm differently. Create your own rules and boundaries. Being LGBTQIA+ give us the freedom to do as we wish. Explore what you're comfortable with. 

 

Make sure that you’re not doing thing to keep someone or have a man like you more. Never the right reasons to do anything.. 

 

If a man cannot respect your boundaries simply put he’s not the one for you. Collect your things and move along. 

 

Sexual Titles / Roles 

 

• Top 

 

• Does the penetrating 
• Usually /Typically deemed as the masciline role 
• Men will lie about being “total tops” 
• Fetishizing around “total tops” 

 

 

• Bottom 

 

• Is the receiver aka the one that is penetrated
• Bottom shaming is a thing. Misogyny plays a major factor in this. The position as the bottom is deemed as the “fem role.” (insert eye roll) 

 

 

• Verse

 

• Prefers to dabble in both position
• Those who like this position will be penetrated and do the prentrating 
• There is verse shaming as well
• “I’ve heard a lot of verse men say they are get passed on by bottoms because “total tops” are seen as more masculine or desirable

 

 

• Verse Top 

 

• Predominantly tops but will occasionally bttm for the right partner 
• A lot of men who are verse will say they’re verse top to still get action from a bttm

 

 

• Verse Bottom 

 

• Predominantly bttms but will occasionally top for the right partner 

 

How to discover your position… 

• Self pleasure is the first step in discovering what you like 
• Porn is another indicator 
• What are you drawn to when watching (are watching the top or the bottom more?) 

 

When to disclose your position 

• First thing… never assume 
• No matter the mannerisms of a person whether it be feminine or traditionally masculine the position can vary 
• Typically I don’t lead with my position
• • This includes me on the apps... I try to subtly insinuate what I am (i.e. little spoon) 
  • I prefer a conversation before 
  • Somtimes leading with your position especially online people think your looking for sex. If you are, do you. If not, do what works for you. 

 

Positions & Dating

• Men don’t really approach me in person 
• If it happens usually it's with a DL man aggressively and sometime subtly propositioning for some “action”
• Typically men pick up on my vibes without a problem 

Common Things Said on Apps: 

• No Fats, No Fems 

 

What to do when ready for sex… 

 

Ok there’s s process 

 

Cleaning / Douching 

• Everyone's body is different and functions differently. 
• • As a bottom it's imperative to be conscious of what you’re eating when and how much 
  • Give yourself hours before 
  • Things to avoid (quinoa, leafy greens, tomato sauces, deep rich colors) 
  • What you will need… enema and warm water 
  • A Clean diet does help too 
  • • I don’t believe in a hunger stick 
    • I just know when not to eat 
    • BTW I’m very regular and know my body well enough 

 

Communicate 

• Be honest where you are with things
• • If it's your first time… say that. 
  • If you not “into something” say that too 
  • • Me I don’t swallow or “face” play 
    • Saving that for the man i marry lol 
  • Discuss your sexual health, partners, and etc.
  • • Disclosing your status and more 

 

• Having boundaries isn’t a bad thing and don’t let anyone shame you about it. 
• • It's your life and your body
  • If he can’t respect it… there’s always another man who will 
• Me: 
• • I like sensuality, romance, a connection 
  • Set a mood with candles and a good scent 

 

 

• Anal

 

• Lubrication is a must 
• Take your time and breathe to pace the penetration 
• Know what position you like to receive it 
• • Not all feel the same
• There will be discomfort and pain, but believe it or not you will feel pleasure eventually 
• It's all about having the right partner that can be gentle, patient, and nurturing with you
• Never fear saying stop if you don’t like something or if it hurts
• • No still means no matter the gender involved 

 

• Using Your Mouth / Oral

• Oral sex is hella common these days 

 

• • We can be honest damn near everyone who is active is using their mouth to offer pleasure
• You can either perform falatio/head or even nibble on the booty
• • As a bottom you too can receive oral sex 
  • • A top who says he doesn’t so it either a liar or not good at it
    • As a bottom you too may want to eat the booty too ask or slowly make your way down there
    • If he doesn't like it he’ll let you know 
• Again no rules 
• Only explore what you are comfortable with and be min

 

 

• Toys

 

• Dildos, beads, butt plugs, flesh lights, or vegetables (whatever you’re into) sex toys have the potentential to transmit HIV when they’re shared during sex.
• Strap a condom on your dildo and other sex toys. 
• Change the condom between partners.
• Use lube as well water base 
• If you improvise, make sure you don’t use anything that can splinter or break.
• Use insertables with flared ends so objects won’t get lost inside you.

 

 

• Positions

 

• Missionary 
• Doggy Style 
• Froggy Style 
• Reverse Cowgirl 
• From the side 
• From The Back 
• They are all doable
• • The damn near isn’t a different

 

Common Questions

• Can two bottoms be in a healthy relationship together?
• Can one gay partner and a bisexual partner be happy together?
• Open relationships: Yes or no?

 

 

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