"I'm Not Responsible for How You Feel": How Melissa Stood Her Ground With an Intimidating Executive and Changed Their Relationship Forever
Speak Your Mind Unapologetically Podcast
Release Date: 04/17/2026
Speak Your Mind Unapologetically Podcast
Most of us check the odds before we try something big. MIT-trained engineer and serial founder Sanjay Manandhar, author of The Why Not Advantage, says that’s the wrong number to look at. A statistic describes the crowd, not you. At 16, Sanjay applied to US schools from Kathmandu. He needed a full scholarship and airfare, and his friends asked if he was nuts. In this conversation, he shares the formula he uses to rewrite his odds, what a Nobel Prize winner’s 40 years of persistence teaches about timing, and why your odds change the moment you take action. In this episode, you’ll learn: ...
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How do you disagree with a superior or your boss when you see a problem in a decision you still have to deliver? How do you influence senior leaders when you don’t have the final say? In this episode of Speak Your Mind Unapologetically, Ivna Curi explores managing up and upward influence through two real workplace stories from her book, Unapologetic Voice. Amy spent six months building a business case after senior leaders dismissed a gap she saw in their plan. Rebecca challenged a leader’s approach to restructuring by proposing an alternative that addressed his concern about...
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Being kind at work is easy when things are going well. Smiling, saying thank you, listening, remembering birthdays. The real test is what you do when there is a problem, a conflict, or a disagreement. This episode is a self-assessment. Twelve everyday workplace moments that look polite on the surface and cost someone else something real. Escalating to a manager before ever telling the colleague what the problem is. Staying silent in a meeting, then criticizing the decision privately afterward. Calling someone disrespectful instead of naming the behavior. Saying yes when you mean no. Redoing a...
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Most people who challenge a superior's decision get it wrong. They oppose. Nita Patel, VP of Engineering at Otis, says the people who have changed her mind did something else: they stayed curious. They asked what happens after step two. They wanted to understand rather than object. By the end of the conversation she is the one asking them what they think, without realizing she was challenged at all. That works because of the larger skill underneath it. Nita calls herself a translator, estimating 30 to 40% of her time goes to it: working out why a meeting matters, what the goal is, and which...
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Two Ways to Fail: Give Up or Die." How Sigma Software CEO Katherine Built a Foreign Office, Completed a Half Ironman, and Learned to Lead on One Rule "There are only two ways to fail: give up or die. And neither is a reasonable option." That is the saying Katherine's team uses to remind themselves who they are. She means it literally. When she was trying to open Sigma Software Group's first Latin American office, she tried recruiting agencies, acquisition targets, universities, and different countries for an entire year. Nothing worked. Then in a brainstorming session, someone mentioned...
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Her first year in corporate. She noticed her male peer was getting more technical work than her. She raised it with her supervisor — not loudly, not aggressively, just directly. Instead of addressing it with her, the supervisor took it to a broader forum and told others there was "a trouble candidate in the team." The message filtered back to her. She had asked for fair treatment and had been labeled a problem for it. What happened next is what makes the story worth hearing. A senior leader stepped in, routed someone to talk to her properly, understood what she actually needed, and gave...
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She Stopped Leading With Her Title and Started Saying "I'm a Technology and Business Diplomat." People Immediately Wanted to Know More. Equifax SVP D'Lovely on Networking, Personal Boards, and Career Infrastructure She was laid off twice. Both times, by the time the hiring manager called her, three or four people at the company had already been talking about her. Not because she got lucky. Because she had spent months having breakfasts, following up on cold contacts, asking questions instead of pitching, and making it easy for people to pass her name along. One of those contacts had been on...
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She credits three people with transforming her career trajectory at AWS and beyond. Tatiana got her into AWS. Wayne sponsored her advancement within it. Dan helped her break into venture capital as a partner at Felicis Ventures. She did not stumble into these relationships. She built them intentionally, maintained them with discipline, and gave back at every stage — even when what she could give seemed small compared to what she was receiving. Nancy was Director and General Manager at AWS Data Protection when this episode was recorded. She has since been promoted to CTO. She is also the...
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She came to the United States from Cameroon almost 30 years ago with a master's degree in education, almost no exposure to computers, and a goal to pursue a doctorate. Her two sisters, both already in IT careers, redirected her. She thought she could never succeed in the field. She became an IT help desk worker. Then a network administrator. Then an IT manager. Then a director. Then a CIO. Then a COO in Spain. Then a Chief Technology and Innovation Officer. Then a Vice President and CIO at a California State University. Her PhD — the original goal from 1995 — she completed in 2019....
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Her Peer Kept Misattributing Statements to Her Team. She Let It Slide Once. The Second Time She Confronted Her Directly. She had a verbal offer within four days. They were eager. Before she accepted, she called HR and said: "Before I accept, I want to speak with my manager's manager." That request could have cost her the role entirely. She had already weighed it: if they say no, that tells me everything I need to know about this culture. If they say yes, I make a more informed decision. Within 24 hours, the executive cleared his calendar during a conference lunch and took a 30-minute call. He...
info_outlineSixteen years later, she still tells this story. She was called into the office of a 6'4" senior executive she barely knew. He sat with his back to the door and said: "You will either make me a very happy man or a very unhappy man." Something in her snapped. She replied: "I was always told I'm not responsible for how other people feel." He slowly turned his chair around with a smile on his face. That one moment became the foundation of a decade-long mentorship.
Melissa is Executive Director and Chief Privacy Officer at Kodiak Solutions, and she's spent her career learning, sometimes the hard way, what it actually means to hold onto your personal power when the professional stakes are high.
In this episode, she breaks down the real moments that tested her, and the specific tools she built to handle them.
You'll learn:
- What "giving away your personal power" actually means, and how to catch yourself doing it before it costs you
- What Melissa said to a senior executive that instantly shifted how he saw her, and why most people would have responded the opposite way
- How she handled a new boss who made every conversation feel like an interrogation, and the scripting technique that got her through it without losing her composure or her job
- Why a mentor told her "if you're going to swim with sharks, you need to thicken your skin", and what that actually means for women moving into senior leadership
- How to stop taking feedback personally when your whole identity has been built around being the A student
- The self-awareness practice that tells you when to speak up and when holding back is the smarter move
If you've ever left a difficult conversation beating yourself up, questioning your own judgment, or wondering why you didn't say what you meant, this episode gives you the tools to stop that pattern.
About Melissa: Executive Director and Chief Privacy Officer at Kodiak Solutions, Melissa brings decades of experience in technology and healthcare leadership. She is an active mentor to early-career women in tech and a champion of honest, values-driven leadership.
How to Reclaim Your Personal Power When Authority Figures Try to Diminish You