Final Fantasy V Part 1: It's Not Gooning If You Don't Make The Face
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Release Date: 09/15/2025
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 5 - No One Wants the Splatter-Waggies
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 5 - No One Wants the Splatter-Waggies Square Roots - Episode 501 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:50 Quest Log: 0:38:40 Level Up: 2:03:55 Siri; is Reyes Elf Slut? This and so many more important facts about Mass Effect: Andromeda are revealed in this exciting installment of the Square Roots Podcast! Also: • I've Seen What Makes You People Clap • A Genoshian Taskmaster Would Be Awesome (No Psychics Allowed) • It's a Fun Button • Sarissa Explains It All • Lawn Mower Man Syndrome This Week: Wrap up Kedara and establish a colony! Next Week: Eledaan AND...
info_outline
The Square Roots Podcast Episode 500 Bonanaza
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
The Square Roots Podcast Episode 500 Bonanaza Square Roots - Episode 500 We break our usual format to celebrate 500 episodes! There's user questions, a game of MURRRRRDLE, Jim's Airing of Grievances, Metacritical Response, and introspective retrospection! This Week: Listen to our amazing Square Roots Podcast Episode 500! Next Week: Finish Kanara Port! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots!...
info_outline
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 4 - Space Docking
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 4 - Space Docking Square Roots - Episode 499 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:35 Quest Log: 0:31:40 Level Up: 1:57:30 What if the whole of Mass Effect: Andromeda was about solving space crimes? Wouldn't that be cool? Let's pitch it right now: cozy mystery game, but it's about salarians and elcor and it's set on the Citadel. Also: • It's Okay To Be Wrong On Accident • What a Prank • Vanessa Doesn't Love True Crime • Milkin' Milken • The Definition of Ejaculate • Jim's Nip Slip • A No Strings Bang This Week: Do some loyalty and side quests! Next Week: Kedaara...
info_outline
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 3 - The Princess Protocol
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 3 - The Princess Protocol Square Roots - Episode 498 Quest Log: 0:04:00 Level Up: 1:57:00 We finally lock onto our surefire hit Netflix romantic comedy, The Princess Protocol. It's got comedy! Dancing! Intrigue! Getting hit on the head by a coconut! Also we keep playing Mass Effect: Andromeda. Also: • The Present of Watching Me Hold This Snorlax • The Hot Hot Fishman • A Very Dusky Planet • Too Many Points! • It's My Vindication Song Now! This Week: Finish the Mission "Trail of Hope" Next Week: Do some loyalty and side quests! Our Patreon:...
info_outline
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 2 - Fable Three King Time Second Half
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 2 - Fable Three King Time Second Half Square Roots - Episode 497 Quest Log: 0:05:15 Level Up: 2:05:30 I keep hearing Vanessa say "cat" every time she says "Kett" in this action-packed, different timeline navigating BioWare adventure game, Mass Effect: Andromeda. Johnny loves the bouncy car. Jim disappears like a spooky ghost. Matt is bad at sudoku. Vanessa probably wants to marry the AI in her brain. Also: • Quit Putting Jared Leto in Movies * A Beanie and a Henley * Matt Establishes Masculinity Rules * Don't Ask About Matt's Poop-ons * You Can Blow Up A Library...
info_outline
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 1 - Michael Rappaport's Crap Report
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 1 - Michael Rappaport's Crap Report Square Roots - Episode 496 Quest Log: 0:37:03 Level Up: 1:44:10 We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda by BioWare for this year's BioWarey! So let's meet new friends! Explore new planets! And avoid having to recognize any of the four endings of Mass Effect Three! Also: • We Discuss What Games Are BioWare Games For Five Minutes * Jim Banks Hates Chris Isaak * The Adventures of Young Sheev * You Likka The Bigga Breasts * Touch Dadddy's Special Rock * TOO FAT FOR SPACE This Week: Play Mass Effect: Andromeda until you head to the...
info_outline
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 6 - Hot Goth Peach
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 6 - Hot Goth Peach Square Roots - Episode 495 Quest Log: 0:40:45 Level Up: 1:44:10 Finally the game has someone for Matt, and it's Hot Goth Peach. She gets a real Legend makeover and turns all dark and pale and evil and even decapitates someone! This is a very weird Mario game. Also: • Matt Raw Dogs New Shirts • Cyclops Earns Scott Points • The Digital One Has No Hole • Great Vanessa Representation • Partial Professor Betrayal This Week: Finish the game! Next Week: We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda! Play until you establish the first...
info_outline
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 5 - A Sticky, Yummy Accident
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 5 - A Sticky, Yummy Accident Square Roots - Episode 494 Quest Log: 0:30:30 Level Up: 1:44:30 We solve some train mysteries and rewrite train histories on this exciting episode of Square Roots! Mario can get bad ended as a ghost, so this is a pretty great chunker just by default. If the moon is for boys, then why is Peach there? Also: * Jim Accidentally Posts Pornography * Vanessa Is Racist Against Goombas * What Makes You Think This Toad Is A Sex Worker? * Matt Has Been Attracted To A Lot Of Characters In This Game * Toilet Games This Week: Finish...
info_outline
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 4 - Boat/Unboat
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 4 - Boat/Unboat Square Roots - Episode 493 Quest Log: 0:30:22 Level Up: 1:29:20 The gang takes Mario a-treasure huntin' in this week's episode of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. We meet a new bomb friend, beat up a ghost skull, and get involved in more Plant People Crime Family Drama. We also meet Flavio, a rich character who has lived a whole life yet cannot achieve personhood due to the arbritrary constraints placed on him by Vanessa's narrow view of what a person should be. Also: Game awards chat and Street Fighter goss Flavio is not a person...
info_outline
The Square Roots Game of the Year Extravaganza
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
The Square Roots Game of the Year Extravaganza Square Roots - Episode 492 We ignore the idea that 2016 is ten years ago as we get to the end of 2025 and talk about the game of the year from the games we played for the podcast this year (from the main show) as well as our own 2025 game of the year choice! * Good Queen Vanessascles * Huey Lewis and Other Hot Impressions and References * Hot Guests Like Miss Piggy, George Lucas, Florence and the Machine and MORE! * RACHEL SLURS IS NOT INVITED This Week: Listen to our amazing Game of the Year episode! Next Week: Finish Chapter 5 and all...
info_outlineFinal Fantasy V Part 1: It's Not Gooning If You Don't Make The Face
Square Roots - Episode 481
Quest Log: 0:10:47
Level Up: 1:57:30
Look, we've got a Final Fantasy game with two cool dragons right upfront. Okay, technically, one is a sea serpent and one is a wyvern, but still. Does FFV blow its cool load early? In this chunker of Square's classic JRPG we explore its new, better translation, try to come to terms with its job system, and come across a king stuck halfway into a crystal room.
Also:
* Untamed Honours
* You Should Get Hired By Silent Hills, Inc.
* Baby Four Eyes
* I Love A Very Clean Man In A Waistcoat
* A Reverse Rookie of the Year
* That Man Needs To Be Taken To A Hospital
This Week: Defeat the Liquid Flame in the Fire Powered Ship in Final Fantasy V!
Next Week: Play until we are blasted away by a force field!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com