Survival Mode, Moving Forward, and So Many Alarms!

Hello Friends! We are back! In this episode of Superlatively Yes, Jen and I reconnect to discuss the importance of self-acceptance, the power of friendship, and navigating life's challenges. We explore the shift away from traditional New Year's resolutions towards a more compassionate and understanding approach to personal growth. We truly laugh and enjoy our heartfelt conversation, interruptions and all! We talk about the significance of embracing one's current season in life and the necessity of support in achieving personal goals. Also, Jen and I explore the themes of survival mode, self-care, and emotional wellness. We also discuss the challenges of navigating personal and professional changes, the importance of self-compassion, and strategies for managing stress and burnout. There is such a huge need for understanding one's emotional state and the significance of spiritual wellness in maintaining balance and perspective in life. We are so glad to be here with you on this amazing platform and in this precious community. Tanya

 

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Chapters

00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings

02:05 The Power of Friendship and Support

06:03 Embracing Self-Acceptance

10:07 Navigating Life's Challenges

14:06 Mindset Shifts for Growth

17:50 The Importance of Self-Compassion

23:37 Navigating Change and Respect in Education

26:14 Understanding Survival Mode

31:22 Strategies for Self-Care and Compassion

35:46 The Importance of Spiritual Wellness

39:59 Embracing Change and Moving Forward

 

 

TRANSCRIPT:

Hello listeners. Welcome to Superlatively Yes's seventh season. We are back in this first episode of 2025 and we are so excited to connect with you all and bring some fun, fresh new content. Today I am here with my good friend and yours, Jennifer McCrodden. You know Jen, she's been around since season one. She's an OG. Jasa, our hilarious world traveling friend will be in and out this season.

Before you get concerned, everyone and everything is fine. We're fine. We're just like in a super busy season. And this makes a lot of sense to us right now. We're so excited. We're committed to all of you in the SY community, committed to this platform. And we love this opportunity. Okay. Since we last had Jen on the Superlatively Yes podcast, she has become a drum roll please certified life coach.

And do you know who has benefited the most from this so far? Me. I love to unwrap topics and conversations with Jen because she has such a wise and unique perspective. I learned something new from her guys every time we have a coaching session or a long lunch at Tacos for Life. Welcome back to the Superlatively, I'm sorry, the Superlatively Yes podcast, Jen.

Jen (01:25.08)

Thank you, Tanya. And that is so kind of you to say. I have greatly benefited from life coaching as well, and always from having tacos with you and hanging out. So it's a mutual benefit for sure.

Tanya N Smith (01:35.535)

Tanya N Smith (01:39.867)

It really is. Yeah. Okay. So, let's just get right into it. Listen, everybody listen. Jen wrote me this letter and one of our back and forth moments of talking through topics and it absolutely made my day. It made me laugh out loud and that is kind of hard to do. So I want you to hear it. I want you to hear in her sweet voice and then we're going to talk about it right after.

Jen (01:44.311)

Yes.

Jen (02:05.356)

All right, a letter to my dear friend Tanya. Dear Tanya, all right, before we begin, a disclaimer. Do you remember when your grandparents used this phrase? If I had a quarter, I think my grandparents said if I had a dime, for every time you, fill in the blank, I'd retire and move away and be rich. Well, sadly, my friend, due to inflation, we are retiring coin money.

Tanya N Smith (02:25.235)

Mm-hmm.

for sure.

Jen (02:34.626)

And we are only allowed to deal in tens and twenties because I mean, it's spendy out there folks. It's spending. So Tanya, if we had a $10 for every time either one of us has used one of these phrases, we would be podcasting from an island somewhere. And here are the phrases most often used by us. And this is why I can't be in charge. All the time. Here's another one that we use all the time.

Tanya N Smith (02:47.667)

Mm.

Tanya N Smith (02:59.292)

every day.

Jen (03:03.608)

From now on, you are the one making all my decisions. I'm done. I'm done. Why didn't you step in and intervene?

Tanya N Smith (03:07.813)

every other day.

Jen (03:17.476)

of For the Love of Nancy Reagan. You let me.

Tanya N Smith (03:19.933)

For the love. Yes, why did you let me do that? my word.

Jen (03:25.42)

Yes, and I don't know why Nancy Reagan, that's just who we use. And then here's one of my all-time favorites that we have said multiple times. What would Dolly do? I mean, what would Dolly do?

Tanya N Smith (03:36.051)

preach that one what would Dolly do? Listen, we know she would put on her heels and put on her makeup and she would look fantastic doing it.

Jen (03:43.894)

and she would do it, and she would do it well. So listen.

Tanya N Smith (03:46.545)

I love these. love these. I'm sorry. You have more. Go on, go on.

Jen (03:49.484)

No, no, listen, I'm not too proud to say it and I know you're not too proud to say it either. We need help, all of the help, in all of the ways, at all of the times. And both of us helping each other and supporting each other, it's been a pillar of our friendship for the past 25 years. The fact that we have either been on the front row of each other's lives or possibly co-piloted one another into some kind of shenanigans.

Tanya N Smith (04:06.087)

Yeah. Yeah.

Jen (04:18.068)

situation and the goings-on and the doings, it means that we have historical records. These are receipts, if you will, of all of the things. And so this letter is simply to remind you that there are no takesy-backsies. We've come too far. We're just going to keep moving on. And as such, I was going to make you a promise that I was going to be more chill in 2025. But even as I'm writing this, you and I both know

Tanya N Smith (04:23.911)

Mm-hmm.

Tanya N Smith (04:47.059)

You

Jen (04:47.296)

And I can, I know you're laughing because that's just simply not going to happen. But here's what I'm going to attempt. And by attempt, that means of course you're signed up to support in all the ways I'm going to attempt self acceptance. No wait before you I roll self acceptance does not include the following. We will not be accepting fine lines and wrinkles.

Tanya N Smith (05:15.027)

Mm-mm.

Jen (05:16.856)

gray hair, or ugly shoes.

Tanya N Smith (05:17.811)

No, no, no, ugly shoes and no, absolutely not.

Jen (05:22.67)

There may be more that we add to this list later, but those are the top three that we will not be accepting in 2025.

Tanya N Smith (05:28.453)

No fine lines and wrinkles, no gray hair for us. For us, other people it's okay, but for us, we can't do it. Yeah. Right.

Jen (05:34.21)

You know, some people look amazing in gray hair and I celebrate it, but I'm probably not one of those people. So perhaps you were suspecting that I was going to reach out to you in early 2025 and say, this is the all new improved gin, new year, new me. But alas, no, but also yes, because I think that even though self-acceptance might seem small,

It's going to be something that's big. And so part of self-acceptance might be me being OK with being an ambivert, which I can hardly even say.

Tanya N Smith (06:05.777)

Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (06:12.787)

Did you say ambivert? Did you say the word ambivert in the first five minutes of our podcast?

Jen (06:19.63)

Yes, yes I did. Mic drop. I need to be okay with not writing a novel, but enjoy writing all the same. Okay, we're gonna accept that my pie crust will always be classified as rustic. Okay, it's just going to be, that's how it's going to go. I will always be reading at least two books. I...

Tanya N Smith (06:30.675)

Hmm.

Tanya N Smith (06:38.163)

Hmm.

Jen (06:47.118)

Probably have spices in my spice cabinet that are expired. I mean who really needs coriander honestly

Tanya N Smith (06:53.331)

What is it? No, don't even need to It's okay. I've gone this long.

Jen (06:56.162)

We can't go down that rabbit hole.

Jen (07:00.376)

There are pictures of you and me from the 1900s before straightening irons and hair therapy, honestly. And they're going to stay out there. And here's what we need to do. We need to say, she was me. I am her and accept that. So here are marching orders together, dear friend for 2025. God loves us and we love one another. And let's just keep moving on.

Tanya N Smith (07:05.871)

bless our hearts.

Tanya N Smith (07:18.589)

Yeah, yeah,

Tanya N Smith (07:29.991)

I love it. Yay! Do you know how it thrilled me to read this letter? Like it was, okay, first of all, a letter, come on. Who has sent me a letter? I felt like the Blue's Clues guys. Like, yeah, I got a letter. And then I just love everything about it. And here's why it meant so much to me. You and I have been on this roller coaster when it comes to all the things we are supposed to accept or try to forget or.

Jen (07:31.107)

Love, Jen.

Jen (07:36.654)

Aww.

I know, I was throwing it back old school.

Tanya N Smith (07:58.575)

work through on our healing journey. I mean, and I'm not downplaying any of that stuff, but isn't it fascinating that we have seen a revolt or maybe a revolution against New Year's resolutions, the New Year, new you mindset. And I wonder, know, friend, like, what does it say about us as a society that we are done? We are done with it always being on a 12 month improvement plan that starts every 12 months.

Jen (08:12.792)

Right.

Jen (08:27.086)

Right. Well, first of all, at first I thought it's just me. I'm, I'm revolting. But then I realized, no, I think the whole world is saying, I can't, I can't do it. And I think what it is is, you know, there are probably 915 million books, self-help books out there. There's so many plans. There's so many gurus. There's so many helping us. And again, like you, I'm all in.

I want to do my best. want to learn. I want to grow. want to heal. I want to do all the things. But to be able to keep up with all the ounces of water and all of the vitamins and all of the... I can't. And so I need to pick what works for me. I need to accept myself where I am and move forward. But love where I'm at. If I'm always waiting...

Tanya N Smith (09:09.094)

Right?

Jen (09:23.118)

For the best me there is, I don't get to enjoy the me that I am now.

Tanya N Smith (09:27.195)

my gosh, that is so good. And I wish I knew that before I was, I mean, now that I'm 30, I'm beginning to learn a few things.

Jen (09:35.67)

Right. Same. Same, sister, same. Yeah. Well, a little.

Tanya N Smith (09:39.079)

Right? LOL. I'm a little older than that. But yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I say all the time I wouldn't go back to being 20 or 30. And that's not because I didn't love that part of my life or I don't appreciate other people being in that part of their life. It's because that's an exhausting thought to like go back and do it over again. It just really has to do with going back and doing it all over again.

Jen (09:51.822)

Mm.

Jen (10:07.598)

Maybe we're more tired. But I also think I wouldn't want to go back to those thought patterns. Right? If I went back, I've got to take my older 30 brain back to my 30 year old self, if that makes sense. Right? I need the wisdom that I have now in my 30 plus.

Tanya N Smith (10:09.556)

yeah.

Tanya N Smith (10:17.171)

There you go.

Tanya N Smith (10:24.531)

Right.

Tanya N Smith (10:31.699)

Because we've learned a thing or two along the way, coping strategies, mechanisms, survival skills in this world. And we just frankly didn't know them earlier.

Jen (10:42.732)

Yeah, and I kind of like myself now.

Tanya N Smith (10:46.737)

I like you too. Okay, I am not going to waste anybody's time. I'm to get right to four questions because you are so good at these four, at these suggestions, I should say. You have four suggestions and I call them ways to like navigate forward in life. There's probably a much better title for them. But Jen, what are your four suggestions for someone wanting to navigate forward in their life?

Jen (10:47.989)

Aw, thanks, Fred.

Jen (11:11.169)

Yeah, yeah.

Jen (11:15.48)

Well, just as we were talking about, these are not resolutions. These are not things we're going to go out and do. But I think, first of all, they have to be our mindset. And if there's anything I want to change, it's less doing and more how I'm approaching or my perspective towards the way that my life is right now. So the first one on the list is the best way to change anything is to understand what it is and why. And so.

Tanya N Smith (11:43.223)

That's good.

Jen (11:44.396)

you've heard about the five whys. Yes, everyone knows that you ask why five times to kind of get down to the basis level of what you're thinking or what you're feeling or what you're needing. And I think we don't employ that exercise often enough to really ask ourselves what is happening? Why am I feeling this way?

what does this all mean for me right now? We just kind of push that aside. We push our feelings aside and we say, well, I read this article. I watched this great TikTok. I've got to move on with what this person is saying because they're an expert, right? And so stopping to examine why it's important to me or why it's not important to me or why I feel this way, I think it's the first real step in evaluating where you are and what you

Tanya N Smith (12:25.116)

Yes.

Jen (12:38.39)

are about and what you want to change or not change. Why are you wanting to make those changes?

Tanya N Smith (12:41.553)

Okay, so good. This is so, so good. I have a story about this that I have, we've talked about that I want to share it with the listeners about understanding why so that you can figure out what. But before we go, I mean, I want to tell the story because I think it will help somebody else because it did me. But I just want to put a pin in that and I want to say it again, that because you said it.

Jen (12:55.47)

So good.

Tanya N Smith (13:08.505)

These are your words. The best way to change anything is to understand what it is and why it is. And like you said, there are so many voices in our head that I think we forget to stop and say, what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? And like, am I dead inside? Like me, like, you know, because sometimes when I am feeling that way, it's because I have absolutely forgotten to check in with myself, but we're going to come to that later. Please tell us number two, the second suggestion.

Jen (13:37.038)

I love that check in with yourself number two. These are some of the wisest words that I've ever read that were written by you my friend and You wrote them in a book titled reframed in the year 2020 of our of our Lord and Savior when life was super hard and You said embrace the season that you were in and boy did we have to embrace that season hard or that

Season, embrace that's hard. But embrace the season that you're in. You know, I was reminded the other day, there's this song by Trace Adkins and it says, you're gonna miss this, right? And he's talking about raising the kids and things are hard and things are difficult and your job and your family and this and that or something else. And you know, you're gonna miss it. There are joys and there are beauty.

Tanya N Smith (14:08.947)

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Jen (14:35.286)

all around us, all the time, even in the difficult times. And we have to stop and check in with ourselves and embrace the season that we're in and learn from it. Really dig in and learn from it to enjoy it before we move. Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (14:48.307)

Thank you.

Tanya N Smith (14:53.031)

Wise words.

Jen (14:55.672)

Kudos to you, friend!

Tanya N Smith (14:57.427)

Well, what I need to do is go back and read that chapter again called embrace in in our book because In that time period I believe I was doing that. I don't believe I've done it well Every single season since I wrote it or have I even thought about it, but it is my goal and I think it was on my mind and in my heart when I wrote it definitely but Yeah, I mean this too shall pass

Jen (15:25.496)

Sometimes we just need the reminder.

Tanya N Smith (15:27.155)

is a good and a bad thing, right? Okay. Well, thanks for quoting me. I didn't see that coming. Okay.

Jen (15:29.708)

Yeah. Yeah.

Jen (15:34.414)

Well, number three is that mistakes will be made. So plan for your discomfort. know, several years ago, my coach told me you need to pre plan. You need to prepare for prepare for difficult conversations ahead of time. Prepare for what resources are you going to need to get you through this season or this next difficult thing? And, you know, a lot of times we hop up and we

put our boots on and we go out there and we try to do life and we, don't even think about really what we need to prepare ourselves for. And it was her wise words. Things are going to come up, prepare yourself ahead of time. Know that when you go to have this conversation, that's going to be difficult and walk into the discomfort knowing it's going to be uncomfortable, but I'm going to do it anyway. and so

Tanya N Smith (16:10.193)

No, we don't.

Jen (16:31.434)

in this self-acceptance moment, I'm gonna make mistakes. I'm gonna make mistakes every single day. And I need to plan for that to be painful and to hurt and to be patient with myself and to try again tomorrow.

Tanya N Smith (16:48.631)

that's so good. I have two things to add barely. Number one is, Jesus make this easy. The number of times a day that I say that to Jesus, Jesus make this easy. I'm about to encounter something that it's either uncomfortable. I'm not prepared for, I didn't expect whatever. And then the second thing is you said mistakes will be made and those aren't always mistakes made by us. Sometimes it's someone else's mistake.

Jen (17:13.998)

That's right.

Tanya N Smith (17:17.127)

that lands in our lap and you talk about learning how to be patient, planning for discomfort.

Jen (17:25.282)

That is so true. Absolutely. A fender bender, a word that someone says to you that just lands wrong or hurts your feeling. Choices are made, you know, loss. All of that comes at you not planned for, not prepared, not picked by you. But your discomfort is going to be off the charts. And we have to be prepared for that.

Tanya N Smith (17:25.361)

when it's like out of your control.

Tanya N Smith (17:43.005)

Right.

Tanya N Smith (17:46.983)

That's so true. Yes.

Well, in the way that we prepare is by, I mean, what you said planning ahead, it's so brilliant because we have put this into action. You and I in different ways have talked about this throughout the year. Sean and I have talked about this. When something blindsides us, I mean, whether you want to talk about like someone driving badly on the interstate or a family member, whatever is having something or a friend, know, just whatever a coworker, like whatever you're dealing with, you decide ahead of time how you're going to react.

Jen (18:20.142)

Mm.

Tanya N Smith (18:20.379)

And you think, you can't do that. You can't decide in every situation how you're going to react, but you can decide to pause. And you can decide to pull back for a second and take a deep breath and not react until you have thought about it. And I just always like to think, what do I look like in the moments that I'm reacting? It can be very humbling. Let me tell you, can be very scary.

Jen (18:39.95)

Right. Yeah.

Jen (18:46.796)

I'm glad there's not a camera recording every moment of my life. Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (18:49.403)

Right, it's not the actual Truman Show. Okay, so good. Let's go on to your fourth suggestion.

Jen (18:55.054)

So this last one is maybe not a suggestion as much as a reminder that self-acceptance is not a resignation. I'm not giving up. Right. I'm not quitting all the things. What I'm doing is putting acceptance of myself and where I'm at and the season that I'm in ahead of anything that I want to remove.

change, negate, leave, whatever the case may be. I'm putting at the top of my list to do is accepting right where I'm at right now.

Tanya N Smith (19:36.751)

I love that you clarified that because yes, I have sometimes thought self-acceptance means stop trying. And it can, but it doesn't have to if you reframe it in a different way. If you say, accept that I don't know everything I want to know about this topic so I can start from where I am and learn more. It's a more positive approach, right?

Jen (20:05.59)

Right. And you're giving yourself the grace. science is proven when we give our self-validation and acceptance, we're much more likely to change than if we're setting rules out for ourselves. And I know I've shared this story before, but the times that I said I'm going to get up at 5 a.m. and I'm going to exercise.

Tanya N Smith (20:20.827)

I don't

Jen (20:32.972)

And you're going to do it, Jennifer. And there's no excuses, right? And I do that four days in a row. And the fifth day, I'm like, yeah, I'm not getting up early to exercise. Right? And if I accept that, OK, this is not the way that works for Jennifer. Here's what works for Jennifer. Right?

Tanya N Smith (20:41.8)

Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (20:50.349)

there you go. Yes, I like that. I love the way you switch that because I can be real easy on myself.

You know?

Jen (20:58.094)

Right, but we can also be very harsh on ourselves too and very critical. Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (21:00.915)

same time. That's so good. So instead of being like you no good dirty dog, you didn't get up when it was 5am and it was 40 degrees outside and go walking by yourself in the misery of the dawn, you would be like, maybe I should walk this afternoon.

Jen (21:15.726)

Maybe I should go ride the exercise bike. Maybe I should take the stairs at work several more times. There are options that I can give myself.

Tanya N Smith (21:23.485)

There you go.

Jen (21:28.802)

that don't have anything to do with me being critical about something that probably shouldn't have been in my life in the first place, right? A rule that I imposed on myself or a resolution that I imposed on myself that doesn't even really fit and doesn't get me to where I want to be anyway. I think that's key. It just doesn't get me to where I want to be. So why even put it up there?

Tanya N Smith (21:42.895)

Yeah, a made up rule. Yes.

Okay, flashback.

That's so good. I just had a flashback, you know, back in another life, I was a teacher and I remember very little about my time as a college student training to be a teacher. But I do remember that I took a summer class to learn how to teach physical education. I had to get up at the crack of dawn, drive 30 minutes and sit in a classroom to learn how to teach physical education. And I thought, this is ridiculous. What have I done with my life?

But here's what I remember. One of the many things, mistakes, and they were mine. Okay, I remember two things, lying. I remember two things. The instructor had a different color of nail polish on every single day. It was a summer class. We met five days a week. Every single day, her nail polish matched her outfit. Hello. This was 1995.

Jen (22:22.39)

Mistakes have been made.

Jen (22:43.093)

Love. Love.

Tanya N Smith (22:45.713)

Okay, now something that actually matters. She told us this story that when she was first teaching physical education at her school, that she had a list of rules and she so happily wrote one through 10, do not touch the balls, know, whatever, do not do this. Absolutely no running here. And she had all of these 10 rules and she said they were very clear and easy to understand. And she was so proud of herself.

And her principal came in and he looked at the rules for a little bit and he said, so these are the rules for your gym. And she said, yes, they are. And he said, OK, those are good rules. But I'm going to have you take them down. And I want you to rewrite them all without using no and do not.

Jen (23:36.302)

I had literally just got chills.

Tanya N Smith (23:41.459)

And this was back before, you know, we assumed people cared about kids.

Jen (23:43.296)

Right, conscious discipline and all the things. Yes, yes, when we knew nothing.

Tanya N Smith (23:48.061)

So, yeah, we knew nothing but this principal did. And he or she said, that's not the way to affect change and to gain the respect and to have a nurturing environment. Take them all down.

I'm sorry, my septic alarm is going off. you give me just a second to text my husband. Okay, hang on.

Jen (24:07.776)

Okay, absolutely. Plan for discomfort.

Tanya N Smith (24:14.267)

Okay, this is a fun game we're playing.

Jen (24:21.922)

Let's just accept right where you're at and brace this season, Tanya.

Tanya N Smith (24:25.137)

Thank you, thank you, because it's hot. Can you hear it buzzing? That is alarming because I'm assuming the neighbors can. It is so loud because it's attached to this wall of which I am sitting in the room of. So.

Jen (24:28.684)

I cannot at all.

Jen (24:34.648)

Wow, okay. Well, I wanna...

Jen (24:40.556)

Wow, I want to give a shout out to the mics that are only picking up your voice and not that your home is melting down currently.

Tanya N Smith (24:49.139)

I just heard Sean open the door to go outside. Okay, so here's what happened today at 6 a.m. I pulled the big dogs inside at 6 45 a.m. A crew showed up to take my roof off and put it back on from the May damage from the May damage. What? How can that be Tanya? It's February 2025. That's what I'm saying. It takes a long time when everyone in Benton County needs a new roof. And then in the process of that, we had to call a plumber who said, Oh,

you need a new septic pump. And I was just like, what am I, an ATM? So Sean, we're just, it's hemorrhaging over here is what I'm saying to you. It's hemorrhaging. I can hear Sean out there like pressing buttons right now trying to get everything to be quiet.

Jen (25:22.36)

No.

Jen (25:31.574)

horrible I'm so sorry

Tanya N Smith (25:39.331)

I predict there'll be a plumber here in a few minutes. What do you think?

Jen (25:42.476)

I think you're going to get a plumber in the middle of the night. Yes.

Tanya N Smith (25:46.149)

my word. Okay, well we're just gonna keep going. We're gonna push on because it is very important to me to tell the story with you. I feel safe telling these stories with you because you point out to the listeners all of the gaps and you explain me really well. Like a translator, if you will. True story, I woke up at the end of January and I realized something huge about myself.

Jen (25:50.914)

I love it.

Tanya N Smith (26:14.653)

that I had been living in survival mode since, for me, I can measure it since the end of May. We had a lot of things happen around here all at once, and I truly thought I was handling them one at a time, doing a great job. Like, knock that one down, give me another. Knock that one down, give me another. And I noticed one day that the systems

Jen (26:17.006)

Mm-hmm.

Tanya N Smith (26:42.877)

that I had previously relied on to help order my thoughts and organize my days. Those had not even been thought of since the end of May.

Tanya N Smith (26:55.567)

And I do not use the term survival mode lightly. I'm not using that lightly in this situation. Let me read to you the definition that I found on the Google machine. And this is from jcmh.org. It stands for some name.

Survival mode is essentially booting, as a computer term, in safe mode. Things like trauma, prolonged grief, and even just burnout can cause our brains to opt into booting this way. It basically, our brain is entering survival mode. Do you remember back when we had the big computers where we would turn them on in safe mode? So if there was a virus, the virus would not attack the computer and bring it down?

Jen (27:34.978)

you

Tanya N Smith (27:44.039)

That's what it's talking about. And survival mode clicks us into suppressing something within us in our brain. So anyway, what I've learned is any short or long term, very stressful experience can be traumatizing. And we can't measure it against someone else's trauma. So you know the trauma responses. Fight, flight.

Jen (27:44.184)

Right.

Jen (28:10.094)

don't know.

Tanya N Smith (28:11.549)

freeze and then the one that we all now understand that is, yeah, fun. So what I've learned again from this website that these result in your body saying, I will only do essential functions. That is all I'm capable.

Jen (28:15.118)

Yeah.

Jen (28:28.014)

Right. It's like COVID when essential workers were the only ones allowed to go and do the work, right? Everyone else had to stay home.

Tanya N Smith (28:36.723)

100 % yes.

Jen (28:38.198)

Yeah, and your body is like, we're only, we're now I'm doing the bare minimum. We're keeping the lights on. That's about it. All extra activities will be paused.

Tanya N Smith (28:48.241)

Right.

Right. Food in mouth, lights on, lights off. Do it over again the next day. Did we survive it? Yes, we did. Okay, we did something right. Keep going.

Jen (28:59.918)

Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (29:02.739)

Okay, back to this website. We often have a lack of focus. I'm raising my hand. A feeling of, wait, what just happened? Like the feeling of reading something five times over and you still don't know what you just read, what it's about, or even listening to it. You feel like you're operating on a short fuse or you're just simply exhausted and procrastinating things that you wouldn't usually procrastinate.

because your higher functioning brain has shut down in favor of base survival.

Jen (29:34.68)

Wow, as you're reading that, I'm curious, like, what's your response to that knowing that has been you for months?

Tanya N Smith (29:45.869)

I was very surprised that I had not checked in with myself sooner. I thought I knew myself better than that. And I thought I was above it.

Jen (29:52.686)

Mm-hmm.

Tanya N Smith (29:57.415)

Yeah, I really did. And then people saying, you're doing a great job. You're doing such a great, you know, you're doing such a great job. look at you, you're doing a great job. And I thought, I must be doing a great job.

Tanya N Smith (30:10.597)

On the outside, I do believe I was. On the inside, I believe I was struggling a

Jen (30:15.906)

Yeah, yeah. I think we're.

Tanya N Smith (30:17.329)

You know, and isn't that what we kind of have learned to do in our lives? Keep it inside. You gotta move forward. You got, know.

Jen (30:26.84)

You're going to get up every day and you're going to keep going. Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (30:29.095)

Yeah. I'm hearing Joshua like yelling back and forth with Sean in the backyard. And I just don't think it sounds good. I just think something's going.

Jen (30:37.07)

I love that this whole scenario at your home is basically mirroring what we're saying. We're just accepting it. I don't know, we're just accepting it. It's fine.

Tanya N Smith (30:44.147)

It is so... Like, we're up to here in sewage.

Jen (30:52.75)

totally fine.

Tanya N Smith (30:52.849)

Moving on, doing a podcast like it's not even happening.

Jen (30:56.174)

That is clearly someone else's gig. I don't even know.

Tanya N Smith (31:01.039)

okay. So reading this article, this helped me. Okay, first of all, sitting down and Googling survival mode opened my mind to girl, that's you. And I think it's other people.

Jen (31:05.954)

We have.

Jen (31:11.31)

Sure.

Jen (31:15.286)

Okay, well let me go back to what we just said. The best way to make a change in anything is to understand what it is and why it is.

Tanya N Smith (31:22.951)

That's it. That's it. Because I didn't know how to help myself because I didn't know what I was helping. I just didn't know. Here's what I learned. And you have told me these things. Here it is written out in one sentence. Well, two. There are three ways of responding to manage and prevent survival mode. Self-compassion. who just said that? Self-regulation. who said that? Embrace.

Jen (31:24.887)

Yeah

Tanya N Smith (31:51.545)

and self-care. who said that? That was you. Self-compassion, self-regulation. I know what I'm gonna do when it happens to me. I'm gonna pre-plan. Self-care. I'm gonna accept where I am and not be ashamed of it. Gonna move on. Okay, I have to text them because the alarm just went off again.

Jen (31:59.854)

Mm-hmm.

Jen (32:14.252)

I love it. We're just going to accept right where we're at. Tanya's self-regulating her emotions right now and caring for the family.

Jen (32:28.654)

You know, we really wanted to bring a real life scenario to the podcast today.

Tanya N Smith (32:34.574)

my word.

Jen (32:36.876)

Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (32:38.043)

Okay, yeah, I'm trying to, yes, I'm trying to self-regulate right now because I'm like, why? Why? Here's what I think. We must have something really good to say to people because it's very difficult to complete this podcast.

Jen (32:43.447)

Yeah.

Jen (32:48.992)

It's very difficult tonight. It's very difficult tonight, for sure.

Tanya N Smith (32:53.819)

Well, again, that if you want, if you feel like you've been in survival mode, it would not surprise me friends is what I'm saying because it snuck up on me and one day turned into the next, turned into the next. And here's what I ended up saying to Sean. Now let me, I'm not far removed from this, nor have I completely popped out of this mode because it was just days ago I said to Sean, my goodness, I only do two things a day.

Jen (33:04.462)

Mm-hmm.

Tanya N Smith (33:23.215)

I am not okay. And he said,

Jen (33:25.87)

You're just becoming aware of what is happening to you. Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (33:32.273)

Yeah, just now.

So I'm going to work on self-compassion, self-regulation, especially when my septic alarm is screaming in my ear while I'm podcasting. And I think I do a pretty good job of self-care. So I'm going to be like, you know what? Good job. Keep it up. Keep it up. But yeah.

Jen (33:51.682)

Keep it up. You're doing well. Well, one of my favorite questions to ask you all the time is how are you resourcing yourself? How are you taking care of yourself? And so let's just have a mini coaching session right now. How are you resourcing yourself now that we know where you are and how you are?

Tanya N Smith (34:00.025)

Okay, I love it when you ask me that question. I love it when you ask me that.

Jen (34:15.842)

What are the ways that you're going to support yourself?

Tanya N Smith (34:20.037)

Okay, I am going back to time blocking my days. And this is not because I'm trying to regulate and what am I trying to militarize my life? It's because like I heard someone say recently, if you have a dog, what do you want to do? You want to build the dog offense? Why do you build the dog offense? Cause you want it to run around and enjoy its life. So when I time block my days, it means,

Jen (34:34.274)

Mm-hmm.

Tanya N Smith (34:48.623)

On Tuesdays, that day is all about this instead of everyone else's. Or Thursdays, that is self-care day from morning to evening. You get to do that whole day.

Jen (34:52.472)

Yeah.

Jen (34:58.99)

Wow, so you're building yourself in some self care by blocking your time. You know that you cannot completely rearrange the schedule, obviously, and there are things that you're not gonna be able to manage time-wise because they're gonna get pushed to you. But you are setting up time to care for yourself and blocking time for the things that matter.

Tanya N Smith (35:03.731)

Mm-hmm.

Tanya N Smith (35:09.523)

Mm-mm.

Tanya N Smith (35:22.887)

That's the only way I know how to do it. I don't know another way.

Jen (35:24.928)

As your coach, I'm giving you two enthusiastic thumbs up on that. I do, yes. You're putting yourself back on the schedule and you haven't been on the schedule for a minute.

Tanya N Smith (35:29.073)

All you do? Let me tell you, that makes me so happy.

Tanya N Smith (35:36.571)

I am. you know, another thing that I appreciate about the awareness of survival mode is spiritual wellness.

Jen (35:46.126)

Hmm.

Tanya N Smith (35:48.027)

I heard that in a way that I had not heard it before, I think, you know, that's one of the, one of the reasons why I've enjoyed growing older is because I do hear things the same way, but different, you know what I mean? That's it. But it does suggest like we're burned out and we can't see the bigger picture anymore. And that is one of the reasons why our brain clicks to survival mode because we haven't stopped and like,

Jen (36:00.066)

Yes, I hear the same things, but they land differently. Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (36:17.075)

Maybe for me, for me it's journaling and having like, I can see my one year, three year, five year goals or what I want to do this week or today. But I have to see, I have to visually see it. I forget, I forget so fast. But when I stopped seeing that bigger picture burnout, because I'm like, I don't remember why I was doing that small thing in that way. Yeah. So like,

Jen (36:40.362)

Right. I've forgotten. Right.

Tanya N Smith (36:46.771)

I work so hard on myself and I work so hard on the job that I'm doing, but the fruits of my labor, they come out as skittles instead of watermelons. And I'm like, now, what am I doing this for? You know?

Jen (36:58.39)

love that. Say that again.

Tanya N Smith (37:05.263)

As like, for instance, right now, my house is literally falling down around me, but no, I'm kidding. It's not, it's all okay. It's figure outable. But no, the fruits of my labor sometimes come, they are picked as Skittles and I was expecting watermelons. The watermelon is coming. Like, but I forgot the bigger picture and that's hard for me to deal with.

Jen (37:08.054)

Okay.

Jen (37:13.304)

Yeah, it is.

Jen (37:22.03)

you

Yeah.

Tanya N Smith (37:28.859)

And that makes me feel burned out and that makes me feel hopeless and that makes me forget all of my systems and then just boom, I'm back in survival mode again.

Jen (37:37.302)

Yeah, you get kind of tied down to where you're at and you can only narrow the focus on one tiny little thing. It's like Mark, my husband Mark all the time says it's the broken nail syndrome where it's like there's 50 death by a million paper cuts. There's 50 million things and then you break a fingernail and then that's just you can't cope, right? That's just the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

Tanya N Smith (37:38.236)

So yeah.

Tanya N Smith (38:00.945)

That is so true.

That is so true. I'm sorry, I'm gonna text real quick. Are we addressing the alarm? So, do you like that?

Jen (38:08.302)

I love how you said that. Are we addressing the alarm? See, I would have texted 911?

Tanya N Smith (38:21.331)

What is happening in my life right now?

Jen (38:21.39)

So we are addressing the alarm is what I'm hearing you say.

Tanya N Smith (38:25.681)

No, they just said we don't hear an alarm. And I'm like, what? can you not hear an alarm? What's happening?

happening. Okay so anyway this is funny I'm so glad this is happening why it's happening but anyway you've got to I have to remember how to feel excited about something again because the original excitement like it wanes and I forget what I'm doing anything for so

Jen (38:37.368)

my goodness.

Jen (38:50.734)

Yeah.

Jen (38:56.046)

for sure.

Tanya N Smith (38:59.827)

Anyway, that's where, that's okay. That was where, that's where I am. Like everything's okay. Nothing terrible has happened in my life. I just got off track and burdened down by a lot of things at once, like everyone does. And I let myself absolutely fall under the weight of that. And so there we go. I'm just saying it could happen to you too. And if it does self-compassion, self-regulation and self-care, just like you told us in those four ways of moving forward.

Jen (39:00.067)

guess.

Tanya N Smith (39:29.997)

I'm going to go back up to those because they're so good. You said the best way to change anything is to understand what it is and why it is. And then we talked about go ahead and embrace that season that you are in. Mistakes will be made. We need to plan for the discomfort and be patient. And then fourth and finally, we're not resigning. We're not giving up. We are moving forward while understanding where we're starting from.

Jen (39:59.522)

Right. And I think that's so key in the story that you just told about yourself. Now that you're understanding where you're starting from or where you're currently at, why it's happening and what it is, you can come in and triage yourself and take care of yourself and resource yourself to the next place. Right. And so you're not, you're not quitting. You're not resigning. You're supporting yourself in a way to make

meaningful change without prescribing to yourself a regiment and list of dos and don'ts. Just like in your story with the the gym teacher and the principal. doesn't have to be don't do this. It could simply say be, I see where I'm at. I didn't realize I was here. This isn't exactly where I want to be. This is the perspective I want to have. This is the joy that I want to put back in my life.

Tanya N Smith (40:40.509)

So true.

Jen (40:58.328)

Here's what I'm really attempting with these resolutions or these rules or these goals. Here's what I'm really attempting to obtain is that are a better way to obtain that than getting up at 5 a.m. and exercising in the cold and dark. Absolutely there's better ways to do it. There's better ways to take care of yourself than setting up rules.

Tanya N Smith (41:21.959)

I'm so glad you're here today. Thank you for talking us through this. I cannot imagine a better conversation, a more timely conversation, a more helpful way of learning how to move forward and process through things that we're processing through. We're going to do this again, right?

Jen (41:38.35)

I would love to do this again. I love the thought of having conversations to support ourselves, to grow, to learn, and to learn to take care of ourselves.

Tanya N Smith (41:50.987)

me too. Okay, friends, hey, that's all for today. But you can find the video version where you see me have an actual meltdown on Patreon.com/SuperYes. And we're on all the podcast platforms at the superlatively yes podcast. We're going to list all of our Instagram stuff in the show notes. So hey, don't forget to always check the show notes. That's like our diary. You've got to go there and check the show notes. We're putting all the fun stuff there.

Jen, my friend, it's always so great to spend time with you and I can't wait to do it again.

Jen (42:19.97)

You too. Yeah, go check on your alarms.

Tanya N Smith (42:23.279)

I am. Thank you everyone for listening to the Super Yes Podcast. Have a great rest of your day.

Jen (42:29.966)