Libsyn Directory

378: Summer Series: Healing Your Abandonment Wound with Susan Anderson

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Release Date: 08/03/2023

475: The Healthy Way to End a Relationship

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Friendships, partnerships, even family or work connections can shift. Sometimes the healthiest choice is to let them go. But how do you do that with compassion, clarity, and grace? In this episode, I’m sharing how to recognize when a relationship has run its course, what it means from a soul-growth perspective, and how to navigate endings without blame, shame, or judgment. You’ll also learn how to move forward with self-compassion and confidence, even when grief arises. In this episode, I cover: How to tell when a relationship is no longer...

474: From Empty Nest to New Beginnings

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

When our kids leave the nest, we’re left with a house that feels quieter, emptier, and sometimes unbearably still. This transition can stir up grief, loss, and confusion about who we are without the daily role of being “mom” or “dad” at the center of our lives. In this episode, I’m talking about the very real experience of empty nest syndrome and how to navigate it with compassion and consciousness. No one prepares us for this season of life, but it can also be an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, process our emotions, and step into a new chapter with purpose. In this...

473: Are You Being Gaslit? Here’s How to Know for Sure

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Gaslighting can make you question your thoughts, your memories, even your sanity. If you've ever found yourself feeling confused, doubting your reality, or thinking maybe it’s just me, this episode is for you. In today’s show, we’re taking a clear, grounded look at what gaslighting really is, how to spot it, and how to reclaim your truth and power when it happens. Whether it’s happening in a romantic relationship, at work, or with family, you’ll walk away with tools to identify gaslighting and protect your sense of self. In this episode, you’ll hear: What gaslighting sounds and...

472: The Real Reason You Keep Self-Sabotaging (and How to Stop)

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Why do we do the very things that keep us stuck? Whether it's falling off a new routine, pulling away from a great relationship, or creating drama when things are finally going well, self-sabotage can show up in so many ways, and it’s incredibly frustrating. In this episode, I’m breaking down what self-sabotage really is, why it happens, and how to shift out of it using the Adult Chair model. You’ll learn how to identify the unconscious parts driving the behavior and how to reparent those parts with compassion, so you can finally get out of your own way and start living the life you...

471: Why Vulnerability Is Your Greatest Superpower

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Vulnerability can feel scary, but it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for creating connection, building confidence, and living from our most authentic self. In today’s episode, I’m sharing what vulnerability really is, why it matters, and how to practice it in ways that feel safe and grounded. Whether you’re trying to deepen your relationships, speak your truth, or get more in touch with your emotions, this conversation will help you take the first steps. In this episode, you’ll hear: Why vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness How to build stronger, more authentic...

470: Four Habits That Strengthen Your Self-Esteem

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Struggling with low self-esteem or feeling stuck in unhealthy relationships? This episode is all about building your self-worth from the inside out. I share four practical tools to help you shift your self-talk, rewrite your stories, and become your own biggest cheerleader, no matter your age or background. In this episode, you’ll hear: How to recognize and change negative self-talk The power of rewriting your personal story Why becoming your own cheerleader matters Resources from this Episode: book is NOW AVAILABLE! Join me in Boone, NC at The Art of Living Retreat Center...

469: Overcoming Codependent Habits

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Today, I’m talking about one of my absolute favorite topics…codependency. I’ve lived this, I’ve healed from it, and today I’m sharing my personal story of what that journey looked like for me. This conversation was inspired by a thoughtful question from one of our listeners who asked how to handle the hurt and pain that can come from our own codependent behaviors in relationships. Together, we explore what codependency really is, how it often shows up unconsciously, and why it can be so manipulative without us even realizing it. I’ll walk you through five practical...

468: Break Free from the 3 P's

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Today, I’m exploring how we can break free from procrastination, perfectionism, and pleasing people. These patterns keep us stuck, and I’m here to help you move beyond them so you can start living a purpose-driven, soul-aligned life. I’m sharing one of my favorite tools - The Adult Chair® model - which helps us work with different parts of ourselves, like our inner child and adolescent parts, to create real, lasting change from the inside out. I’ll walk you through practical steps to connect with these parts, understand their roles, and begin transforming them. I’m also...

467: The Surprising Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Today, I’m diving into a really important topic - how to recognize toxic relationships. These relationships can sneak into our lives and slowly chip away at our self-worth if we don’t know what to look for. I’m sharing why we sometimes attract these patterns, often because of unresolved childhood wounds, and I’ll walk you through six key signs that can help you spot toxicity early on. We’ll talk about feelings of dread, gaslighting, blame, and other subtle behaviors that can leave us feeling confused and small. I’m also sharing some personal stories and real-life examples to...

466: Taming Your Control Freak

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Today, I am diving deep into the concept of control and how to release its grip on our lives and others. I introduce six control-busting truths designed to help mitigate the fear-driven need to control everything. Drawing from personal experiences as a recovering control freak, I discuss the impact of control on mental health and daily life, the connection to codependency, and the extreme exhaustion that comes from trying to maintain control. We explore the importance of accepting things as they are, trusting the process, and challenging our controlling nature to create a more peaceful...

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Rejection is one of the greatest fears we have as humans. Even simple rejections like not making the team or being chosen for a job – things we know aren’t personal – still sting deeply. Why does rejection seem to hit at the core of who we are?

Susan Anderson began asking this question when she went through a personal experience of abandonment. The love of her life left her suddenly for another woman, and although she was a practicing psychotherapist with immense knowledge of the human mind, she still found herself in emotional crisis and doubting herself and her worthiness.

As she dug more into this topic, she discovered that we as humans have a primal abandonment wound – a universal experience that begins when we are born and go from deep union and connection with our mother to a feeling of being separate. This creates deep shame and causes us to search for belonging and worthiness throughout our lives.

And this is why rejection hurts so much: it triggers this deep fear that we might not belong and we might not be worthy.

In this fascinating and important episode, Susan shares her discoveries on the topic of abandonment, why we experience it the ways we do and how a whole host of other issues in our lives can stem from this wound. We discussed why healing abandonment trauma looks different from healing other traumas, the five stages of healing and the tools (all of which are part of The Adult Chair® model) that can heal it.

Listen to discover:

The hidden shame we all have and the root of it
The different defenses we put up against shame
How to raise our awareness to our abandonment wounds
Why healing from abandonment looks different from other forms of trauma healing
Steps to healing abandonment wounding
How working with abandonment wounding can help with people pleasing, codependency and self-sabotage
5 stages of processing abandonment hurt

The primal wound of abandonment is also an opportunity for primal healing. When we learn to love and accept ourselves as worthy and recognize how deeply connected we truly are, we not only heal our abandonment wound, but we can change almost anything in our lives.

"The loneliness is sort of a secondary feeling. The primary is the primal fear and the shame of maybe never being worthy of keeping someone." - Susan Anderson

"The personality itself is a defense against the shame." - Susan Anderson

"When we look at a relationship that ends, it is a retraumatization of what we experienced as a child." - Michelle Chalfant

"The history that leads to a strong reaction in adulthood to abandonment could be very subtle." - Susan Anderson

"You have to take this step, and you go through it...The pain is there, but you go through it, and you get to the other side." - Michelle Chalfant

"Your adult self can now develop an intense, loving, reassuring relationship with your inner child." - Susan Anderson

"It turns this awful emotional crisis that's so painful into an opportunity for something that's probably long overdue, which is self-love." - Susan Anderson

"Doing these steps, you will become an even better, stronger, more self-loving person on the other side of it...even stronger than you were prior to this abandonment wound." - Michelle Chalfant

"The kind of self-love that we're developing is deeper, more mature self-love...the kind of love you give yourself because you respect yourself so much." - Susan Anderson

"We have to stop looking outside of self and turn our attention inward. That's where healing, that's where love, that's where hope, that's where peace, that's where all the things are that we're looking for outside of ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant

"When the adult gets strong and is in command, it limits all of this self-sabotage." - Susan Anderson

LINKS & RESOURCES

Susan Anderson Website

https://www.abandonment.net/

https://abandonmentrecovery.com

"The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" (Susan Anderson book)

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539

Green Chef

https://www.greenchef.com/adult50

Use code ADULT50 for 50% off + free shipping

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