Dating, Attraction, and Having a Secure Attachment with Tracy-Rose Lisauskas

In this episode, Aaron talks more with his cousin Tracy-Rose, a trauma and therapy informed mentor, about Dating, Attraction, and having a Secure Attachment Style post 2020.

Instagram.com/salveofthecircle

thekindoflove.com

Instagram.com/Aarontosti

 

SHOW NOTES

:25 min Aaron Talks

Do you have an awareness around your attachment style and what you attract and are attracted to?  Do you have an awareness around what you are creating with your thoughts? 

After 2020 that has been an adjustment for some of us.

Sometimes it’s easy to slip into not being aware of the interactions and outcomes of daily social dynamics. Wondering why you have the same experiences over and over again and wonder why nothing changes. 

Many times we don't allow ourselves to change our response, or step into something different because its uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Even though we say we want something different or new, it seems to be foreign.  We don’t have a different experience, so we go into old patterns and responses. 

What if you took a chance on changing your approach and doing something different?  

In this Part 2 with Tracy-Rose my trauma and therapy informed cousin.. we talk about the different aspects of your own self-awareness, your patterns, habits, self-worth, neediness, assumptions, boundaries, and what it looks like to have a secure attachment style especially post 2020.. 

2:25 min

Tracy talks about how it’s weird to go out now, and Aaron mentions it’s terrible for dating. Masks don’t help flirting. 

We’re all adjusting to post 2022 social environments.

 

 

4:25 min 

Aaron talks about dating and his attachment styles. He took the Attached test which really helped him understand and reframe his interactions in dating and clients.

 

5:50 min

Aaron talks about moving out of Anxiety by making it about the other person rather yourself and by seeing whats great about them. 

A good way to view the Secure attachment style is like being a lighthouse, not a tug boat. A great relationship would be like going on a road trip and not needing to chase or avoid each other, but simply be together.

7 min

Secure attachment is steady, confident, like the light house spreading the light, but not trying to drag anyone your way.

8:30 min

A relationship is a Co-creation. Theres an energy that changes when you come together.

When we show up with someone, all of us shows up. 

9:50 min

Tracy-Rose talks about showing up as your healed disciplined self. Seeing yourself as whole.

There’s a difference in energy that shows up when you are attracted to someone as apposed to meeting just anyone.

12 min

Tracy-Rose talks about the Social prompts and cues when you’re attracted to someone new. You’re still the same person but your energy shifts and changes.

You’re like a peacock who shows their feathers.  We are shape shifting and adapting to our environment. 

 

14 min

In the metaphor of the lighthouse, we might say “Thats a good looking boat” but as a lighthouse attracting someone, we stay grounded remaining to be ourselves in the process.

15 min

Aaron has heard it said that we’ve lost the art of dating. It’s about being mindful in the moment and being aware of your whole self showing up, your patterns, your habits, and your self worth.

16 min

Tracy-Rose shares an interaction she had. Understanding where the other person’s energy is and meeting them with hers.

Aaron talks about the 3 energies of give, take, and receive.

When the two energies between two people come together and theirs attraction, sometimes you can start creating desires that you didn’t have before or that are from your past. It came up as you are talking with this person.

18 min

Aaron talks about asking for consent and asking yourself, whats the story going on for you.

It is desperate neediness energy trying to GET something from someone.It’s not manipulative.

It’s about not making assumptions and asking questions. 

 

19:45 min

Tracy-Rose talks about the male to female interaction. Some women just give away their number not knowing that they really wanted to.

It’s about being aware, slowing down, having pause, and creating a safe space.

The women has to feel like she’s allowed her authentic self to be there. 

 

21 min

It’s a risk, but it allows the women to say yes or no without rejection, abandonment, or retaliation.

Aaron shares his story of being challenged to ask out enough women to get rejected 5 times. He noticed if he used the word date, it was a lot of pressure for women.

22:30 min

It’s about slowing down, pausing, and even asking yourself for permission if this is something you want. And then being intentional from there.

 

23 min Closing

Thanks for listening to TKOL Podcast. Hopefully you had some takeaways from this episode.

If you did have something come up for you around relationships or self-awareness.. I’d love to hear about it. Please give the podcast a review.

You can connect with Tracy-Rose on Instagram.com/salveofthecircle

Stay tuned for the next episode when Tracy and I talk more about neediness, cravings, and how we can even come addicted to the attention on social media and in our relationships that give us a false sense of identity instead of feeling like a whole person. 

 

If you’re struggling in harmful relationship patterns,  and you’d ike to free yourself by claiming your self-worth. You can find me here…

thekindoflove.com

Instagram.com/Aarontosti

 

You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast

I’m Aaron.

Best of Love to You.